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Because it\'s a new conversation to have.\\\"<\\/p><p>One in two men aged 18-29 (53%) said money was a source of stress in their relationship.<\\/p><p>Leading Australian psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams said\\u00a0spending time discussing money with a partner is an important and practical way to improve financial health, encouraging Australian couples to spend 45 minutes a month discussing their finances.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhile money is one of the hardest topics to talk about, particularly when in a relationship, it is one of the most important,\\u201d Abrahams said.\\u00a0\\u00a0<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe more we understand where our money beliefs and behaviours have come from, and our partner\\u2019s, the better our relationship with money and each other will be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe often don\\u2019t think twice about spending 45 minutes watching TV or scrolling on social media. Finding that time, be it on a weekend or after work, and putting it in your diary is key.\\u00a0\\u00a0<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt can be daunting to take the first step, but it\\u2019s really beneficial long term for your financial wellbeing and the wellbeing of your relationships.\\u201d\\u00a0<\\/p><p>The research also revealed that around 30% of couples had one person who solely looked after the finances without any involvement from their partner. Additionally, 36% said they had very different financial goals from their partner.\\u00a0\\u00a0<\\/p>\",\"_margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"15\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(22471,5555,'_thumbnail_id','5538'),(22472,5555,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(22473,5555,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(22474,5555,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1670026169;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(22475,5556,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(22476,5556,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(22477,5556,'_elementor_version','3.8.1'),(22478,5556,'_wp_page_template','default'),(22479,5556,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/Help-My-Partner-I-Hate-To-Talk-About-Money.png\",\"id\":5538,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-215,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_xpos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":7,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"The OZ\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: The OZ\",\"heading_text\":\"Help! My partner and I hate to talk about money\",\"description_text\":\"14 November 2022\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b7fcfe1\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"It\'s Money Monday at our house, and soon it could be at yours too.\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"title_color\":\"#BA9664\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"bb908bb\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":25,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"f8385bb\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Money. It\\u2019s up there with sex, politics, and religion when it comes to the list of topics that used to be taboo to talk about.<\\/p><p>But the world\\u2019s changed and we\\u2019re changing with it. Money is having a moment.\\u00a0Personal finance podcasts dominate the charts\\u00a0and there are thousands of people on Facebook every day sharing their own tips and tricks. Financial experts have celeb status and there are more than 2.4 million Instagram posts with the hashtag personal finance.<\\/p><p>Even with all of that hype, it can still be hard to know where to start.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>In fact, new NAB research shows one in two Aussies don\\u2019t sit down regularly to look at their finances and one in three say money is a\\u00a0source of conflict in their relationship.<\\/p><p>It gets particularly interesting when looking at Gen Z and younger millennials. A massive 63% of women aged 18 to 29 say money is a source of stress in their life, while more than half of young men that age say they have a very different attitude to money than their partner.<\\/p><p>My clients raise money as a topic regularly. Even though it can be one of the hardest topics to talk about, particularly in a relationship, it\'s one of the most important.<\\/p><p>Finding 45 minutes a month to sit down with your partner and spend time with your money is critical. Try to make it a date and find one \\u2018Money Monday\\u2019 a month and pop it in your diary.\\u00a0 When the day arrives cook a nice meal and turn your phones off.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s important to set some boundaries at the start. Think about being open and honest, curious about each other\\u2019s views and respectful.<\\/p>\",\"_margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"15\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"d357983\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"ea87b3b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"72f4d94\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"text\":\"Divider\",\"color\":\"#000000\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"divider\"},{\"id\":\"4bd488e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"No one is right or wrong. Just different.\",\"align\":\"left\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"a29f807\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"text\":\"Divider\",\"color\":\"#000000\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"divider\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"25354af\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"ef84c30\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9ad7c18\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Begin the conversation with a trip down memory lane by going back to your childhood. Often our financial beliefs and behaviours are shaped from a very young age and you might remember how our parents talked or behaved with money.\\u00a0\\u00a0\\u00a0<\\/p><p>Understanding this about yourself or your partner helps you understand your similarities and differences so you can create healthy financial plans together. Ask questions like what did you save or spend your money on growing up and what\\u2019s the one thing you wish your parents told you or didn\\u2019t tell you about money as a kid?<\\/p><p>Next, come back to today. Ask questions like what money concerns do you have, what are three things you\\u2019d buy if you had endless money and how important are financial goals?<\\/p><p>Finally, get really personal. It\\u2019s important to know the numbers even if it feels awkward or confronting. Put it out there \\u2013 your salary, incoming and outgoing expenses, debts and loans. Talk about your approach to managing money. Are you a spender? Saver? Budgeter? How do you feel about joint finances? Can you reduce spending?<\\/p><p>Now the good stuff. Whether it\\u2019s a holiday (#wanderlust), saving for a home deposit, or paying off debt, create something exciting to work towards. This will keep you motivated and aligned on your goals.<\\/p><p>Talking about money and introducing Money Mondays into your life is like building a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it\\u2019ll be. You\\u2019ll no doubt uncover diverse views that will lead to some very interesting conversations. Be curious about these differences to find your way forward.