(5140,3,'2022-08-26 09:39:12','2022-08-26 09:39:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                12 rules that will help deepen your relationship            \n        </h2>\n            19 December 2021        \n		<p>Beyond the cute Instagram posts and meme tagging, relationships can be fickle AF. Because even if you’re head over heels for someone, there’s still going to be those s**tty moments of uncertainty, frustration, and confusion.</p><p>But working on having a deeper relationship with your partner and ensuring you have a strong connection will ultimately mean that during these kinds of moments, you’ll be able to work through it together.</p><p>As with most relationship things, it all starts with the one key need: communication.</p><p>While it takes time and effort, the good news is that it doesn’t have to be difficult. And over time, you’ll find you have fewer lows – all thanks to your connection.</p><p>Here are 12 rules that will help deepen your relationship, according to couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. Look after yourself</h3>		\n		<p>When it comes to being in a relationship, we can often end up spending so much of our time and energy on the other person, that many of us lose sight of ourselves and take the back seat.</p><p>“This is especially the case if we do not have a strong enough sense of self,” said Abrahams. “I’ve seen many people become preoccupied with their partner and their needs and neglect their own.”</p><p>Sad!</p><p>Abrahams said one of the best ways we can improve our relationship is by bringing our healthiest selves into the relationship and maintaining this – so try to concentrate on developing yourself and who you are before focusing on someone else.</p><p>Go on, you got this!</p><p>“We need to look after our mind, body, and spirit,” reminds Abrahams. “When we do this, we keep toxicity at bay so we can spend our time connecting and being intimate.”</p>		\n			<h3>2. Check your ego</h3>		\n		<p>That voice inside your head? That’s your ego. And it can do a lot of  things  to a relationship.</p><p>“Our ego holds our conscious and unconscious beliefs and expectations about relationships. Think of it as a relational template that we operate from,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“To deepen our relationship with our partner, we need to remember that our relational template will be different from theirs.”</p><p>According to Abrahams, there will always be a gap between our templates that we need to resolve – and that’s okay.</p><p>“What matters is how well we both navigate the gap. If we can discuss and work through difficulties, we will deepen the relationship. However, if the gap causes us fear and anxiety, then we may have a lot of conflicts instead.”</p>		\n			<h3>3. Keep sexual intimacy on the agenda</h3>		\n		<p>You know how it gets. Life is busy. There’s work. Kids. Social engagements. Netflix. Sometimes it seems like relationships (and intimacy) get placed on the back burner, while we go about our business and focus on all the glorious stresses daily life has to offer.</p><p>“We all have busy lives with many competing demands at any given moment. This is even more the case if we have children. We need to take care as sexual intimacy can decrease quickly in couple relationships,” said Abrahams.</p><p>While it’s okay to be too tired to have sex at times, if we are too tired too often it can really harm the relationship. Without this, there’s a kind of… gap.</p><p>“It reveals that our relationship is at the bottom of our priority list. I believe this is a huge mistake. This breeds loneliness, shame about feeling undesirable, or shame about being a low- or no-sex couple.”</p><p>“Sex is what makes the couple relationship different from other relationships, and without it, we can feel like flatmates or siblings. Sex is often a special glue that deepens our connection and holds a relationship together.”</p>		\n			<h3>4. Keep emotional intimacy alive</h3>		\n		<p>And it’s not just sexual intimacy – the same goes for emotional intimacy, too.</p><p>“When we take our eyes off emotional intimacy in our couple relationship, we open the door to disharmony and conflict,” said Abrahams, who said all humans need connection.</p><p>“We are social animals, and connection with our partner helps us feel safe and secure in the world.”</p><p>“Without the emotional connection, we no longer feel safe. We can feel lonely, depressed, or anxious that our relationship is in trouble or may even end. Emotional connection and intimacy is a crucial ingredient for a deeper relationship.”</p>		\n			<h3>5. Focus and get in sync</h3>		\n		<p>How much time do you spend together after work? On the weekends? Be honest.</p><p>“In a world that continuously competes for our attention, we can find it difficult to pay attention and listen to our partner. We have work emails coming in, Netflix programs to watch, or our mobile notifying us every other second to pay attention,” said Abrahams.</p><p>When this happens, Abrahams said we may lose sight of our partner’s need to communicate with us.</p><p>When you create a fulfilling routine with your partner, you’ll find you’re able to spend more quality time together and reconnect with one another.</p><p>It could be as simple as going for a walk together after work, or waking up at the same time and making breakfast together in the morning.</p><p>“They need us to focus, listen, and get in sync with them. This will deepen our relationship as we are showing them that we value, love, and respect them above everything else,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“They will feel a deeper connection with us too. The opposite damages relationships. When we don’t focus or pretend to listen, our partner can tell feel we’re not properly with them, and this often causes upset or anger.”</p>		\n			<h3>6. Go to couples therapy</h3>		\n		<p>Another way to deepen your connection with your partner is to get to know them through the help of a therapist.</p><p>“This can be life-transforming as couples therapy allows you to understand why you both behave or think as you do, and where you are so different,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“Therapy also helps you both understand where these thoughts and behaviours came from. This experience will stay with you forever and have such a positive impact on you both for the years ahead.”</p><p> </p>		\n			<h3>7. Honest communication</h3>		\n		<p>Honesty is one of the biggest core values every couple needs in their relationship – without it, things will kind of just fall apart.</p><p>Opening up and being truthful with your partner about what you both want from the relationship, is key to establishing a strong foundation for trust and connection.</p><p>“To have a deeper relationship with your partner it’s important to be honest with them about what’s important to you and the relationship,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“Be mindful that honesty can connect you both, however, the way you deliver your message may disconnect you. To deepen your relationship, connect respectfully and kindly as you share your viewpoint with them.”</p>		\n			<h3>8. Look in the mirror</h3>		\n		<p>To be honest with someone and be able to deepen your relationship with your partner, it’s essential to know yourself and your intentions.</p><p>Abrahams said, “Have an honest look in the mirror to see if you would want to have a partner like you. We all have areas we could pull up our socks.”</p><p><em>Guilty!</em></p><p>“Reflect on whether removing resentment, complaining, sulking or snapping at them would improve the relationship. Reflect on areas you could offer more support, be kinder, or do more to improve the functioning of the home.”</p>		\n			<h3>9. Say thank you</h3>		\n		<p><em>Say iiiiit!</em> Being nice to one another is seriously underrated, you guys. Not only does it show a massive sign of respect, but it also proves you appreciate them.</p><p>It’s a simple thing to do, but it’s often one that’s the most forgotten.</p><p>“This one is huge. I see many partners become resentful and bitter as they feel unappreciated by their partners,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“I tell my couples to play the ‘thank you game’ where for one week they thank each other for every single thing their partner does for them that they don’t have to do themselves.”</p><p>Cute!</p><p>“Thank you for feeding the cat, putting out the washing, paying the bills, picking up food, doing the dishwasher, walking the dog, taking the kids to the dentist, or getting the shirts from the laundry.”</p><p>“Partners are often shocked just how many things both of them are contributing in their shared lives. They feel closer and more appreciated when their many contributions have been acknowledged.”</p>		\n			<h3>10. Remember you are both unique individuals</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, another great way of deepening your relationship is to remember that both you and your partner are unique individuals.</p><p>Like, remember when you first met? Both you and your partner had your own identities – hobbies, friends, freedoms.</p><p>“You both chose each other and committed to this relationship. However, the biggest mistake that prevents relationships from deepening is when we feel we own our partner.”</p><p>“We can become quite controlling or even demanding. We both have hopes, dreams and desires for life. And our connection can deepen when we remember and respect their unique qualities exists.”</p>		\n			<h3>11. Be curious</h3>		\n		<p>Let’s go back down memory lane, again. Remember when you first met your partner, and you found them interesting, funny, clever, and super sexy? Remember?!</p><p>Gah! What a time.</p><p>They had all these fancy life experiences we enjoyed, different friends and hobbies we didn’t know about – things were… exciting!</p><p>When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to lose sight of this.</p><p>“Many of us believe we know our partners and lose curiosity about them. However, we are all altered by life and by our experiences in life,” said Abrams.</p><p>She suggests keeping curious about your partner and how they are at this age and stage of life.</p><p>“Being curious about who they are will deepen the relationship as they will feel understood and respected by you.”</p>		\n			<h3>12. Relationships are a privilege</h3>		\n		<p>“Always remember that it’s a privilege to be in a relationship and not a right. This can help you rise above what you may find problematic or irritating about them,” Abrahams said.</p><p>Touché.</p><p>“There are many people who would love to be in a relationship, yet haven’t found someone to commit to. It will deepen your relationship if you remember that relationships are conditional, and they can end if partners don’t satisfy enough of the often unspoken conditions.”</p><p>Looking for more tips on improving your communication with your partner? Check out Abrahams e-book, <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','12 rules that will help deepen your relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5089-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:39:12','2022-08-26 09:39:12','',5089,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5140',0,'revision','',0),(5141,3,'2022-08-26 09:39:12','2022-08-26 09:39:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                12 rules that will help deepen your relationship            \n        </h2>\n            19 December 2021        \n		<p>Beyond the cute Instagram posts and meme tagging, relationships can be fickle AF. Because even if you’re head over heels for someone, there’s still going to be those s**tty moments of uncertainty, frustration, and confusion.</p><p>But working on having a deeper relationship with your partner and ensuring you have a strong connection will ultimately mean that during these kinds of moments, you’ll be able to work through it together.</p><p>As with most relationship things, it all starts with the one key need: communication.</p><p>While it takes time and effort, the good news is that it doesn’t have to be difficult. And over time, you’ll find you have fewer lows – all thanks to your connection.</p><p>Here are 12 rules that will help deepen your relationship, according to couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. Look after yourself</h3>		\n		<p>When it comes to being in a relationship, we can often end up spending so much of our time and energy on the other person, that many of us lose sight of ourselves and take the back seat.</p><p>“This is especially the case if we do not have a strong enough sense of self,” said Abrahams. “I’ve seen many people become preoccupied with their partner and their needs and neglect their own.”</p><p>Sad!</p><p>Abrahams said one of the best ways we can improve our relationship is by bringing our healthiest selves into the relationship and maintaining this – so try to concentrate on developing yourself and who you are before focusing on someone else.</p><p>Go on, you got this!</p><p>“We need to look after our mind, body, and spirit,” reminds Abrahams. “When we do this, we keep toxicity at bay so we can spend our time connecting and being intimate.”</p>		\n			<h3>2. Check your ego</h3>		\n		<p>That voice inside your head? That’s your ego. And it can do a lot of  things  to a relationship.</p><p>“Our ego holds our conscious and unconscious beliefs and expectations about relationships. Think of it as a relational template that we operate from,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“To deepen our relationship with our partner, we need to remember that our relational template will be different from theirs.”</p><p>According to Abrahams, there will always be a gap between our templates that we need to resolve – and that’s okay.</p><p>“What matters is how well we both navigate the gap. If we can discuss and work through difficulties, we will deepen the relationship. However, if the gap causes us fear and anxiety, then we may have a lot of conflicts instead.”</p>		\n			<h3>3. Keep sexual intimacy on the agenda</h3>		\n		<p>You know how it gets. Life is busy. There’s work. Kids. Social engagements. Netflix. Sometimes it seems like relationships (and intimacy) get placed on the back burner, while we go about our business and focus on all the glorious stresses daily life has to offer.</p><p>“We all have busy lives with many competing demands at any given moment. This is even more the case if we have children. We need to take care as sexual intimacy can decrease quickly in couple relationships,” said Abrahams.</p><p>While it’s okay to be too tired to have sex at times, if we are too tired too often it can really harm the relationship. Without this, there’s a kind of… gap.</p><p>“It reveals that our relationship is at the bottom of our priority list. I believe this is a huge mistake. This breeds loneliness, shame about feeling undesirable, or shame about being a low- or no-sex couple.”</p><p>“Sex is what makes the couple relationship different from other relationships, and without it, we can feel like flatmates or siblings. Sex is often a special glue that deepens our connection and holds a relationship together.”</p>		\n			<h3>4. Keep emotional intimacy alive</h3>		\n		<p>And it’s not just sexual intimacy – the same goes for emotional intimacy, too.</p><p>“When we take our eyes off emotional intimacy in our couple relationship, we open the door to disharmony and conflict,” said Abrahams, who said all humans need connection.</p><p>“We are social animals, and connection with our partner helps us feel safe and secure in the world.”</p><p>“Without the emotional connection, we no longer feel safe. We can feel lonely, depressed, or anxious that our relationship is in trouble or may even end. Emotional connection and intimacy is a crucial ingredient for a deeper relationship.”</p>		\n			<h3>5. Focus and get in sync</h3>		\n		<p>How much time do you spend together after work? On the weekends? Be honest.</p><p>“In a world that continuously competes for our attention, we can find it difficult to pay attention and listen to our partner. We have work emails coming in, Netflix programs to watch, or our mobile notifying us every other second to pay attention,” said Abrahams.</p><p>When this happens, Abrahams said we may lose sight of our partner’s need to communicate with us.</p><p>When you create a fulfilling routine with your partner, you’ll find you’re able to spend more quality time together and reconnect with one another.</p><p>It could be as simple as going for a walk together after work, or waking up at the same time and making breakfast together in the morning.</p><p>“They need us to focus, listen, and get in sync with them. This will deepen our relationship as we are showing them that we value, love, and respect them above everything else,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“They will feel a deeper connection with us too. The opposite damages relationships. When we don’t focus or pretend to listen, our partner can tell feel we’re not properly with them, and this often causes upset or anger.”</p>		\n			<h3>6. Go to couples therapy</h3>		\n		<p>Another way to deepen your connection with your partner is to get to know them through the help of a therapist.</p><p>“This can be life-transforming as couples therapy allows you to understand why you both behave or think as you do, and where you are so different,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“Therapy also helps you both understand where these thoughts and behaviours came from. This experience will stay with you forever and have such a positive impact on you both for the years ahead.”</p><p> </p>		\n			<h3>7. Honest communication</h3>		\n		<p>Honesty is one of the biggest core values every couple needs in their relationship – without it, things will kind of just fall apart.</p><p>Opening up and being truthful with your partner about what you both want from the relationship, is key to establishing a strong foundation for trust and connection.</p><p>“To have a deeper relationship with your partner it’s important to be honest with them about what’s important to you and the relationship,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“Be mindful that honesty can connect you both, however, the way you deliver your message may disconnect you. To deepen your relationship, connect respectfully and kindly as you share your viewpoint with them.”</p>		\n			<h3>8. Look in the mirror</h3>		\n		<p>To be honest with someone and be able to deepen your relationship with your partner, it’s essential to know yourself and your intentions.</p><p>Abrahams said, “Have an honest look in the mirror to see if you would want to have a partner like you. We all have areas we could pull up our socks.”</p><p><em>Guilty!</em></p><p>“Reflect on whether removing resentment, complaining, sulking or snapping at them would improve the relationship. Reflect on areas you could offer more support, be kinder, or do more to improve the functioning of the home.”</p>		\n			<h3>9. Say thank you</h3>		\n		<p><em>Say iiiiit!</em> Being nice to one another is seriously underrated, you guys. Not only does it show a massive sign of respect, but it also proves you appreciate them.</p><p>It’s a simple thing to do, but it’s often one that’s the most forgotten.</p><p>“This one is huge. I see many partners become resentful and bitter as they feel unappreciated by their partners,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“I tell my couples to play the ‘thank you game’ where for one week they thank each other for every single thing their partner does for them that they don’t have to do themselves.”</p><p>Cute!</p><p>“Thank you for feeding the cat, putting out the washing, paying the bills, picking up food, doing the dishwasher, walking the dog, taking the kids to the dentist, or getting the shirts from the laundry.”</p><p>“Partners are often shocked just how many things both of them are contributing in their shared lives. They feel closer and more appreciated when their many contributions have been acknowledged.”</p>		\n			<h3>10. Remember you are both unique individuals</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, another great way of deepening your relationship is to remember that both you and your partner are unique individuals.</p><p>Like, remember when you first met? Both you and your partner had your own identities – hobbies, friends, freedoms.</p><p>“You both chose each other and committed to this relationship. However, the biggest mistake that prevents relationships from deepening is when we feel we own our partner.”</p><p>“We can become quite controlling or even demanding. We both have hopes, dreams and desires for life. And our connection can deepen when we remember and respect their unique qualities exists.”</p>		\n			<h3>11. Be curious</h3>		\n		<p>Let’s go back down memory lane, again. Remember when you first met your partner, and you found them interesting, funny, clever, and super sexy? Remember?!</p><p>Gah! What a time.</p><p>They had all these fancy life experiences we enjoyed, different friends and hobbies we didn’t know about – things were… exciting!</p><p>When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to lose sight of this.</p><p>“Many of us believe we know our partners and lose curiosity about them. However, we are all altered by life and by our experiences in life,” said Abrams.</p><p>She suggests keeping curious about your partner and how they are at this age and stage of life.</p><p>“Being curious about who they are will deepen the relationship as they will feel understood and respected by you.”</p>		\n			<h3>12. Relationships are a privilege</h3>		\n		<p>“Always remember that it’s a privilege to be in a relationship and not a right. This can help you rise above what you may find problematic or irritating about them,” Abrahams said.</p><p>Touché.</p><p>“There are many people who would love to be in a relationship, yet haven’t found someone to commit to. It will deepen your relationship if you remember that relationships are conditional, and they can end if partners don’t satisfy enough of the often unspoken conditions.”</p><p>Looking for more tips on improving your communication with your partner? Check out Abrahams e-book, <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','12 rules that will help deepen your relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5089-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:39:12','2022-08-26 09:39:12','',5089,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5141',0,'revision','',0),(5142,3,'2022-08-26 09:39:12','2022-08-26 09:39:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                12 rules that will help deepen your relationship            \n        </h2>\n            19 December 2021        \n		<p>Beyond the cute Instagram posts and meme tagging, relationships can be fickle AF. Because even if you’re head over heels for someone, there’s still going to be those s**tty moments of uncertainty, frustration, and confusion.</p><p>But working on having a deeper relationship with your partner and ensuring you have a strong connection will ultimately mean that during these kinds of moments, you’ll be able to work through it together.</p><p>As with most relationship things, it all starts with the one key need: communication.</p><p>While it takes time and effort, the good news is that it doesn’t have to be difficult. And over time, you’ll find you have fewer lows – all thanks to your connection.</p><p>Here are 12 rules that will help deepen your relationship, according to couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. Look after yourself</h3>		\n		<p>When it comes to being in a relationship, we can often end up spending so much of our time and energy on the other person, that many of us lose sight of ourselves and take the back seat.</p><p>“This is especially the case if we do not have a strong enough sense of self,” said Abrahams. “I’ve seen many people become preoccupied with their partner and their needs and neglect their own.”</p><p>Sad!</p><p>Abrahams said one of the best ways we can improve our relationship is by bringing our healthiest selves into the relationship and maintaining this – so try to concentrate on developing yourself and who you are before focusing on someone else.</p><p>Go on, you got this!</p><p>“We need to look after our mind, body, and spirit,” reminds Abrahams. “When we do this, we keep toxicity at bay so we can spend our time connecting and being intimate.”</p>		\n			<h3>2. Check your ego</h3>		\n		<p>That voice inside your head? That’s your ego. And it can do a lot of  things  to a relationship.</p><p>“Our ego holds our conscious and unconscious beliefs and expectations about relationships. Think of it as a relational template that we operate from,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“To deepen our relationship with our partner, we need to remember that our relational template will be different from theirs.”</p><p>According to Abrahams, there will always be a gap between our templates that we need to resolve – and that’s okay.</p><p>“What matters is how well we both navigate the gap. If we can discuss and work through difficulties, we will deepen the relationship. However, if the gap causes us fear and anxiety, then we may have a lot of conflicts instead.”</p>		\n			<h3>3. Keep sexual intimacy on the agenda</h3>		\n		<p>You know how it gets. Life is busy. There’s work. Kids. Social engagements. Netflix. Sometimes it seems like relationships (and intimacy) get placed on the back burner, while we go about our business and focus on all the glorious stresses daily life has to offer.</p><p>“We all have busy lives with many competing demands at any given moment. This is even more the case if we have children. We need to take care as sexual intimacy can decrease quickly in couple relationships,” said Abrahams.</p><p>While it’s okay to be too tired to have sex at times, if we are too tired too often it can really harm the relationship. Without this, there’s a kind of… gap.</p><p>“It reveals that our relationship is at the bottom of our priority list. I believe this is a huge mistake. This breeds loneliness, shame about feeling undesirable, or shame about being a low- or no-sex couple.”</p><p>“Sex is what makes the couple relationship different from other relationships, and without it, we can feel like flatmates or siblings. Sex is often a special glue that deepens our connection and holds a relationship together.”</p>		\n			<h3>4. Keep emotional intimacy alive</h3>		\n		<p>And it’s not just sexual intimacy – the same goes for emotional intimacy, too.</p><p>“When we take our eyes off emotional intimacy in our couple relationship, we open the door to disharmony and conflict,” said Abrahams, who said all humans need connection.</p><p>“We are social animals, and connection with our partner helps us feel safe and secure in the world.”</p><p>“Without the emotional connection, we no longer feel safe. We can feel lonely, depressed, or anxious that our relationship is in trouble or may even end. Emotional connection and intimacy is a crucial ingredient for a deeper relationship.”</p>		\n			<h3>5. Focus and get in sync</h3>		\n		<p>How much time do you spend together after work? On the weekends? Be honest.</p><p>“In a world that continuously competes for our attention, we can find it difficult to pay attention and listen to our partner. We have work emails coming in, Netflix programs to watch, or our mobile notifying us every other second to pay attention,” said Abrahams.</p><p>When this happens, Abrahams said we may lose sight of our partner’s need to communicate with us.</p><p>When you create a fulfilling routine with your partner, you’ll find you’re able to spend more quality time together and reconnect with one another.</p><p>It could be as simple as going for a walk together after work, or waking up at the same time and making breakfast together in the morning.</p><p>“They need us to focus, listen, and get in sync with them. This will deepen our relationship as we are showing them that we value, love, and respect them above everything else,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“They will feel a deeper connection with us too. The opposite damages relationships. When we don’t focus or pretend to listen, our partner can tell feel we’re not properly with them, and this often causes upset or anger.”</p>		\n			<h3>6. Go to couples therapy</h3>		\n		<p>Another way to deepen your connection with your partner is to get to know them through the help of a therapist.</p><p>“This can be life-transforming as couples therapy allows you to understand why you both behave or think as you do, and where you are so different,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“Therapy also helps you both understand where these thoughts and behaviours came from. This experience will stay with you forever and have such a positive impact on you both for the years ahead.”</p><p> </p>		\n			<h3>7. Honest communication</h3>		\n		<p>Honesty is one of the biggest core values every couple needs in their relationship – without it, things will kind of just fall apart.</p><p>Opening up and being truthful with your partner about what you both want from the relationship, is key to establishing a strong foundation for trust and connection.</p><p>“To have a deeper relationship with your partner it’s important to be honest with them about what’s important to you and the relationship,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“Be mindful that honesty can connect you both, however, the way you deliver your message may disconnect you. To deepen your relationship, connect respectfully and kindly as you share your viewpoint with them.”</p>		\n			<h3>8. Look in the mirror</h3>		\n		<p>To be honest with someone and be able to deepen your relationship with your partner, it’s essential to know yourself and your intentions.</p><p>Abrahams said, “Have an honest look in the mirror to see if you would want to have a partner like you. We all have areas we could pull up our socks.”</p><p><em>Guilty!</em></p><p>“Reflect on whether removing resentment, complaining, sulking or snapping at them would improve the relationship. Reflect on areas you could offer more support, be kinder, or do more to improve the functioning of the home.”</p>		\n			<h3>9. Say thank you</h3>		\n		<p><em>Say iiiiit!</em> Being nice to one another is seriously underrated, you guys. Not only does it show a massive sign of respect, but it also proves you appreciate them.</p><p>It’s a simple thing to do, but it’s often one that’s the most forgotten.</p><p>“This one is huge. I see many partners become resentful and bitter as they feel unappreciated by their partners,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“I tell my couples to play the ‘thank you game’ where for one week they thank each other for every single thing their partner does for them that they don’t have to do themselves.”</p><p>Cute!</p><p>“Thank you for feeding the cat, putting out the washing, paying the bills, picking up food, doing the dishwasher, walking the dog, taking the kids to the dentist, or getting the shirts from the laundry.”</p><p>“Partners are often shocked just how many things both of them are contributing in their shared lives. They feel closer and more appreciated when their many contributions have been acknowledged.”</p>		\n			<h3>10. Remember you are both unique individuals</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, another great way of deepening your relationship is to remember that both you and your partner are unique individuals.</p><p>Like, remember when you first met? Both you and your partner had your own identities – hobbies, friends, freedoms.</p><p>“You both chose each other and committed to this relationship. However, the biggest mistake that prevents relationships from deepening is when we feel we own our partner.”</p><p>“We can become quite controlling or even demanding. We both have hopes, dreams and desires for life. And our connection can deepen when we remember and respect their unique qualities exists.”</p>		\n			<h3>11. Be curious</h3>		\n		<p>Let’s go back down memory lane, again. Remember when you first met your partner, and you found them interesting, funny, clever, and super sexy? Remember?!</p><p>Gah! What a time.</p><p>They had all these fancy life experiences we enjoyed, different friends and hobbies we didn’t know about – things were… exciting!</p><p>When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to lose sight of this.</p><p>“Many of us believe we know our partners and lose curiosity about them. However, we are all altered by life and by our experiences in life,” said Abrams.</p><p>She suggests keeping curious about your partner and how they are at this age and stage of life.</p><p>“Being curious about who they are will deepen the relationship as they will feel understood and respected by you.”</p>		\n			<h3>12. Relationships are a privilege</h3>		\n		<p>“Always remember that it’s a privilege to be in a relationship and not a right. This can help you rise above what you may find problematic or irritating about them,” Abrahams said.</p><p>Touché.</p><p>“There are many people who would love to be in a relationship, yet haven’t found someone to commit to. It will deepen your relationship if you remember that relationships are conditional, and they can end if partners don’t satisfy enough of the often unspoken conditions.”</p><p>Looking for more tips on improving your communication with your partner? Check out Abrahams e-book, <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','12 rules that will help deepen your relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5089-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:39:12','2022-08-26 09:39:12','',5089,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5142',0,'revision','',0),(5143,3,'2022-08-26 09:39:55','2022-08-26 09:39:55','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                13 signs you’re a ‘highly sensitive person’, and what that means for your relationships            \n        </h2>\n            16 December 2021        \n		<p>Whether you’ve watched The White Lotus or not (where have you been?!), you’re probably familiar with the term ‘highly sensitive person’. Yeah? It’s the diagnosis that’s popping up everywhere right now – and it’s got tons of people suddenly identifying themselves as HSPs.</p><p>But while it might seem like a new Gen Z kinda thing, HSP is actually a very real trait that means a lot more than just being “too sensitive”.</p><p>If you’re a HSP, essentially you’ll have a heightened sensory system, meaning you’re increasingly sensitive to physical, emotional and social stimuli – everything from sights to sounds and textures.</p><p>In saying that, it’s nothing major to worry about – so don’t freak out. Being a highly sensitive person doesn’t affect your health in any way (it’s a normal trait), and is actually often seen as something that is quite beneficial.</p><p>However, there are some occasional disadvantages of feeling too much, too deep.</p><p>Here, we asked psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams everything we need to know about HSPs – and what kind of impact it might have on our relationships.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>What is a ‘highly sensitive person’ diagnosis?</h3>		\n		<p>Originally coined by researcher Dr Elaine Aron in the early 90s, HSP is not really a disorder or diagnosis.