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                Body+Soul            
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            Article - source: Body+Soul        
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                The number one thing to improve couple communication            
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            3 September 2021        
		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		
			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */
.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		
		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		
			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		
		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		
			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		
		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		
			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		
		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>