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(22480,5556,'_thumbnail_id','5538'),(22481,5556,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(22482,5556,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(22483,5556,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1670026169;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(22484,5548,'_elementor_controls_usage','a:7:{s:6:\"spacer\";a:3:{s:5:\"count\";i:3;s:15:\"control_percent\";i:0;s:8:\"controls\";a:1:{s:7:\"content\";a:1:{s:14:\"section_spacer\";a:1:{s:5:\"space\";i:3;}}}}s:11:\"cms_heading\";a:3:{s:5:\"count\";i:2;s:15:\"control_percent\";i:1;s:8:\"controls\";a:2:{s:7:\"content\";a:1:{s:13:\"title_section\";a:5:{s:15:\"subheading_text\";i:2;s:12:\"heading_text\";i:2;s:16:\"description_text\";i:2;s:11:\"heading_tag\";i:1;s:10:\"text_align\";i:1;}}s:5:\"style\";a:1:{s:21:\"section_style_heading\";a:4:{s:13:\"heading_color\";i:1;s:29:\"heading_typography_typography\";i:1;s:28:\"heading_typography_font_size\";i:1;s:33:\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\";i:1;}}}}s:6:\"column\";a:3:{s:5:\"count\";i:5;s:15:\"control_percent\";i:0;s:8:\"controls\";a:1:{s:6:\"layout\";a:1:{s:6:\"layout\";a:1:{s:12:\"_inline_size\";i:5;}}}}s:7:\"section\";a:3:{s:5:\"count\";i:5;s:15:\"control_percent\";i:0;s:8:\"controls\";a:3:{s:6:\"layout\";a:1:{s:14:\"section_layout\";a:1:{s:15:\"stretch_section\";i:1;}}s:5:\"style\";a:2:{s:18:\"section_background\";a:7:{s:21:\"background_background\";i:1;s:16:\"background_image\";i:1;s:19:\"background_position\";i:1;s:17:\"background_repeat\";i:1;s:15:\"background_size\";i:1;s:15:\"background_ypos\";i:1;s:15:\"background_xpos\";i:1;}s:26:\"section_background_overlay\";a:3:{s:29:\"background_overlay_background\";i:1;s:24:\"background_overlay_color\";i:1;s:26:\"background_overlay_opacity\";i:1;}}s:8:\"advanced\";a:1:{s:16:\"section_advanced\";a:1:{s:6:\"margin\";i:1;}}}}s:7:\"heading\";a:3:{s:5:\"count\";i:2;s:15:\"control_percent\";i:1;s:8:\"controls\";a:2:{s:7:\"content\";a:1:{s:13:\"section_title\";a:3:{s:5:\"title\";i:2;s:11:\"header_size\";i:1;s:5:\"align\";i:1;}}s:5:\"style\";a:1:{s:19:\"section_title_style\";a:1:{s:11:\"title_color\";i:1;}}}}s:11:\"text-editor\";a:3:{s:5:\"count\";i:2;s:15:\"control_percent\";i:0;s:8:\"controls\";a:2:{s:7:\"content\";a:1:{s:14:\"section_editor\";a:1:{s:6:\"editor\";i:2;}}s:8:\"advanced\";a:1:{s:14:\"_section_style\";a:1:{s:7:\"_margin\";i:1;}}}}s:7:\"divider\";a:3:{s:5:\"count\";i:2;s:15:\"control_percent\";i:0;s:8:\"controls\";a:1:{s:5:\"style\";a:1:{s:21:\"section_divider_style\";a:1:{s:5:\"color\";i:2;}}}}}'),(22485,5548,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1670026667;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(22486,5557,'custom_pagetitle','hide'),(22487,5557,'portfolio_content_padding','a:3:{s:11:\"padding-top\";s:1:\"0\";s:14:\"padding-bottom\";s:0:\"\";s:5:\"units\";s:2:\"px\";}'),(22488,5557,'case_study_gallery_lightbox','1'),(22489,5557,'case_study_gallery',''),(22490,5557,'wg_client',''),(22491,5557,'wg_construction_date',''),(22492,5557,'wg_location',''),(22493,5557,'wg_gardener',''),(22494,5557,'wg_completed_date',''),(22495,5557,'wg_price',''),(22496,5557,'wg_download_1',''),(22497,5557,'wg_download_2',''),(22498,5557,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(22499,5557,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(22500,5557,'_elementor_version','3.8.1'),(22501,5557,'_wp_page_template','default'),(22502,5557,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/AdobeStock_298891023-scaled.jpeg\",\"id\":5558,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-300,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"The Sydney Morning Herald\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: The Sydney Morning Herald\",\"heading_text\":\"\\u2018This is exactly what fixes marriages\\u2019: one-size fits all therapy\",\"description_text\":\"30 November 2022\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"08809f5\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Jonah Hill and his therapist\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"title_color\":\"#BA9664\",\"typography_typography\":\"custom\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"1987647\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":29,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"dd539b8\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Everyone these days seems to have a\\u00a0podcast\\u00a0about how therapy has saved their life.\\u00a0Mental health\\u00a0has, thankfully, come out of the cupboard. Celebrities and royalty alike speak openly about the treatment that has helped them overcome unexamined\\u00a0grief,\\u00a0panic attacks\\u00a0or borderline personality\\u00a0disorder.<\\/p><p>Still, when actor Jonah Hill, the star of\\u00a0Superbad\\u00a0and\\u00a0The Wolf of Wall Street,\\u00a0put out a\\u00a0documentary\\u00a0about his fruitful relationship with his therapist two weeks ago, it came with a stark difference.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"ce0d338\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/Jonah-Hill.png\",\"id\":5561,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"image_size\":\"full\",\"image_custom_dimension\":{\"width\":\"76\",\"height\":\"106\"},\"align\":\"left\",\"link_to\":\"custom\",\"link\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.heraldsun.com.au\\/lifestyle\\/smart\\/money-conversations-can-be-tricky-heres-how-to-start\\/news-story\\/ecc8ac38b8bdced03c3bcc839ba6789f\",\"is_external\":\"\",\"nofollow\":\"\",\"custom_attributes\":\"\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"},{\"id\":\"10de1dd\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p><i><span class=\\\"_2Li3P\\\">\\u201cMeeting you and starting this process was out of desperation to get happier,\\u201d says actor Jonah Hill, about his therapist, in a new documentary about their relationship. \\u201cI just had no healthy self-esteem.\\u201d\\u00a0<\\/span><cite class=\\\"ojLwA\\\"><span class=\\\"_30ROC\\\">CREDIT:\\u00a0<\\/span>STUTZ \\/ GETTY IMAGES<\\/cite><\\/i><\\/p><p>It wasn\\u2019t just Hill\\u2019s raw admission in\\u00a0Stutz\\u00a0that he \\u201chad no confidence as a human being\\u201d, when he began work with his current therapist five years ago. (He feels much better now.)<\\/p><p>Rather it was Hill\\u2019s assertion that the \\u201cteachings\\u201d his therapist, Dr Phil Stutz, gave him \\u2013 that helped him gain confidence, manage panic attacks, and recover from the death of his older brother \\u2013 just might help other people \\u201cmake their own lives better\\u201d, too. Regardless of what they\\u2019re going through. (Stutz, an LA-based psychiatrist whose lessons include teaching clients to accept that they can\\u2019t avoid pain, uncertainty, and constant work, agrees.)<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>Stutz,\\u00a0makes for great entertainment. (Adversity, says Stutz in a Brooklyn accent straight out of a Martin Scorsese movie, is an invisible force that wants to \\u201cblock your evolution, block your potential, f--- up your s---\\u201c.)<\\/p><p>But are Hill and his therapist right? Are there certain psychological tools or tips that can help all of us, regardless of our circumstance, age or particular challenge, to be happier?<\\/p><p>In a word, yes.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe question is, \\u2018Why am I wired the way I am?\\u2019\\u201d says Lissy Abrahams, a Sydney-based psychotherapist. It is a foundational question each of us should ask ourselves, she says. Because how we were cared for when we were small \\u2013 if our needs were tended to, or if they weren\\u2019t, for example \\u2013 primes us to respond in a certain way to other people later on in life, says Abrahams, whose book\\u00a0Relationship Reset\\u00a0came out in July.<\\/p><p>This means we might enter into relationships as adults primed, unbeknownst to others, to feel rejected, out of control, or unworthy.