</p><p>“HSP is a personality trait which has a particular pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are consistent and stable across one’s lifespan. Another example of a personality trait is introversion or extroversion,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“It is not a disorder; it is a sensitivity, and its scientific name is Sensory-Processing Sensitivity. There is sensory processing disorder, which is a condition where the response to sensory input is impaired. For HSPs there is no impairment, however they have a stronger reaction than those without the sensitivity.”</p><p>According to research by Dr Aron, HSP is completely normal and something that is found in 15 to 20 per cent of the population. Meaning? Around one in five people will be HSPs.</p><p>So, chances are you either know one or you are one.</p><p>“HSP is innate and also evident in other species. Being HSPs may increase their chances of survival as HSPs observe and reflect on the subtleties of others before acting.”</p><p>However, while HSPs might easily notice details and patterns that others miss, the drawback is that HSPs can get easily overwhelmed.</p><p>Think of 15 people calling and texting you at the same time.</p><p>“HSPs expend their energy noticing people and environmental stimuli. Therefore, they often withdraw to replenish their energy and calm down their nervous system,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“They are often overstimulated and easily overwhelmed. This makes them sensitive to sounds or light or crowds.”</p>		\n			<h3>What are the signs of a highly sensitive person?</h3>		\n		<p>Okay, so how do you actually ~know~ if you’re on the HSP side of things? Well, according to Abrahams, there are 13 common symptoms that are related to HSP.</p><p>However, it’s important to point out that not all of these will resonate with someone on the sensitivity spectrum, yeah?</p><p>As per Abrahams, HSPs typically experience many of the below -</p><ol><li>Easily overwhelmed by external stimuli (lights, strong smells and sounds).</li><li>Easily overwhelmed by internal stimuli (thought, emotions and realisations).</li><li>Higher empathy and awareness of other’s needs.</li><li>Aversion to large groups or crowds.</li><li>Rattled when they feel time pressured.</li><li>Avoid violent movies and TV shows.</li><li>Need alone time as can experience overwhelm, exhaustion and even burnout.</li><li>Often withdraw to get relief into a private space.</li><li>Arrange their lives to avoid situations where they will feel upset or overwhelmed.</li><li>They notice or enjoy delicate scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art.</li><li>They have a rich and complex inner life (intuition or creativity).</li><li>Difficulty with transitions and changes.</li><li>Were often sensitive or shy as a child.</li></ol>		\n			<h3>Are empaths and highly sensitive persons linked?\n</h3>		\n		<p>Well, not necessarily. While the two do share some common traits and crossovers, they also have a lot of differences, too.</p><p>“I believe Dr Judith Orloff’s notion of an empathic spectrum describes the difference between HSPs and empaths well, and it is a matter of degrees of empathy that distinguish them,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“You can imagine a spectrum moving from no empathy on the left of the spectrum (those who are deficient in empathy such as narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths) to normal loving, empathic people as you move along the spectrum, to HSPs and at the other end of the spectrum are empaths.”</p><p>To give you an idea of what this might look like, here’s what the Empathic Spectrum looks like below - </p><p><img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Empaths-HSPs-Linked-1024x141.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"88\" /></p><p>Interesting!</p><p>While empaths share all the traits of HSPs, Abrahams said the main difference is that “empaths take the empathic experience much further and absorb even more of the emotional energy or stimuli from others and the environment.”</p><p>So, it’s kind of like an accelerated version of HSPs, where they’re wired to process other people’s feelings more intensely, effecting them in numerous ways.</p><p>“I see empaths as being more porous than HSPs, as if they have less of an internal/external boundary – where it is difficult to differentiate between what is my stuff and what is your stuff? It all becomes the empath’s stuff and they often cannot tell the difference as they internalise the feelings and pain of others.”</p><p>“Empaths differ from HSPs as many empaths feel intuitively connected within themselves, and to animals and nature. This is not part of the HSP personality trait.”</p>		\n			<h3>Why is there such a buzz around the term ‘highly sensitive person’?</h3>		\n		<p>If you’re wondering why there’s suddenly so much talk around a term that’s been around for yonks, so are we. But according to Abrahams, there are a few reasons behind it – and it’s got nothing to do with The White Lotus.</p><p>“Humans love to categorise and put people in understandable boxes. We have done this forever by declaring someone is narcissistic or borderline or bipolar if we don’t understand or appreciate their behaviour,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“I believe the unqualified diagnosis and labelling someone HSP is similar, where we have deemed their behaviour as ‘too sensitive’ and clearly a failing of some sort.”</p><p>And you know who’s sitting at the crux of it? You guessed it…</p><p>“Millennials are often the target of this unprofessional diagnosis, with the notion that they have all been wrapped in cotton wool. Calling them HSPs implies they are a ‘snowflake’ – where they lack resilience and are more prone to taking offence. This does not recognise the gifts and limitations in combination that HSPs experience.”</p><p>“I believe the term is being overused without understanding the impact the sensitivity has on the person,” adds Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>How being a ‘highly sensitive person’ can impact your relationships.</h3>		\n		<p>Relationships can be complicated AF – no matter your personality type. But being a HSP and having this kind of deep emotional intelligence can heighten a lot of the usual nuances – whether it’s with your friends, family or significant other.</p><p>Below are some of the native impacts being a HSP can have on your relationships...</p>		\n			<h4>Emotional self-regulation</h4>		\n		<p>“Even though HSPs may have a high awareness of themselves and others’ emotional states, it does not mean that they can necessarily handle negative emotions inside of themselves.”</p><p>What’s usually absent is the regulation of emotions, with HSPs feeling overwhelmed at higher levels than others.</p><p>“When this happens, they can feel fear, anger, shame or sadness that they express impulsively in an outburst,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“This can lead to conflict with their partner who may feel attacked, shamed or blindsided by what their HSP partner saw.”</p><p>For those who cannot self regulate this trait, it can end up being a case where you are able to be sensitive and aware of others, but unable to support your own wellbeing.</p>		\n			<h4>Emotional challenges</h4>		\n		<p>“HSPs take on the feelings of their partner and others which leaves them affected by changes of states in others. This can be difficult in a relationship; we all need to be able to have emotional variations in our day-to-day lives without something always ‘being wrong’ or needing attention brought to it,” said Abrahams.</p><p>This might mean there’s way too much focus on everyone else around you, and not enough focus on yourself.</p><p>What’s more, Abrahams said HSPs often have emotional or interpersonal challenges in that they often want others to be more like them.</p><p>“Whilst they may be aware and sensitive to others, they also feel upset when they feel others don’t meet their standards or feel sufficient reciprocation of similar care, thought about them,” she said.</p><p>“It can feel lonely and there is often a large gap between how the HSP thinks about others and their needs versus what they receive in return.</p><p>“They can feel disappointed, anxious, depressed by this gap. Some can also be highly critical of those who fall short. As said previously, emotional awareness does not necessarily mean the HSP has the ability to regulate their emotions.” </p>		\n			<h4>Restriction on one’s partner</h4>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, HSPs often have heightened startle responses which often prevents them being able to tolerate TV shows where there is horror or for some even thrillers, or certain styles or volume of music.</p><p>Um. We feel… seen.</p><p>“This means they create rules so that they do not become overwhelmed. In a relationship, a partner or family member will be restricted by the conditions imposed on them.”</p><p>This might include restrictions on what TV shows or movies are acceptable. If you’re the kind of person who hides behind the sofa during a cringe-y movie or a thriller – you know what we’re talking about.</p><p>“The problem when viewing is that HSPs never know when the tension or suspense will increase, and all of a sudden it becomes too much to handle.”</p><p>The same goes for music, with Abrahams saying that some HSPs may be able to tolerate rock or pop music yet unable to tolerate their partner’s jazz music.</p><p>“The partner may only feel free to listen to this when they are alone as they don’t want to impose the jazz on their partner and cause them to suffer.”</p>		\n			<h4>Avoid, miss out and have FOMO</h4>		\n		<p>Because HSPs find it hard to be reactive and overstimulated by the environment, Abrahams said they will often opt out of arrangements with their partner, friends, or family when they know that they will struggle.</p><p>“This is because their discomfort is not mild, for HSPs the environment becomes unbearable, and this will alter their emotional state immediately. For many they cannot go to concerts as they are too loud, shopping centres are too crowded, and even the sun is too bright.”</p>		\n			<h4>Fatigue</h4>		\n		<p>Being an emotional sponge for everyone around you can be… exhausting.</p><p>“It is tiring to be so overstimulated by the environment and other’s emotions. HSPs often focus on their energy levels and pay a hefty price when they are exhausted. In a relationship, they can be the couple handbrake or the killjoy.”</p><p>For HSPs, sleep is a way to soothe their over-worked senses. So when they don’t get enough sleep – everything kind of goes to sh*t.</p><p>“Their partner often needs to make concessions around them, such as leaving early or going alone even though they want their partner with them. It is frustrating for both partners and life limiting.”</p>		\n			<h4>Prioritising self-care</h4>		\n		<p>Abrahams said HSPs need to take close care of their mental and physical wellbeing as they are more susceptible to burnout.</p><p>“For the HSP they need to prioritise sufficient sleep, sufficient down time following overstimulation and healthy food.”</p><p>While it might seem just like a little bit of harmless self-care, Abrahams said having a relationship with an HSP may be limiting for some partners.</p><p>“The relationship may lack spontaneity, and one’s partner may get tired of generating ideas that are rejected due to the need for self-care and the threat of overstimulation.”</p>		\n			<h3>The positives of being a highly sensitive person</h3>		\n		<p>But! It’s not all bad! Promise, you guys. On the flip side of things, there can be numerous benefits to relationships with HSPs.</p><p>Abrahams said some of the positive impacts include...</p>		\n			<h4>Kindness</h4>		\n		<p>“HSPs can be kind and caring of their partner, often focusing on their wellbeing. They have a lot to give. The health of the relationship matters a lot to them.”</p>		\n			<h4>Creative, appreciating and sharing with one’s partner and others</h4>		\n		<p>If a HSP has an interest in arts and music, Abrahams said they will usually possess the ability to be able to tap into more of the emotional experience created by the artist.</p><p>“It is likely that their emotional awareness to others, art, music and the environment hooks into their being and allows them a deeper connection with their visual, auditory, and emotional world,” she adds.</p><p>“This can be shared with one’s partner and they develop a deeper understanding of these landscapes too. The partner of an HSP can overtime develop a deeper understanding of people’s minds, intentions and motivation.”</p><p>How cool is that!</p><p>“It is a rich and fascinating world that the HSPs can bring to others and offer different perspectives, show curiosity for others, and be generous of themselves. Others may benefit greatly from their emotional wisdom.”</p><p>While the idea of having superhuman emotional intelligence might sound like fun, Abrahams said it’s important to acknowledge both the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ aspects of the trait.</p><p>“Whilst it can be an asset to have emotional intelligence, it is not given without a price being paid. It’s like superman having incredible powers to fly, change time and save people, until he encounters a blob of kryptonite that weakens him completely, taking him out.</p><p>“We should not overvalue the benefits and gifts HSPs have and ignore the price paid for the gift. It’s a package deal.”</p><p>If you’re a HSP and you’re looking for some help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','13 signs you’re a ‘highly sensitive person’, and what that means for your relationships',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5094-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:39:55','2022-08-26 09:39:55','',5094,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5143',0,'revision','',0),(5144,3,'2022-08-26 09:39:55','2022-08-26 09:39:55','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                13 signs you’re a ‘highly sensitive person’, and what that means for your relationships            \n        </h2>\n            16 December 2021        \n		<p>Whether you’ve watched The White Lotus or not (where have you been?!), you’re probably familiar with the term ‘highly sensitive person’. Yeah? It’s the diagnosis that’s popping up everywhere right now – and it’s got tons of people suddenly identifying themselves as HSPs.</p><p>But while it might seem like a new Gen Z kinda thing, HSP is actually a very real trait that means a lot more than just being “too sensitive”.</p><p>If you’re a HSP, essentially you’ll have a heightened sensory system, meaning you’re increasingly sensitive to physical, emotional and social stimuli – everything from sights to sounds and textures.</p><p>In saying that, it’s nothing major to worry about – so don’t freak out. Being a highly sensitive person doesn’t affect your health in any way (it’s a normal trait), and is actually often seen as something that is quite beneficial.</p><p>However, there are some occasional disadvantages of feeling too much, too deep.</p><p>Here, we asked psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams everything we need to know about HSPs – and what kind of impact it might have on our relationships.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>What is a ‘highly sensitive person’ diagnosis?</h3>		\n		<p>Originally coined by researcher Dr Elaine Aron in the early 90s, HSP is not really a disorder or diagnosis.</p><p>“HSP is a personality trait which has a particular pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are consistent and stable across one’s lifespan. Another example of a personality trait is introversion or extroversion,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“It is not a disorder; it is a sensitivity, and its scientific name is Sensory-Processing Sensitivity. There is sensory processing disorder, which is a condition where the response to sensory input is impaired. For HSPs there is no impairment, however they have a stronger reaction than those without the sensitivity.”</p><p>According to research by Dr Aron, HSP is completely normal and something that is found in 15 to 20 per cent of the population. Meaning? Around one in five people will be HSPs.</p><p>So, chances are you either know one or you are one.</p><p>“HSP is innate and also evident in other species. Being HSPs may increase their chances of survival as HSPs observe and reflect on the subtleties of others before acting.”</p><p>However, while HSPs might easily notice details and patterns that others miss, the drawback is that HSPs can get easily overwhelmed.</p><p>Think of 15 people calling and texting you at the same time.</p><p>“HSPs expend their energy noticing people and environmental stimuli. Therefore, they often withdraw to replenish their energy and calm down their nervous system,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“They are often overstimulated and easily overwhelmed. This makes them sensitive to sounds or light or crowds.”</p>		\n			<h3>What are the signs of a highly sensitive person?</h3>		\n		<p>Okay, so how do you actually ~know~ if you’re on the HSP side of things? Well, according to Abrahams, there are 13 common symptoms that are related to HSP.</p><p>However, it’s important to point out that not all of these will resonate with someone on the sensitivity spectrum, yeah?</p><p>As per Abrahams, HSPs typically experience many of the below -</p><ol><li>Easily overwhelmed by external stimuli (lights, strong smells and sounds).</li><li>Easily overwhelmed by internal stimuli (thought, emotions and realisations).</li><li>Higher empathy and awareness of other’s needs.</li><li>Aversion to large groups or crowds.</li><li>Rattled when they feel time pressured.</li><li>Avoid violent movies and TV shows.</li><li>Need alone time as can experience overwhelm, exhaustion and even burnout.</li><li>Often withdraw to get relief into a private space.</li><li>Arrange their lives to avoid situations where they will feel upset or overwhelmed.</li><li>They notice or enjoy delicate scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art.</li><li>They have a rich and complex inner life (intuition or creativity).</li><li>Difficulty with transitions and changes.</li><li>Were often sensitive or shy as a child.</li></ol>		\n			<h3>Are empaths and highly sensitive persons linked?\n</h3>		\n		<p>Well, not necessarily. While the two do share some common traits and crossovers, they also have a lot of differences, too.</p><p>“I believe Dr Judith Orloff’s notion of an empathic spectrum describes the difference between HSPs and empaths well, and it is a matter of degrees of empathy that distinguish them,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“You can imagine a spectrum moving from no empathy on the left of the spectrum (those who are deficient in empathy such as narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths) to normal loving, empathic people as you move along the spectrum, to HSPs and at the other end of the spectrum are empaths.”</p><p>To give you an idea of what this might look like, here’s what the Empathic Spectrum looks like below - </p><p><img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Empaths-HSPs-Linked-1024x141.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"88\" /></p><p>Interesting!</p><p>While empaths share all the traits of HSPs, Abrahams said the main difference is that “empaths take the empathic experience much further and absorb even more of the emotional energy or stimuli from others and the environment.”</p><p>So, it’s kind of like an accelerated version of HSPs, where they’re wired to process other people’s feelings more intensely, effecting them in numerous ways.</p><p>“I see empaths as being more porous than HSPs, as if they have less of an internal/external boundary – where it is difficult to differentiate between what is my stuff and what is your stuff? It all becomes the empath’s stuff and they often cannot tell the difference as they internalise the feelings and pain of others.”</p><p>“Empaths differ from HSPs as many empaths feel intuitively connected within themselves, and to animals and nature. This is not part of the HSP personality trait.”</p>		\n			<h3>Why is there such a buzz around the term ‘highly sensitive person’?</h3>		\n		<p>If you’re wondering why there’s suddenly so much talk around a term that’s been around for yonks, so are we. But according to Abrahams, there are a few reasons behind it – and it’s got nothing to do with The White Lotus.</p><p>“Humans love to categorise and put people in understandable boxes. We have done this forever by declaring someone is narcissistic or borderline or bipolar if we don’t understand or appreciate their behaviour,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“I believe the unqualified diagnosis and labelling someone HSP is similar, where we have deemed their behaviour as ‘too sensitive’ and clearly a failing of some sort.”</p><p>And you know who’s sitting at the crux of it? You guessed it…</p><p>“Millennials are often the target of this unprofessional diagnosis, with the notion that they have all been wrapped in cotton wool. Calling them HSPs implies they are a ‘snowflake’ – where they lack resilience and are more prone to taking offence. This does not recognise the gifts and limitations in combination that HSPs experience.”</p><p>“I believe the term is being overused without understanding the impact the sensitivity has on the person,” adds Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>How being a ‘highly sensitive person’ can impact your relationships.</h3>		\n		<p>Relationships can be complicated AF – no matter your personality type. But being a HSP and having this kind of deep emotional intelligence can heighten a lot of the usual nuances – whether it’s with your friends, family or significant other.</p><p>Below are some of the native impacts being a HSP can have on your relationships...</p>		\n			<h4>Emotional self-regulation</h4>		\n		<p>“Even though HSPs may have a high awareness of themselves and others’ emotional states, it does not mean that they can necessarily handle negative emotions inside of themselves.”</p><p>What’s usually absent is the regulation of emotions, with HSPs feeling overwhelmed at higher levels than others.</p><p>“When this happens, they can feel fear, anger, shame or sadness that they express impulsively in an outburst,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“This can lead to conflict with their partner who may feel attacked, shamed or blindsided by what their HSP partner saw.”</p><p>For those who cannot self regulate this trait, it can end up being a case where you are able to be sensitive and aware of others, but unable to support your own wellbeing.</p>		\n			<h4>Emotional challenges</h4>		\n		<p>“HSPs take on the feelings of their partner and others which leaves them affected by changes of states in others. This can be difficult in a relationship; we all need to be able to have emotional variations in our day-to-day lives without something always ‘being wrong’ or needing attention brought to it,” said Abrahams.</p><p>This might mean there’s way too much focus on everyone else around you, and not enough focus on yourself.</p><p>What’s more, Abrahams said HSPs often have emotional or interpersonal challenges in that they often want others to be more like them.</p><p>“Whilst they may be aware and sensitive to others, they also feel upset when they feel others don’t meet their standards or feel sufficient reciprocation of similar care, thought about them,” she said.</p><p>“It can feel lonely and there is often a large gap between how the HSP thinks about others and their needs versus what they receive in return.</p><p>“They can feel disappointed, anxious, depressed by this gap. Some can also be highly critical of those who fall short. As said previously, emotional awareness does not necessarily mean the HSP has the ability to regulate their emotions.” </p>		\n			<h4>Restriction on one’s partner</h4>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, HSPs often have heightened startle responses which often prevents them being able to tolerate TV shows where there is horror or for some even thrillers, or certain styles or volume of music.</p><p>Um. We feel… seen.</p><p>“This means they create rules so that they do not become overwhelmed. In a relationship, a partner or family member will be restricted by the conditions imposed on them.”</p><p>This might include restrictions on what TV shows or movies are acceptable. If you’re the kind of person who hides behind the sofa during a cringe-y movie or a thriller – you know what we’re talking about.</p><p>“The problem when viewing is that HSPs never know when the tension or suspense will increase, and all of a sudden it becomes too much to handle.”</p><p>The same goes for music, with Abrahams saying that some HSPs may be able to tolerate rock or pop music yet unable to tolerate their partner’s jazz music.</p><p>“The partner may only feel free to listen to this when they are alone as they don’t want to impose the jazz on their partner and cause them to suffer.”</p>		\n			<h4>Avoid, miss out and have FOMO</h4>		\n		<p>Because HSPs find it hard to be reactive and overstimulated by the environment, Abrahams said they will often opt out of arrangements with their partner, friends, or family when they know that they will struggle.</p><p>“This is because their discomfort is not mild, for HSPs the environment becomes unbearable, and this will alter their emotional state immediately. For many they cannot go to concerts as they are too loud, shopping centres are too crowded, and even the sun is too bright.”</p>		\n			<h4>Fatigue</h4>		\n		<p>Being an emotional sponge for everyone around you can be… exhausting.</p><p>“It is tiring to be so overstimulated by the environment and other’s emotions. HSPs often focus on their energy levels and pay a hefty price when they are exhausted. In a relationship, they can be the couple handbrake or the killjoy.”</p><p>For HSPs, sleep is a way to soothe their over-worked senses. So when they don’t get enough sleep – everything kind of goes to sh*t.</p><p>“Their partner often needs to make concessions around them, such as leaving early or going alone even though they want their partner with them. It is frustrating for both partners and life limiting.”</p>		\n			<h4>Prioritising self-care</h4>		\n		<p>Abrahams said HSPs need to take close care of their mental and physical wellbeing as they are more susceptible to burnout.</p><p>“For the HSP they need to prioritise sufficient sleep, sufficient down time following overstimulation and healthy food.”</p><p>While it might seem just like a little bit of harmless self-care, Abrahams said having a relationship with an HSP may be limiting for some partners.</p><p>“The relationship may lack spontaneity, and one’s partner may get tired of generating ideas that are rejected due to the need for self-care and the threat of overstimulation.”</p>		\n			<h3>The positives of being a highly sensitive person</h3>		\n		<p>But! It’s not all bad! Promise, you guys. On the flip side of things, there can be numerous benefits to relationships with HSPs.</p><p>Abrahams said some of the positive impacts include...</p>		\n			<h4>Kindness</h4>		\n		<p>“HSPs can be kind and caring of their partner, often focusing on their wellbeing. They have a lot to give. The health of the relationship matters a lot to them.”</p>		\n			<h4>Creative, appreciating and sharing with one’s partner and others</h4>		\n		<p>If a HSP has an interest in arts and music, Abrahams said they will usually possess the ability to be able to tap into more of the emotional experience created by the artist.</p><p>“It is likely that their emotional awareness to others, art, music and the environment hooks into their being and allows them a deeper connection with their visual, auditory, and emotional world,” she adds.</p><p>“This can be shared with one’s partner and they develop a deeper understanding of these landscapes too. The partner of an HSP can overtime develop a deeper understanding of people’s minds, intentions and motivation.”</p><p>How cool is that!</p><p>“It is a rich and fascinating world that the HSPs can bring to others and offer different perspectives, show curiosity for others, and be generous of themselves. Others may benefit greatly from their emotional wisdom.”</p><p>While the idea of having superhuman emotional intelligence might sound like fun, Abrahams said it’s important to acknowledge both the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ aspects of the trait.</p><p>“Whilst it can be an asset to have emotional intelligence, it is not given without a price being paid. It’s like superman having incredible powers to fly, change time and save people, until he encounters a blob of kryptonite that weakens him completely, taking him out.</p><p>“We should not overvalue the benefits and gifts HSPs have and ignore the price paid for the gift. It’s a package deal.”</p><p>If you’re a HSP and you’re looking for some help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','13 signs you’re a ‘highly sensitive person’, and what that means for your relationships',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5094-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:39:55','2022-08-26 09:39:55','',5094,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5144',0,'revision','',0),(5145,3,'2022-08-26 09:39:55','2022-08-26 09:39:55','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                13 signs you’re a ‘highly sensitive person’, and what that means for your relationships            \n        </h2>\n            16 December 2021        \n		<p>Whether you’ve watched The White Lotus or not (where have you been?!), you’re probably familiar with the term ‘highly sensitive person’. Yeah? It’s the diagnosis that’s popping up everywhere right now – and it’s got tons of people suddenly identifying themselves as HSPs.</p><p>But while it might seem like a new Gen Z kinda thing, HSP is actually a very real trait that means a lot more than just being “too sensitive”.</p><p>If you’re a HSP, essentially you’ll have a heightened sensory system, meaning you’re increasingly sensitive to physical, emotional and social stimuli – everything from sights to sounds and textures.</p><p>In saying that, it’s nothing major to worry about – so don’t freak out. Being a highly sensitive person doesn’t affect your health in any way (it’s a normal trait), and is actually often seen as something that is quite beneficial.</p><p>However, there are some occasional disadvantages of feeling too much, too deep.</p><p>Here, we asked psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams everything we need to know about HSPs – and what kind of impact it might have on our relationships.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>What is a ‘highly sensitive person’ diagnosis?</h3>		\n		<p>Originally coined by researcher Dr Elaine Aron in the early 90s, HSP is not really a disorder or diagnosis.</p><p>“HSP is a personality trait which has a particular pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are consistent and stable across one’s lifespan. Another example of a personality trait is introversion or extroversion,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“It is not a disorder; it is a sensitivity, and its scientific name is Sensory-Processing Sensitivity. There is sensory processing disorder, which is a condition where the response to sensory input is impaired. For HSPs there is no impairment, however they have a stronger reaction than those without the sensitivity.”</p><p>According to research by Dr Aron, HSP is completely normal and something that is found in 15 to 20 per cent of the population. Meaning? Around one in five people will be HSPs.</p><p>So, chances are you either know one or you are one.</p><p>“HSP is innate and also evident in other species. Being HSPs may increase their chances of survival as HSPs observe and reflect on the subtleties of others before acting.”</p><p>However, while HSPs might easily notice details and patterns that others miss, the drawback is that HSPs can get easily overwhelmed.</p><p>Think of 15 people calling and texting you at the same time.</p><p>“HSPs expend their energy noticing people and environmental stimuli. Therefore, they often withdraw to replenish their energy and calm down their nervous system,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“They are often overstimulated and easily overwhelmed. This makes them sensitive to sounds or light or crowds.”</p>		\n			<h3>What are the signs of a highly sensitive person?</h3>		\n		<p>Okay, so how do you actually ~know~ if you’re on the HSP side of things? Well, according to Abrahams, there are 13 common symptoms that are related to HSP.</p><p>However, it’s important to point out that not all of these will resonate with someone on the sensitivity spectrum, yeah?</p><p>As per Abrahams, HSPs typically experience many of the below -</p><ol><li>Easily overwhelmed by external stimuli (lights, strong smells and sounds).</li><li>Easily overwhelmed by internal stimuli (thought, emotions and realisations).</li><li>Higher empathy and awareness of other’s needs.</li><li>Aversion to large groups or crowds.</li><li>Rattled when they feel time pressured.</li><li>Avoid violent movies and TV shows.</li><li>Need alone time as can experience overwhelm, exhaustion and even burnout.</li><li>Often withdraw to get relief into a private space.</li><li>Arrange their lives to avoid situations where they will feel upset or overwhelmed.</li><li>They notice or enjoy delicate scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art.</li><li>They have a rich and complex inner life (intuition or creativity).</li><li>Difficulty with transitions and changes.</li><li>Were often sensitive or shy as a child.</li></ol>		\n			<h3>Are empaths and highly sensitive persons linked?\n</h3>		\n		<p>Well, not necessarily. While the two do share some common traits and crossovers, they also have a lot of differences, too.</p><p>“I believe Dr Judith Orloff’s notion of an empathic spectrum describes the difference between HSPs and empaths well, and it is a matter of degrees of empathy that distinguish them,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“You can imagine a spectrum moving from no empathy on the left of the spectrum (those who are deficient in empathy such as narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths) to normal loving, empathic people as you move along the spectrum, to HSPs and at the other end of the spectrum are empaths.”</p><p>To give you an idea of what this might look like, here’s what the Empathic Spectrum looks like below - </p><p><img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Empaths-HSPs-Linked-1024x141.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"88\" /></p><p>Interesting!</p><p>While empaths share all the traits of HSPs, Abrahams said the main difference is that “empaths take the empathic experience much further and absorb even more of the emotional energy or stimuli from others and the environment.”</p><p>So, it’s kind of like an accelerated version of HSPs, where they’re wired to process other people’s feelings more intensely, effecting them in numerous ways.</p><p>“I see empaths as being more porous than HSPs, as if they have less of an internal/external boundary – where it is difficult to differentiate between what is my stuff and what is your stuff? It all becomes the empath’s stuff and they often cannot tell the difference as they internalise the feelings and pain of others.”</p><p>“Empaths differ from HSPs as many empaths feel intuitively connected within themselves, and to animals and nature. This is not part of the HSP personality trait.”