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                Mamam!a            
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            Article - source: Mamamia        
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                There Are 5 Types Of Narcissists. Here’s How To Spot Them            
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            28 February 2022        
		<p>What do you think of when you think of a narcissist? Someone with a big ego? Someone totally in love with themselves? Someone who’s really controlling? Well, there’s a little more to it.</p><p> </p><p>Because while narcissism is one of those words you’ll hear often enough (hey, MAFS), the traits and inherent behaviours that make up a narcissistic personality are actually pretty complex – it’s a lot deeper and more layered than simple vanity.</p><p>What’s more, narcissism may not be as easy to spot as you might think.</p><p>To find out more, we spoke to psychologist Lissy Abrahams and asked her everything we need to know about narcissistic behaviours – including the different characteristics and how to spot them.</p>		
			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */
.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>What is narcissism?</h3>		
		<p>First of all, what exactly is narcissism? While we often hear the term floating around, is it more than just being incredibly self-centred? Is it really something that is essentially bad?</p><p>Abrahams explains it like this: “Narcissism is a personality trait, where people are extremely self-focused, have an inflated sense of self, and have a huge need for praise and recognition. They lack awareness of how their behaviour and self-absorption impact others.”</p><p>“They can also disregard the rights and needs of others. Most of us have some periods where we are more self-preoccupied than others, however, for narcissists, their excessive self-involvement isn’t a fleeting state.”</p><p>While there is research out there that has revealed benefits associated with high narcissism (apparently mental toughness is one of them), it’s obviously a personality trait that can also be deeply damaging to others, sometimes resulting in a serious impact on mental health.</p><p>However, it’s important to remember that narcissist traits can also be quite subtle – you might not even recognise you’re dealing with a highly narcissistic individual.</p><p>That’s why it’s important to look at some of the core differences of narcissism and how to spot them.</p>		
			<h3>What are the different types of narcissists?</h3>		
		<p>Yep. There’s more than one type of narcissism. Experts say it’s best viewed on a spectrum to see where people sit. If you’re wondering how it works, the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), is the most commonly used measure of the trait.</p><p>“It’s useful to think about narcissism as occurring along a spectrum from adaptive to maladaptive. Narcissism is adaptive and productive to our lives when we have high self-confidence and a high level of self-reliance,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“However, at the other end, when it’s maladaptive, the traits will negatively impact you and others.”</p><p>Abrahams said these traits include being entitled and displaying behaviours of superiority, using people, and arrogance.</p><p>“Narcissistic personality disorder is well and truly at the malignant end of the spectrum,” she said.</p><p>Below, we look at the five main kinds of narcissism and the common signs to look out for.</p>		
			<h4>1. Overt or grandiose narcissism</h4>		
		<p>An overt narcissist is more upfront with their methods of manipulation and generally won’t try to hide their ability to control others.</p><p>“They can be charming and enjoy the limelight on themselves. It can be easy to spot in others because being around them is somewhat uncomfortable – these are the people who regularly and shamelessly blow their own trumpet,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“They want others to recognise and admire them and have an inflated sense of self, even overstating their achievements. They’re often entitled and feel superior.”</p><p>Overt narcissists lack a sense of empathy, meaning they can be exploitative of others and their vulnerabilities, and excessively competitive, adds Abrahams.</p><p>“They lack the ability to reflect on how their excessive self-focus may be perceived by others.”</p>		
			<h4>2. Covert or vulnerable narcissism</h4>		
		<p>Covert narcissists are a little different. They tend to be more insidious and subtle with the methods they use to get what they want.</p><p>“This type of narcissism can be harder to detect than overt. They are still very self-focused but it’s quieter; more hidden in their introversion.”</p><p>“They are regularly preoccupied and express their low self-worth, their vulnerability, and how insecure they are. They are more likely to struggle with depression, shame and anxiety. They can feel victim-like.”</p><p>For example, while an overt narcissist might post a selfie on Instagram to assert how beautiful they are and remain the centre of everyone’s attention, a covert narcissist might post a selfie showing how sad or down they are, seeking emotional validation and pity from others.</p><p>Interesting, right?</p><p>“There’s still an absorption with themselves, about their deep sense of inadequacy and unworthiness. They have often experienced childhood abuse/neglect,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“They can be defensive when they’re not viewed as special because they’re preoccupied with this fear.”</p>		