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, if I [am wired to] feel unworthy, my partner displaying [sexual] desire for me might be part of what\\u2019s critical to me to feel OK,\\u201d says Abrahams, explaining the genesis of a typical overreaction that leads to conflict. \\u201cSo what happens if they don\\u2019t want to [have sex] for a month? If they\\u2019re not inclined? Does it mean I\\u2019m not good enough?<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe have this expectation that they [another person] are going to play a role that keeps us safe. And when they don\\u2019t, we can get very upset.\\u201d<\\/p><p>The problem is other people don\\u2019t know this about us. They can\\u2019t read our minds. Just as we can\\u2019t read theirs. To simply understand this inherent gap between the way we are all primed to see the world is the key to having more harmonious relationships, says Abrahams.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThis is exactly what fixes marriages,\\u201d she says, adding that it also improves our relations with everyone else in our life. It enables us to have greater compassion for each other, and therefore greater tolerance.<\\/p><p>That, and realising it isn\\u2019t another person\\u2019s job to make us feel safe. Yes, we have the right to expect that our basic needs like respect, kindness and connection are met in a relationship. But it isn\\u2019t a partner\\u2019s job to fix something inside of us that\\u2019s broken, says Abrahams. \\u201cI believe for us to really be OK in life, we have to find a way to be OK in ourselves,\\u201d she says. (She offers two questions to ask yourself to determine if you\\u2019re OK: \\u201cWould I want to date me?\\u201c, and, \\u201cIf I was dating now, would I pretend I\\u2019m not like this?\\u201d)<\\/p><p>People\\u2019s lives are also improved immeasurably when they learn to identify, and then express, exactly what they\\u2019re feeling when they are close to tearing their hair out, says clinical psychologist Dr Rowan Burckhardt, director of the Sydney Couples Counselling Centre.<\\/p><p>This might sound ridiculous. Your partner keeps coming home late from work, even though you\\u2019ve repeatedly asked them not to. So you let rip, \\u201cYou don\\u2019t give a crap about me!\\u201d Or your staff member continually fails to complete the to-do list you\\u2019ve given them. And so forth.<\\/p><p>You\\u2019re angry, right? Well, yes and no, says Burckhardt, a clinical psychologist who treats couples and individuals of all ages.<\\/p><p>Sure, you might be angry. But that\\u2019s only a \\u201csecondary\\u201d emotion. Underlying that emotion, he says, is a \\u201cprimary\\u201d and more vulnerable emotion, like sadness, anxiety or fear. This is the first emotion you feel when something happens.<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>\\u201cIf you don\\u2019t know you\\u2019re feeling anxious when your partner is coming home late, how will you even know what to express to your partner?\\u201d says Burckhardt. \\u201c[But if you do, and you express it] the person can go, \\u2018Oh my god. I\\u2019m so sorry you felt left alone. Actually, I was just working really hard because I want to give you that holiday you keep talking about.\\u2019 The person hears that, and thinks, \\u2018Oh my God, how could I have thought they were uncaring?\\u2019\\u201d If it\\u2019s a work situation, identifying your primary emotion can help you ask for structures or boundaries be put in place to attend to them.<\\/p><p>Another tool that helps everybody?<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe biggest tip I give people is usually to write out everything you want to do,\\u201d says clinical psychologist Tamara Cavenett, adding that this helps everyone from high school students in their final year stressed about exams, to middle-aged mums and dads struggling to juggle parenting and work.<\\/p><p>\\u201cYou want it out of your head and on paper,\\u201d says Cavenett. She gets them to make three separate lists: what needs to be done today; what needs to be done in 24 hours; what they hope to do someday.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s immediately calming. \\u201cYou see you usually have the time to get the most important things done.\\u201d<\\/p><p>Another tip that helps anyone who feels bad about themselves, for any reason?<\\/p><p>Cavenett often asks clients if what they say to themselves in their head is how they\\u2019d speak to a friend.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe\\u2019re a lot more harsh on ourselves,\\u201d says Cavenett, noting that many of us have unconsciously internalised the criticisms we received from other people when we were younger.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe scary thing is that at times, these [inner] voices have become such an accustomed way of thinking that you stop questioning it,\\u201d says Cavenett. \\u201cYou can live your entire life based on this self-belief, it can cause all sorts of issues. 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Celebrities and royalty alike speak openly about the treatment that has helped them overcome unexamined\\u00a0grief,\\u00a0panic attacks\\u00a0or borderline personality\\u00a0disorder.<\\/p><p>Still, when actor Jonah Hill, the star of\\u00a0Superbad\\u00a0and\\u00a0The Wolf of Wall Street,\\u00a0put out a\\u00a0documentary\\u00a0about his fruitful relationship with his therapist two weeks ago, it came with a stark difference.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"ce0d338\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/Jonah-Hill.png\",\"id\":5561,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"image_size\":\"full\",\"image_custom_dimension\":{\"width\":\"76\",\"height\":\"106\"},\"align\":\"left\",\"link_to\":\"custom\",\"link\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.heraldsun.com.au\\/lifestyle\\/smart\\/money-conversations-can-be-tricky-heres-how-to-start\\/news-story\\/ecc8ac38b8bdced03c3bcc839ba6789f\",\"is_external\":\"\",\"nofollow\":\"\",\"custom_attributes\":\"\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"},{\"id\":\"10de1dd\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p><i><span class=\\\"_2Li3P\\\">\\u201cMeeting you and starting this process was out of desperation to get happier,\\u201d says actor Jonah Hill, about his therapist, in a new documentary about their relationship. \\u201cI just had no healthy self-esteem.\\u201d\\u00a0<\\/span><cite class=\\\"ojLwA\\\"><span class=\\\"_30ROC\\\">CREDIT:\\u00a0<\\/span>STUTZ \\/ GETTY IMAGES<\\/cite><\\/i><\\/p><p>It wasn\\u2019t just Hill\\u2019s raw admission in\\u00a0Stutz\\u00a0that he \\u201chad no confidence as a human being\\u201d, when he began work with his current therapist five years ago. (He feels much better now.)<\\/p><p>Rather it was Hill\\u2019s assertion that the \\u201cteachings\\u201d his therapist, Dr Phil Stutz, gave him \\u2013 that helped him gain confidence, manage panic attacks, and recover from the death of his older brother \\u2013 just might help other people \\u201cmake their own lives better\\u201d, too. Regardless of what they\\u2019re going through. (Stutz, an LA-based psychiatrist whose lessons include teaching clients to accept that they can\\u2019t avoid pain, uncertainty, and constant work, agrees.)<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>Stutz,\\u00a0makes for great entertainment. (Adversity, says Stutz in a Brooklyn accent straight out of a Martin Scorsese movie, is an invisible force that wants to \\u201cblock your evolution, block your potential, f--- up your s---\\u201c.)<\\/p><p>But are Hill and his therapist right? Are there certain psychological tools or tips that can help all of us, regardless of our circumstance, age or particular challenge, to be happier?<\\/p><p>In a word, yes.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe question is, \\u2018Why am I wired the way I am?