</p>		\n			<h3>Why is there such a buzz around the term ‘highly sensitive person’?</h3>		\n		<p>If you’re wondering why there’s suddenly so much talk around a term that’s been around for yonks, so are we. But according to Abrahams, there are a few reasons behind it – and it’s got nothing to do with The White Lotus.</p><p>“Humans love to categorise and put people in understandable boxes. We have done this forever by declaring someone is narcissistic or borderline or bipolar if we don’t understand or appreciate their behaviour,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“I believe the unqualified diagnosis and labelling someone HSP is similar, where we have deemed their behaviour as ‘too sensitive’ and clearly a failing of some sort.”</p><p>And you know who’s sitting at the crux of it? You guessed it…</p><p>“Millennials are often the target of this unprofessional diagnosis, with the notion that they have all been wrapped in cotton wool. Calling them HSPs implies they are a ‘snowflake’ – where they lack resilience and are more prone to taking offence. This does not recognise the gifts and limitations in combination that HSPs experience.”</p><p>“I believe the term is being overused without understanding the impact the sensitivity has on the person,” adds Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>How being a ‘highly sensitive person’ can impact your relationships.</h3>		\n		<p>Relationships can be complicated AF – no matter your personality type. But being a HSP and having this kind of deep emotional intelligence can heighten a lot of the usual nuances – whether it’s with your friends, family or significant other.</p><p>Below are some of the native impacts being a HSP can have on your relationships...</p>		\n			<h4>Emotional self-regulation</h4>		\n		<p>“Even though HSPs may have a high awareness of themselves and others’ emotional states, it does not mean that they can necessarily handle negative emotions inside of themselves.”</p><p>What’s usually absent is the regulation of emotions, with HSPs feeling overwhelmed at higher levels than others.</p><p>“When this happens, they can feel fear, anger, shame or sadness that they express impulsively in an outburst,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“This can lead to conflict with their partner who may feel attacked, shamed or blindsided by what their HSP partner saw.”</p><p>For those who cannot self regulate this trait, it can end up being a case where you are able to be sensitive and aware of others, but unable to support your own wellbeing.</p>		\n			<h4>Emotional challenges</h4>		\n		<p>“HSPs take on the feelings of their partner and others which leaves them affected by changes of states in others. This can be difficult in a relationship; we all need to be able to have emotional variations in our day-to-day lives without something always ‘being wrong’ or needing attention brought to it,” said Abrahams.</p><p>This might mean there’s way too much focus on everyone else around you, and not enough focus on yourself.</p><p>What’s more, Abrahams said HSPs often have emotional or interpersonal challenges in that they often want others to be more like them.</p><p>“Whilst they may be aware and sensitive to others, they also feel upset when they feel others don’t meet their standards or feel sufficient reciprocation of similar care, thought about them,” she said.</p><p>“It can feel lonely and there is often a large gap between how the HSP thinks about others and their needs versus what they receive in return.</p><p>“They can feel disappointed, anxious, depressed by this gap. Some can also be highly critical of those who fall short. As said previously, emotional awareness does not necessarily mean the HSP has the ability to regulate their emotions.” </p>		\n			<h4>Restriction on one’s partner</h4>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, HSPs often have heightened startle responses which often prevents them being able to tolerate TV shows where there is horror or for some even thrillers, or certain styles or volume of music.</p><p>Um. We feel… seen.</p><p>“This means they create rules so that they do not become overwhelmed. In a relationship, a partner or family member will be restricted by the conditions imposed on them.”</p><p>This might include restrictions on what TV shows or movies are acceptable. If you’re the kind of person who hides behind the sofa during a cringe-y movie or a thriller – you know what we’re talking about.</p><p>“The problem when viewing is that HSPs never know when the tension or suspense will increase, and all of a sudden it becomes too much to handle.”</p><p>The same goes for music, with Abrahams saying that some HSPs may be able to tolerate rock or pop music yet unable to tolerate their partner’s jazz music.</p><p>“The partner may only feel free to listen to this when they are alone as they don’t want to impose the jazz on their partner and cause them to suffer.”</p>		\n			<h4>Avoid, miss out and have FOMO</h4>		\n		<p>Because HSPs find it hard to be reactive and overstimulated by the environment, Abrahams said they will often opt out of arrangements with their partner, friends, or family when they know that they will struggle.</p><p>“This is because their discomfort is not mild, for HSPs the environment becomes unbearable, and this will alter their emotional state immediately. For many they cannot go to concerts as they are too loud, shopping centres are too crowded, and even the sun is too bright.”</p>		\n			<h4>Fatigue</h4>		\n		<p>Being an emotional sponge for everyone around you can be… exhausting.</p><p>“It is tiring to be so overstimulated by the environment and other’s emotions. HSPs often focus on their energy levels and pay a hefty price when they are exhausted. In a relationship, they can be the couple handbrake or the killjoy.”</p><p>For HSPs, sleep is a way to soothe their over-worked senses. So when they don’t get enough sleep – everything kind of goes to sh*t.</p><p>“Their partner often needs to make concessions around them, such as leaving early or going alone even though they want their partner with them. It is frustrating for both partners and life limiting.”</p>		\n			<h4>Prioritising self-care</h4>		\n		<p>Abrahams said HSPs need to take close care of their mental and physical wellbeing as they are more susceptible to burnout.</p><p>“For the HSP they need to prioritise sufficient sleep, sufficient down time following overstimulation and healthy food.”</p><p>While it might seem just like a little bit of harmless self-care, Abrahams said having a relationship with an HSP may be limiting for some partners.</p><p>“The relationship may lack spontaneity, and one’s partner may get tired of generating ideas that are rejected due to the need for self-care and the threat of overstimulation.”</p>		\n			<h3>The positives of being a highly sensitive person</h3>		\n		<p>But! It’s not all bad! Promise, you guys. On the flip side of things, there can be numerous benefits to relationships with HSPs.</p><p>Abrahams said some of the positive impacts include...</p>		\n			<h4>Kindness</h4>		\n		<p>“HSPs can be kind and caring of their partner, often focusing on their wellbeing. They have a lot to give. The health of the relationship matters a lot to them.”</p>		\n			<h4>Creative, appreciating and sharing with one’s partner and others</h4>		\n		<p>If a HSP has an interest in arts and music, Abrahams said they will usually possess the ability to be able to tap into more of the emotional experience created by the artist.</p><p>“It is likely that their emotional awareness to others, art, music and the environment hooks into their being and allows them a deeper connection with their visual, auditory, and emotional world,” she adds.</p><p>“This can be shared with one’s partner and they develop a deeper understanding of these landscapes too. The partner of an HSP can overtime develop a deeper understanding of people’s minds, intentions and motivation.”</p><p>How cool is that!</p><p>“It is a rich and fascinating world that the HSPs can bring to others and offer different perspectives, show curiosity for others, and be generous of themselves. Others may benefit greatly from their emotional wisdom.”</p><p>While the idea of having superhuman emotional intelligence might sound like fun, Abrahams said it’s important to acknowledge both the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ aspects of the trait.</p><p>“Whilst it can be an asset to have emotional intelligence, it is not given without a price being paid. It’s like superman having incredible powers to fly, change time and save people, until he encounters a blob of kryptonite that weakens him completely, taking him out.</p><p>“We should not overvalue the benefits and gifts HSPs have and ignore the price paid for the gift. It’s a package deal.”</p><p>If you’re a HSP and you’re looking for some help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','13 signs you’re a ‘highly sensitive person’, and what that means for your relationships',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5094-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:39:55','2022-08-26 09:39:55','',5094,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5145',0,'revision','',0),(5146,3,'2022-08-26 09:40:49','2022-08-26 09:40:49','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                Why Your Relationship Feels Like A Struggle Right Now            \n        </h2>\n            15 December 2021        \n		<p>If you’re in lockdown and you’re a pinkie nail away from absolutely LOSING YOUR S**T if your partner so much as BREATHES near you (ʘ‿ʘ) – you’re not alone, friend.</p><p>This is a safe space.</p><p>The last year or so has pulled a LEVEL TEN on relationships – and we’re not just talking about intimate partners. We’re talking about housemates, family members – the whole shebang.</p><p>“Lockdowns have been brutal on relationships. Small issues can become big ones when you’re in close confines for months. It’s like being in a pressure cooker,” said psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams.</p><p>“It’s been very difficult, especially for those who have experienced financial difficulties and job insecurity. The daily grind has worn down many parents who have been juggling homeschooling young children with their work responsibilities.”</p><p>“They might also have a child with special needs and a lot less access to support. Throw in the challenge of border restrictions, many struggle with being separated from family.”</p><p>There’s no denying that the added stress, enforced quality time and changes in our current day-to-day routines has had a massive impact on our relationships and how we communicate with each other. And it’s been a make-or-break situation for many couples.</p><p>“All of these factors contribute to many of us struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, sadness, and even despair. Any of these can tip one or both partners over the edge. If there were any cracks in the relationship before Covid, the pressure from lockdown rips these cracks wide open.”</p><p>However, it’s important to note that it’s not the same for everyone – some couples are  thriving .</p><p>“On the flip side, lockdown has also had its benefits for some couples who say they have much more time together and enjoy working from home without being under the pump all the time.”</p><p>“They may enjoy not continuously travelling overseas or interstate. They may enjoy the simplicity of being home and with their children and may have always sensed that the busy life that they have been living meant that they were missing greater connection with those under their roof.”</p><p>Abrahams said that typically these kinds of couples are in a good position.</p><p>“They have work security, can pay their rent, mortgages and household expenses without worry, their children may be older and mostly self-sufficient.”</p><p>So, with a large proportion of us still in some form of lockdown, we’ve asked Abrahams to share some of her pearls of wisdom when it comes to improving our relationships.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Why your relationship is suffering right now</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, there’s two common reasons why your relationship might be going a bit s**t lately: Poor communication and a lack of intimacy.</p><p>Look, we’re not experts – but we’re fairly certain these things are pretty darn important. Right?</p><p>“Many couples are fighting more frequently, being resentful about an uneven take up of household chores, and not feeling heard and understood,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“This is hard work for couples under normal circumstances and can often lead to conflict. Lockdown adds more pressure on these relationships, making life exhausting and lonely. There is less resilience now than at the beginning of lockdowns.”</p><p>When it comes to the intimacy side of things, don’t panic, though – it’s not just you. Abrahams said losing interest in being intimate with each other is another super common issue.</p><p>“Many partners say they “can’t be bothered”, “don’t feel attractive”, or “can’t get in the mood”. Intimacy is a special glue in a relationship. Without it, partners experience loneliness and unhappiness, which can be a slippery slope towards separation and divorce,” she said.</p><p>What’s more, a stale sex life can sometimes feel awkward AF to address – and a lot of people will tend to just push ahead because they feel like it’s too uncomfortable to discuss. Which is never a good thing, really.</p><p>“Feeling emotionally and physically disconnected can lead to partners feeling fearful about their partner’s interest in them, irritation or frustration, and even anger. We don’t like feeling we are moving away from our partner or that they are moving away from us emotionally.”</p><p>So, just how common are we talking?</p><p>According to Abrahams, current research on the pandemic and relationships is backing up what she’s seeing in her consulting room.</p><p>“A recent study from Indiana University revealed that 34 per cent of participants have experienced increased conflict in their relationship and decreased intimacy since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.”</p><p>No good.</p><p>“This is a worrying figure, and they are linked. The more we fight, the less we want to be close to our partner. The less intimacy we share, the more damage to the relationship.”</p><p>Just to be clear, this increased conflict can happen for a whole load of different reasons – it’s complex as heck.</p><p>“Add partners who are not doing well and rely on alcohol or substances to “just get through the day”. Add to this the fears of business owners about the survival of their business or employees who worry how long their employer will keep them on.”</p><p>Whatever affects one partner emotionally or financially, essentially impacts the other partner and their entire relationship, said Abrahams.</p><p>The good news is that there are some things you can do to fix it.</p>		\n			<h3>How to stop fighting with your partner</h3>		\n		<p>The first and most important thing to do is to take time out. Abrahams said you both need to stop interacting for about 15 minutes and wait for your nervous system to calm down.</p><p>Essentially, chill the f**k out for a couple of minutes.</p><p>“No fight will ever be resolved unless we do this, as the part of the brain and body that is active during the fight-or-flight response is a different part of the brain used for working to solve the problem,” she explains.</p><p>“That’s why it is critical to take time out. It will also help you to reconnect with a clearer mind so you can both try again with a more respectful approach.”</p><p>Another important thing to do is to try to understand the real reason why you’re fighting. Like, for real.</p><p>Abrahams said many of us will get worked up about a topic, but that’s not the real reason we fight – there’s usually underlying, unresolved issues at the core of it.</p><p>“For example, many couples fight about money, but behind this is always one partner who is feeling fear, pain or shame with their partner.”</p><p>Another example would be if our partner spends much more money than us – we can feel fearful of not having enough in the future, said Abrahams.</p><p>“Our partner may experience us as shaming them or trying to control them. It is easy to fight with these emotions going on inside us.”</p>		\n			<h3>Why understanding your ego is important</h3>		\n		<p>We’re not talking about the ego in terms of the whole ‘self-importance’ thing. Nah. We’re talking about the ego as part of your personality. Everyone has it. And it’s an integral trigger when it comes to responding to a threat or situation.</p><p>“There are different definitions of what the ego is, however, essentially it is a part of our mind that is concerned with me, my experiences, my reflections and anything that’s mine. It is my personal framework or lens that I view the world through.”</p><p>“We need our ego to get us out of bed and get dressed for work or to complete tasks or study. We are concerned with our image and identity, and success. We all need a certain amount of healthy ego strength to get on and put ourselves forward for new opportunities. This doesn’t mean the ego is bad. It’s normal.”</p><p>According to Abrahams, nothing can kill a relationship quite like an ego – so it’s important to understand what it is and how it operates, and the feelings of fear and shame that it can produce. Because this alone can help prevent a helluva lot of damage.</p><p>“The ego is the voice in our head that sounds like us. There is no physical structure called the ego, but it is linked to a part of the brain that tells stories about ourselves, others and situations. It likes to feel secure and safe, however it has no idea how to achieve this, and it can make us pretty miserable at times.”</p><p>“It creates stories about ourselves and others and judges, blames, feels inferior or superior. It likes to bolster us when we feel low or shoot us down to feel even lower. Or it does all of this to our partner. It is always involved in couple conflict and sends us into fight-or-flight mode when we feel threatened.</p><p>Just us, or does the ego kinda sounds like a… d**k?</p><p>“Our ego likes to blame our partner when we believe they “made us feel” fearful, distressed or ashamed. We cannot imagine it came from anywhere else. We fight with them and let them know why they are inadequate as a partner, why they let us down and sometimes we shout this at them.”</p><p>As we mentioned before, if you know what your ego looks like when it’s being triggered, you can better recognise what’s going on and when it might be time to take a step back and cool down.</p><p>If you’re struggling to keep your ego in check, Abrahams recommends:</p><p><strong>1. Seeking therapy. </strong></p><p>“It is important we understand some of the experiences that caused us fear, pain or shame in childhood with our parents or caregivers. For many of us, these experiences were traumatic. Therapy will help us identify the triggers so they don’t ruin our lives, our relationships and family.”</p><p><strong>2. Taking an online course.</strong></p><p>“Online courses, like the one I have created, specifically help partners understand how their ego formed from their own experiences and how it impacts their life and relationship,” she said.</p><p><strong>3. Learning mindfulness and breathing techniques.</strong></p><p>According to Abrahams, practices like mindfulness or breathing techniques can help identify ego-based stories and help us calm down when triggered.</p>		\n			<h3>How to improve communication</h3>		\n		<p>Upping your communication is crucial. “Without respectful and skilful communication, we will have difficulty connecting with our partner. If this is prolonged, we may even damage our relationship,” said Abrahams.</p><p>Just take a minute to think back to when you first met your partner and how… different things were when it came to being open and tolerating each other’s differences.</p><p>“When we first met our partner, we listened and shared experiences both past and present, for hours on end. Over time and with increasing life demands and some complacency, we no longer offer them the same respect and generosity of spirit.”</p><p>“We now struggle to really listen to them and them to us, we are not as curious about them anymore, and we don’t always like how they view the world. We can even shoot their opinions down as they feel too threatening to where we want to be in life.”</p><p>“Communication is essential to have a healthy and connected relationship. I have seen many couples struggle with communication, and their intimacy has suffered. Communication does not improve by itself, and couples need to work together to make it better. If couples don’t attend to it, I believe the decay settles in.”</p><p>If you and your partner are having difficulties improving your communication, Abraham recommends seeing an experienced therapist for advice.</p><p>“It is truly transformative and we can learn so much about ourselves and how we operate in our relationship. The benefits extend and often improve relationships with children, extended family, friends, and co-workers.</p><p>“You can also access online courses to work through conflict and communication problems. Seek out resources from credible experts.”</p><p>Above all, Abrahams reminds us to be mindful that, even though they are “our partner”, that does not mean that we own them. Don’t get the two confused.</p><p>“They are not an object, and we need to keep respect and care on the agenda. We need to stop trying to control our partner. We need to stop belittling or judging them or being angry or sulky with them.”</p><p>“Relationships are conditional and if we destroy too many of the conditions holding us together, they can end. We never know if we are going to be part of the 33 percent of couples who divorce each year. No couple sets out to be.”</p><p>“If we want a thriving and connected relationship, we need to do the work to understand our triggers and our conflict to bring health and joy back into our relationship.”</p><p>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','Why Your Relationship Feels Like A Struggle Right Now',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5100-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:40:49','2022-08-26 09:40:49','',5100,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5146',0,'revision','',0),(5147,3,'2022-08-26 09:40:49','2022-08-26 09:40:49','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                Why Your Relationship Feels Like A Struggle Right Now            \n        </h2>\n            15 December 2021        \n		<p>If you’re in lockdown and you’re a pinkie nail away from absolutely LOSING YOUR S**T if your partner so much as BREATHES near you (ʘ‿ʘ) – you’re not alone, friend.</p><p>This is a safe space.</p><p>The last year or so has pulled a LEVEL TEN on relationships – and we’re not just talking about intimate partners. We’re talking about housemates, family members – the whole shebang.</p><p>“Lockdowns have been brutal on relationships. Small issues can become big ones when you’re in close confines for months. It’s like being in a pressure cooker,” said psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams.</p><p>“It’s been very difficult, especially for those who have experienced financial difficulties and job insecurity. The daily grind has worn down many parents who have been juggling homeschooling young children with their work responsibilities.”</p><p>“They might also have a child with special needs and a lot less access to support. Throw in the challenge of border restrictions, many struggle with being separated from family.”</p><p>There’s no denying that the added stress, enforced quality time and changes in our current day-to-day routines has had a massive impact on our relationships and how we communicate with each other. And it’s been a make-or-break situation for many couples.</p><p>“All of these factors contribute to many of us struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, sadness, and even despair. Any of these can tip one or both partners over the edge. If there were any cracks in the relationship before Covid, the pressure from lockdown rips these cracks wide open.”</p><p>However, it’s important to note that it’s not the same for everyone – some couples are  thriving .</p><p>“On the flip side, lockdown has also had its benefits for some couples who say they have much more time together and enjoy working from home without being under the pump all the time.”</p><p>“They may enjoy not continuously travelling overseas or interstate. They may enjoy the simplicity of being home and with their children and may have always sensed that the busy life that they have been living meant that they were missing greater connection with those under their roof.”</p><p>Abrahams said that typically these kinds of couples are in a good position.</p><p>“They have work security, can pay their rent, mortgages and household expenses without worry, their children may be older and mostly self-sufficient.”</p><p>So, with a large proportion of us still in some form of lockdown, we’ve asked Abrahams to share some of her pearls of wisdom when it comes to improving our relationships.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Why your relationship is suffering right now</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, there’s two common reasons why your relationship might be going a bit s**t lately: Poor communication and a lack of intimacy.</p><p>Look, we’re not experts – but we’re fairly certain these things are pretty darn important. Right?</p><p>“Many couples are fighting more frequently, being resentful about an uneven take up of household chores, and not feeling heard and understood,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“This is hard work for couples under normal circumstances and can often lead to conflict. Lockdown adds more pressure on these relationships, making life exhausting and lonely. There is less resilience now than at the beginning of lockdowns.”</p><p>When it comes to the intimacy side of things, don’t panic, though – it’s not just you. Abrahams said losing interest in being intimate with each other is another super common issue.</p><p>“Many partners say they “can’t be bothered”, “don’t feel attractive”, or “can’t get in the mood”. Intimacy is a special glue in a relationship. Without it, partners experience loneliness and unhappiness, which can be a slippery slope towards separation and divorce,” she said.</p><p>What’s more, a stale sex life can sometimes feel awkward AF to address – and a lot of people will tend to just push ahead because they feel like it’s too uncomfortable to discuss. Which is never a good thing, really.</p><p>“Feeling emotionally and physically disconnected can lead to partners feeling fearful about their partner’s interest in them, irritation or frustration, and even anger. We don’t like feeling we are moving away from our partner or that they are moving away from us emotionally.”</p><p>So, just how common are we talking?</p><p>According to Abrahams, current research on the pandemic and relationships is backing up what she’s seeing in her consulting room.</p><p>“A recent study from Indiana University revealed that 34 per cent of participants have experienced increased conflict in their relationship and decreased intimacy since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.”</p><p>No good.</p><p>“This is a worrying figure, and they are linked. The more we fight, the less we want to be close to our partner. The less intimacy we share, the more damage to the relationship.”</p><p>Just to be clear, this increased conflict can happen for a whole load of different reasons – it’s complex as heck.</p><p>“Add partners who are not doing well and rely on alcohol or substances to “just get through the day”. Add to this the fears of business owners about the survival of their business or employees who worry how long their employer will keep them on.”</p><p>Whatever affects one partner emotionally or financially, essentially impacts the other partner and their entire relationship, said Abrahams.</p><p>The good news is that there are some things you can do to fix it.</p>		\n			<h3>How to stop fighting with your partner</h3>		\n		<p>The first and most important thing to do is to take time out. Abrahams said you both need to stop interacting for about 15 minutes and wait for your nervous system to calm down.</p><p>Essentially, chill the f**k out for a couple of minutes.</p><p>“No fight will ever be resolved unless we do this, as the part of the brain and body that is active during the fight-or-flight response is a different part of the brain used for working to solve the problem,” she explains.</p><p>“That’s why it is critical to take time out. It will also help you to reconnect with a clearer mind so you can both try again with a more respectful approach.”</p><p>Another important thing to do is to try to understand the real reason why you’re fighting. Like, for real.</p><p>Abrahams said many of us will get worked up about a topic, but that’s not the real reason we fight – there’s usually underlying, unresolved issues at the core of it.</p><p>“For example, many couples fight about money, but behind this is always one partner who is feeling fear, pain or shame with their partner.”</p><p>Another example would be if our partner spends much more money than us – we can feel fearful of not having enough in the future, said Abrahams.</p><p>“Our partner may experience us as shaming them or trying to control them. It is easy to fight with these emotions going on inside us.”</p>		\n			<h3>Why understanding your ego is important</h3>		\n		<p>We’re not talking about the ego in terms of the whole ‘self-importance’ thing. Nah. We’re talking about the ego as part of your personality. Everyone has it. And it’s an integral trigger when it comes to responding to a threat or situation.</p><p>“There are different definitions of what the ego is, however, essentially it is a part of our mind that is concerned with me, my experiences, my reflections and anything that’s mine. It is my personal framework or lens that I view the world through.”</p><p>“We need our ego to get us out of bed and get dressed for work or to complete tasks or study. We are concerned with our image and identity, and success. We all need a certain amount of healthy ego strength to get on and put ourselves forward for new opportunities. This doesn’t mean the ego is bad. It’s normal.”</p><p>According to Abrahams, nothing can kill a relationship quite like an ego – so it’s important to understand what it is and how it operates, and the feelings of fear and shame that it can produce. Because this alone can help prevent a helluva lot of damage.</p><p>“The ego is the voice in our head that sounds like us. There is no physical structure called the ego, but it is linked to a part of the brain that tells stories about ourselves, others and situations. It likes to feel secure and safe, however it has no idea how to achieve this, and it can make us pretty miserable at times.”</p><p>“It creates stories about ourselves and others and judges, blames, feels inferior or superior. It likes to bolster us when we feel low or shoot us down to feel even lower. Or it does all of this to our partner. It is always involved in couple conflict and sends us into fight-or-flight mode when we feel threatened.</p><p>Just us, or does the ego kinda sounds like a… d**k?</p><p>“Our ego likes to blame our partner when we believe they “made us feel” fearful, distressed or ashamed. We cannot imagine it came from anywhere else. We fight with them and let them know why they are inadequate as a partner, why they let us down and sometimes we shout this at them.”</p><p>As we mentioned before, if you know what your ego looks like when it’s being triggered, you can better recognise what’s going on and when it might be time to take a step back and cool down.</p><p>If you’re struggling to keep your ego in check, Abrahams recommends:</p><p><strong>1. Seeking therapy. </strong></p><p>“It is important we understand some of the experiences that caused us fear, pain or shame in childhood with our parents or caregivers. For many of us, these experiences were traumatic. Therapy will help us identify the triggers so they don’t ruin our lives, our relationships and family.”</p><p><strong>2. Taking an online course.</strong></p><p>“Online courses, like the one I have created, specifically help partners understand how their ego formed from their own experiences and how it impacts their life and relationship,” she said.</p><p><strong>3. Learning mindfulness and breathing techniques.</strong></p><p>According to Abrahams, practices like mindfulness or breathing techniques can help identify ego-based stories and help us calm down when triggered.</p>		\n			<h3>How to improve communication</h3>		\n		<p>Upping your communication is crucial. “Without respectful and skilful communication, we will have difficulty connecting with our partner. If this is prolonged, we may even damage our relationship,” said Abrahams.</p><p>Just take a minute to think back to when you first met your partner and how… different things were when it came to being open and tolerating each other’s differences.</p><p>“When we first met our partner, we listened and shared experiences both past and present, for hours on end. Over time and with increasing life demands and some complacency, we no longer offer them the same respect and generosity of spirit.”</p><p>“We now struggle to really listen to them and them to us, we are not as curious about them anymore, and we don’t always like how they view the world. We can even shoot their opinions down as they feel too threatening to where we want to be in life.”</p><p>“Communication is essential to have a healthy and connected relationship. I have seen many couples struggle with communication, and their intimacy has suffered. Communication does not improve by itself, and couples need to work together to make it better. If couples don’t attend to it, I believe the decay settles in.”</p><p>If you and your partner are having difficulties improving your communication, Abraham recommends seeing an experienced therapist for advice.</p><p>“It is truly transformative and we can learn so much about ourselves and how we operate in our relationship. The benefits extend and often improve relationships with children, extended family, friends, and co-workers.</p><p>“You can also access online courses to work through conflict and communication problems. Seek out resources from credible experts.”</p><p>Above all, Abrahams reminds us to be mindful that, even though they are “our partner”, that does not mean that we own them. Don’t get the two confused.</p><p>“They are not an object, and we need to keep respect and care on the agenda. We need to stop trying to control our partner. We need to stop belittling or judging them or being angry or sulky with them.”</p><p>“Relationships are conditional and if we destroy too many of the conditions holding us together, they can end. We never know if we are going to be part of the 33 percent of couples who divorce each year. No couple sets out to be.”</p><p>“If we want a thriving and connected relationship, we need to do the work to understand our triggers and our conflict to bring health and joy back into our relationship.”