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And as they are unconscious, for most of us we have absolutely no idea what triggers us and why.<\\/p><p>It is the why that leads me to share with you the next major blind spot that impacts our lives \\u2013 this is our relational template. The way we have been consciously and unconsciously wired is held in our relational templates.<\\/p><p>When we were young, we absorbed so much information, the happy and connected times, and the frightening or lonely times. Imagine that these experiences were encoded into our relational template \\u2013 it is like a program that we run our relationships from throughout life.<\\/p><p>It holds our expectations, beliefs, opinions, and rules for how we should or shouldn\\u2019t behave and be treated in a relationship. We all have a unique relational template \\u2013 made up of thousands and thousands of interactions with parents or caregivers.<\\/p><p>What we don\\u2019t truly understand is how we are wired for relationships inside of our own mind. 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This means we are unable to sit with the difficult feelings that come up for when faced with our partner having different relationship expectations, beliefs, opinions, or rules from us.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>We can feel distressed, sad, lonely, overwhelmed if our partner doesn\\u2019t:<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a7d9018\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"88eb374\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"db324f0\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"icon_list\":[{\"text\":\"Respect us in a way that we want to be respected \",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"ab13eea\"},{\"text\":\"Protect us in a way that we want protection \",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"885efaa\"},{\"text\":\"Communicate in a way that we approve of\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"2b882b2\"},{\"text\":\"Celebrate our birthday or anniversary with significant importance\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"fa34e0b\"},{\"text\":\"Offer us sufficient care, concern, or containment so we feel safe\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"6d875ff\"}],\"icon_color\":\"#BA9664\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"icon-list\"},{\"id\":\"110713e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"de5e67a\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d14e92c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"62f447c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>We can even feel betrayal at a deep level when faced with the reality of who our partner is, compared to who we want them to be, so we feel safe. We want them to operate according to our relational template. We may even try to control them and move them to be like us. This doesn\\u2019t work generally. No-one like to be changed or controlled and deep down we all want to be accepted for who we are.<\\/p><p>If we can\\u2019t sit with and process this distress, we usually try to suppress it by stuffing it down inside of ourselves or we shove the awful feelings onto someone else. I call the latter emotional vomiting. We all know what it feels like to have someone\\u2019s emotional vomit on us. It feels brutal and icky. We will typically have something to say about it.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s critical for all of us to work on ourselves to stop the chaos and distress in our own lives. We also have a responsibility to not emotionally vomit on others. This means we need to understand how our own relational templates from childhood still operate in us today.<\\/p><p>Are we still clingy? Are we still mistrusting? Are we still secretive? Are we still lonely? We don\\u2019t need to keep doing this today, but we can\\u2019t change what we don\\u2019t know. So how do we do this? Therapy, books, online courses, and podcasts are helpful for joining our past with our present. 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We knew it was American, and we didn\\u2019t pretend it was part of our culture. It was nice to see it in film or TV. Then I moved to London, and Halloween celebrations were starting to infiltrate London life. Houses were draped in scary. In fact, some competitively so. Pumpkins were either hacked or carved creatively.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>I didn\\u2019t need to worry as my kids weren\\u2019t interested in it \\u2013 until they were. And suddenly it was on our agenda. That\\u2019s when I truly knew that I couldn\\u2019t stand Halloween. Being the good sport that I was, I shared my view with my daughters. They just didn\\u2019t see it my way \\u2013 it was just fun, lollies, costumes and of course \\u201ceveryone is doing it\\u201d. They bought the commercialised version of Halloween hook, line, and sinker.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>The costumes were kind of cute despite being horridly overpriced for a wear only once-a-year outfit. And let\\u2019s note that children grow a lot in a year \\u2013 so this outfit is often a one-time wonder! The kids loved scabbing from complete strangers, which undermined my intensive stranger danger training to ensure they didn\\u2019t accept offerings from strangers nor invitations to come to their car to see their puppy.