\\u2019\\u201d says Lissy Abrahams, a Sydney-based psychotherapist. It is a foundational question each of us should ask ourselves, she says. Because how we were cared for when we were small \\u2013 if our needs were tended to, or if they weren\\u2019t, for example \\u2013 primes us to respond in a certain way to other people later on in life, says Abrahams, whose book\\u00a0Relationship Reset\\u00a0came out in July.<\\/p><p>This means we might enter into relationships as adults primed, unbeknownst to others, to feel rejected, out of control, or unworthy.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, if I [am wired to] feel unworthy, my partner displaying [sexual] desire for me might be part of what\\u2019s critical to me to feel OK,\\u201d says Abrahams, explaining the genesis of a typical overreaction that leads to conflict. \\u201cSo what happens if they don\\u2019t want to [have sex] for a month? If they\\u2019re not inclined? Does it mean I\\u2019m not good enough?<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe have this expectation that they [another person] are going to play a role that keeps us safe. And when they don\\u2019t, we can get very upset.\\u201d<\\/p><p>The problem is other people don\\u2019t know this about us. They can\\u2019t read our minds. Just as we can\\u2019t read theirs. To simply understand this inherent gap between the way we are all primed to see the world is the key to having more harmonious relationships, says Abrahams.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThis is exactly what fixes marriages,\\u201d she says, adding that it also improves our relations with everyone else in our life. It enables us to have greater compassion for each other, and therefore greater tolerance.<\\/p><p>That, and realising it isn\\u2019t another person\\u2019s job to make us feel safe. Yes, we have the right to expect that our basic needs like respect, kindness and connection are met in a relationship. But it isn\\u2019t a partner\\u2019s job to fix something inside of us that\\u2019s broken, says Abrahams. \\u201cI believe for us to really be OK in life, we have to find a way to be OK in ourselves,\\u201d she says. (She offers two questions to ask yourself to determine if you\\u2019re OK: \\u201cWould I want to date me?\\u201c, and, \\u201cIf I was dating now, would I pretend I\\u2019m not like this?\\u201d)<\\/p><p>People\\u2019s lives are also improved immeasurably when they learn to identify, and then express, exactly what they\\u2019re feeling when they are close to tearing their hair out, says clinical psychologist Dr Rowan Burckhardt, director of the Sydney Couples Counselling Centre.<\\/p><p>This might sound ridiculous. Your partner keeps coming home late from work, even though you\\u2019ve repeatedly asked them not to. So you let rip, \\u201cYou don\\u2019t give a crap about me!\\u201d Or your staff member continually fails to complete the to-do list you\\u2019ve given them. And so forth.<\\/p><p>You\\u2019re angry, right? Well, yes and no, says Burckhardt, a clinical psychologist who treats couples and individuals of all ages.<\\/p><p>Sure, you might be angry. But that\\u2019s only a \\u201csecondary\\u201d emotion. Underlying that emotion, he says, is a \\u201cprimary\\u201d and more vulnerable emotion, like sadness, anxiety or fear. This is the first emotion you feel when something happens.<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>\\u201cIf you don\\u2019t know you\\u2019re feeling anxious when your partner is coming home late, how will you even know what to express to your partner?\\u201d says Burckhardt. \\u201c[But if you do, and you express it] the person can go, \\u2018Oh my god. I\\u2019m so sorry you felt left alone. Actually, I was just working really hard because I want to give you that holiday you keep talking about.\\u2019 The person hears that, and thinks, \\u2018Oh my God, how could I have thought they were uncaring?\\u2019\\u201d If it\\u2019s a work situation, identifying your primary emotion can help you ask for structures or boundaries be put in place to attend to them.<\\/p><p>Another tool that helps everybody?<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe biggest tip I give people is usually to write out everything you want to do,\\u201d says clinical psychologist Tamara Cavenett, adding that this helps everyone from high school students in their final year stressed about exams, to middle-aged mums and dads struggling to juggle parenting and work.<\\/p><p>\\u201cYou want it out of your head and on paper,\\u201d says Cavenett. 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settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. 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- source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.<\\/p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Can we get over it?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Abrahams says we can.<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,\\u201d she says.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.\\u201d<\\/p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they\\u2019re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.\\u201d<\\/p><p><em>You can download Lissy\\u2019s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/service\\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" 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- source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.<\\/p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Can we get over it?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Abrahams says we can.<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,\\u201d she says.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.\\u201d<\\/p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they\\u2019re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.\\u201d<\\/p><p><em>You can download Lissy\\u2019s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/service\\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/resources\\/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\\\">here<\\/a>, or for more info, see her website\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\\\">here.<\\/a><\\/em><\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23021,5597,'_thumbnail_id','5585'),(23022,5597,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23023,5597,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23024,5597,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1660101565;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23025,5598,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23026,5598,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23027,5598,'_elementor_version','3.6.7'),(23028,5598,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23029,5598,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2021\\/09\\/Couple-dancing-on-the-beach-at-dawn-scaled.jpg\",\"id\":4791,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-150,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"Body+Soul\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.<\\/p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Can we get over it?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Abrahams says we can.<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,\\u201d she says.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.\\u201d<\\/p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they\\u2019re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.\\u201d<\\/p><p><em>You can download Lissy\\u2019s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/service\\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/resources\\/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\\\">here<\\/a>, or for more info, see her website\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\\\">here.