</p><p>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','Why Your Relationship Feels Like A Struggle Right Now',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5100-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:40:49','2022-08-26 09:40:49','',5100,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5147',0,'revision','',0),(5148,3,'2022-08-26 09:40:49','2022-08-26 09:40:49','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                Why Your Relationship Feels Like A Struggle Right Now            \n        </h2>\n            15 December 2021        \n		<p>If you’re in lockdown and you’re a pinkie nail away from absolutely LOSING YOUR S**T if your partner so much as BREATHES near you (ʘ‿ʘ) – you’re not alone, friend.</p><p>This is a safe space.</p><p>The last year or so has pulled a LEVEL TEN on relationships – and we’re not just talking about intimate partners. We’re talking about housemates, family members – the whole shebang.</p><p>“Lockdowns have been brutal on relationships. Small issues can become big ones when you’re in close confines for months. It’s like being in a pressure cooker,” said psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams.</p><p>“It’s been very difficult, especially for those who have experienced financial difficulties and job insecurity. The daily grind has worn down many parents who have been juggling homeschooling young children with their work responsibilities.”</p><p>“They might also have a child with special needs and a lot less access to support. Throw in the challenge of border restrictions, many struggle with being separated from family.”</p><p>There’s no denying that the added stress, enforced quality time and changes in our current day-to-day routines has had a massive impact on our relationships and how we communicate with each other. And it’s been a make-or-break situation for many couples.</p><p>“All of these factors contribute to many of us struggling with anxiety, overwhelm, sadness, and even despair. Any of these can tip one or both partners over the edge. If there were any cracks in the relationship before Covid, the pressure from lockdown rips these cracks wide open.”</p><p>However, it’s important to note that it’s not the same for everyone – some couples are  thriving .</p><p>“On the flip side, lockdown has also had its benefits for some couples who say they have much more time together and enjoy working from home without being under the pump all the time.”</p><p>“They may enjoy not continuously travelling overseas or interstate. They may enjoy the simplicity of being home and with their children and may have always sensed that the busy life that they have been living meant that they were missing greater connection with those under their roof.”</p><p>Abrahams said that typically these kinds of couples are in a good position.</p><p>“They have work security, can pay their rent, mortgages and household expenses without worry, their children may be older and mostly self-sufficient.”</p><p>So, with a large proportion of us still in some form of lockdown, we’ve asked Abrahams to share some of her pearls of wisdom when it comes to improving our relationships.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Why your relationship is suffering right now</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, there’s two common reasons why your relationship might be going a bit s**t lately: Poor communication and a lack of intimacy.</p><p>Look, we’re not experts – but we’re fairly certain these things are pretty darn important. Right?</p><p>“Many couples are fighting more frequently, being resentful about an uneven take up of household chores, and not feeling heard and understood,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“This is hard work for couples under normal circumstances and can often lead to conflict. Lockdown adds more pressure on these relationships, making life exhausting and lonely. There is less resilience now than at the beginning of lockdowns.”</p><p>When it comes to the intimacy side of things, don’t panic, though – it’s not just you. Abrahams said losing interest in being intimate with each other is another super common issue.</p><p>“Many partners say they “can’t be bothered”, “don’t feel attractive”, or “can’t get in the mood”. Intimacy is a special glue in a relationship. Without it, partners experience loneliness and unhappiness, which can be a slippery slope towards separation and divorce,” she said.</p><p>What’s more, a stale sex life can sometimes feel awkward AF to address – and a lot of people will tend to just push ahead because they feel like it’s too uncomfortable to discuss. Which is never a good thing, really.</p><p>“Feeling emotionally and physically disconnected can lead to partners feeling fearful about their partner’s interest in them, irritation or frustration, and even anger. We don’t like feeling we are moving away from our partner or that they are moving away from us emotionally.”</p><p>So, just how common are we talking?</p><p>According to Abrahams, current research on the pandemic and relationships is backing up what she’s seeing in her consulting room.</p><p>“A recent study from Indiana University revealed that 34 per cent of participants have experienced increased conflict in their relationship and decreased intimacy since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.”</p><p>No good.</p><p>“This is a worrying figure, and they are linked. The more we fight, the less we want to be close to our partner. The less intimacy we share, the more damage to the relationship.”</p><p>Just to be clear, this increased conflict can happen for a whole load of different reasons – it’s complex as heck.</p><p>“Add partners who are not doing well and rely on alcohol or substances to “just get through the day”. Add to this the fears of business owners about the survival of their business or employees who worry how long their employer will keep them on.”</p><p>Whatever affects one partner emotionally or financially, essentially impacts the other partner and their entire relationship, said Abrahams.</p><p>The good news is that there are some things you can do to fix it.</p>		\n			<h3>How to stop fighting with your partner</h3>		\n		<p>The first and most important thing to do is to take time out. Abrahams said you both need to stop interacting for about 15 minutes and wait for your nervous system to calm down.</p><p>Essentially, chill the f**k out for a couple of minutes.</p><p>“No fight will ever be resolved unless we do this, as the part of the brain and body that is active during the fight-or-flight response is a different part of the brain used for working to solve the problem,” she explains.</p><p>“That’s why it is critical to take time out. It will also help you to reconnect with a clearer mind so you can both try again with a more respectful approach.”</p><p>Another important thing to do is to try to understand the real reason why you’re fighting. Like, for real.</p><p>Abrahams said many of us will get worked up about a topic, but that’s not the real reason we fight – there’s usually underlying, unresolved issues at the core of it.</p><p>“For example, many couples fight about money, but behind this is always one partner who is feeling fear, pain or shame with their partner.”</p><p>Another example would be if our partner spends much more money than us – we can feel fearful of not having enough in the future, said Abrahams.</p><p>“Our partner may experience us as shaming them or trying to control them. It is easy to fight with these emotions going on inside us.”</p>		\n			<h3>Why understanding your ego is important</h3>		\n		<p>We’re not talking about the ego in terms of the whole ‘self-importance’ thing. Nah. We’re talking about the ego as part of your personality. Everyone has it. And it’s an integral trigger when it comes to responding to a threat or situation.</p><p>“There are different definitions of what the ego is, however, essentially it is a part of our mind that is concerned with me, my experiences, my reflections and anything that’s mine. It is my personal framework or lens that I view the world through.”</p><p>“We need our ego to get us out of bed and get dressed for work or to complete tasks or study. We are concerned with our image and identity, and success. We all need a certain amount of healthy ego strength to get on and put ourselves forward for new opportunities. This doesn’t mean the ego is bad. It’s normal.”</p><p>According to Abrahams, nothing can kill a relationship quite like an ego – so it’s important to understand what it is and how it operates, and the feelings of fear and shame that it can produce. Because this alone can help prevent a helluva lot of damage.</p><p>“The ego is the voice in our head that sounds like us. There is no physical structure called the ego, but it is linked to a part of the brain that tells stories about ourselves, others and situations. It likes to feel secure and safe, however it has no idea how to achieve this, and it can make us pretty miserable at times.”</p><p>“It creates stories about ourselves and others and judges, blames, feels inferior or superior. It likes to bolster us when we feel low or shoot us down to feel even lower. Or it does all of this to our partner. It is always involved in couple conflict and sends us into fight-or-flight mode when we feel threatened.</p><p>Just us, or does the ego kinda sounds like a… d**k?</p><p>“Our ego likes to blame our partner when we believe they “made us feel” fearful, distressed or ashamed. We cannot imagine it came from anywhere else. We fight with them and let them know why they are inadequate as a partner, why they let us down and sometimes we shout this at them.”</p><p>As we mentioned before, if you know what your ego looks like when it’s being triggered, you can better recognise what’s going on and when it might be time to take a step back and cool down.</p><p>If you’re struggling to keep your ego in check, Abrahams recommends:</p><p><strong>1. Seeking therapy. </strong></p><p>“It is important we understand some of the experiences that caused us fear, pain or shame in childhood with our parents or caregivers. For many of us, these experiences were traumatic. Therapy will help us identify the triggers so they don’t ruin our lives, our relationships and family.”</p><p><strong>2. Taking an online course.</strong></p><p>“Online courses, like the one I have created, specifically help partners understand how their ego formed from their own experiences and how it impacts their life and relationship,” she said.</p><p><strong>3. Learning mindfulness and breathing techniques.</strong></p><p>According to Abrahams, practices like mindfulness or breathing techniques can help identify ego-based stories and help us calm down when triggered.</p>		\n			<h3>How to improve communication</h3>		\n		<p>Upping your communication is crucial. “Without respectful and skilful communication, we will have difficulty connecting with our partner. If this is prolonged, we may even damage our relationship,” said Abrahams.</p><p>Just take a minute to think back to when you first met your partner and how… different things were when it came to being open and tolerating each other’s differences.</p><p>“When we first met our partner, we listened and shared experiences both past and present, for hours on end. Over time and with increasing life demands and some complacency, we no longer offer them the same respect and generosity of spirit.”</p><p>“We now struggle to really listen to them and them to us, we are not as curious about them anymore, and we don’t always like how they view the world. We can even shoot their opinions down as they feel too threatening to where we want to be in life.”</p><p>“Communication is essential to have a healthy and connected relationship. I have seen many couples struggle with communication, and their intimacy has suffered. Communication does not improve by itself, and couples need to work together to make it better. If couples don’t attend to it, I believe the decay settles in.”</p><p>If you and your partner are having difficulties improving your communication, Abraham recommends seeing an experienced therapist for advice.</p><p>“It is truly transformative and we can learn so much about ourselves and how we operate in our relationship. The benefits extend and often improve relationships with children, extended family, friends, and co-workers.</p><p>“You can also access online courses to work through conflict and communication problems. Seek out resources from credible experts.”</p><p>Above all, Abrahams reminds us to be mindful that, even though they are “our partner”, that does not mean that we own them. Don’t get the two confused.</p><p>“They are not an object, and we need to keep respect and care on the agenda. We need to stop trying to control our partner. We need to stop belittling or judging them or being angry or sulky with them.”</p><p>“Relationships are conditional and if we destroy too many of the conditions holding us together, they can end. We never know if we are going to be part of the 33 percent of couples who divorce each year. No couple sets out to be.”</p><p>“If we want a thriving and connected relationship, we need to do the work to understand our triggers and our conflict to bring health and joy back into our relationship.”</p><p>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','Why Your Relationship Feels Like A Struggle Right Now',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5100-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:40:49','2022-08-26 09:40:49','',5100,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5148',0,'revision','',0),(5149,3,'2022-08-26 09:42:05','2022-08-26 09:42:05','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                The Relationship Theory About ‘The One after THE ONE’ That Changes Everything            \n        </h2>\n            26 November 2021        \n		<p>You don’t have to be a fan of <em>Keeping Up With The Kardashians </em>to know all about Kourtney Kardashian’s recent engagement to Travis Barker. It’s EVERYWHERE. Mostly because everyone was convinced she would FINALLY end up with Scott Disick.</p><p>ICYMI (where have you been?), the pair shared a rocky as hell relationship for years, and have three kids together.</p><p>She was single; he was single – eventually they would get back together and work it all out. No?</p><p>Instead, the eldest Kardashian left the back-and-forth relationship with Disick and found Barker – to whom she is now engaged.</p><p>And according to experts, this kind of roadmap is actually quite common in relationships.</p><p>Couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams said that these days we’re becoming more aware than ever of what we want (and expect) from a relationship.</p><p>“The ‘one after the one’ occurs when we believed that we were with the person we’d spend the rest of our lives with, and made a declaration to ourselves, our partner, and others,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“Over time, we realised that they’re not actually ‘the one’. A separation occurs, and then we meet someone else, who we now declare is ‘the one’.”</p><p>By tapping into how we feel with our partner, and being aware of the emotional experiences we want to have in our relationship, Abrahams said this means we are less likely to stay with what doesn’t actually feel right enough.</p><p>“Many of us work hard to get the relationship on track and we take our commitment seriously, however, if it isn’t working to meet enough of our needs, we’re more able to let it go these days instead of settling.”</p><p>But in order to understand the different factors underlying the one after ‘the one’, we need to first understand why we create ‘the one’ in the first place.</p><p>According to Abrahams, most people create a ‘specialness fantasy’ about their prospective partner at the beginning of their relationship – and it’s during this time that we tend to offer up the best of ourselves.</p><p>“We are considerate, well-groomed, interesting, intelligent, and funny. We want them to view us positively and to continue to find us special. We do our best so they consider us worthy of being their ‘one’,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“When we have an inkling that we may be with ‘the one’ we often assess their qualities rather glowingly. However, we also ignore, dismiss, or downplay information that may not quite fit with the narrative of our prospective partner’s wonderfulness and specialness.”</p><p>“We both do this as we want to get this relationship over the line. The whole future of the relationship depends on this, as no one wants to commit to a ‘normal’ or ‘ordinary’ relationship.”</p><p>INTERESTING.</p><p>Abrahams said that often the ‘specialness fantasy’ fades, allowing you to become more aware of the emotional experiences that might be lacking.</p><p>“We thought the lingering looks, acrobatic sex, and interesting discussions would last longer. The life we thought we’d have together isn’t quite transpiring. We may feel bored, unseen, undesirable. We may sometimes feel some niggles, or even dread. And these may be communicated to our partner via resentment or criticism.”</p><p>When this happens, people will then usually end their relationship because it isn’t honouring what is most important to them in a committed relationship.</p><p>“Then we meet someone else, and they become special in our eyes. We create another specialness fantasy as, once again, we don’t want to commit to someone ordinary and we need to create long-term care and safety with them.”</p><p>Once we’re able to find if we’re in a healthy, reliable relationship with this person, Abraham said we are able to “commit to ‘the one after the one’.”</p><p>So, does this mean we need to experience relationships that don’t work for us to understand what we actually want and desire?</p><p>Here, we asked three women who ended up with the one after ‘the one’ to share their stories.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Lana</h3>		\n		<p>“After years of casual dating through the apps, I met *Ezra in broad daylight in person, which at the time I put down to “fate”. He played me hot and cold for months, keeping me at arm’s length then love bombing me, and I was addicted to the drama of it.</p><p>He brought out a side of me that made me passionate and furious and desperate for his love, and I honestly thought he was the one for me because love meant you had to struggle this hard, and in the end, they would be worth it – I’d have earned him. This kind of love was supposed to be fiery and addictive, right? I thought he was like the unavailable “Big” to my “Carrie” and we were destined to keep doing this until we settled down.</p><p>He kept saying we were supposed to be together and that he loved me more than any woman he’d ever dated; that I was different and together we were different – he would stop with his previous behaviour and be better for me.</p><p>I eventually discovered that he’d cheated on me with multiple women and cut all ties with him, which was so painful at first, mostly because it was losing something I’d worked so hard for… but ultimately really empowering, even all these years later. Only a month after that I jumped back on the [dating] apps and met *Joel.</p><p>In Joel’s company I was the opposite of what I was with Ezra – calm and at ease, confident with myself rather than anxious about not being a version of me he wanted. Everything was effortless. I never had to question his feelings, or that we were doing this “at the right time” for either of us. After a month we said “I love you” (and meant it), and within a year we were engaged.</p>		\n			<h3>Emma</h3>		\n		<p>I’m engaged, and my fiance was definitely the one after who I thought was the one! I dated this guy all the way through high school and uni – we made it to my final year, doing the long-distance thing and travelling between each other’s universities (which were on opposite sides of England) every couple of weeks.</p><p>We were together until I was 21 when I found out he’d been cheating on me the whole time (I would now not recommend long-distance university relationships!). We broke up, I graduated, moved in with my parents for a bit then relocated to London to get a job.</p><p>I moved into a flat with four strangers and eventually ended up going out with one of the guys! We moved into a flat of our own in London, moved to Sydney together in 2017, got engaged in the middle of COVID at the end of last year and (as long as the world stops going mad) will now be getting married in July 2023.</p>		\n			<h3>Yvette</h3>		\n		<p>Luke and I started dating when we were in high school – he was my first ‘proper’ boyfriend. We shared a lot of the same friends, and after school, we remained in quite a tight-knit group. We dated for almost 10 years before I realised it was no longer the relationship for me.</p><p>He really wanted to settle down, and for me – it just didn’t feel right. I was still young and wanted to have fun. We went on a break and ended up going our separate ways – which was hard as we would often still see each other at group events.</p><p>I ended up meeting Aaron a few months after we broke up – and it just felt really right. For me, he was definitely the one after ‘the one’. Within a year, we had a baby and got engaged – it all just happened so naturally, and everything kind of fell into place. We’ve now been married for five years and have two kids.</p>		\n			<h3>How to tell if you’re with ‘the one’\n</h3>		\n		<p>Wo-woa-woah! Before you go breaking hearts, read this.</p><p>If you think you might be with ‘the one’ before the one, Abrahams recommends following these six tips...</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Listen to yourself</h3>		\n		<p>“Imagine dropping a microphone inside your mind and turning the volume up to what your voice is really telling you. How happy are you? How unhappy are you? Is this too far away from what you thought the relationship would be like? How often do the niggles or even dread about the relationship appear?”</p><p>“Be honest with yourself. The voice in your head is your ego, and it can harm your couple relationship. Before making the decision to exit, just make sure that your ego is not the cause of your unhappiness.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Understand the origins</h3>		\n		<p>How much of it is about your partner and your relationship? Abraham said we’re often shaped by previous relationships with parents and other experiences, which shape our expectations and beliefs.</p><p>“Some of these experiences remain unhealed or unresolved inside us, and we see the problem as emanating from our partner, not ourselves. This is linked to our ego. Our ego can cause us to project inadequacy onto our partner, and see their faults and limitations, whilst making ourselves faultless.”</p><p>“If you find any of this is familiar, get help from a therapist to sort this out before you decide to leave your partner. Your ego will remain unchecked, and the unhealed parts will seep into your next relationship. What we don’t know about ourselves can hurt us and our relationship.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>See it as a vehicle for development</h3>		\n		<p>“Think of this as a mirror to explore what this is in yourself. It’s as if our partner’s words, behaviour, or actions have tugged at a vulnerable or sensitive part of us. Be curious about this inside of yourself.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/4.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Locate your fears</h3>		\n		<p>Fear can hold us in a relationship that we know isn’t quite right for us.</p><p>Whether it’s the fear of a breakup, fear of being alone, fear of feeling shame or humiliation of the relationship ‘failing’, Abrahams said to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can solve them another way.</p><p>“How much of your fear is a story of fear, as opposed to reality? It can be very helpful to speak to wise people you know in your community or seek help with a therapist to work through your fears and where they come from,” she advises.</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/5.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Be aware of feeling like you’re not getting a return on your investment</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, many people will stay in the relationship purely because they want a return on their investment.</p><p>“We have put our heart and soul into making this work. We’ve invested financially, years of our lives, our minds, and our love, shared friends and family. We may believe that walking away doesn’t give us the return on our investment as we wanted.”</p><p>“This could be a future together, children, a family unit, a home, financial stability, or the extended family and friends we now have together. There can be much to lose that can hold us in our relationship.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Don’t be afraid to disturb the status quo</h3>		\n		<p>“Many commit to ‘the one before the one’ anyway, as they decide to stay in the relationship rather than disturb the status quo. For many this is a calculation of pros and cons, weighing fears, and also their age and stage of life.”</p><p>“Some may be fine with this decision, yet others can’t fully reconcile this decision and create a fantasy of ‘the one’ they’d like to be with. This could be a figment of their imagination or someone at work or even online.”</p><p>Typically, Abrahams said this imaginary ‘one’ is different from their partner.</p><p>“Despite their decision to remain, they live with the gnawing feeling that they made a mistake by settling.”</p><p>Want to find out how your ego can impact your relationship? Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/how-our-ego-harms-couple-relationships/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','The Relationship Theory About ‘The One after THE ONE’ That Changes Everything',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5105-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:42:05','2022-08-26 09:42:05','',5105,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5149',0,'revision','',0),(5150,3,'2022-08-26 09:42:05','2022-08-26 09:42:05','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                The Relationship Theory About ‘The One after THE ONE’ That Changes Everything            \n        </h2>\n            26 November 2021        \n		<p>You don’t have to be a fan of <em>Keeping Up With The Kardashians </em>to know all about Kourtney Kardashian’s recent engagement to Travis Barker. It’s EVERYWHERE. Mostly because everyone was convinced she would FINALLY end up with Scott Disick.</p><p>ICYMI (where have you been?), the pair shared a rocky as hell relationship for years, and have three kids together.</p><p>She was single; he was single – eventually they would get back together and work it all out. No?</p><p>Instead, the eldest Kardashian left the back-and-forth relationship with Disick and found Barker – to whom she is now engaged.</p><p>And according to experts, this kind of roadmap is actually quite common in relationships.</p><p>Couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams said that these days we’re becoming more aware than ever of what we want (and expect) from a relationship.</p><p>“The ‘one after the one’ occurs when we believed that we were with the person we’d spend the rest of our lives with, and made a declaration to ourselves, our partner, and others,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“Over time, we realised that they’re not actually ‘the one’. A separation occurs, and then we meet someone else, who we now declare is ‘the one’.”</p><p>By tapping into how we feel with our partner, and being aware of the emotional experiences we want to have in our relationship, Abrahams said this means we are less likely to stay with what doesn’t actually feel right enough.</p><p>“Many of us work hard to get the relationship on track and we take our commitment seriously, however, if it isn’t working to meet enough of our needs, we’re more able to let it go these days instead of settling.”</p><p>But in order to understand the different factors underlying the one after ‘the one’, we need to first understand why we create ‘the one’ in the first place.</p><p>According to Abrahams, most people create a ‘specialness fantasy’ about their prospective partner at the beginning of their relationship – and it’s during this time that we tend to offer up the best of ourselves.</p><p>“We are considerate, well-groomed, interesting, intelligent, and funny. We want them to view us positively and to continue to find us special. We do our best so they consider us worthy of being their ‘one’,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“When we have an inkling that we may be with ‘the one’ we often assess their qualities rather glowingly. However, we also ignore, dismiss, or downplay information that may not quite fit with the narrative of our prospective partner’s wonderfulness and specialness.”</p><p>“We both do this as we want to get this relationship over the line. The whole future of the relationship depends on this, as no one wants to commit to a ‘normal’ or ‘ordinary’ relationship.”</p><p>INTERESTING.</p><p>Abrahams said that often the ‘specialness fantasy’ fades, allowing you to become more aware of the emotional experiences that might be lacking.</p><p>“We thought the lingering looks, acrobatic sex, and interesting discussions would last longer. The life we thought we’d have together isn’t quite transpiring. We may feel bored, unseen, undesirable. We may sometimes feel some niggles, or even dread. And these may be communicated to our partner via resentment or criticism.”</p><p>When this happens, people will then usually end their relationship because it isn’t honouring what is most important to them in a committed relationship.</p><p>“Then we meet someone else, and they become special in our eyes. We create another specialness fantasy as, once again, we don’t want to commit to someone ordinary and we need to create long-term care and safety with them.”</p><p>Once we’re able to find if we’re in a healthy, reliable relationship with this person, Abraham said we are able to “commit to ‘the one after the one’.”</p><p>So, does this mean we need to experience relationships that don’t work for us to understand what we actually want and desire?</p><p>Here, we asked three women who ended up with the one after ‘the one’ to share their stories.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Lana</h3>		\n		<p>“After years of casual dating through the apps, I met *Ezra in broad daylight in person, which at the time I put down to “fate”. He played me hot and cold for months, keeping me at arm’s length then love bombing me, and I was addicted to the drama of it.</p><p>He brought out a side of me that made me passionate and furious and desperate for his love, and I honestly thought he was the one for me because love meant you had to struggle this hard, and in the end, they would be worth it – I’d have earned him. This kind of love was supposed to be fiery and addictive, right? I thought he was like the unavailable “Big” to my “Carrie” and we were destined to keep doing this until we settled down.</p><p>He kept saying we were supposed to be together and that he loved me more than any woman he’d ever dated; that I was different and together we were different – he would stop with his previous behaviour and be better for me.</p><p>I eventually discovered that he’d cheated on me with multiple women and cut all ties with him, which was so painful at first, mostly because it was losing something I’d worked so hard for… but ultimately really empowering, even all these years later. Only a month after that I jumped back on the [dating] apps and met *Joel.</p><p>In Joel’s company I was the opposite of what I was with Ezra – calm and at ease, confident with myself rather than anxious about not being a version of me he wanted. Everything was effortless. I never had to question his feelings, or that we were doing this “at the right time” for either of us. After a month we said “I love you” (and meant it), and within a year we were engaged.</p>		\n			<h3>Emma</h3>		\n		<p>I’m engaged, and my fiance was definitely the one after who I thought was the one! I dated this guy all the way through high school and uni – we made it to my final year, doing the long-distance thing and travelling between each other’s universities (which were on opposite sides of England) every couple of weeks.</p><p>We were together until I was 21 when I found out he’d been cheating on me the whole time (I would now not recommend long-distance university relationships!). We broke up, I graduated, moved in with my parents for a bit then relocated to London to get a job.</p><p>I moved into a flat with four strangers and eventually ended up going out with one of the guys! We moved into a flat of our own in London, moved to Sydney together in 2017, got engaged in the middle of COVID at the end of last year and (as long as the world stops going mad) will now be getting married in July 2023.</p>		\n			<h3>Yvette</h3>		\n		<p>Luke and I started dating when we were in high school – he was my first ‘proper’ boyfriend. We shared a lot of the same friends, and after school, we remained in quite a tight-knit group. We dated for almost 10 years before I realised it was no longer the relationship for me.</p><p>He really wanted to settle down, and for me – it just didn’t feel right. I was still young and wanted to have fun. We went on a break and ended up going our separate ways – which was hard as we would often still see each other at group events.</p><p>I ended up meeting Aaron a few months after we broke up – and it just felt really right. For me, he was definitely the one after ‘the one’. Within a year, we had a baby and got engaged – it all just happened so naturally, and everything kind of fell into place. We’ve now been married for five years and have two kids.</p>		\n			<h3>How to tell if you’re with ‘the one’\n</h3>		\n		<p>Wo-woa-woah! Before you go breaking hearts, read this.</p><p>If you think you might be with ‘the one’ before the one, Abrahams recommends following these six tips...</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Listen to yourself</h3>		\n		<p>“Imagine dropping a microphone inside your mind and turning the volume up to what your voice is really telling you. How happy are you? How unhappy are you? Is this too far away from what you thought the relationship would be like? How often do the niggles or even dread about the relationship appear?”</p><p>“Be honest with yourself. The voice in your head is your ego, and it can harm your couple relationship. Before making the decision to exit, just make sure that your ego is not the cause of your unhappiness.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Understand the origins</h3>		\n		<p>How much of it is about your partner and your relationship? Abraham said we’re often shaped by previous relationships with parents and other experiences, which shape our expectations and beliefs.</p><p>“Some of these experiences remain unhealed or unresolved inside us, and we see the problem as emanating from our partner, not ourselves. This is linked to our ego. Our ego can cause us to project inadequacy onto our partner, and see their faults and limitations, whilst making ourselves faultless.”</p><p>“If you find any of this is familiar, get help from a therapist to sort this out before you decide to leave your partner. Your ego will remain unchecked, and the unhealed parts will seep into your next relationship. What we don’t know about ourselves can hurt us and our relationship.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>See it as a vehicle for development</h3>		\n		<p>“Think of this as a mirror to explore what this is in yourself. It’s as if our partner’s words, behaviour, or actions have tugged at a vulnerable or sensitive part of us. Be curious about this inside of yourself.