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>Was I the only parent to have a slight fear that some mad neighbour was going to poison the chocs?? Only a few years before there had been anthrax attacks in America, and London was gripped by the Polonium-210 poisoning of Russian businessman Alexander Litvinenko, not to mention the widespread use of Rohypnol as a date-rape drug.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>Could I really be the only parent concerned about spiking? Well, it appears I was, and how lonely it was to be that parent who both hated and had anxiety about Halloween. Maybe as a therapist I\\u2019d just seen and heard too much.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>The children\\u2019s massive, sweet stash flew in the face of moderation lessons I\\u2019d been implementing and because the contraband was delivered directly into the children\\u2019s own receptacle \\u2013 the sweets were technically \\u201ctheirs\\u201d. This all irritated me. I just couldn\\u2019t hide it. This Halloween-hating, bitch-mama told them to choose their fav 10 sweets and then send the rest back out to fellow trick or treaters.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>Why were we indulging kids in this weird American culture that had no relevance to us? I totally get it from a child\\u2019s perspective \\u2013 but why do we buy into it? Even if we know that Halloween celebrates All Hallows\\u2019 Eve dating back to a pagan festival, why do we celebrate it now? Does anyone care about that?<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>How\\u2019s this - the origins were that people would dress up as saints and go door to door. Yes \\u2013 you read it correctly \\u2013 saints! \\u00a0<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>How did we go from door knocking saints to grotesque and misshapen faces in expensive outfits often worn once, sweet begging, and poison dodging Halloween? This feels like a whopping stretch to me. Have you ever seen even one kid in a saint costume on Halloween? Yeah \\u2013 me neither.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>Well, I guess saints\\u2019 costumes don\\u2019t sell so well. In 2020 \\u2013 even in the middle of a pandemic \\u2013 Halloween added $8 million to the US economy. So, it makes perfect sense why Halloween moved swiftly around the globe in the last 2 decades. Everyone wants a dollar from the merch.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>If we really need to have Halloween \\u2013 why can\\u2019t we get the kids to engage in behaviour that\\u2019s even remotely saintly before scabbing - like performing a random act of kindness, or raise some money for charity, or walk the neighbour\\u2019s dog. 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Maybe as a therapist I\\u2019d just seen and heard too much.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>The children\\u2019s massive, sweet stash flew in the face of moderation lessons I\\u2019d been implementing and because the contraband was delivered directly into the children\\u2019s own receptacle \\u2013 the sweets were technically \\u201ctheirs\\u201d. This all irritated me. I just couldn\\u2019t hide it. This Halloween-hating, bitch-mama told them to choose their fav 10 sweets and then send the rest back out to fellow trick or treaters.<\\/p><p>\\u00a0<\\/p><p>Why were we indulging kids in this weird American culture that had no relevance to us? I totally get it from a child\\u2019s perspective \\u2013 but why do we buy into it? Even if we know that Halloween celebrates All Hallows\\u2019 Eve dating back to a pagan festival, why do we celebrate it now? 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Maybe as a therapist I\\u2019d just seen and heard too much.<\\/p><p>The children\\u2019s massive, sweet stash flew in the face of moderation lessons I\\u2019d been implementing and because the contraband was delivered directly into the children\\u2019s own receptacle \\u2013 the sweets were technically \\u201ctheirs\\u201d. This all irritated me. I just couldn\\u2019t hide it. This Halloween-hating, bitch-mama told them to choose their fav 10 sweets and then send the rest back out to fellow trick or treaters.<\\/p><p>Why were we indulging kids in this weird American culture that had no relevance to us? I totally get it from a child\\u2019s perspective \\u2013 but why do we buy into it? Even if we know that Halloween celebrates All Hallows\\u2019 Eve dating back to a pagan festival, why do we celebrate it now? Does anyone care about that?<\\/p><p>How\\u2019s this - the origins were that people would dress up as saints and go door to door. Yes \\u2013 you read it correctly \\u2013 saints! \\u00a0<\\/p><p>How did we go from door knocking saints to grotesque and misshapen faces in expensive outfits often worn once, sweet begging, and poison dodging Halloween? This feels like a whopping stretch to me. Have you ever seen even one kid in a saint costume on Halloween? Yeah \\u2013 me neither.<\\/p><p>Well, I guess saints\\u2019 costumes don\\u2019t sell so well. In 2020 \\u2013 even in the middle of a pandemic \\u2013 Halloween added $8 million to the US economy. So, it makes perfect sense why Halloween moved swiftly around the globe in the last 2 decades. Everyone wants a dollar from the merch.<\\/p><p>If we really need to have Halloween \\u2013 why can\\u2019t we get the kids to engage in behaviour that\\u2019s even remotely saintly before scabbing - like performing a random act of kindness, or raise some money for charity, or walk the neighbour\\u2019s dog. 