<\\/a><\\/em><\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23030,5598,'_thumbnail_id','5585'),(23031,5598,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23032,5598,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23033,5598,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1660101565;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23034,5599,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23035,5599,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23036,5599,'_elementor_version','3.6.7'),(23037,5599,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23038,5599,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/AdobeStock_535775727-scaled.jpeg\",\"id\":5585,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-150,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\\u200b\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.<\\/p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Can we get over it?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Abrahams says we can.<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,\\u201d she says.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.\\u201d<\\/p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they\\u2019re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.\\u201d<\\/p><p><em>You can download Lissy\\u2019s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/service\\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" 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your childhood be determining how you fare in adult relationships?\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"Could your childhood be determining how you fare in adult relationships?\",\"description_text\":\"20 September 2022\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"359ec74\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"There\'s a reason you can\'t see those red flags.\",\"heading_text\":\"\",\"description_text\":\"\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Relationship therapist Lissy Abrahams explains how the events that shape your childhood influence the relationships you form as an adult.<br \\/>Are you constantly making the same\\u00a0relationship mistakes\\u00a0over and over again? Always seeking out partners that are certified\\u00a0walking red flags? Or maybe \\u2013 like one sir Anthony Bridgerton \\u2013 you can\'t help but push those you love away.<\\/p><p>The good news is you\'re not alone, and according to relationship therapist Lissy Abrahams, author of\\u00a0Relationship Reset, there\'s no need to blame yourself. You just need to look back through your childhood.<\\/p><p>In order to understand why you have the triggers or behaviours you have, or why certain things are\\u00a0deal breakers\\u00a0within a relationship, Abrahams says that reflecting on how you were brought up \\u2013 and what you were exposed to \\u2013 can help make sense of them. Here, she explains how your childhood impacts your future relationships \\u2013 and what you can do to make a change.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How your childhood impacts your adult relationships\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>I have a client, Jasmine, who quickly breaks up with her latest boyfriend the minute he starts to imagine a future with her. Another client, Amos, rarely shares his emotions with his wife and often feels lonely. Stefano\\u2019s partner, Zac, feels smothered by him, like he\\u2019s always being scrutinised for mood changes.<\\/p><p>So, why do my clients relate to their partners like this? Well, like all of us, they were exposed to thousands and thousands of both positive and negative experiences in childhood that formed their relational templates, often in micro-moments with their parents or caregivers. We all carry these templates throughout life and map them onto our couple relationships.<\\/p><p>Despite often sharing some values, our partner will always have a different relational template to us, as the forces that shaped theirs were not identical to ours. These forces might include different messages and experiences from parents and extended family, safe or unsafe experiences, migration, family trauma, religious or cultural influences, parental separation\\/divorce, school systems and teachers, friends, governments, TV and media, and more.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How does a relational template work?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Our relational template is like a program of our expectations, beliefs, opinions, and rules for how we should, or shouldn\\u2019t, behave in a relationship. Much of this is unconscious, so we don\\u2019t always consciously have access to what\\u2019s encoded. However, our behaviour gives us a clue, just like it does for Jasmine, Amos, and Stefano. To them their behaviour makes sense, which means relationship difficulties are deemed their partner\\u2019s fault. They don\\u2019t understand the extent of their own involvement as they are behaving according to their own, unique relational template.<\\/p><p>Jasmine thought she\\u2019d have a partner and children by now. She doesn\\u2019t understand that her template encoded thousands of micro-moments of her parents\\u2019 brutal emotional conflict where she and her younger sister were terrified. Even though she remembers some of the conflict, she is not in contact with the extent of the fear and terror unconsciously inside her. She dismisses any boyfriend who imagines a future together, preventing any child from being created who could go through what she did.<\\/p><p>Amos wants a close and connected relationship with his wife yet often hides how he really feels. Encoded in his template are all the micro-moments where he couldn\\u2019t get enough of his parents\\u2019 attention and presence as a young child. They were often stressed about being cash-strapped and didn\\u2019t have sufficient support. Amos learnt to turn off his emotions as a means of dealing with them. He was lonely, and he\\u2019s often still lonely today.<\\/p><p>Stefano wants a relationship with desire and engagement, not the constant anxiety he has today. As a child he was both anxious and clingy with his parents. Encoded in his template were thousands of micro-moments of not feeling special enough as he had four other siblings to compete with. Clinging became a strategy of staying close to his parents. The problem is, he applies this same clingy strategy in his relationship with Zac, who then feels suffocated. This causes Stefano to retreat, which triggers even more anxiety.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"088d000\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e4a8594\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a6e2ba9\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to change your relational template\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"cd43a3a\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b3d9cb9\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"dfb35f4\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Let\\u2019s not forget that just like all of us, my clients\\u2019 partners also react and behave according to their own relational templates. This is why couple relationships are so complex, and why so many are conflict-filled, lonely and distressing - and why many even end. In Australia, one in three marriages ends in divorce. In the UK and USA, it\\u2019s one in two. Vast numbers of us across the world experience broken dreams and broken homes, and we often have no real understanding why.<\\/p><p>Understanding our relational template is vital if we want to create a healthier relationship with our partner and understand why we treat our partner the way we do. For some of us it\\u2019s through therapy, a wise friend or elder, books and blogs, online courses, and podcasts. Whatever the method, we need to make conscious what has been unconsciously encoded inside us. This liberates us, our partner, and our relationship from our past, and allows us the opportunity to truly create a respectful and loving relationship in the present.