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/4.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Locate your fears</h3>		\n		<p>Fear can hold us in a relationship that we know isn’t quite right for us.</p><p>Whether it’s the fear of a breakup, fear of being alone, fear of feeling shame or humiliation of the relationship ‘failing’, Abrahams said to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can solve them another way.</p><p>“How much of your fear is a story of fear, as opposed to reality? It can be very helpful to speak to wise people you know in your community or seek help with a therapist to work through your fears and where they come from,” she advises.</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/5.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Be aware of feeling like you’re not getting a return on your investment</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, many people will stay in the relationship purely because they want a return on their investment.</p><p>“We have put our heart and soul into making this work. We’ve invested financially, years of our lives, our minds, and our love, shared friends and family. We may believe that walking away doesn’t give us the return on our investment as we wanted.”</p><p>“This could be a future together, children, a family unit, a home, financial stability, or the extended family and friends we now have together. There can be much to lose that can hold us in our relationship.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Don’t be afraid to disturb the status quo</h3>		\n		<p>“Many commit to ‘the one before the one’ anyway, as they decide to stay in the relationship rather than disturb the status quo. For many this is a calculation of pros and cons, weighing fears, and also their age and stage of life.”</p><p>“Some may be fine with this decision, yet others can’t fully reconcile this decision and create a fantasy of ‘the one’ they’d like to be with. This could be a figment of their imagination or someone at work or even online.”</p><p>Typically, Abrahams said this imaginary ‘one’ is different from their partner.</p><p>“Despite their decision to remain, they live with the gnawing feeling that they made a mistake by settling.”</p><p>Want to find out how your ego can impact your relationship? Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/how-our-ego-harms-couple-relationships/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','The Relationship Theory About ‘The One after THE ONE’ That Changes Everything',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5105-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:42:05','2022-08-26 09:42:05','',5105,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5150',0,'revision','',0),(5151,3,'2022-08-26 09:42:05','2022-08-26 09:42:05','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                The Relationship Theory About ‘The One after THE ONE’ That Changes Everything            \n        </h2>\n            26 November 2021        \n		<p>You don’t have to be a fan of <em>Keeping Up With The Kardashians </em>to know all about Kourtney Kardashian’s recent engagement to Travis Barker. It’s EVERYWHERE. Mostly because everyone was convinced she would FINALLY end up with Scott Disick.</p><p>ICYMI (where have you been?), the pair shared a rocky as hell relationship for years, and have three kids together.</p><p>She was single; he was single – eventually they would get back together and work it all out. No?</p><p>Instead, the eldest Kardashian left the back-and-forth relationship with Disick and found Barker – to whom she is now engaged.</p><p>And according to experts, this kind of roadmap is actually quite common in relationships.</p><p>Couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams said that these days we’re becoming more aware than ever of what we want (and expect) from a relationship.</p><p>“The ‘one after the one’ occurs when we believed that we were with the person we’d spend the rest of our lives with, and made a declaration to ourselves, our partner, and others,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“Over time, we realised that they’re not actually ‘the one’. A separation occurs, and then we meet someone else, who we now declare is ‘the one’.”</p><p>By tapping into how we feel with our partner, and being aware of the emotional experiences we want to have in our relationship, Abrahams said this means we are less likely to stay with what doesn’t actually feel right enough.</p><p>“Many of us work hard to get the relationship on track and we take our commitment seriously, however, if it isn’t working to meet enough of our needs, we’re more able to let it go these days instead of settling.”</p><p>But in order to understand the different factors underlying the one after ‘the one’, we need to first understand why we create ‘the one’ in the first place.</p><p>According to Abrahams, most people create a ‘specialness fantasy’ about their prospective partner at the beginning of their relationship – and it’s during this time that we tend to offer up the best of ourselves.</p><p>“We are considerate, well-groomed, interesting, intelligent, and funny. We want them to view us positively and to continue to find us special. We do our best so they consider us worthy of being their ‘one’,” said Abrahams.</p><p>“When we have an inkling that we may be with ‘the one’ we often assess their qualities rather glowingly. However, we also ignore, dismiss, or downplay information that may not quite fit with the narrative of our prospective partner’s wonderfulness and specialness.”</p><p>“We both do this as we want to get this relationship over the line. The whole future of the relationship depends on this, as no one wants to commit to a ‘normal’ or ‘ordinary’ relationship.”</p><p>INTERESTING.</p><p>Abrahams said that often the ‘specialness fantasy’ fades, allowing you to become more aware of the emotional experiences that might be lacking.</p><p>“We thought the lingering looks, acrobatic sex, and interesting discussions would last longer. The life we thought we’d have together isn’t quite transpiring. We may feel bored, unseen, undesirable. We may sometimes feel some niggles, or even dread. And these may be communicated to our partner via resentment or criticism.”</p><p>When this happens, people will then usually end their relationship because it isn’t honouring what is most important to them in a committed relationship.</p><p>“Then we meet someone else, and they become special in our eyes. We create another specialness fantasy as, once again, we don’t want to commit to someone ordinary and we need to create long-term care and safety with them.”</p><p>Once we’re able to find if we’re in a healthy, reliable relationship with this person, Abraham said we are able to “commit to ‘the one after the one’.”</p><p>So, does this mean we need to experience relationships that don’t work for us to understand what we actually want and desire?</p><p>Here, we asked three women who ended up with the one after ‘the one’ to share their stories.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Lana</h3>		\n		<p>“After years of casual dating through the apps, I met *Ezra in broad daylight in person, which at the time I put down to “fate”. He played me hot and cold for months, keeping me at arm’s length then love bombing me, and I was addicted to the drama of it.</p><p>He brought out a side of me that made me passionate and furious and desperate for his love, and I honestly thought he was the one for me because love meant you had to struggle this hard, and in the end, they would be worth it – I’d have earned him. This kind of love was supposed to be fiery and addictive, right? I thought he was like the unavailable “Big” to my “Carrie” and we were destined to keep doing this until we settled down.</p><p>He kept saying we were supposed to be together and that he loved me more than any woman he’d ever dated; that I was different and together we were different – he would stop with his previous behaviour and be better for me.</p><p>I eventually discovered that he’d cheated on me with multiple women and cut all ties with him, which was so painful at first, mostly because it was losing something I’d worked so hard for… but ultimately really empowering, even all these years later. Only a month after that I jumped back on the [dating] apps and met *Joel.</p><p>In Joel’s company I was the opposite of what I was with Ezra – calm and at ease, confident with myself rather than anxious about not being a version of me he wanted. Everything was effortless. I never had to question his feelings, or that we were doing this “at the right time” for either of us. After a month we said “I love you” (and meant it), and within a year we were engaged.</p>		\n			<h3>Emma</h3>		\n		<p>I’m engaged, and my fiance was definitely the one after who I thought was the one! I dated this guy all the way through high school and uni – we made it to my final year, doing the long-distance thing and travelling between each other’s universities (which were on opposite sides of England) every couple of weeks.</p><p>We were together until I was 21 when I found out he’d been cheating on me the whole time (I would now not recommend long-distance university relationships!). We broke up, I graduated, moved in with my parents for a bit then relocated to London to get a job.</p><p>I moved into a flat with four strangers and eventually ended up going out with one of the guys! We moved into a flat of our own in London, moved to Sydney together in 2017, got engaged in the middle of COVID at the end of last year and (as long as the world stops going mad) will now be getting married in July 2023.</p>		\n			<h3>Yvette</h3>		\n		<p>Luke and I started dating when we were in high school – he was my first ‘proper’ boyfriend. We shared a lot of the same friends, and after school, we remained in quite a tight-knit group. We dated for almost 10 years before I realised it was no longer the relationship for me.</p><p>He really wanted to settle down, and for me – it just didn’t feel right. I was still young and wanted to have fun. We went on a break and ended up going our separate ways – which was hard as we would often still see each other at group events.</p><p>I ended up meeting Aaron a few months after we broke up – and it just felt really right. For me, he was definitely the one after ‘the one’. Within a year, we had a baby and got engaged – it all just happened so naturally, and everything kind of fell into place. We’ve now been married for five years and have two kids.</p>		\n			<h3>How to tell if you’re with ‘the one’\n</h3>		\n		<p>Wo-woa-woah! Before you go breaking hearts, read this.</p><p>If you think you might be with ‘the one’ before the one, Abrahams recommends following these six tips...</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Listen to yourself</h3>		\n		<p>“Imagine dropping a microphone inside your mind and turning the volume up to what your voice is really telling you. How happy are you? How unhappy are you? Is this too far away from what you thought the relationship would be like? How often do the niggles or even dread about the relationship appear?”</p><p>“Be honest with yourself. The voice in your head is your ego, and it can harm your couple relationship. Before making the decision to exit, just make sure that your ego is not the cause of your unhappiness.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Understand the origins</h3>		\n		<p>How much of it is about your partner and your relationship? Abraham said we’re often shaped by previous relationships with parents and other experiences, which shape our expectations and beliefs.</p><p>“Some of these experiences remain unhealed or unresolved inside us, and we see the problem as emanating from our partner, not ourselves. This is linked to our ego. Our ego can cause us to project inadequacy onto our partner, and see their faults and limitations, whilst making ourselves faultless.”</p><p>“If you find any of this is familiar, get help from a therapist to sort this out before you decide to leave your partner. Your ego will remain unchecked, and the unhealed parts will seep into your next relationship. What we don’t know about ourselves can hurt us and our relationship.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>See it as a vehicle for development</h3>		\n		<p>“Think of this as a mirror to explore what this is in yourself. It’s as if our partner’s words, behaviour, or actions have tugged at a vulnerable or sensitive part of us. Be curious about this inside of yourself.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/4.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Locate your fears</h3>		\n		<p>Fear can hold us in a relationship that we know isn’t quite right for us.</p><p>Whether it’s the fear of a breakup, fear of being alone, fear of feeling shame or humiliation of the relationship ‘failing’, Abrahams said to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can solve them another way.</p><p>“How much of your fear is a story of fear, as opposed to reality? It can be very helpful to speak to wise people you know in your community or seek help with a therapist to work through your fears and where they come from,” she advises.</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/5.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Be aware of feeling like you’re not getting a return on your investment</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, many people will stay in the relationship purely because they want a return on their investment.</p><p>“We have put our heart and soul into making this work. We’ve invested financially, years of our lives, our minds, and our love, shared friends and family. We may believe that walking away doesn’t give us the return on our investment as we wanted.”</p><p>“This could be a future together, children, a family unit, a home, financial stability, or the extended family and friends we now have together. There can be much to lose that can hold us in our relationship.”</p>		\n															<img width=\"59\" height=\"59\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n			<h3>Don’t be afraid to disturb the status quo</h3>		\n		<p>“Many commit to ‘the one before the one’ anyway, as they decide to stay in the relationship rather than disturb the status quo. For many this is a calculation of pros and cons, weighing fears, and also their age and stage of life.”</p><p>“Some may be fine with this decision, yet others can’t fully reconcile this decision and create a fantasy of ‘the one’ they’d like to be with. This could be a figment of their imagination or someone at work or even online.”</p><p>Typically, Abrahams said this imaginary ‘one’ is different from their partner.</p><p>“Despite their decision to remain, they live with the gnawing feeling that they made a mistake by settling.”</p><p>Want to find out how your ego can impact your relationship? Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/how-our-ego-harms-couple-relationships/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','The Relationship Theory About ‘The One after THE ONE’ That Changes Everything',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','5105-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:42:05','2022-08-26 09:42:05','',5105,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5151',0,'revision','',0),(5152,3,'2022-08-26 09:43:45','2022-08-26 09:43:45','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>\r\n<h1>Mamam!a</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>10 Signs You and Your Partner are ‘Fake Happy’ in Your Relationship</h2>\r\n25 November 2021\r\n\r\nYour relationship. Are you… happy in it? Don’t give us that look, we’re only asking!\r\n\r\nCause y’see, when you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s normal that the mere thought of breaking it off makes you feel sick/scared/confused.\r\n\r\nAnd while that’s a really beautiful thing in itself, it can also be dangerous.\r\n\r\nBecause becoming so attached to someone can 100 per cent cloud your judgement, making it tricky to notice parts of your relationship that are honestly really quite s**t.\r\n\r\nMaybe it’s the fact your partner still can’t get along with your friends, but you feel too nervous about confronting the issue (again). Or perhaps it’s their lack of drive that’s making you feel uneasy – but you don’t quite know how to bring it up.\r\n\r\nSo then it’s just… left by the wayside.\r\n\r\nThe reality is that many couples stick together even though they’re unhappy. They’ve got kids. It’s convenient. You don’t want anyone to get hurt. There’s all kinds of reasons people in long-term relationships hang in there.\r\n\r\nThe problem is, though, staying in an unhappy relationship can take its toll on your physical and mental health. It also prevents you and your partner from moving forward into a happier life.\r\n\r\nWith that in mind, we asked couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams to share the top signs couples are faking happiness in their relationship. Here’s what she had to say.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. Use of denial</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. Use of projection</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. Rationalising or making excuses</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. Use of intellectualisation</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. Use of sublimation</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. Compartmentalisation</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. Reaction formation</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. Dissociation</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. Creating distance with your partner</h3>\r\nHas the whole flirting and touching thing become a thing of the past?\r\n\r\nWhen we’re putting on our ‘fake happy’ couple act, Abrahams said you may create distance with your partner at home by:\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><strong>Creating physical ailments so they don’t come too close or make a bid for physical intimacy.</strong>\r\n“It’s the old joke of “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache” – but we can’t have a headache every night, so we then focus on our neck, back, or foot. We struggle to be close to someone we believe is making us unhappy.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Investing heavily in the children or family unit to avoid being alone with our partner.</strong>\r\n“This could be seen by not going away alone together as we “don’t want to leave the children”.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Scrapping dates.</strong>\r\n“Avoiding date nights alone and making sure other friends or family are there.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Initiating fights to create distance.</strong>\r\n“Partners reduce the chance of intimacy by making the atmosphere more disconnecting.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Frequently expressing resentment, blame or being critical of our partner.</strong>\r\n“We all know these are particularly unattractive behaviours, but they work if we want to keep our partner from wanting intimacy or closeness with us. They also show our partner some of our unhappiness but don’t address the real cause or allow development.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<h3>10. Seeking validation elsewhere</h3>\r\nAccording to Abrahams, people who are ‘fake happy’ may seek validation from others that they are okay, as they don’t feel okay in themselves.\r\n\r\n“This could be with friends or even strangers, to answer some of our fears of whether we are attractive, intelligent, or interesting enough anymore to others as we may not feel this in ourselves.”\r\n\r\n“The ultimate fantasy of validation is having an emotional or sexual affair.”\r\n\r\nIf you’re looking for more relationship advice, Abrahams has a free e-book available <strong><a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">here</a></strong>.','10 Signs You and Your Partner are ‘Fake Happy’ in Your Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4991-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:43:45','2022-08-26 09:43:45','',4991,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5152',0,'revision','',0),(5153,3,'2022-08-26 09:43:45','2022-08-26 09:43:45','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>\r\n<h1>Mamam!a</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>10 Signs You and Your Partner are ‘Fake Happy’ in Your Relationship</h2>\r\n25 November 2021\r\n\r\nYour relationship. Are you… happy in it? Don’t give us that look, we’re only asking!\r\n\r\nCause y’see, when you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s normal that the mere thought of breaking it off makes you feel sick/scared/confused.\r\n\r\nAnd while that’s a really beautiful thing in itself, it can also be dangerous.\r\n\r\nBecause becoming so attached to someone can 100 per cent cloud your judgement, making it tricky to notice parts of your relationship that are honestly really quite s**t.\r\n\r\nMaybe it’s the fact your partner still can’t get along with your friends, but you feel too nervous about confronting the issue (again). Or perhaps it’s their lack of drive that’s making you feel uneasy – but you don’t quite know how to bring it up.\r\n\r\nSo then it’s just… left by the wayside.\r\n\r\nThe reality is that many couples stick together even though they’re unhappy. They’ve got kids. It’s convenient. You don’t want anyone to get hurt. There’s all kinds of reasons people in long-term relationships hang in there.\r\n\r\nThe problem is, though, staying in an unhappy relationship can take its toll on your physical and mental health. It also prevents you and your partner from moving forward into a happier life.\r\n\r\nWith that in mind, we asked couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams to share the top signs couples are faking happiness in their relationship. Here’s what she had to say.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. Use of denial</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. Use of projection</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. Rationalising or making excuses</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. Use of intellectualisation</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. Use of sublimation</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. Compartmentalisation</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. Reaction formation</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. Dissociation</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. Creating distance with your partner</h3>\r\nHas the whole flirting and touching thing become a thing of the past?\r\n\r\nWhen we’re putting on our ‘fake happy’ couple act, Abrahams said you may create distance with your partner at home by:\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><strong>Creating physical ailments so they don’t come too close or make a bid for physical intimacy.</strong>\r\n“It’s the old joke of “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache” – but we can’t have a headache every night, so we then focus on our neck, back, or foot. We struggle to be close to someone we believe is making us unhappy.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Investing heavily in the children or family unit to avoid being alone with our partner.</strong>\r\n“This could be seen by not going away alone together as we “don’t want to leave the children”.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Scrapping dates.</strong>\r\n“Avoiding date nights alone and making sure other friends or family are there.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Initiating fights to create distance.</strong>\r\n“Partners reduce the chance of intimacy by making the atmosphere more disconnecting.”</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Frequently expressing resentment, blame or being critical of our partner.</strong>\r\n“We all know these are particularly unattractive behaviours, but they work if we want to keep our partner from wanting intimacy or closeness with us. They also show our partner some of our unhappiness but don’t address the real cause or allow development.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<h3>10. Seeking validation elsewhere</h3>\r\nAccording to Abrahams, people who are ‘fake happy’ may seek validation from others that they are okay, as they don’t feel okay in themselves.\r\n\r\n“This could be with friends or even strangers, to answer some of our fears of whether we are attractive, intelligent, or interesting enough anymore to others as we may not feel this in ourselves.”\r\n\r\n“The ultimate fantasy of validation is having an emotional or sexual affair.”\r\n\r\nIf you’re looking for more relationship advice, Abrahams has a free e-book available <strong><a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">here</a></strong>.','10 Signs You and Your Partner are ‘Fake Happy’ in Your Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4991-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:43:45','2022-08-26 09:43:45','',4991,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5153',0,'revision','',0),(5154,3,'2022-08-26 09:43:46','2022-08-26 09:43:46','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                10 Signs You and Your Partner are ‘Fake Happy’ in Your Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            25 November 2021        \n		<p>Your relationship. Are you… happy in it? Don’t give us that look, we’re only asking!</p><p>Cause y’see, when you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s normal that the mere thought of breaking it off makes you feel sick/scared/confused.</p><p>And while that’s a really beautiful thing in itself, it can also be dangerous.</p><p>Because becoming so attached to someone can 100 per cent cloud your judgement, making it tricky to notice parts of your relationship that are honestly really quite s**t.</p><p>Maybe it’s the fact your partner still can’t get along with your friends, but you feel too nervous about confronting the issue (again). Or perhaps it’s their lack of drive that’s making you feel uneasy – but you don’t quite know how to bring it up.</p><p>So then it’s just… left by the wayside.</p><p>The reality is that many couples stick together even though they’re unhappy. They’ve got kids. It’s convenient. You don’t want anyone to get hurt. There’s all kinds of reasons people in long-term relationships hang in there.</p><p>The problem is, though, staying in an unhappy relationship can take its toll on your physical and mental health. It also prevents you and your partner from moving forward into a happier life.</p><p>With that in mind, we asked couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams to share the top signs couples are faking happiness in their relationship. Here’s what she had to say.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. Use of denial</h3>		\n		<p>If someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.</p><p>\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams. </p><p>\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"</p>		\n			<h3>2. Use of projection</h3>		\n		<p>No matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.</p><p>\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>3. Rationalising or making excuses</h3>		\n		<p>If you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.</p><p>\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.</p><p>\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"   </p>		\n			<h3>4. Use of intellectualisation</h3>		\n		<p>Your partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.</p><p>\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"</p>		\n			<h3>5. Use of sublimation</h3>		\n		<p>It may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.</p><p>\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"</p>		\n			<h3>6. Compartmentalisation</h3>		\n		<p>Your partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.</p><p>\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.</p>		\n			<h3>7. Reaction formation</h3>		\n		<p>One of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others. </p><p>Abrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it. </p><p>\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"</p>		\n			<h3>8. Dissociation</h3>		\n		<p>Whenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.</p><p>\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"</p>		\n			<h3>9. Creating distance with your partner</h3>		\n		<p>Has the whole flirting and touching thing become a thing of the past?</p><p>When we’re putting on our ‘fake happy’ couple act, Abrahams said you may create distance with your partner at home by:</p><ol><li><strong>Creating physical ailments so they don’t come too close or make a bid for physical intimacy.</strong><br />“It’s the old joke of “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache” – but we can’t have a headache every night, so we then focus on our neck, back, or foot. We struggle to be close to someone we believe is making us unhappy.”</li><li><strong>Investing heavily in the children or family unit to avoid being alone with our partner.</strong><br />“This could be seen by not going away alone together as we “don’t want to leave the children”.”</li><li><strong>Scrapping dates.</strong><br />“Avoiding date nights alone and making sure other friends or family are there.”</li><li><strong>Initiating fights to create distance.</strong><br />“Partners reduce the chance of intimacy by making the atmosphere more disconnecting.”</li><li><strong>Frequently expressing resentment, blame or being critical of our partner.</strong><br />“We all know these are particularly unattractive behaviours, but they work if we want to keep our partner from wanting intimacy or closeness with us. They also show our partner some of our unhappiness but don’t address the real cause or allow development.”</li></ol>		\n			<h3>10. Seeking validation elsewhere</h3>		\n		<p>According to Abrahams, people who are ‘fake happy’ may seek validation from others that they are okay, as they don’t feel okay in themselves.</p><p>“This could be with friends or even strangers, to answer some of our fears of whether we are attractive, intelligent, or interesting enough anymore to others as we may not feel this in ourselves.”</p><p>“The ultimate fantasy of validation is having an emotional or sexual affair.”</p><p>If you’re looking for more relationship advice, Abrahams has a free e-book available <strong><a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">here</a></strong>.</p>','10 Signs You and Your Partner are ‘Fake Happy’ in Your Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4991-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:43:46','2022-08-26 09:43:46','',4991,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5154',0,'revision','',0),(5155,3,'2022-08-26 09:44:32','2022-08-26 09:44:32','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h2>\r\n9 November 2021\r\n\r\nRelationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.\r\n\r\nAnd while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.\r\n\r\nTo find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>\r\nIf your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.\r\n\r\n\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"\r\n<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>\r\nWe\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending.\r\n\r\n\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>\r\nWhile there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices.\r\n\r\nBecause if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>\r\nAnother important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\"\r\n<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>\r\nA partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>14. The would never mentally or physically harm you</h3>\r\nThis is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"\r\n<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>\r\nA good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\".\r\n\r\nFor example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.\r\n\r\n\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"\r\n\r\n<em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:44:32','2022-08-26 09:44:32','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5155',0,'revision','',0),(5156,3,'2022-08-26 09:44:32','2022-08-26 09:44:32','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h2>\r\n9 November 2021\r\n\r\nRelationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.\r\n\r\nAnd while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.\r\n\r\nTo find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>\r\nIf your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.\r\n\r\n\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"\r\n<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>\r\nWe\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending.\r\n\r\n\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>\r\nWhile there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices.\r\n\r\nBecause if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>\r\nAnother important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\"\r\n<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>\r\nA partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>14. The would never mentally or physically harm you</h3>\r\nThis is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"\r\n<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>\r\nA good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\".\r\n\r\nFor example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.\r\n\r\n\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"\r\n\r\n<em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:44:32','2022-08-26 09:44:32','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5156',0,'revision','',0),(5157,3,'2022-08-26 09:44:32','2022-08-26 09:44:32','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            9 November 2021        \n		<p>Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.</p><p>And while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.</p><p>To find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>		\n		<p>If someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.</p><p>\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams. </p><p>\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"</p>		\n			<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>		\n		<p>No matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.</p><p>\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>		\n		<p>If you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.</p><p>\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.</p><p>\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"   </p>		\n			<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>		\n		<p>Your partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.</p><p>\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"</p>		\n			<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>		\n		<p>It may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.</p><p>\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"</p>		\n			<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>		\n		<p>Your partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.