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We knew it was American, and we didn\\u2019t pretend it was part of our culture. It was nice to see it in film or TV. Then I moved to London, and Halloween celebrations were starting to infiltrate London life. Houses were draped in scary. In fact, some competitively so. Pumpkins were either hacked or carved creatively.<\\/p><p>I didn\\u2019t need to worry as my kids weren\\u2019t interested in it \\u2013 until they were. And suddenly it was on our agenda. That\\u2019s when I truly knew that I couldn\\u2019t stand Halloween. Being the good sport that I was, I shared my view with my daughters. They just didn\\u2019t see it my way \\u2013 it was just fun, lollies, costumes and of course \\u201ceveryone is doing it\\u201d. They bought the commercialised version of Halloween hook, line, and sinker.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>The costumes were kind of cute despite being horridly overpriced for a wear only once-a-year outfit. And let\\u2019s note that children grow a lot in a year \\u2013 so this outfit is often a one-time wonder! The kids loved scabbing from complete strangers, which undermined my intensive stranger danger training to ensure they didn\\u2019t accept offerings from strangers nor invitations to come to their car to see their puppy.<\\/p><p>Was I the only parent to have a slight fear that some mad neighbour was going to poison the chocs?? Only a few years before there had been anthrax attacks in America, and London was gripped by the Polonium-210 poisoning of Russian businessman Alexander Litvinenko, not to mention the widespread use of Rohypnol as a date-rape drug.<\\/p><p>Could I really be the only parent concerned about spiking? Well, it appears I was, and how lonely it was to be <em>that<\\/em> parent who both hated and had anxiety about Halloween. Maybe as a therapist I\\u2019d just seen and heard too much.<\\/p><p>The children\\u2019s massive, sweet stash flew in the face of moderation lessons I\\u2019d been implementing and because the contraband was delivered directly into the children\\u2019s own receptacle \\u2013 the sweets were technically \\u201ctheirs\\u201d. This all irritated me. I just couldn\\u2019t hide it. This Halloween-hating, bitch-mama told them to choose their fav 10 sweets and then send the rest back out to fellow trick or treaters.<\\/p><p>Why were we indulging kids in this weird American culture that had no relevance to us? I totally get it from a child\\u2019s perspective \\u2013 but why do we buy into it? Even if we know that Halloween celebrates All Hallows\\u2019 Eve dating back to a pagan festival, why do we celebrate it now? Does anyone care about that?<\\/p><p>How\\u2019s this - the origins were that people would dress up as saints and go door to door. Yes \\u2013 you read it correctly \\u2013 saints! \\u00a0<\\/p><p>How did we go from door knocking saints to grotesque and misshapen faces in expensive outfits often worn once, sweet begging, and poison dodging Halloween? This feels like a whopping stretch to me. Have you ever seen even one kid in a saint costume on Halloween? Yeah \\u2013 me neither.<\\/p><p>Well, I guess saints\\u2019 costumes don\\u2019t sell so well. In 2020 \\u2013 even in the middle of a pandemic \\u2013 Halloween added $8 million to the US economy. So, it makes perfect sense why Halloween moved swiftly around the globe in the last 2 decades. Everyone wants a dollar from the merch.<\\/p><p>If we really need to have Halloween \\u2013 why can\\u2019t we get the kids to engage in behaviour that\\u2019s even remotely saintly before scabbing - like performing a random act of kindness, or raise some money for charity, or walk the neighbour\\u2019s dog. Then I think I might just like Halloween \\u2013 even a little bit.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(21351,5450,'_elementor_css','a:7:{s:4:\"time\";i:1666837525;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:5:\"empty\";i:0;s:0:\"\";s:3:\"css\";s:0:\"\";}'),(21354,4711,'_date_completed','1667208508'),(21355,4711,'_completed_date','2022-10-31 09:28:28'),(21356,4822,'_date_completed','1667208509'),(21357,4822,'_completed_date','2022-10-31 09:28:29'),(21358,4823,'_date_completed','1667208509'),(21359,4823,'_completed_date','2022-10-31 09:28:29'),(21360,5275,'_date_completed','1667208509'),(21361,5275,'_completed_date','2022-10-31 09:28:29'),(21362,5293,'_date_completed','1667208510'),(21363,5293,'_completed_date','2022-10-31 09:28:30'),(21364,5310,'_date_completed','1667208510'),(21365,5310,'_completed_date','2022-10-31 09:28:30'),(21366,5391,'_date_completed','1667208510'),(21367,5391,'_completed_date','2022-10-31 09:28:30'),(21368,5459,'_edit_last','1'),(21369,5459,'_edit_lock','1667371048:1'),(21370,5459,'_wp_page_template','default'),(21371,5459,'featured-video-url',''),(21372,5459,'featured-quote-text',''),(21373,5459,'featured-quote-cite',''),(21374,5459,'featured-audio-url',''),(21375,5459,'featured-link-url',''),(21376,5459,'featured-link-text',''),(21377,5459,'featured-link-short',''),(21378,5459,'post_content_padding','a:3:{s:5:\"units\";s:2:\"px\";s:11:\"padding-top\";s:0:\"\";s:14:\"padding-bottom\";s:0:\"\";}'),(21379,5459,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(21380,5459,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(21381,5459,'_elementor_version','3.8.0'),(21382,5459,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(21383,5459,'_oembed_2bb6871532de21756d5d7ddb684aaeb8','<iframe