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23062,5600,'case_study_content_padding','a:3:{s:5:\"units\";s:2:\"px\";s:11:\"padding-top\";s:1:\"0\";s:14:\"padding-bottom\";s:4:\"95px\";}'),(23063,5600,'_oembed_1b36688543d4d62a4a94550f822b61eb','<iframe title=\"Video Placeholder\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/XHOmBV4js_E?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen></iframe>'),(23064,5600,'_oembed_time_1b36688543d4d62a4a94550f822b61eb','1587374837'),(23065,5600,'_wp_old_slug','find-yourself-of-julia'),(23066,5600,'_thumbnail_id','5588'),(23067,5600,'case_customer','David Luis'),(23068,5600,'case_signs','Unstable psychology serious'),(23069,5600,'case_result','100% Psychological stability'),(23070,5600,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23071,5600,'_edit_lock','1670309626:3'),(23072,5600,'_edit_last','3'),(23073,5600,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23074,5600,'_wp_old_slug','mamamia'),(23075,5600,'_wp_old_date','2022-07-24'),(23076,5600,'_wp_old_date','2022-07-25'),(23077,5600,'_wp_old_slug','bodysoul'),(23109,5601,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23110,5601,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23111,5601,'_elementor_version','3.8.1'),(23112,5601,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23113,5601,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/AdobeStock_535775727-scaled.jpeg\",\"id\":5585,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-150,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\\u200b\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.<\\/p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Can we get over it?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Abrahams says we can.<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,\\u201d she says.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.\\u201d<\\/p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they\\u2019re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.\\u201d<\\/p><p><em>You can download Lissy\\u2019s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/service\\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/resources\\/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\\\">here<\\/a>, or for more info, see her website\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" 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communication\\u200b\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.<\\/p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Can we get over it?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Abrahams says we can.<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,\\u201d she says.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.\\u201d<\\/p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they\\u2019re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.\\u201d<\\/p><p><em>You can download Lissy\\u2019s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/service\\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/resources\\/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\\\">here<\\/a>, or for more info, see her website\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\\\">here.<\\/a><\\/em><\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23153,5605,'_thumbnail_id','5588'),(23154,5605,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23155,5605,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23156,5605,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1670309360;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23157,5606,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23158,5606,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23159,5606,'_elementor_version','3.8.1'),(23160,5606,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23161,5606,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/AdobeStock_535775727-scaled.jpeg\",\"id\":5585,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-150,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\\u200b\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"The number one thing to improve couple communication\",\"description_text\":\"3 September 2021\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your\\u00a0partner.<\\/p><div><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do)\\u00a0something and just loose the plot?<\\/p><p>Maybe they\\u2019ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the\\u00a0screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?<\\/p><p>Well, you\\u2019re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.bodyandsoul.com.au\\/sex-relationships\\/relationships\\/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas\\/news-story\\/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev=\\\"event119\\\" data-tgev-metric=\\\"ev\\\" data-tgev-order=\\\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\\\" data-tgev-label=\\\"sex-relationships\\\" data-tgev-container=\\\"bodylink\\\">says it doesn\\u2019t have to be that way.<\\/a><\\/p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul\\u2019s daily podcast\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish<\\/em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThere\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we\\u2019re trying to survive the moment,\\u201d she tells host Felicity Harley on the\\u00a0<em>Healthy-ish\\u00a0<\\/em>episode\\u00a0<em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.<\\/em><\\/p><p>\\u201cThe first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.\\u201d<\\/p><p>If you\\u2019re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.<\\/p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the \\u2018ego\\u2019. And no \\u2013 we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance \\u2013 it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.<\\/p><p>\\u201cOne of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,\\u201d she explains.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWhere we perceive our partner as a threat\\u2026or feel like they\\u2019re shaming us in any way, we\\u2019re going to get into fight or flight mode and we\\u2019re going to have something to tell them that we\\u2019re not very happy about.\\u201d<\\/p><p>This response can be one of two things:<\\/p><\\/div>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"52c9ccf\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1f71192\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b6411ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<ol><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Superiority:<\\/strong>\\u00a0<\\/span>That we feel like they don\\u2019t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.<\\/li><li><span style=\\\"color: #ba9664;\\\"><strong>Inferiority:<\\/strong><\\/span>\\u00a0This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.<\\/li><\\/ol>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"926dd8b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"7df8d29\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"fa21e62\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>\\u201cWe can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,\\u201d says Abrahams.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to keep your ego in check\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.<\\/p><p>If we know what it looks like when we\\u2019ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, \\u2018that\\u2019s my ego\\u2019. It might be time for a cool down minute.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.\\u201d<\\/p><p>That\\u2019s the second part \\u2013 knowing what it was that triggered you.<\\/p><p>Even if you didn\\u2019t start the fight, there\\u2019s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?<\\/p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn\\u2019t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.