</p><p>\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.</p>		\n			<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>		\n		<p>One of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others. </p><p>Abrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it. </p><p>\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"</p>		\n			<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>		\n		<p>Whenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.</p><p>\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"</p>		\n			<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>		\n		<p>If your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team. </p><p>\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.</p><p>\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"</p>		\n			<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>		\n		<p>We\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending. </p><p>\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.  </p>		\n			<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>		\n		<p>While there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices. </p><p>Because if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.</p><p>\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>		\n		<p>Another important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.</p><p>\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\" </p>		\n			<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>		\n		<p>A partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.</p><p>\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>14. The would never mentally  or physically harm you</h3>		\n		<p>This is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.</p><p>\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"</p>		\n			<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>		\n		<p>A good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\". </p><p>For example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.</p><p>\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"</p><p><em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em></p><p><em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em></p><p><em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em></p>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:44:32','2022-08-26 09:44:32','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5157',0,'revision','',0),(5158,3,'2022-08-26 09:45:12','2022-08-26 09:45:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:45:12','2022-08-26 09:45:12','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5158',0,'revision','',0),(5159,3,'2022-08-26 09:45:12','2022-08-26 09:45:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:45:12','2022-08-26 09:45:12','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5159',0,'revision','',0),(5160,3,'2022-08-26 09:45:12','2022-08-26 09:45:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            22 November 2021        \n		<p>When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.</p><p>But how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?</p><p>Approximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?</p><p>Whether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.</p><p>To stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.</p><p>So, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.</p><p>Get your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"1\" alt=\"1\" />															\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>		\n		<p>Whether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.</p><p>\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.</p><p>\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"</p><p>This means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.</p><p>“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”</p><p>Which team player are you?</p><p>It’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.</p><p>Think of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.</p><p>\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.</p><p>“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"2\" alt=\"2\" />															\n			<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>		\n		<p>If there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.</p><p>“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.</p><p>“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”</p><p>It’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.</p><p>“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"3\" alt=\"3\" />															\n			<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>		\n		<p>If you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"4\" alt=\"4\" />															\n			<h3>You have boundaries</h3>		\n		<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p><ol><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong><br />“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong><br />“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li></ol>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" title=\"5\" alt=\"5\" />															\n			<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>		\n		<p>In the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.</p><p>However, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"6\" alt=\"6\" />															\n			<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>		\n		<p>The importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.</p><p>“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.</p><p>She adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.</p><p>“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"7\" alt=\"7\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>This is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.</p><p>“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.</p><p>“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”</p><p>Remember those days?</p><p>Abrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.</p><p>Read: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.</p><p>“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.</p><p>“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”</p><p>And in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.</p><p>“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.</p><p>“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”</p><p>Abrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.</p><p>“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”</p><p>Hear, hear.</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" title=\"8\" alt=\"8\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.</p><p>“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”</p><p>Two people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.</p><p>“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.</p><p>“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”</p><p>Six. Years.</p><p>“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”</p><p><em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em></p>','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:45:12','2022-08-26 09:45:12','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5160',0,'revision','',0),(5161,3,'2022-08-26 09:45:28','2022-08-26 09:45:28','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            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https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1-600x401.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            16 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            15 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            The one after the one        \n            26 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            10 signs you and your partner are &#039;fake happy&#039; in your relationship        \n            25 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"328\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/couple-on-a-beach-scaled-e1661425844544-1170x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            24 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/15-things-partner-never-do-if-healthy-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            22 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/8-signs-in-right-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:45:28','2022-08-26 09:45:28','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5161',0,'revision','',0),(5162,3,'2022-08-26 09:45:28','2022-08-26 09:45:28','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n            Click on the <b>\'READ MORE\'</b> buttons below to read the articles.        \n            &quot;It’s just too much pressure&quot;: 4 relationship &#039;expectations&#039; you need to ditch immediately        \n            16 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1024x681.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1024x681.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-768x511.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1536x1022.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-2048x1363.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-600x399.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            From numbness to avoidance: 5 signs you&#039;re &#039;emotionally coasting&#039; right now        \n            30 June 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance.png 656w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance-300x201.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance-600x402.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            &quot;No, we can&#039;t be friends&quot;: 12 things your therapist wants you to know        \n            3 June 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"424\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends.png 655w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends-300x199.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends-600x398.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 questions everyone should be able to answer about their partner        \n            30 May 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            there are only 2 types of friends everyone needs in their life        \n            5 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/shutterstock_2139813481-scaled-pttbv2b6id8k3b4qc1w519ndfy1vzdvsz3dzgz5ssg.jpg\" title=\"Young,Women,Of,Different,Ethnicity,Has,Their,Arms,Around,Each\" alt=\"Young,Women,Of,Different,Ethnicity,Has,Their,Arms,Around,Each\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you&#039;re an empath and what it means        \n            22 March 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            A Psychotherapist Told Us There Are 4 Different Types Of Shame - Here’s What They Mean        \n            3 March 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            There are 5 Types of Narcissists - Here&#039;s how to spot them        \n            28 February 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            4 things to do when you and your partner have very difference love languages        \n            4 February 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1-600x399.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 Rules that will help deepen your relationship        \n            19 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1-600x401.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            16 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            15 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            The one after the one        \n            26 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            10 signs you and your partner are &#039;fake happy&#039; in your relationship        \n            25 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"328\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/couple-on-a-beach-scaled-e1661425844544-1170x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            24 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/15-things-partner-never-do-if-healthy-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            22 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/8-signs-in-right-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:45:28','2022-08-26 09:45:28','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5162',0,'revision','',0),(5163,3,'2022-08-26 09:45:29','2022-08-26 09:45:29','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h2>\n            Click on the <b>\'READ MORE\'</b> buttons below to read the articles.        \n            &quot;It’s just too much pressure&quot;: 4 relationship &#039;expectations&#039; you need to ditch immediately        \n            16 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1024x681.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1024x681.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-768x511.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1536x1022.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-2048x1363.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-600x399.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/4-relationship-expectations-you-need-to-ditch-immediately/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            From numbness to avoidance: 5 signs you&#039;re &#039;emotionally coasting&#039; right now        \n            1 July 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance.png 656w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance-300x201.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Avoidance-600x402.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/5-signs-youre-emotionally-coasting-right-now/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            &quot;No, we can&#039;t be friends&quot;: 12 things your therapist wants you to know        \n            3 June 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"424\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends.png 655w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends-300x199.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends-600x398.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/12-things-your-therapist-wants-you-to-know/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 questions everyone should be able to answer about their partner        \n            30 May 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/5-questions-everyone-should-be-able-to-answer-about-their-partner/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            there are only 2 types of friends everyone needs in their life        \n            5 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/shutterstock_2139813481-scaled-pttbv2b6id8k3b4qc1w519ndfy1vzdvsz3dzgz5ssg.jpg\" title=\"Young,Women,Of,Different,Ethnicity,Has,Their,Arms,Around,Each\" alt=\"Young,Women,Of,Different,Ethnicity,Has,Their,Arms,Around,Each\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/there-are-only-2-types-of-friends-everyone-needs-in-their-life/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you&#039;re an empath and what it means        \n            22 March 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/7-signs-youre-an-empath-and-what-this-means/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            A Psychotherapist Told Us There Are 4 Different Types Of Shame - Here’s What They Mean        \n            3 March 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/4-different-types-of-shame/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            There are 5 Types of Narcissists - Here&#039;s how to spot them        \n            28 February 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/5-types-of-narcissists/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            4 things to do when you and your partner have very difference love languages        \n            4 February 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1-600x399.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/4-things-you-do-when-you-and-your-partner-have-very-different-love-languages/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 Rules that will help deepen your relationship        \n            19 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1-600x401.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/12-rules-that-will-deepen-your-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            16 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/13-signs-youre-a-highly-sensitive-person-and-what-it-means-for-your-relationships/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            15 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/why-your-relationship-is-struggling-right-now/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            The one after the one        \n            26 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-one-after-the-one/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            10 signs you and your partner are &#039;fake happy&#039; in your relationship        \n            25 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"328\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/couple-on-a-beach-scaled-e1661425844544-1170x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/10-signs-you-and-your-partner-are-fake-happy/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            24 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/15-things-partner-never-do-if-healthy-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            22 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/8-signs-in-right-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:45:29','2022-08-26 09:45:29','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5163',0,'revision','',0),(5164,3,'2022-08-26 09:46:47','2022-08-26 09:46:47','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />															\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:46:47','2022-08-26 09:46:47','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5164',0,'revision','',0),(5165,3,'2022-08-26 09:46:47','2022-08-26 09:46:47','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />															\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:46:47','2022-08-26 09:46:47','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5165',0,'revision','',0),(5166,3,'2022-08-26 09:46:48','2022-08-26 09:46:48','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>													<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/mamamia/\">\n							<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:46:48','2022-08-26 09:46:48','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5166',0,'revision','',0),(5168,3,'2022-08-26 09:51:44','2022-08-26 09:51:44','','yahoo!lifestyle','','inherit','open','closed','','yahoolifestyle','','','2022-08-26 09:51:44','2022-08-26 09:51:44','',4317,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/yahoolifestyle.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(5169,3,'2022-08-26 09:52:00','2022-08-26 09:52:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>													<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/mamamia/\">\n							<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:52:00','2022-08-26 09:52:00','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5169',0,'revision','',0),(5170,3,'2022-08-26 09:52:00','2022-08-26 09:52:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>													<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/mamamia/\">\n							<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:52:00','2022-08-26 09:52:00','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5170',0,'revision','',0),(5171,3,'2022-08-26 09:52:00','2022-08-26 09:52:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>													<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/mamamia/\">\n							<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n															<img width=\"260\" height=\"35\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/yahoolifestyle.png\" alt=\"\" />','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:52:00','2022-08-26 09:52:00','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5171',0,'revision','',0),(5172,3,'2021-12-14 09:52:21','2021-12-14 09:52:21','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                yahoo!lifestyle            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: yahoo!lifestyle        \n            <h2>\n                How To Survive The Festive Season With Your Relationship Intact            \n        </h2>\n            14 December 2021        \n		<p>It’s no secret that Christmas can stretch credit cards, waistlines and relationships. And, a recent study by HCF Australia found that Aussies are feeling more stressed about this Christmas and feeling the effects of pandemic stress in their relationships.</p><p>One in four Australians who were in a relationship during the pandemic say it was negatively impacted, with the equivalent of 980,000 Aussies saying they are seriously considering, or have already left their relationship during lockdown.</p><p>So, knowing that stress levels are high, how can you get through Christmas with your relationship intact? We’ve collected expert tips to help you out.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand the source of your stress</h3>		\n		<p>HCF partner PSYCH2U Psychologist Jeremy Cowden explains “Christmas is always a tough time for people and a lot of it is caused by a build-up of expectation, which this year will be greater because we’ve had a long time to think about it.”</p><p>The study asked what is causing Aussies the most stress, with responses showing...</p><p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">23 percent fear that the combination of overeating and under-exercising will lead to weight gain<br />22 percent feel pressure to be more social with family and friends than they want to be<br />21 percent are worried about travel restrictions and whether they will be able to have the Christmas they want<br />19 percent of Aussies are feeling pressure to spend more than they can afford on Christmas (foods and gifts)<br />19 percent also reported feeling lonelier and sadder at this time of year.</p>		\n			<h3>Simple ways to look after your relationship</h3>		\n		<p>According to Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams, the key to smoother relationships at Christmas is to understand your own triggers for conflict and your defence mechanisms.</p><p>“There’s an expectation to make Christmas a happy time, especially when the host works hard to create this, but family dynamics are not always enjoyable. No-one wins when we argue, upset people, or lose our temper,” Lissy explains.</p><p>“Try to avoid controversial topics, the hot-heads or know-it-alls at your festive gatherings. At Christmas, it’s often easier to get on if we keep conversations lighter and in a safe zone.”</p><p>To support the health of your relationship during the holiday season, Lissy also suggests the following strategies...</p><p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">- Pick your battles – be careful you’re not criticising your partner(s) just for the sake of it<br />- Have new experiences together that neither of you have done before lockdown<br />- Lower your expectations of each other’s stereotypes of gender roles. Think about who your partner(s) needs to be for themselves and their own fulfilment in life, not just for you<br />- Set time away from each other. During lockdown partners were cooped up together. Allow some breathing space so you can look forward to seeing each other<br />- Express gratitude for what your partner(s) does do for you<br />- Laugh a lot and let them know you like them.</p>		\n			<h3>Seek professional support\n</h3>		\n		<p>If you notice that you’re struggling with your mental health, withdrawing or isolating yourself from your partner(s), or you’re unable to resolve arguments, professional support can help you to safely work through these challenges.</p><p>Mental health support for yourself or a loved one can also be found by calling <a href=\"https://www.lifeline.org.au/find-help/online-services/crisis-chat?gclid=CM7l3sGRla0CFQSFhwodmzMikw\"><strong>Lifeline</strong></a> on 13 11 14, <a href=\"https://mensline.org.au/\"><strong>Mensline</strong></a> on 1300 789 978, or <a href=\"https://www.kidshelp.com.au/\"><strong>Kids Helpline</strong></a> on 1800 551 800. Online support is available via <a href=\"https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support\"><strong>Beyond Blue</strong></a>.</p>','yahoo!lifestyle','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','publish','closed','closed','','yahoo-lifestyle','','','2022-10-17 02:18:05','2022-10-17 02:18:05','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?post_type=case-study&#038;p=5172',0,'case-study','',0),(5173,3,'2022-08-26 09:53:48','2022-08-26 09:53:48','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>Body+Soul</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Body+Soul\r\n<h2>The number one thing to improve couple communication</h2>\r\n3 September 2021\r\n\r\nBody+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your partner.\r\n\r\nHave you ever had your partner say, do (or not do) something and just loose the plot?\r\n\r\nMaybe they’ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?\r\n\r\nWell, you’re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams, <a href=\"https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas/news-story/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev=\"event119\" data-tgev-metric=\"ev\" data-tgev-order=\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev-label=\"sex-relationships\" data-tgev-container=\"bodylink\">says it doesn’t have to be that way.</a>\r\n\r\nSpeaking on Body+Soul’s daily podcast <em>Healthy-ish</em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.\r\n\r\n“There\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we’re trying to survive the moment,” she tells host Felicity Harley on the <em>Healthy-ish </em>episode <em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.</em>\r\n\r\n“The first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.”\r\n\r\nIf you’re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.\r\n\r\nIt may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the ‘ego’. And no – we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance – it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.\r\n\r\n“One of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,” she explains.\r\n\r\n“Where we perceive our partner as a threat…or feel like they’re shaming us in any way, we’re going to get into fight or flight mode and we’re going to have something to tell them that we’re not very happy about.”\r\n\r\nThis response can be one of two things:\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><strong>Superiority:</strong> That we feel like they don’t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.</li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Inferiority:</strong> This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n“We can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>How to keep your ego in check</h3>\r\nThe first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.\r\n\r\nIf we know what it looks like when we’ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, ‘that’s my ego’. It might be time for a cool down minute.\r\n\r\n“We don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.”\r\n\r\nThat’s the second part – knowing what it was that triggered you.\r\n\r\nEven if you didn’t start the fight, there’s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?\r\n\r\nAbrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn’t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.\r\n\r\nThink about why it sets your teeth on edge.\r\n\r\nDo you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you’ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren’t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.\r\n\r\nIf you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.\r\n<h3>Can we get over it?</h3>\r\nAbrahams says we can.\r\n\r\n“It\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,” she says.\r\n\r\n“The ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.”\r\n\r\nShe explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they’re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.\r\n\r\n“So, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.”\r\n\r\n<em>You can download Lissy’s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication, <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\">here</a>, or for more info, see her website <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\">here.</a></em>','yahoo!lifestyle','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','5172-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:53:48','2022-08-26 09:53:48','',5172,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5173',0,'revision','',0),(5174,3,'2022-08-26 09:55:12','2022-08-26 09:55:12','','dancing couple','','inherit','open','closed','','dancing-couple','','','2022-08-26 09:55:12','2022-08-26 09:55:12','',5172,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/dancing-couple.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(5175,3,'2022-08-26 09:59:46','2022-08-26 09:59:46','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                yahoo!lifestyle            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Body+Soul        \n            <h2>\n                The number one thing to improve couple communication            \n        </h2>\n            3 September 2021        \n		<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your partner.</p><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do) something and just loose the plot?</p><p>Maybe they’ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?</p><p>Well, you’re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams, <a href=\"https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas/news-story/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev=\"event119\" data-tgev-metric=\"ev\" data-tgev-order=\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev-label=\"sex-relationships\" data-tgev-container=\"bodylink\">says it doesn’t have to be that way.</a></p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul’s daily podcast <em>Healthy-ish</em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.</p><p>“There\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we’re trying to survive the moment,” she tells host Felicity Harley on the <em>Healthy-ish </em>episode <em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.</em></p><p>“The first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.”</p><p>If you’re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.</p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the ‘ego’. And no – we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance – it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.</p><p>“One of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,” she explains.</p><p>“Where we perceive our partner as a threat…or feel like they’re shaming us in any way, we’re going to get into fight or flight mode and we’re going to have something to tell them that we’re not very happy about.”</p><p>This response can be one of two things:</p><ol><li><strong>Superiority:</strong> That we feel like they don’t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.</li><li><strong>Inferiority:</strong> This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.</li></ol><p>“We can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,” says Abrahams.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>How to keep your ego in check</h3>		\n		<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.</p><p>If we know what it looks like when we’ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, ‘that’s my ego’. It might be time for a cool down minute.</p><p>“We don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.”</p><p>That’s the second part – knowing what it was that triggered you.</p><p>Even if you didn’t start the fight, there’s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?</p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn’t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.</p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.</p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you’ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren’t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.</p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.</p>		\n			<h3>Can we get over it?</h3>		\n		<p>Abrahams says we can.</p><p>“It\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,” she says.</p><p>“The ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.”</p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they’re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.</p><p>“So, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.”</p><p><em>You can download Lissy’s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication, <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\">here</a>, or for more info, see her website <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\">here.</a></em></p>','yahoo!lifestyle','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','5172-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:59:46','2022-08-26 09:59:46','',5172,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5175',0,'revision','',0),(5176,3,'2022-08-26 09:59:46','2022-08-26 09:59:46','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                yahoo!lifestyle            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Body+Soul        \n            <h2>\n                The number one thing to improve couple communication            \n        </h2>\n            3 September 2021        \n		<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your partner.</p><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do) something and just loose the plot?</p><p>Maybe they’ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?</p><p>Well, you’re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams, <a href=\"https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas/news-story/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev=\"event119\" data-tgev-metric=\"ev\" data-tgev-order=\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev-label=\"sex-relationships\" data-tgev-container=\"bodylink\">says it doesn’t have to be that way.</a></p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul’s daily podcast <em>Healthy-ish</em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.</p><p>“There\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we’re trying to survive the moment,” she tells host Felicity Harley on the <em>Healthy-ish </em>episode <em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.</em></p><p>“The first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.”</p><p>If you’re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.</p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the ‘ego’. And no – we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance – it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.</p><p>“One of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,” she explains.</p><p>“Where we perceive our partner as a threat…or feel like they’re shaming us in any way, we’re going to get into fight or flight mode and we’re going to have something to tell them that we’re not very happy about.”