title=\"245 - 3 Secrets to Beat Performance Anxiety by Savvy Psychologist\" width=\"640\" height=\"400\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?visual=true&url=https%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F621931155&show_artwork=true&maxheight=960&maxwidth=640\"></iframe>'),(21384,5459,'_oembed_time_2bb6871532de21756d5d7ddb684aaeb8','1658107090'),(21385,5459,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(21386,5459,'_wp_old_date','2022-07-18'),(21387,5459,'_thumbnail_id','5460'),(21388,5459,'_wp_old_date','2022-08-07'),(21390,5459,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"98c2662\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c0a391\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"626734a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Fear can exist in all relationships.<\\/p><p>But what is the fear in relationships about? As you\\u2019ll see in the examples below, when we feel frightened, we usually take action or retreat.<\\/p><p>Let\\u2019s look at these examples:<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"4b884d5\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1d57cfb\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"5925600\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/1.png\",\"id\":3747,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"9b71830\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6130a36\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Jeremy\\u2019s heart races as he walks into the office. His boss, Frederic, snapped words at him like \\u201cdisloyal\\u201d and \\u201cto rethink his attitude\\u201d yesterday when he found out Jeremy had been oversharing with a client some \\u201cfunny\\u201d stories about Frederic. Now Jeremy feels ashamed of his behaviour and finds it hard to focus on his work.<\\/p><p>Jeremy is frightened because Frederic holds more power in the work hierarchy than him. Frederic has the power to keep him in the shameful \\u201cdog box\\u201d, or he can impact his career and\\/or financial progression. Jeremy now feels extremely insecure and anxious. He\\u2019s not used to having awkward or difficult conversations, so he decides to put his head down and avoid eye contact with Frederic. Jeremy retreats.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"9da95da\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"70a398f\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cebcf84\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/2.png\",\"id\":3748,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66e611b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e99f920\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Farrah (aged 12) is frightened of her mum when she drinks alcohol. Her mum\\u2019s personality could change from hilarious or loving (where Farrah was \\u201cspecial\\u201d and \\u201cwonderful\\u201d) to verbally annihilating her, where she drunkenly slurs that she wished Farrah had never been born as she was a burden to look after.<\\/p><p>Farrah is up against a highly weighted power dynamic. She can\\u2019t leave home. She can\\u2019t raise herself and doesn\\u2019t have any other options for where to live as her father travels a great deal for work. She loves her mum but doesn\\u2019t trust her when she drinks. She believes she can\\u2019t discuss this with her mum. Farrah has recently started controlling the foods she\\u2019ll eat and restricting calories. She\\u2019s taking action.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"798aa3b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2b5c3f2\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"808eeda\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/3.png\",\"id\":3749,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"bd48fa2\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9ed6499\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>One sunny morning, Kai was frustrated and criticised his partner Greg for being \\u201clazy\\u201d and \\u201cundeserving\\u201d of everything he did for him. Greg immediately felt nauseous and inadequate as a partner.<\\/p><p>They were both preoccupied with the incident throughout the day. Greg worried that Kai truly believed his words and could end the relationship. He had no experience of resolving conflict, as growing up, issues weren\\u2019t resolved just dissolved by time. Despite Kai having somewhat enjoyed his self-righteous position, he worried that he\\u2019d over-stepped in his criticism of Greg. Kai was concerned that Greg could become flat and despair about their relationship and withdraw from him terribly again. He texted him anxiously during the day (Taking action). Greg didn\\u2019t respond. (Retreat)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"8951825\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e2ea16e\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9a2f83e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/4.png\",\"id\":3750,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"855f95f\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"810f737\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>When Kumar\\u2019s parents started yelling at each other, he\\u2019d run to his room. He\\u2019d found his dad\\u2019s expressions scary as his jaw locked into what he called \\u201cmean mouth\\u201d. He would try to protect his mum by getting into the fight with his dad. This came to an end when his dad screamed at him to \\u201cmind his own business\\u201d and to go to his room.