			<h4>3. Compartmentalising</h4>		
		<p>According to Abrahams, it's common for many people to unconsciously avoid the emotional impact by putting it deep down in our emotional vault and pretty much just throwing away the key. "This helps us feel we are no longer in contact with it - despite the fact it still resides in us," she adds.</p>		
			<h4>4. Minimising</h4>		
		<p>"We can downplay our emotions. For example, when we have been unexpectedly broken up with, we may minimise by stating, 'He didn’t mean that much to me anyway' or 'I’m overthinking this - it’s simple - it’s over'."</p>		
			<h4>5. Blocking or numbing</h4>		
		<p>Instead of using coping strategies, many people will turn to other things to replace this feeling, using it as a crutch to avoid acknowledging or processing their feelings.</p><p>This involves "using any action outside of ourselves to block or numb the pain," said Abrahams. "This could be through drugs or alcohol, self-harm, gambling..." </p>		
			<h3>How can you stop yourself from 'emotionally coasting'?</h3>		
		<p>Abrahams said, "It’s critical for all of us who emotionally coast to increase our window of tolerance for emotions outside of the 'bland band'. Life will throw us curve balls, and always when we least expect it."</p><p>Being aware of this behavior and identifying the reasons behind it (that is, what you're trying to protect yourself from by numbing your emotions) and how it impacts your life, can help you move forward and better process your emotions and life experiences going forward.</p><p>But just remember - learning to stop 'emotional coasting' is not a quick fix, and it can take some time in order to avoid getting overwhelmed with emotions.</p><p>According to Abrahams, to prevent emotional coasting, it's important to develop three things:</p>		
			<h4>1. Language awareness</h4>		
		<p>It seems like a small change, but Abrahams said that becoming aware of whether your language minimises your emotional experiences is more important than you might think. </p><p>"Do you say the meal is 'satisfying' when you may mean 'delicious'? Allow yourself freedom to turn the volume up. Do you say 'a bit disappointing' when your pet has died or are you allowed to be 'grief-filled'?"</p>		
			<h4>2. Body awareness</h4>		
		<p>"Our body often provides the truth about how we are feeling - without the story in our mind," said Abrahams.</p><p>Read: Listen to your body.</p><p>"Focus on your heart - is it beating more rapidly suddenly? Why? Information and sensations arise constantly from our body, and this can reveal that we’re not actually emotionally coasting." </p><p>"For example, our body will reveal if we are fearful, excited, or disappointed - it won’t coast. We can’t trick our body out of its experience, so tune in to enhance the colour of your emotional life."</p>		
			<h4>3. Develop distress tolerance. </h4>		
		<p>"It’s critical for our mental and physical health to be able to sit with the highs and lows of life without needing to do something with them. Many of us need to increase our ability to tolerate distress."</p><p>Going to therapy and seeking help from a professional is a great way to "increase your emotional range and truly understanding why you became someone who emotionally coasts in the first place."</p><p>"This, alongside mindfulness techniques, can help you develop a greater ability to tolerate a greater range of emotions that will erupt through life’s curveballs."</p><p><em>If you would like to learn more from Lissy Abrahams, check out her e-book on <a href="https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/"><strong>what makes a couple's relationship happy</strong></a>.</em></p><p><em>Lissy Abrahams is part of Mamamia's health expert panel. She is a leading individual and couple psychotherapist who has dedicated her career to helping hundreds of clients navigate life’s obstacles and challenges. Lissy studied psychology in Sydney and then completed her Masters in couples psychotherapy at the internationally renowned Tavistock Relationships. Here, she worked therapeutically with couples, as well as lectured and tutored trainee counsellors.</em></p><p><em>Lissy founded and manages the Sydney-based therapy clinic, Heath Group Practice, and works therapeutically with clients around the world. She has published academic work and launched a successful online course to help partners stop fighting and communicate respectfully.</em></p><p><em>Lissy believes we all have the capacity to improve our lives and relationships with the right knowledge and practical strategies. Her mission is to help as many people as possible transform their lives by creating happier and more loving relationships.</em></p><p><em>Feature image: Getty </em></p>