</p><p>This response can be one of two things:</p><ol><li><strong>Superiority:</strong> That we feel like they don’t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.</li><li><strong>Inferiority:</strong> This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.</li></ol><p>“We can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,” says Abrahams.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>How to keep your ego in check</h3>		\n		<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.</p><p>If we know what it looks like when we’ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, ‘that’s my ego’. It might be time for a cool down minute.</p><p>“We don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.”</p><p>That’s the second part – knowing what it was that triggered you.</p><p>Even if you didn’t start the fight, there’s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?</p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn’t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.</p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.</p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you’ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren’t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.</p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.</p>		\n			<h3>Can we get over it?</h3>		\n		<p>Abrahams says we can.</p><p>“It\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,” she says.</p><p>“The ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.”</p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they’re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.</p><p>“So, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.”</p><p><em>You can download Lissy’s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication, <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\">here</a>, or for more info, see her website <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\">here.</a></em></p>','yahoo!lifestyle','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','5172-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:59:46','2022-08-26 09:59:46','',5172,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5176',0,'revision','',0),(5177,3,'2022-08-26 09:59:46','2022-08-26 09:59:46','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                yahoo!lifestyle            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: yahoo!lifestyle        \n            <h2>\n                How To Survive The Festive Season With Your Relationship Intact            \n        </h2>\n            14 December 2021        \n		<p>It’s no secret that Christmas can stretch credit cards, waistlines and relationships. And, a recent study by HCF Australia found that Aussies are feeling more stressed about this Christmas and feeling the effects of pandemic stress in their relationships.</p><p>One in four Australians who were in a relationship during the pandemic say it was negatively impacted, with the equivalent of 980,000 Aussies saying they are seriously considering, or have already left their relationship during lockdown.</p><p>So, knowing that stress levels are high, how can you get through Christmas with your relationship intact? We’ve collected expert tips to help you out.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand the source of your stress</h3>		\n		<p>HCF partner PSYCH2U Psychologist Jeremy Cowden explains “Christmas is always a tough time for people and a lot of it is caused by a build-up of expectation, which this year will be greater because we’ve had a long time to think about it.”</p><p>The study asked what is causing Aussies the most stress, with responses showing...</p><p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">23 percent fear that the combination of overeating and under-exercising will lead to weight gain<br />22 percent feel pressure to be more social with family and friends than they want to be<br />21 percent are worried about travel restrictions and whether they will be able to have the Christmas they want<br />19 percent of Aussies are feeling pressure to spend more than they can afford on Christmas (foods and gifts)<br />19 percent also reported feeling lonelier and sadder at this time of year.</p>		\n			<h3>Simple ways to look after your relationship</h3>		\n		<p>According to Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams, the key to smoother relationships at Christmas is to understand your own triggers for conflict and your defence mechanisms.</p><p>“There’s an expectation to make Christmas a happy time, especially when the host works hard to create this, but family dynamics are not always enjoyable. No-one wins when we argue, upset people, or lose our temper,” Lissy explains.</p><p>“Try to avoid controversial topics, the hot-heads or know-it-alls at your festive gatherings. At Christmas, it’s often easier to get on if we keep conversations lighter and in a safe zone.”</p><p>To support the health of your relationship during the holiday season, Lissy also suggests the following strategies...</p><p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">- Pick your battles – be careful you’re not criticising your partner(s) just for the sake of it<br />- Have new experiences together that neither of you have done before lockdown<br />- Lower your expectations of each other’s stereotypes of gender roles. Think about who your partner(s) needs to be for themselves and their own fulfilment in life, not just for you<br />- Set time away from each other. During lockdown partners were cooped up together. Allow some breathing space so you can look forward to seeing each other<br />- Express gratitude for what your partner(s) does do for you<br />- Laugh a lot and let them know you like them.</p>		\n			<h3>Seek professional support\n</h3>		\n		<p>If you notice that you’re struggling with your mental health, withdrawing or isolating yourself from your partner(s), or you’re unable to resolve arguments, professional support can help you to safely work through these challenges.</p><p>Mental health support for yourself or a loved one can also be found by calling <a href=\"https://www.lifeline.org.au/find-help/online-services/crisis-chat?gclid=CM7l3sGRla0CFQSFhwodmzMikw\"><strong>Lifeline</strong></a> on 13 11 14, <a href=\"https://mensline.org.au/\"><strong>Mensline</strong></a> on 1300 789 978, or <a href=\"https://www.kidshelp.com.au/\"><strong>Kids Helpline</strong></a> on 1800 551 800. Online support is available via <a href=\"https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support\"><strong>Beyond Blue</strong></a>.</p>','yahoo!lifestyle','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','5172-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 09:59:46','2022-08-26 09:59:46','',5172,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5177',0,'revision','',0),(5178,3,'2022-08-26 10:00:53','2022-08-26 10:00:53','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>													<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/mamamia/\">\n							<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n															<img width=\"260\" height=\"35\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/yahoolifestyle.png\" alt=\"\" />','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:00:53','2022-08-26 10:00:53','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5178',0,'revision','',0),(5179,3,'2022-08-26 10:00:53','2022-08-26 10:00:53','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>													<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/mamamia/\">\n							<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n															<img width=\"260\" height=\"35\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/yahoolifestyle.png\" alt=\"\" />','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:00:53','2022-08-26 10:00:53','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5179',0,'revision','',0),(5180,3,'2022-08-26 10:00:53','2022-08-26 10:00:53','<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-container>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>													<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/mamamia/\">\n							<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/bodysoul/\">\n							<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-house-of-wellness/\">\n							<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-daily-telegraph/\">\n							<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>\n																<a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/yahoo-lifestyle/\">\n							<img width=\"260\" height=\"35\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/yahoolifestyle.png\" alt=\"\" />								</a>','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:00:53','2022-08-26 10:00:53','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5180',0,'revision','',0),(5181,3,'2022-08-26 10:03:58','2022-08-26 10:03:58','<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem;\">Whilst not all partners want to seek help and talk about their relationship, it really is a life-changing experience.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem;\">Some couples come for help with a single issue that they have tried to resolve at home, however for most couples, it takes 6 years to even contact a therapist.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem;\">Imagine 6 years of hurt, conflict and resentment all building up at home with the person you love. Imagine all the years of upsetting fights without a resolution. Imagine the words said in anger that cannot be taken back or the cold war of silence as partners ignore each other until they recover. Over the years, partners lose trust and respect for each other. Life at home becomes upsetting; replaying the same hurtful pattern of arguments.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem;\">To get out of these cycles, partners need to see a couples therapist who can help them develop an understanding of their situation from both partners’ perspectives and improve their communication skills. Couples therapy helps couples build a strong foundation. Here are 10 reasons why:</p>\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Receiving help</h3>\r\nAt different times or stages in life, our lives can become really hard. Sometimes our world gets turned upside down, this could be dealing with a loss or illness, navigating how to raise children, a partner having an affair, or not being able to connect with our partner. We are chartering unfamiliar waters and need some guidance and support. A couples therapist helps partners work through complex life situations in a supportive environment taking many perspectives into account.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>Improving communication</h3>\r\nWe do not naturally know how to communicate well with our partner throughout our life. It’s not our fault we don’t have these skills, yet it is important to develop them if we want a safe and caring relationship. A therapist allows couples to actively converse in a comfortable environment where partners can express themselves and really listen to their partner. Working with a couples therapist promotes communication between you and your partner.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>Building trust</h3>\r\nWhen couples have had many unsuccessful attempts at communicating at home, they can lose trust in each other’s ability to resolve things. Very often a partner can feel that they are right and that their partner has no idea about life at all. Couples therapy becomes a safe space to share their thoughts and feelings. The therapist helps both partners learn to listen to each other and develop respect for their different perspectives. Over time trust is built which helps partners feel more connected to each other once again.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>Non-judgmental approach</h3>\r\nTherapists understand that life is complex and can at times be difficult for anyone to navigate alone. Therapy is not about judgment or labelling someone as “bad”. I see myself as being alongside my clients – never above them. A therapist’s role is to understand why their clients behave or think in a particular way and how this is impacting them or their life situation. A non-judgmental approach is essential for a successful therapy experience.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>Greater understanding</h3>\r\nWe all carry different ideas of what a committed relationship should look like and how partners should treat each other. For many of us we react to situations automatically. Couples therapy helps us understand why both partners have different ideas about relationships in the first place and how this causes conflict. Developing greater understanding of how you and your partner think, feel and behave is vital for couple health and wellbeing.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>Allows both parties to be heard</h3>\r\nDuring times of conflict, it is exceedingly difficult for partners to listen to each other. With a therapist both partners are given the opportunity to speak about and reflect on their own thoughts around conflict or a particular situation. This does not mean equal time is provided, it is equal opportunity to express themselves and be heard.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>Freedom and ability to share any conflicts</h3>\r\nMany partners are not able to speak about less than positive aspects of the relationship. Instead, they bottle it up and avoid communicating their feelings with their partner. Often, they fear upsetting them or causing conflict. In therapy, a third-party is navigating the partners through their difficulty, as well as managing any responses or reactions that arise. The therapist is continuously trying to understand and process the partners differing perspectives so that they are as free as possible to speak about what is going on for them.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>Freedom and ability to share any conflicts</h3>\r\nBeing a couples therapist is a privileged position. I am very aware how I am invited into the very private lives of the couples I work with. Safety in therapy is extremely important and I achieve this in many ways: through confidentiality, respecting both partners, having a non-judgmental approach, being knowledgeable, and by genuinely caring about their wellbeing. When couples know that they have a safe space to share their emotions they are more inclined to be open and work wholeheartedly in the therapy.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"9\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/9-prxajxjisqgi671gzbljhlmy9i8viswi3cocir6kxg.png\" alt=\"9\" />\r\n<h3>Promotes positive changes</h3>\r\nThrough the therapy process, couples learn to communicate well and decrease their conflict. This is an incredibly positive experience for couples as they are no longer repeating the same upsetting cycles of conflict, they feel more connected to each other. Good experiences fill the space, like a cuddle on the sofa, greater interest in hanging out together, and partners often become happier and more playful.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"10\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/10-prxajxjisqgi671gzbljhlmy9i8viswi3cocir6kxg.png\" alt=\"10\" />\r\n<h3>Promotes strengths</h3>\r\n<article id=\"post-71\">Therapy is not just designed for working through the hard times, it is also a way of looking at the positive aspects of a relationship and helping couples to build on their strengths. By the time some couples come to therapy (remember it is usually after 6 years of conflict), they may not remember their strengths. In couples therapy, the therapist needs to acknowledge the couple’s strengths and any developments so that the couple can incorporate these changes into their image of the relationship.\r\n\r\n</article>','10 Reasons Why Getting Help With Your Relationship Is Important','','inherit','closed','closed','','3739-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:03:58','2022-08-26 10:03:58','',3739,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5181',0,'revision','',0),(5182,3,'2022-01-10 10:06:50','2022-01-10 10:06:50','<p>Whilst many of us welcomed 2022 with excitement and thoughts of New Year’s resolutions or goals we wish to achieve, there are also many of us struggling with the state of our couple relationship and close to ending it.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>New Year’s Separation\n</h3>		\n		<p>This is no surprise for family lawyers who traditionally see an increase in client numbers in January with high numbers of partners seeking legal advice for how to separate. Some lawyers see an increase of 30%. For family lawyers, January is traditionally known as ‘Divorce Month’, and this usually begins in the second week of January when many of us head back to work after the Christmas break.</p><p>Therapists are also typically inundated at this time too. I know in my clinic we always experience a huge spike in clients contacts, and many of these are related to partners having increased depression, anxiety, or loneliness relating to issues in their couple relationship.</p><p>What we don’t know is whether this New Year will be any different. Many lawyers have already experienced these spikes following the lifting of Covid restrictions and lockdowns. Therapists similarly saw major spikes last year, as Covid-related anxiety, depression, and stressors pushed many more people to seek help. I hope this January is different, as relationships have already been heavily tested during the pandemic.</p><p>I’m not against couples separating. No-one walks in anyone else’s shoes and can determine just how unhappy they are in their relationship. I do, however, believe we need to try everything to fix it before leaving, especially if there are children involved. Sadly, there are many relationships that could have been saved if partners knew how to get the right help.</p>		\n			<h3>New Year’s Resolution</h3>		\n		<p>If you’re going to make any New Year’s resolutions, I believe you would best be served by working on your couple relationship. Unless there is violence or abuse occurring, then it may be worth trying again to resolve issues in your relationship. Just make sure you’ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.</p><p>Separation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation – and that’s if it’s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.</p><p>Unfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn’t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it’s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.</p><p>If you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.</p><p>If you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner’s communication style personally. As a therapist, I can tell you that our partner’s communication style is all about them, it’s hardly ever personal, even though it can feel very personal indeed.</p><p>If you are a couple struggling with decreased intimacy and connection, then you can improve this too.</p><p>Therapy is a helpful avenue for many couples to go down. Learning about each other in couples therapy is an intimate experience and leads to greater joy and connection between partners. Take the time to get to know each other and why you react to each other the way you do.</p><p>There are also online courses and even podcasts that can decrease your conflict, improve the way you both communicate and increase intimacy and joy. If money is tight, these are cheaper options than ongoing therapy and can provide you a wealth of information. They really can set you on a better path in yourself and your relationship.</p><p>Make it a priority to resolve your relationship difficulties in 2022.</p>','New Year’s Separation or New Year’s Resolutions','','publish','open','open','','new-years-separation-or-new-years-resolutions','','','2022-08-26 10:10:53','2022-08-26 10:10:53','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5182',0,'post','',0),(5183,3,'2022-08-26 10:09:03','2022-08-26 10:09:03','','Two,Separated,Wedding,Rings,On,Cracked,Surface','','inherit','open','closed','','twoseparatedweddingringsoncrackedsurface','','','2022-08-26 10:09:03','2022-08-26 10:09:03','',5182,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1153859659.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(5184,3,'2022-08-26 10:09:10','2022-08-26 10:09:10','The ending of our committed couple relationship typically starts the gruelling and exhausting separation experience. Even when we separate well and communicate respectfully without too much acrimony, it still takes a lot out of us as we dismantle nearly every aspect of our former lives together to create two separate units.\r\n\r\nThere are many decisions we need to make concerning the day-to-day practicalities and functioning, financial aspects, as well as the complex <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/2021/08/12/7-stages-of-grief-and-the-separation-process/\">emotional aspects</a> resulting from having had our relationship end. Within this mix is also a great deal of uncertainty about how our lives will be in the future. For most of us in this situation, this <strong>uncertainty causes us to feel anxious</strong>.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.8 - 27-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>What are we anxious about during our separation?</h3>\r\nAs a therapist who also works with separating couples, my clients’ have multiple anxieties stemming from their separation. These anxieties often wake them in the early hours of the morning.\r\n\r\nHere are their top 3 -\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.8 - 27-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nAnxiety about our financial future\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Will I have enough money to support myself properly?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will there be sufficient funds to live comfortably enough, or will I have to live on a restrictive budget?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will we need to sell the family home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I have enough to offer my children the opportunities I wanted them to have prior to separation, such as private schooling or to take them on a holiday?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I be able to look after the finances without my partner (if not done this in the relationship)?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nWe are often anxious about our children\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>How will this news break their hearts?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they be ok if their parents are separated? Is this scarring them for life?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they need to move out of their home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they need to go to a new school?</li>\r\n 	<li>What about their friends?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I be a good enough parent by myself?</li>\r\n 	<li>Am I enough of a parent for them?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they be ok at their other parent’s home without me?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will their other parent remember their medicine? Night-time routine? Feed them healthy enough food? Get them off their screens? Pack their school bags properly? Use sunscreen?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nWe are also anxious about life without our partner\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Will I feel safe without them at home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Who am I without them?</li>\r\n 	<li>What kind of lawyer have they chosen? Will they be out to get me?</li>\r\n 	<li>What is going to happen to our friends and families? Will I lose some of them too?</li>\r\n 	<li>How do I manage the continuous noise inside of my mind about my relationship ending?</li>\r\n 	<li>How am I really doing? Am I drinking too much? Have I started controlling food or binge eating? Am I working too hard? Exercising too much? Am I partying too hard or going manic? Or even having sex with people I don’t really know? Am I withdrawing and isolating too much? Are these really helping me? Am I really safe?</li>\r\n 	<li>What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<h3>Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?</h3>\r\nIn her book, The Mind-Strength Method: Four steps to curb anxiety, conquer worry &amp; build resilience, Dr. Jodie Lowinger notes that we engage in certain ‘safety behaviours’ to eliminate uncertainty and achieve control. Despite being called ‘safety behaviours’, they are not offering any real safety, they offer us <strong>the illusion of safety</strong> in the face of uncertainty.\r\n\r\nI’m sharing the 3 ‘safety behaviours’ that she describes that I often hear in my consulting room when people are separating. These are -\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Worry</strong> – When we repeatedly focus our attention on the problems, we end up feeling more anxious. Lowinger recognises how problematic this in and states that a “negative outcome is the inevitable part of worry – by the very nature of worry it is not a story with a happy ending… in its extreme form is called catastrophising.” (p.108)\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Mind reading</strong> – This strategy is highly problematic, and we will never achieve certainty this way. When my clients attempt to read my mind, they are mostly so far off the mark. We need to ask people what they are thinking.\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Over-checking and reassurance seeking</strong> – Lowinger notes that these 2 strategies do not work as neither will provide the certainty we seek as it does not exist. We may experience momentary relief, however, the anxiety will creep back in.\r\n\r\nOne of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves during our separation and divorce process is to learn to accept uncertainty. We need to surrender to uncertainty, otherwise, we will keep using ‘safety behaviours’ that provide no actual safety. There is <strong>no solution to uncertainty besides surrender. </strong>We need to develop <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">helpful strategies</a> that calms our anxiety down.','New Year’s Separation or New Year’s Resolutions','','inherit','closed','closed','','5182-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:09:10','2022-08-26 10:09:10','',5182,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5184',0,'revision','',0),(5185,3,'2022-08-26 10:10:53','2022-08-26 10:10:53','The ending of our committed couple relationship typically starts the gruelling and exhausting separation experience. Even when we separate well and communicate respectfully without too much acrimony, it still takes a lot out of us as we dismantle nearly every aspect of our former lives together to create two separate units.\r\n\r\nThere are many decisions we need to make concerning the day-to-day practicalities and functioning, financial aspects, as well as the complex <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/2021/08/12/7-stages-of-grief-and-the-separation-process/\">emotional aspects</a> resulting from having had our relationship end. Within this mix is also a great deal of uncertainty about how our lives will be in the future. For most of us in this situation, this <strong>uncertainty causes us to feel anxious</strong>.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.8 - 27-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>What are we anxious about during our separation?</h3>\r\nAs a therapist who also works with separating couples, my clients’ have multiple anxieties stemming from their separation. These anxieties often wake them in the early hours of the morning.\r\n\r\nHere are their top 3 -\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.8 - 27-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nAnxiety about our financial future\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Will I have enough money to support myself properly?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will there be sufficient funds to live comfortably enough, or will I have to live on a restrictive budget?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will we need to sell the family home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I have enough to offer my children the opportunities I wanted them to have prior to separation, such as private schooling or to take them on a holiday?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I be able to look after the finances without my partner (if not done this in the relationship)?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nWe are often anxious about our children\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>How will this news break their hearts?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they be ok if their parents are separated? Is this scarring them for life?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they need to move out of their home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they need to go to a new school?</li>\r\n 	<li>What about their friends?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I be a good enough parent by myself?</li>\r\n 	<li>Am I enough of a parent for them?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they be ok at their other parent’s home without me?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will their other parent remember their medicine? Night-time routine? Feed them healthy enough food? Get them off their screens? Pack their school bags properly? Use sunscreen?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nWe are also anxious about life without our partner\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Will I feel safe without them at home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Who am I without them?</li>\r\n 	<li>What kind of lawyer have they chosen? Will they be out to get me?</li>\r\n 	<li>What is going to happen to our friends and families? Will I lose some of them too?</li>\r\n 	<li>How do I manage the continuous noise inside of my mind about my relationship ending?</li>\r\n 	<li>How am I really doing? Am I drinking too much? Have I started controlling food or binge eating? Am I working too hard? Exercising too much? Am I partying too hard or going manic? Or even having sex with people I don’t really know? Am I withdrawing and isolating too much? Are these really helping me? Am I really safe?</li>\r\n 	<li>What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<h3>Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?</h3>\r\nIn her book, The Mind-Strength Method: Four steps to curb anxiety, conquer worry &amp; build resilience, Dr. Jodie Lowinger notes that we engage in certain ‘safety behaviours’ to eliminate uncertainty and achieve control. Despite being called ‘safety behaviours’, they are not offering any real safety, they offer us <strong>the illusion of safety</strong> in the face of uncertainty.\r\n\r\nI’m sharing the 3 ‘safety behaviours’ that she describes that I often hear in my consulting room when people are separating. These are -\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Worry</strong> – When we repeatedly focus our attention on the problems, we end up feeling more anxious. Lowinger recognises how problematic this in and states that a “negative outcome is the inevitable part of worry – by the very nature of worry it is not a story with a happy ending… in its extreme form is called catastrophising.” (p.108)\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Mind reading</strong> – This strategy is highly problematic, and we will never achieve certainty this way. When my clients attempt to read my mind, they are mostly so far off the mark. We need to ask people what they are thinking.\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Over-checking and reassurance seeking</strong> – Lowinger notes that these 2 strategies do not work as neither will provide the certainty we seek as it does not exist. We may experience momentary relief, however, the anxiety will creep back in.\r\n\r\nOne of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves during our separation and divorce process is to learn to accept uncertainty. We need to surrender to uncertainty, otherwise, we will keep using ‘safety behaviours’ that provide no actual safety. There is <strong>no solution to uncertainty besides surrender. </strong>We need to develop <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">helpful strategies</a> that calms our anxiety down.','New Year’s Separation or New Year’s Resolutions','','inherit','closed','closed','','5182-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:10:53','2022-08-26 10:10:53','',5182,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5185',0,'revision','',0),(5186,3,'2022-08-26 10:10:53','2022-08-26 10:10:53','The ending of our committed couple relationship typically starts the gruelling and exhausting separation experience. Even when we separate well and communicate respectfully without too much acrimony, it still takes a lot out of us as we dismantle nearly every aspect of our former lives together to create two separate units.\r\n\r\nThere are many decisions we need to make concerning the day-to-day practicalities and functioning, financial aspects, as well as the complex <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/2021/08/12/7-stages-of-grief-and-the-separation-process/\">emotional aspects</a> resulting from having had our relationship end. Within this mix is also a great deal of uncertainty about how our lives will be in the future. For most of us in this situation, this <strong>uncertainty causes us to feel anxious</strong>.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.8 - 27-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>What are we anxious about during our separation?</h3>\r\nAs a therapist who also works with separating couples, my clients’ have multiple anxieties stemming from their separation. These anxieties often wake them in the early hours of the morning.\r\n\r\nHere are their top 3 -\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.8 - 27-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nAnxiety about our financial future\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Will I have enough money to support myself properly?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will there be sufficient funds to live comfortably enough, or will I have to live on a restrictive budget?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will we need to sell the family home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I have enough to offer my children the opportunities I wanted them to have prior to separation, such as private schooling or to take them on a holiday?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I be able to look after the finances without my partner (if not done this in the relationship)?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nWe are often anxious about our children\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>How will this news break their hearts?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they be ok if their parents are separated? Is this scarring them for life?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they need to move out of their home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they need to go to a new school?