<\\/p><p>At these times Kumar would fantasise about owning a campervan and travelling with his dog around Australia. (Action in imagination)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"ea777e5\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b2a4854\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"52cd9e1\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/5.png\",\"id\":3751,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"37218ba\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"62d691a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Sylvie was getting the serious shits with Marc at work. They were both on the same level, yet Sylvie constantly had to correct Marc\\u2019s client presentations. Their team leader, Ingrid, expected this from her even though it wasn\\u2019t in Sylvie\\u2019s job description.<\\/p><p>Sylvie was increasingly irritated at work but never expressed this to Ingrid. She feared Ingrid would be disappointed with her for not being \\u201ca team player\\u201d and that it would impact her relationship with Marc. Sylvie had a similar situation in childhood. As the oldest child she was expected to be a role model and in charge of her siblings. She knew this was an honourable position, however she could also feel burdened by this. She could never just be her own self and often felt emotionally unseen and overlooked by her parents. At work, she often created narratives of being \\u201cinvisible\\u201d and \\u201cunimportant\\u201d and started disconnecting from close friends. (Retreat)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"03e25d5\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7cec25c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"4685f47\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/6.png\",\"id\":3742,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c86abde\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3a7ba44\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Felicity and Dalia gossiped mightily about their friends in their friendship group. The two of them delighted with hilarity when recounting their friends\\u2019 \\u201cinadequacies\\u201d and \\u201coddities\\u201d. The group had known each other for 18 years, and for some reason gossip had endured across this time. They didn\\u2019t even think about why they gossiped.<\\/p><p>Recently, it dawned on Felicity that her friends probably gossiped about her too. Suddenly she felt unsafe. Her face and neck became flushed, and her hands started shaking. She imagined they found out about her gossiping and that she\\u2019d be no longer able to remain in the group. Felicity\\u2019s mind created stories about whether they really liked her or not, and she became somewhat paranoid, deciding that they only liked her because she hosted many gatherings. In a panicked state she started texting everyone funny memes. She wanted to reinstate her position in the group \\u2013 even if only in her own mind \\u2013 and would use their responses to determine whether she was safe or not. (Taking action)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"2ecf53f\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f46ec9c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e880bf9\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Fear has a power over us and how we conduct relationships at different ages and stages in life. We feel fear when we are or believe we\\u2019re powerless and\\/or disrespected. If we\\u2019re not up to scratch, we may be let go of, excluded, or fired. These are all forms of exile.<\\/p><p>As social animals we are wired to find any of these forms of exile dangerous. It\\u2019s in our DNA. A lone human in the wild faced impending death. These days, we\\u2019re exiling others through ghosting, subtle or not subtle power plays, and even via the dreaded cancelling.<\\/p><p>In childhood we\\u2019re vulnerable and have the least power. We need our parents to hold onto us tightly as we\\u2019re unable to survive alone. This is primitively encoded in our DNA too.<\\/p><p>In couple relationships, we fear being told or shown we\\u2019re not good enough, as ultimately, we could be left.<\\/p><p>In friendship groups we work hard to remain a reliable and viable member. Groups can be precarious as members vie for who\\u2019s in, who\\u2019s on the way out, and who\\u2019s already out.<\\/p><p>This is also seen in the work environment, where we have hierarchies and power dynamics that mirror our earlier relationships. There are bosses (parents), co-workers (older or younger siblings), and other departments (extended family). 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And let\\u2019s note that children grow a lot in a year \\u2013 so this outfit is often a one-time wonder! The kids loved scabbing from complete strangers, which undermined my intensive stranger danger training to ensure they didn\\u2019t accept offerings from strangers nor invitations to come to their car to see their puppy.<\\/p><p>Was I the only parent to have a slight fear that some mad neighbour was going to poison the chocs?? Only a few years before there had been anthrax attacks in America, and London was gripped by the Polonium-210 poisoning of Russian businessman Alexander Litvinenko, not to mention the widespread use of Rohypnol as a date-rape drug.