<\\/p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.<\\/p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you\\u2019ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren\\u2019t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.<\\/p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Can we get over it?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Abrahams says we can.<\\/p><p>\\u201cIt\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,\\u201d she says.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.\\u201d<\\/p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they\\u2019re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.\\u201d<\\/p><p><em>You can download Lissy\\u2019s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication,\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/service\\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/resources\\/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\\\">here<\\/a>, or for more info, see her website\\u00a0<a href=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/\\\" rel=\\\"nofollow\\\" data-saferedirecturl=\\\"https:\\/\\/www.google.com\\/url?q=https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\\\">here.<\\/a><\\/em><\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23162,5606,'_thumbnail_id','5588'),(23163,5606,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23164,5606,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23165,5606,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1670309360;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23166,5607,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23167,5607,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23168,5607,'_elementor_version','3.8.1'),(23169,5607,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23170,5607,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/AdobeStock_100632486-scaled.jpeg\",\"id\":5588,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-150,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"Could your childhood be determining how you fare in adult relationships?\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: Body+Soul\",\"heading_text\":\"Could your childhood be determining how you fare in adult relationships?\",\"description_text\":\"20 September 2022\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"359ec74\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"There\'s a reason you can\'t see those red flags.\",\"heading_text\":\"\",\"description_text\":\"\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"3c137ff\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Relationship therapist Lissy Abrahams explains how the events that shape your childhood influence the relationships you form as an adult.<br \\/>Are you constantly making the same\\u00a0relationship mistakes\\u00a0over and over again? Always seeking out partners that are certified\\u00a0walking red flags? Or maybe \\u2013 like one sir Anthony Bridgerton \\u2013 you can\'t help but push those you love away.<\\/p><p>The good news is you\'re not alone, and according to relationship therapist Lissy Abrahams, author of\\u00a0Relationship Reset, there\'s no need to blame yourself. You just need to look back through your childhood.<\\/p><p>In order to understand why you have the triggers or behaviours you have, or why certain things are\\u00a0deal breakers\\u00a0within a relationship, Abrahams says that reflecting on how you were brought up \\u2013 and what you were exposed to \\u2013 can help make sense of them. Here, she explains how your childhood impacts your future relationships \\u2013 and what you can do to make a change.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"530415b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2293c5b\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0dd095c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How your childhood impacts your adult relationships\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"66c410b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"aabb8dc\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"cdb8620\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>I have a client, Jasmine, who quickly breaks up with her latest boyfriend the minute he starts to imagine a future with her. Another client, Amos, rarely shares his emotions with his wife and often feels lonely. Stefano\\u2019s partner, Zac, feels smothered by him, like he\\u2019s always being scrutinised for mood changes.<\\/p><p>So, why do my clients relate to their partners like this? Well, like all of us, they were exposed to thousands and thousands of both positive and negative experiences in childhood that formed their relational templates, often in micro-moments with their parents or caregivers. We all carry these templates throughout life and map them onto our couple relationships.<\\/p><p>Despite often sharing some values, our partner will always have a different relational template to us, as the forces that shaped theirs were not identical to ours. These forces might include different messages and experiences from parents and extended family, safe or unsafe experiences, migration, family trauma, religious or cultural influences, parental separation\\/divorce, school systems and teachers, friends, governments, TV and media, and more.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"a3d42ea\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"96d007c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3855afa\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How does a relational template work?\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"c87b820\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a7daeee\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"35ba72b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Our relational template is like a program of our expectations, beliefs, opinions, and rules for how we should, or shouldn\\u2019t, behave in a relationship. Much of this is unconscious, so we don\\u2019t always consciously have access to what\\u2019s encoded. However, our behaviour gives us a clue, just like it does for Jasmine, Amos, and Stefano. To them their behaviour makes sense, which means relationship difficulties are deemed their partner\\u2019s fault. They don\\u2019t understand the extent of their own involvement as they are behaving according to their own, unique relational template.<\\/p><p>Jasmine thought she\\u2019d have a partner and children by now. She doesn\\u2019t understand that her template encoded thousands of micro-moments of her parents\\u2019 brutal emotional conflict where she and her younger sister were terrified. Even though she remembers some of the conflict, she is not in contact with the extent of the fear and terror unconsciously inside her. She dismisses any boyfriend who imagines a future together, preventing any child from being created who could go through what she did.<\\/p><p>Amos wants a close and connected relationship with his wife yet often hides how he really feels. Encoded in his template are all the micro-moments where he couldn\\u2019t get enough of his parents\\u2019 attention and presence as a young child. They were often stressed about being cash-strapped and didn\\u2019t have sufficient support. Amos learnt to turn off his emotions as a means of dealing with them. He was lonely, and he\\u2019s often still lonely today.<\\/p><p>Stefano wants a relationship with desire and engagement, not the constant anxiety he has today. As a child he was both anxious and clingy with his parents. Encoded in his template were thousands of micro-moments of not feeling special enough as he had four other siblings to compete with. Clinging became a strategy of staying close to his parents. The problem is, he applies this same clingy strategy in his relationship with Zac, who then feels suffocated. This causes Stefano to retreat, which triggers even more anxiety.