<\\/p><p>Could I really be the only parent concerned about spiking? Well, it appears I was, and how lonely it was to be <em>that<\\/em> parent who both hated and had anxiety about Halloween. Maybe as a therapist I\\u2019d just seen and heard too much.<\\/p><p>The children\\u2019s massive, sweet stash flew in the face of moderation lessons I\\u2019d been implementing and because the contraband was delivered directly into the children\\u2019s own receptacle \\u2013 the sweets were technically \\u201ctheirs\\u201d. This all irritated me. I just couldn\\u2019t hide it. This Halloween-hating, bitch-mama told them to choose their fav 10 sweets and then send the rest back out to fellow trick or treaters.<\\/p><p>Why were we indulging kids in this weird American culture that had no relevance to us? I totally get it from a child\\u2019s perspective \\u2013 but why do we buy into it? Even if we know that Halloween celebrates All Hallows\\u2019 Eve dating back to a pagan festival, why do we celebrate it now? Does anyone care about that?<\\/p><p>How\\u2019s this - the origins were that people would dress up as saints and go door to door. 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And let\\u2019s note that children grow a lot in a year \\u2013 so this outfit is often a one-time wonder! The kids loved scabbing from complete strangers, which undermined my intensive stranger danger training to ensure they didn\\u2019t accept offerings from strangers nor invitations to come to their car to see their puppy.<\\/p><p>Was I the only parent to have a slight fear that some mad neighbour was going to poison the chocs?? Only a few years before there had been anthrax attacks in America, and London was gripped by the Polonium-210 poisoning of Russian businessman Alexander Litvinenko, not to mention the widespread use of Rohypnol as a date-rape drug.<\\/p><p>Could I really be the only parent concerned about spiking? Well, it appears I was, and how lonely it was to be <em>that<\\/em> parent who both hated and had anxiety about Halloween. Maybe as a therapist I\\u2019d just seen and heard too much.<\\/p><p>The children\\u2019s massive, sweet stash flew in the face of moderation lessons I\\u2019d been implementing and because the contraband was delivered directly into the children\\u2019s own receptacle \\u2013 the sweets were technically \\u201ctheirs\\u201d. This all irritated me. I just couldn\\u2019t hide it. This Halloween-hating, bitch-mama told them to choose their fav 10 sweets and then send the rest back out to fellow trick or treaters.<\\/p><p>Why were we indulging kids in this weird American culture that had no relevance to us? I totally get it from a child\\u2019s perspective \\u2013 but why do we buy into it? Even if we know that Halloween celebrates All Hallows\\u2019 Eve dating back to a pagan festival, why do we celebrate it now? Does anyone care about that?<\\/p><p>How\\u2019s this - the origins were that people would dress up as saints and go door to door. 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Then I think I might just like Halloween \\u2013 even a little bit.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(21434,5464,'_wp_page_template','default'),(21435,5464,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(21436,5464,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(21437,5464,'_elementor_version','3.7.8'),(21438,5464,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(21439,5464,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(21440,5464,'_thumbnail_id','5460'),(21441,5464,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"98c2662\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c0a391\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"626734a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Well, it\\u2019s nearly that totally creepy time of the year where we are legally allowed to walk about freely, goo all over faces, acting like lunatics, knocking on random doors to exchange a moments \\u201cspookiness\\u201d for a piece of lame candy.<\\/p><p>We never used to have Halloween in Australia. 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Maybe as a therapist I\\u2019d just seen and heard too much.<\\/p><p>The children\\u2019s massive, sweet stash flew in the face of moderation lessons I\\u2019d been implementing and because the contraband was delivered directly into the children\\u2019s own receptacle \\u2013 the sweets were technically \\u201ctheirs\\u201d. This all irritated me. I just couldn\\u2019t hide it. This Halloween-hating, bitch-mama told them to choose their fav 10 sweets and then send the rest back out to fellow trick or treaters.<\\/p><p>Why were we indulging kids in this weird American culture that had no relevance to us? I totally get it from a child\\u2019s perspective \\u2013 but why do we buy into it? Even if we know that Halloween celebrates All Hallows\\u2019 Eve dating back to a pagan festival, why do we celebrate it now? Does anyone care about that?<\\/p><p>How\\u2019s this - the origins were that people would dress up as saints and go door to door. 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Then I think I might just like Halloween \\u2013 even a little bit.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(21442,5465,'_wp_page_template','default'),(21443,5465,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(21444,5465,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(21445,5465,'_elementor_version','3.7.8'),(21446,5465,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(21447,5465,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(21448,5465,'_thumbnail_id','5460'),(21449,5465,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"98c2662\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c0a391\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"626734a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Fear can exist in all relationships.<\\/p><p>But what is the fear in relationships about? As you\\u2019ll see in the examples below, when we feel frightened, we usually take action or retreat.<\\/p><p>Let\\u2019s look at these examples:<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"4b884d5\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1d57cfb\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"5925600\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/1.png\",\"id\":3747,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"9b71830\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6130a36\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Jeremy\\u2019s heart races as he walks into the office. His boss, Frederic, snapped words at him like \\u201cdisloyal\\u201d and \\u201cto rethink his attitude\\u201d yesterday when he found out Jeremy had been oversharing with a client some \\u201cfunny\\u201d stories about Frederic. Now Jeremy feels ashamed of his behaviour and finds it hard to focus on his work.<\\/p><p>Jeremy is frightened because Frederic holds more power in the work hierarchy than him. Frederic has the power to keep him in the shameful \\u201cdog box\\u201d, or he can impact his career and\\/or financial progression. Jeremy now feels extremely insecure and anxious. He\\u2019s not used to having awkward or difficult conversations, so he decides to put his head down and avoid eye contact with Frederic. Jeremy retreats.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"9da95da\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"70a398f\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cebcf84\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/2.png\",\"id\":3748,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66e611b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e99f920\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Farrah (aged 12) is frightened of her mum when she drinks alcohol. Her mum\\u2019s personality could change from hilarious or loving (where Farrah was \\u201cspecial\\u201d and \\u201cwonderful\\u201d) to verbally annihilating her, where she drunkenly slurs that she wished Farrah had never been born as she was a burden to look after.<\\/p><p>Farrah is up against a highly weighted power dynamic. She can\\u2019t leave home. She can\\u2019t raise herself and doesn\\u2019t have any other options for where to live as her father travels a great deal for work. She loves her mum but doesn\\u2019t trust her when she drinks. She believes she can\\u2019t discuss this with her mum. Farrah has recently started controlling the foods she\\u2019ll eat and restricting calories. She\\u2019s taking action.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"798aa3b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2b5c3f2\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"808eeda\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/3.png\",\"id\":3749,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"bd48fa2\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9ed6499\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>One sunny morning, Kai was frustrated and criticised his partner Greg for being \\u201clazy\\u201d and \\u201cundeserving\\u201d of everything he did for him. Greg immediately felt nauseous and inadequate as a partner.<\\/p><p>They were both preoccupied with the incident throughout the day. Greg worried that Kai truly believed his words and could end the relationship. He had no experience of resolving conflict, as growing up, issues weren\\u2019t resolved just dissolved by time. Despite Kai having somewhat enjoyed his self-righteous position, he worried that he\\u2019d over-stepped in his criticism of Greg. Kai was concerned that Greg could become flat and despair about their relationship and withdraw from him terribly again. He texted him anxiously during the day (Taking action). Greg didn\\u2019t respond. (Retreat)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"8951825\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e2ea16e\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9a2f83e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/4.png\",\"id\":3750,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"855f95f\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"810f737\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>When Kumar\\u2019s parents started yelling at each other, he\\u2019d run to his room. He\\u2019d found his dad\\u2019s expressions scary as his jaw locked into what he called \\u201cmean mouth\\u201d. He would try to protect his mum by getting into the fight with his dad. This came to an end when his dad screamed at him to \\u201cmind his own business\\u201d and to go to his room.<\\/p><p>At these times Kumar would fantasise about owning a campervan and travelling with his dog around Australia. (Action in imagination)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"ea777e5\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b2a4854\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"52cd9e1\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/5.png\",\"id\":3751,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"37218ba\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"62d691a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Sylvie was getting the serious shits with Marc at work. They were both on the same level, yet Sylvie constantly had to correct Marc\\u2019s client presentations. Their team leader, Ingrid, expected this from her even though it wasn\\u2019t in Sylvie\\u2019s job description.