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"088d000\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e4a8594\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a6e2ba9\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"How to change your relational template\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"8\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"cd43a3a\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"0\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b3d9cb9\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"dfb35f4\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Let\\u2019s not forget that just like all of us, my clients\\u2019 partners also react and behave according to their own relational templates. This is why couple relationships are so complex, and why so many are conflict-filled, lonely and distressing - and why many even end. In Australia, one in three marriages ends in divorce. In the UK and USA, it\\u2019s one in two. Vast numbers of us across the world experience broken dreams and broken homes, and we often have no real understanding why.<\\/p><p>Understanding our relational template is vital if we want to create a healthier relationship with our partner and understand why we treat our partner the way we do. For some of us it\\u2019s through therapy, a wise friend or elder, books and blogs, online courses, and podcasts. Whatever the method, we need to make conscious what has been unconsciously encoded inside us. This liberates us, our partner, and our relationship from our past, and allows us the opportunity to truly create a respectful and loving relationship in the 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In a couple, one partner often detects relationship difficulties more quickly and is keen to address them with their partner.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. One partner may reach their limit in constantly trying to improve the relationship, as they wanted the relationship to help them feel safe or more secure. The other partner may be exhausted at what feels like constant complaints or blame about them getting it wrong all the time.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting is a state of resignation where a partner or partners are no longer investing in the relationship\\u2019s wellbeing or even survival. 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disengaging, and avoiding partner (psychologically, physically and\\/or sexually)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"41a3d87\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"26548a7\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"372229d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/2.png\",\"id\":3748,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"74bb303\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1c39ed6\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Not valuing or seeking out partner\\u2019s advice, opinions, or viewpoints any more<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"bfcf15d\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"824f06e\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6f06d39\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/3.png\",\"id\":3749,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"e0cd0ce\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e8e2d03\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Partner and relationship are no longer a priority unlike other people, the phone, work, or exercising<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"b2b86bd\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"bc44c97\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2f07f2e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/4.png\",\"id\":3750,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"568f337\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"c0456d8\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Being indifferent to partner \\u2013 a lack of attention, time, curiosity, or care for them<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"7374c28\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9cd33e3\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1ef632b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/5.png\",\"id\":3751,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"f84abe8\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3156fa4\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>No longer trying to resolve issues in the relationship, and believe there is no point seeing a therapist<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"8fb546f\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"dd0b292\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6722a2a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/6.png\",\"id\":3742,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"2e70bce\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"c83e2ac\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Resignation at the state of the relationship, no longer feeling despair<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"03a45b1\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"4d57031\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"bd6b498\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/7.png\",\"id\":3743,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"089a3ba\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d9f3c2d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Unable and unwilling to engage in discussions about future plans together \\u2013 have lost a sense of \\u201cus\\u201d or \\u201cwe\\u201d both now and for the future<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"62f603b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a39689c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2c25e7d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Is this different from separating?\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"dce4b6a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"022558b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Separating is often a gruelling and exhausting process where many interwoven aspects of life are unravelled. These can be financial, extended family, friendship groups, being co-parents, perhaps a joint business, a home, investments. To undo each of these it requires thought and they are often emotionally laden.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting allows time in between \\u2013 it\\u2019s a position like sitting on the fence. It\\u2019s not fully in the relationship and it\\u2019s not fully out. There may be emotional withdrawal from one\\u2019s partner however this is not the same as total withdrawal, and the aspects mentioned like friendships, extended\\u00a0family, being a family unit, or having a home together still hold well enough. Some people can sit on the fence for a short time before their bottom gets sore \\u2013 and for others forever potentially.<\\/p><p>When a partner is quietly quitting, they are taking a position. It could edge the couple closer to separation or it could cause the other partner to rally, pull up their socks and allow themselves to be truly in it again.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"746dcac\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"372fcea\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0340408\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Don\\u2019t judge the quiet quitters!\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"20ba5e2\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"44093cc\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Quiet quitting is a valid position and shouldn\\u2019t be judged as childish or immature. It could be a reflective time to work on the next steps outside of the relationship. 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