<\\/p><p>Sylvie was increasingly irritated at work but never expressed this to Ingrid. She feared Ingrid would be disappointed with her for not being \\u201ca team player\\u201d and that it would impact her relationship with Marc. Sylvie had a similar situation in childhood. As the oldest child she was expected to be a role model and in charge of her siblings. She knew this was an honourable position, however she could also feel burdened by this. She could never just be her own self and often felt emotionally unseen and overlooked by her parents. At work, she often created narratives of being \\u201cinvisible\\u201d and \\u201cunimportant\\u201d and started disconnecting from close friends. (Retreat)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"03e25d5\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7cec25c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"4685f47\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/6.png\",\"id\":3742,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c86abde\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3a7ba44\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Felicity and Dalia gossiped mightily about their friends in their friendship group. The two of them delighted with hilarity when recounting their friends\\u2019 \\u201cinadequacies\\u201d and \\u201coddities\\u201d. The group had known each other for 18 years, and for some reason gossip had endured across this time. They didn\\u2019t even think about why they gossiped.<\\/p><p>Recently, it dawned on Felicity that her friends probably gossiped about her too. Suddenly she felt unsafe. Her face and neck became flushed, and her hands started shaking. She imagined they found out about her gossiping and that she\\u2019d be no longer able to remain in the group. Felicity\\u2019s mind created stories about whether they really liked her or not, and she became somewhat paranoid, deciding that they only liked her because she hosted many gatherings. In a panicked state she started texting everyone funny memes. She wanted to reinstate her position in the group \\u2013 even if only in her own mind \\u2013 and would use their responses to determine whether she was safe or not. (Taking action)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"2ecf53f\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f46ec9c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e880bf9\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Fear has a power over us and how we conduct relationships at different ages and stages in life. We feel fear when we are or believe we\\u2019re powerless and\\/or disrespected. If we\\u2019re not up to scratch, we may be let go of, excluded, or fired. These are all forms of exile.<\\/p><p>As social animals we are wired to find any of these forms of exile dangerous. It\\u2019s in our DNA. A lone human in the wild faced impending death. These days, we\\u2019re exiling others through ghosting, subtle or not subtle power plays, and even via the dreaded cancelling.<\\/p><p>In childhood we\\u2019re vulnerable and have the least power. We need our parents to hold onto us tightly as we\\u2019re unable to survive alone. This is primitively encoded in our DNA too.<\\/p><p>In couple relationships, we fear being told or shown we\\u2019re not good enough, as ultimately, we could be left.<\\/p><p>In friendship groups we work hard to remain a reliable and viable member. Groups can be precarious as members vie for who\\u2019s in, who\\u2019s on the way out, and who\\u2019s already out.<\\/p><p>This is also seen in the work environment, where we have hierarchies and power dynamics that mirror our earlier relationships. There are bosses (parents), co-workers (older or younger siblings), and other departments (extended family). There\\u2019s also fear connected to our financial value at work and the power one has over us to either elevate or fire us.<\\/p><p>As social animals we are wired to find any of these forms of exile dangerous. It\\u2019s in our DNA. A lone human in the wild faced impending death. These days, we\\u2019re exiling others through ghosting, subtle or not subtle power plays, and even via the dreaded cancelling.<\\/p><p>In childhood we\\u2019re vulnerable and have the least power. We need our parents to hold onto us tightly as we\\u2019re unable to survive alone. This is primitively encoded in our DNA too.<\\/p><p>In couple relationships, we fear being told or shown we\\u2019re not good enough, as ultimately, we could be left.<\\/p><p>In friendship groups we work hard to remain a reliable and viable member. Groups can be precarious as members vie for who\\u2019s in, who\\u2019s on the way out, and who\\u2019s already out.<\\/p><p>This is also seen in the work environment, where we have hierarchies and power dynamics that mirror our earlier relationships. There are bosses (parents), co-workers (older or younger siblings), and other departments (extended family). There\\u2019s also fear connected to our financial value at work and the power one has over us to either elevate or fire 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