</li>\r\n 	<li>What about their friends?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will I be a good enough parent by myself?</li>\r\n 	<li>Am I enough of a parent for them?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will they be ok at their other parent’s home without me?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will their other parent remember their medicine? Night-time routine? Feed them healthy enough food? Get them off their screens? Pack their school bags properly? Use sunscreen?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\nWe are also anxious about life without our partner\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Will I feel safe without them at home?</li>\r\n 	<li>Who am I without them?</li>\r\n 	<li>What kind of lawyer have they chosen? Will they be out to get me?</li>\r\n 	<li>What is going to happen to our friends and families? Will I lose some of them too?</li>\r\n 	<li>How do I manage the continuous noise inside of my mind about my relationship ending?</li>\r\n 	<li>How am I really doing? Am I drinking too much? Have I started controlling food or binge eating? Am I working too hard? Exercising too much? Am I partying too hard or going manic? Or even having sex with people I don’t really know? Am I withdrawing and isolating too much? Are these really helping me? Am I really safe?</li>\r\n 	<li>What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?</li>\r\n 	<li>Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<h3>Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?</h3>\r\nIn her book, The Mind-Strength Method: Four steps to curb anxiety, conquer worry &amp; build resilience, Dr. Jodie Lowinger notes that we engage in certain ‘safety behaviours’ to eliminate uncertainty and achieve control. Despite being called ‘safety behaviours’, they are not offering any real safety, they offer us <strong>the illusion of safety</strong> in the face of uncertainty.\r\n\r\nI’m sharing the 3 ‘safety behaviours’ that she describes that I often hear in my consulting room when people are separating. These are -\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Worry</strong> – When we repeatedly focus our attention on the problems, we end up feeling more anxious. Lowinger recognises how problematic this in and states that a “negative outcome is the inevitable part of worry – by the very nature of worry it is not a story with a happy ending… in its extreme form is called catastrophising.” (p.108)\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Mind reading</strong> – This strategy is highly problematic, and we will never achieve certainty this way. When my clients attempt to read my mind, they are mostly so far off the mark. We need to ask people what they are thinking.\r\n\r\n<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"59\" height=\"59\" />\r\n\r\n<strong>Over-checking and reassurance seeking</strong> – Lowinger notes that these 2 strategies do not work as neither will provide the certainty we seek as it does not exist. We may experience momentary relief, however, the anxiety will creep back in.\r\n\r\nOne of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves during our separation and divorce process is to learn to accept uncertainty. We need to surrender to uncertainty, otherwise, we will keep using ‘safety behaviours’ that provide no actual safety. There is <strong>no solution to uncertainty besides surrender. </strong>We need to develop <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">helpful strategies</a> that calms our anxiety down.','New Year’s Separation or New Year’s Resolutions','','inherit','closed','closed','','5182-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:10:53','2022-08-26 10:10:53','',5182,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5186',0,'revision','',0),(5187,3,'2022-08-26 10:10:53','2022-08-26 10:10:53','<p>Whilst many of us welcomed 2022 with excitement and thoughts of New Year’s resolutions or goals we wish to achieve, there are also many of us struggling with the state of our couple relationship and close to ending it.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>New Year’s Separation\n</h3>		\n		<p>This is no surprise for family lawyers who traditionally see an increase in client numbers in January with high numbers of partners seeking legal advice for how to separate. Some lawyers see an increase of 30%. For family lawyers, January is traditionally known as ‘Divorce Month’, and this usually begins in the second week of January when many of us head back to work after the Christmas break.</p><p>Therapists are also typically inundated at this time too. I know in my clinic we always experience a huge spike in clients contacts, and many of these are related to partners having increased depression, anxiety, or loneliness relating to issues in their couple relationship.</p><p>What we don’t know is whether this New Year will be any different. Many lawyers have already experienced these spikes following the lifting of Covid restrictions and lockdowns. Therapists similarly saw major spikes last year, as Covid-related anxiety, depression, and stressors pushed many more people to seek help. I hope this January is different, as relationships have already been heavily tested during the pandemic.</p><p>I’m not against couples separating. No-one walks in anyone else’s shoes and can determine just how unhappy they are in their relationship. I do, however, believe we need to try everything to fix it before leaving, especially if there are children involved. Sadly, there are many relationships that could have been saved if partners knew how to get the right help.</p>		\n			<h3>New Year’s Resolution</h3>		\n		<p>If you’re going to make any New Year’s resolutions, I believe you would best be served by working on your couple relationship. Unless there is violence or abuse occurring, then it may be worth trying again to resolve issues in your relationship. Just make sure you’ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.</p><p>Separation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation – and that’s if it’s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.</p><p>Unfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn’t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it’s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.</p><p>If you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.</p><p>If you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner’s communication style personally. As a therapist, I can tell you that our partner’s communication style is all about them, it’s hardly ever personal, even though it can feel very personal indeed.</p><p>If you are a couple struggling with decreased intimacy and connection, then you can improve this too.</p><p>Therapy is a helpful avenue for many couples to go down. Learning about each other in couples therapy is an intimate experience and leads to greater joy and connection between partners. Take the time to get to know each other and why you react to each other the way you do.</p><p>There are also online courses and even podcasts that can decrease your conflict, improve the way you both communicate and increase intimacy and joy. If money is tight, these are cheaper options than ongoing therapy and can provide you a wealth of information. They really can set you on a better path in yourself and your relationship.</p><p>Make it a priority to resolve your relationship difficulties in 2022.</p>','New Year’s Separation or New Year’s Resolutions','','inherit','closed','closed','','5182-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:10:53','2022-08-26 10:10:53','',5182,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5187',0,'revision','',0),(5188,3,'2022-01-13 10:11:43','2022-01-13 10:11:43','<p>Many couples fight. You won’t see this on their Facebook or Instagram pics but I’m telling you they do. I would love to see partners posting pics of real life together, the good, the boring and the ugly. As a couples therapist, I see it all. Here’s the thing, it’s all normal. Even fights are a normal part of couple relationships. They just don’t usually feel normal.</p><p>Even though fighting with our partner is normal, how do we know if our fighting is unhealthy? How do we know how much other people fight? How do we know how other couples experience conflict? Do other couples also find their conflict brutal and soul-destroying? So when should we be worried about our conflict?</p><p>I was speaking to an old school friend at a reunion recently who said she and her husband have two huge fights a year. They yell it all out, sharing with each other just how inadequate, useless, annoying, and horrible they believe each other to be. They have a cold war for about 5 days. Then it’s over. No residue. Should they be worried? No, not at all. Other couples let it rip much more often.</p><p>Living with another person, day in day out, for years and decades can be difficult. We both have different hopes, desires, or ideas of how we want to live life, how to have a relationship, or how children should be raised. There will always be differences between us. On top of this, we all change throughout life. I’m certainly not the same person I was at 25 or even 40. We all change because life changes us through our experiences. These changes in us are felt in our relationship too.</p><p>To determine whether we should be worried about our conflict we can...</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. Attend to our feelings</h3>		\n		<p>We should be worried when our <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/why-your-relationship-is-struggling-right-now/\"><strong>couple conflict</strong></a> makes us feel repeatedly bad about ourselves, our partner, and/or our relationship. This typically doesn’t happen after one fight, but after repeated episodes of conflict. I call these cycles of conflict.</p><p>When fights are ongoing and intense, we need to pay attention to changes in how we feel in the relationship. Are we becoming more anxious? Are we finding our partner scary? (I’m not talking about domestic violence or abuse) Are we feeling depressed or flat about our lives? Are we less motivated or struggling to connect with others? Is it harder to face the day ahead? Is our sleep becoming disrupted?</p><p>Feeling this doesn’t mean our relationship is wrong for us or that we need to get out. It means there are things we need to sort out as we are both being triggered by each other and it’s now hurting us both. Often partners try to resolve their conflict themselves. Many work extremely hard to understand why they’re fighting or what they’re fighting about, yet there is often another episode of conflict around the corner.</p>		\n			<h3>2. Listen to our internal stories – our ego</h3>		\n		<p>When we first met our partner our internal stories, created by our ego, we’re more likely to be positive. However, the more we engage in intense and soul-destroying conflict with them our stories alter and become more negative.</p><p>We need to listen to how our ego speaks to us about our lives together. Do we create stories of our partner being cruel or dangerous in any way? Do we perceive them as a threat? Do we tell ourselves that they are responsible for ruining the relationship we wanted to have? Are our stories filling up with resentment? How often do we tell ourselves or others these negative stories?</p><p>When we view our partner in this way it alters how we relate to them – as a threat. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight with them or run away. This is our very primitive fight or flight response. We are biologically wired to keep away from people, animals or environments we perceive to be hurting us – and this can include our partner.</p><p>The way we treat or behave towards our partner will be altered by the stories we tell ourselves about them. If the stories are negative and how they are the reason we are unhappy, then we put this into the relationship – even if we try to hide how we feel. We don’t normally want to be intimate with someone we experience as a threat, and this impacts our sexual relationship too.</p>		\n			<h3>3. Listen to the children – they will let you know</h3>		\n		<p>If you have children, they’ll let you know if you should be worried about your conflict. You can even ask them how they feel about it. As a parent in conflict, answer these questions honestly.</p><p>Do the children get involved in your conflict and try to mediate you both or do they become the judge and jury? Why do you believe they do this?</p><p>Do the children scatter quickly when you fight? Do you know what they’re doing or how they feel when they scatter? Are they fearful of the conflict or that you may separate?</p><p>Do the children throw themselves into the line of fire in the conflict? If yes, they are trying to move the conflict away from the two of you, deflecting the focus onto themselves. Despite them looking brave in this moment, they’re doing this because your fights feel less safe to them than staying out of it.</p><p>Do they try to cheer you up or make you smile during or following conflict? If they do this, they are playing a role in your conflict as they feel a responsibility to make you feel better. This is role reversal as it’s the parent’s role to cheer the child up – not the other way around.</p><p>When children play a role in their parents’ conflict, they are losing freedom to be a normal child. Most importantly, the conflict hijacks their normal emotional and physical development. Children need their parents to find a way to stop fighting.</p><p>If you have any questions or are unsure whether you should be worried about your couple conflict you can contact me directly on <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/get-in-touch/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','When Should We Be Worried About Our Couple Conflict?','','publish','open','open','','when-should-we-be-worried-about-our-couple-conflict','','','2022-08-26 10:17:08','2022-08-26 10:17:08','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5188',0,'post','',0),(5189,3,'2022-08-26 10:12:57','2022-08-26 10:12:57','','Young,Couple,Relation,Problem,Concept,:,Young,Asian,Woman,Feeling','','inherit','open','closed','','youngcouplerelationproblemconceptyoungasianwomanfeeling','','','2022-08-26 10:12:57','2022-08-26 10:12:57','',5188,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1355008151.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(5190,3,'2022-08-26 10:13:03','2022-08-26 10:13:03','Whilst many of us welcomed 2022 with excitement and thoughts of New Year’s resolutions or goals we wish to achieve, there are also many of us struggling with the state of our couple relationship and close to ending it.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>New Year’s Separation</h3>\r\nThis is no surprise for family lawyers who traditionally see an increase in client numbers in January with high numbers of partners seeking legal advice for how to separate. Some lawyers see an increase of 30%. For family lawyers, January is traditionally known as ‘Divorce Month’, and this usually begins in the second week of January when many of us head back to work after the Christmas break.\r\n\r\nTherapists are also typically inundated at this time too. I know in my clinic we always experience a huge spike in clients contacts, and many of these are related to partners having increased depression, anxiety, or loneliness relating to issues in their couple relationship.\r\n\r\nWhat we don’t know is whether this New Year will be any different. Many lawyers have already experienced these spikes following the lifting of Covid restrictions and lockdowns. Therapists similarly saw major spikes last year, as Covid-related anxiety, depression, and stressors pushed many more people to seek help. I hope this January is different, as relationships have already been heavily tested during the pandemic.\r\n\r\nI’m not against couples separating. No-one walks in anyone else’s shoes and can determine just how unhappy they are in their relationship. I do, however, believe we need to try everything to fix it before leaving, especially if there are children involved. Sadly, there are many relationships that could have been saved if partners knew how to get the right help.\r\n<h3>New Year’s Resolution</h3>\r\nIf you’re going to make any New Year’s resolutions, I believe you would best be served by working on your couple relationship. Unless there is violence or abuse occurring, then it may be worth trying again to resolve issues in your relationship. Just make sure you’ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.\r\n\r\nSeparation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation – and that’s if it’s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn’t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it’s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner’s communication style personally. As a therapist, I can tell you that our partner’s communication style is all about them, it’s hardly ever personal, even though it can feel very personal indeed.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple struggling with decreased intimacy and connection, then you can improve this too.\r\n\r\nTherapy is a helpful avenue for many couples to go down. Learning about each other in couples therapy is an intimate experience and leads to greater joy and connection between partners. Take the time to get to know each other and why you react to each other the way you do.\r\n\r\nThere are also online courses and even podcasts that can decrease your conflict, improve the way you both communicate and increase intimacy and joy. If money is tight, these are cheaper options than ongoing therapy and can provide you a wealth of information. They really can set you on a better path in yourself and your relationship.\r\n\r\nMake it a priority to resolve your relationship difficulties in 2022.','When Should We Be Worried About Our Couple Conflict?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5188-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:13:03','2022-08-26 10:13:03','',5188,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5190',0,'revision','',0),(5191,3,'2022-08-26 10:17:08','2022-08-26 10:17:08','Whilst many of us welcomed 2022 with excitement and thoughts of New Year’s resolutions or goals we wish to achieve, there are also many of us struggling with the state of our couple relationship and close to ending it.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>New Year’s Separation</h3>\r\nThis is no surprise for family lawyers who traditionally see an increase in client numbers in January with high numbers of partners seeking legal advice for how to separate. Some lawyers see an increase of 30%. For family lawyers, January is traditionally known as ‘Divorce Month’, and this usually begins in the second week of January when many of us head back to work after the Christmas break.\r\n\r\nTherapists are also typically inundated at this time too. I know in my clinic we always experience a huge spike in clients contacts, and many of these are related to partners having increased depression, anxiety, or loneliness relating to issues in their couple relationship.\r\n\r\nWhat we don’t know is whether this New Year will be any different. Many lawyers have already experienced these spikes following the lifting of Covid restrictions and lockdowns. Therapists similarly saw major spikes last year, as Covid-related anxiety, depression, and stressors pushed many more people to seek help. I hope this January is different, as relationships have already been heavily tested during the pandemic.\r\n\r\nI’m not against couples separating. No-one walks in anyone else’s shoes and can determine just how unhappy they are in their relationship. I do, however, believe we need to try everything to fix it before leaving, especially if there are children involved. Sadly, there are many relationships that could have been saved if partners knew how to get the right help.\r\n<h3>New Year’s Resolution</h3>\r\nIf you’re going to make any New Year’s resolutions, I believe you would best be served by working on your couple relationship. Unless there is violence or abuse occurring, then it may be worth trying again to resolve issues in your relationship. Just make sure you’ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.\r\n\r\nSeparation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation – and that’s if it’s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn’t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it’s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner’s communication style personally. As a therapist, I can tell you that our partner’s communication style is all about them, it’s hardly ever personal, even though it can feel very personal indeed.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple struggling with decreased intimacy and connection, then you can improve this too.\r\n\r\nTherapy is a helpful avenue for many couples to go down. Learning about each other in couples therapy is an intimate experience and leads to greater joy and connection between partners. Take the time to get to know each other and why you react to each other the way you do.\r\n\r\nThere are also online courses and even podcasts that can decrease your conflict, improve the way you both communicate and increase intimacy and joy. If money is tight, these are cheaper options than ongoing therapy and can provide you a wealth of information. They really can set you on a better path in yourself and your relationship.\r\n\r\nMake it a priority to resolve your relationship difficulties in 2022.','When Should We Be Worried About Our Couple Conflict?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5188-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:17:08','2022-08-26 10:17:08','',5188,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5191',0,'revision','',0),(5192,3,'2022-08-26 10:17:08','2022-08-26 10:17:08','Whilst many of us welcomed 2022 with excitement and thoughts of New Year’s resolutions or goals we wish to achieve, there are also many of us struggling with the state of our couple relationship and close to ending it.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>New Year’s Separation</h3>\r\nThis is no surprise for family lawyers who traditionally see an increase in client numbers in January with high numbers of partners seeking legal advice for how to separate. Some lawyers see an increase of 30%. For family lawyers, January is traditionally known as ‘Divorce Month’, and this usually begins in the second week of January when many of us head back to work after the Christmas break.\r\n\r\nTherapists are also typically inundated at this time too. I know in my clinic we always experience a huge spike in clients contacts, and many of these are related to partners having increased depression, anxiety, or loneliness relating to issues in their couple relationship.\r\n\r\nWhat we don’t know is whether this New Year will be any different. Many lawyers have already experienced these spikes following the lifting of Covid restrictions and lockdowns. Therapists similarly saw major spikes last year, as Covid-related anxiety, depression, and stressors pushed many more people to seek help. I hope this January is different, as relationships have already been heavily tested during the pandemic.\r\n\r\nI’m not against couples separating. No-one walks in anyone else’s shoes and can determine just how unhappy they are in their relationship. I do, however, believe we need to try everything to fix it before leaving, especially if there are children involved. Sadly, there are many relationships that could have been saved if partners knew how to get the right help.\r\n<h3>New Year’s Resolution</h3>\r\nIf you’re going to make any New Year’s resolutions, I believe you would best be served by working on your couple relationship. Unless there is violence or abuse occurring, then it may be worth trying again to resolve issues in your relationship. Just make sure you’ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.\r\n\r\nSeparation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation – and that’s if it’s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn’t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it’s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner’s communication style personally. As a therapist, I can tell you that our partner’s communication style is all about them, it’s hardly ever personal, even though it can feel very personal indeed.\r\n\r\nIf you are a couple struggling with decreased intimacy and connection, then you can improve this too.\r\n\r\nTherapy is a helpful avenue for many couples to go down. Learning about each other in couples therapy is an intimate experience and leads to greater joy and connection between partners. Take the time to get to know each other and why you react to each other the way you do.\r\n\r\nThere are also online courses and even podcasts that can decrease your conflict, improve the way you both communicate and increase intimacy and joy. If money is tight, these are cheaper options than ongoing therapy and can provide you a wealth of information. They really can set you on a better path in yourself and your relationship.\r\n\r\nMake it a priority to resolve your relationship difficulties in 2022.','When Should We Be Worried About Our Couple Conflict?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5188-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:17:08','2022-08-26 10:17:08','',5188,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5192',0,'revision','',0),(5193,3,'2022-08-26 10:17:08','2022-08-26 10:17:08','<p>Many couples fight. You won’t see this on their Facebook or Instagram pics but I’m telling you they do. I would love to see partners posting pics of real life together, the good, the boring and the ugly. As a couples therapist, I see it all. Here’s the thing, it’s all normal. Even fights are a normal part of couple relationships. They just don’t usually feel normal.</p><p>Even though fighting with our partner is normal, how do we know if our fighting is unhealthy? How do we know how much other people fight? How do we know how other couples experience conflict? Do other couples also find their conflict brutal and soul-destroying? So when should we be worried about our conflict?</p><p>I was speaking to an old school friend at a reunion recently who said she and her husband have two huge fights a year. They yell it all out, sharing with each other just how inadequate, useless, annoying, and horrible they believe each other to be. They have a cold war for about 5 days. Then it’s over. No residue. Should they be worried? No, not at all. Other couples let it rip much more often.</p><p>Living with another person, day in day out, for years and decades can be difficult. We both have different hopes, desires, or ideas of how we want to live life, how to have a relationship, or how children should be raised. There will always be differences between us. On top of this, we all change throughout life. I’m certainly not the same person I was at 25 or even 40. We all change because life changes us through our experiences. These changes in us are felt in our relationship too.</p><p>To determine whether we should be worried about our conflict we can...</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. Attend to our feelings</h3>		\n		<p>We should be worried when our <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/why-your-relationship-is-struggling-right-now/\"><strong>couple conflict</strong></a> makes us feel repeatedly bad about ourselves, our partner, and/or our relationship. This typically doesn’t happen after one fight, but after repeated episodes of conflict. I call these cycles of conflict.</p><p>When fights are ongoing and intense, we need to pay attention to changes in how we feel in the relationship. Are we becoming more anxious? Are we finding our partner scary? (I’m not talking about domestic violence or abuse) Are we feeling depressed or flat about our lives? Are we less motivated or struggling to connect with others? Is it harder to face the day ahead? Is our sleep becoming disrupted?</p><p>Feeling this doesn’t mean our relationship is wrong for us or that we need to get out. It means there are things we need to sort out as we are both being triggered by each other and it’s now hurting us both. Often partners try to resolve their conflict themselves. Many work extremely hard to understand why they’re fighting or what they’re fighting about, yet there is often another episode of conflict around the corner.</p>		\n			<h3>2. Listen to our internal stories – our ego</h3>		\n		<p>When we first met our partner our internal stories, created by our ego, we’re more likely to be positive. However, the more we engage in intense and soul-destroying conflict with them our stories alter and become more negative.</p><p>We need to listen to how our ego speaks to us about our lives together. Do we create stories of our partner being cruel or dangerous in any way? Do we perceive them as a threat? Do we tell ourselves that they are responsible for ruining the relationship we wanted to have? Are our stories filling up with resentment? How often do we tell ourselves or others these negative stories?</p><p>When we view our partner in this way it alters how we relate to them – as a threat. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight with them or run away. This is our very primitive fight or flight response. We are biologically wired to keep away from people, animals or environments we perceive to be hurting us – and this can include our partner.</p><p>The way we treat or behave towards our partner will be altered by the stories we tell ourselves about them. If the stories are negative and how they are the reason we are unhappy, then we put this into the relationship – even if we try to hide how we feel. We don’t normally want to be intimate with someone we experience as a threat, and this impacts our sexual relationship too.</p>		\n			<h3>3. Listen to the children – they will let you know</h3>		\n		<p>If you have children, they’ll let you know if you should be worried about your conflict. You can even ask them how they feel about it. As a parent in conflict, answer these questions honestly.</p><p>Do the children get involved in your conflict and try to mediate you both or do they become the judge and jury? Why do you believe they do this?</p><p>Do the children scatter quickly when you fight? Do you know what they’re doing or how they feel when they scatter? Are they fearful of the conflict or that you may separate?</p><p>Do the children throw themselves into the line of fire in the conflict? If yes, they are trying to move the conflict away from the two of you, deflecting the focus onto themselves. Despite them looking brave in this moment, they’re doing this because your fights feel less safe to them than staying out of it.</p><p>Do they try to cheer you up or make you smile during or following conflict? If they do this, they are playing a role in your conflict as they feel a responsibility to make you feel better. This is role reversal as it’s the parent’s role to cheer the child up – not the other way around.</p><p>When children play a role in their parents’ conflict, they are losing freedom to be a normal child. Most importantly, the conflict hijacks their normal emotional and physical development. Children need their parents to find a way to stop fighting.</p><p>If you have any questions or are unsure whether you should be worried about your couple conflict you can contact me directly on <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/get-in-touch/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.</p>','When Should We Be Worried About Our Couple Conflict?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5188-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:17:08','2022-08-26 10:17:08','',5188,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5193',0,'revision','',0),(5194,3,'2022-01-18 10:17:43','2022-01-18 10:17:43','<p>Why is it that some of us feel safe in our couple relationship and others don’t? Why do some of us experience our partner’s words or opinions as dangerous or threatening but someone else wouldn’t react like this? Why is it that some of us trust our partner completely, whereas some of us just can’t?</p><p>Where do our experiences of feeling safe and having trust come from? Where do our experiences of not feeling safe and a lack of trust come from? For many of us the answer is found way back in time well before we met our partner – in our early relationships with parents or caregivers.</p><p>When we’re born, we don’t simply feel safe in the world. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Our new environment outside the womb can feel truly hostile with alarming sounds, bright lights, changes in heat or cold, new textures, vibrations that thud, and now we have experiences of hunger, wet or dirty nappies, and fatigue. We have no way of understanding these experiences yet and can become easily startled or even feel threatened by them.</p><p>As babies when we feel unsafe, we start to cry in an attempt to call our parents towards us. We instinctively know that they’re the ones who will protect us, so we start to feel a sense of protection when they respond to our cries. It’s only when our parents soothe us with actions, sounds, and words that we start to feel safe again. Through their nurturing us, meeting our basic needs and protecting us from danger, we develop a sense of safety. Our nervous system learns that it can be jangled or alarmed, and with the help of our soothing and protective parent, we can calm down again.</p><p>When we’re young, we have hundreds or even thousands of experiences of feeling startled or threatened. We learn that our parents can soothe us and help us feel safe again. This is where trust and safety are developed – in the critically important relationship with our parents or caregivers. Over time we learn to tolerate upsetting and distressing experiences ourselves.</p><p>I wish to point out that no parent is perfect. There will be times that parents frighten or startle their child. Their voice may be too loud or their facial expression too angry. They may drink too much. The parents may fight too much. There will always be ruptures or difficulties in any parent-child relationship but what’s vital to the child’s sense of safety and trust is how they’re repaired. This is done through apologising to the child for any words or behaviour that’s out of line. This is vital if parents want their child to feel safe with them.</p><p>Without these nurturing and soothing experiences with parents or caregivers we don’t develop a sense of safety and trust in relationships. Our cries for help remain unanswered. What is the child supposed to do next? They don’t know how to soothe themselves yet. They escalate their attempts to call their parents. They start to scream.</p><p>We all can experience a screaming baby as unpleasant to our ears. But let’s think about it from the baby’s perspective. Babies can’t move around, find food, quench their thirst, or change their nappy themselves. They are completely dependent on parents or caregivers for everything. They can’t make sense of noises or changes in vocal tones or parental conflict. They startle or feel fear quite easily.</p><p>Imagine a baby being frightened by a loud bang. They start to cry to call their parents to help them. If they are not responded to by the parents their original fear becomes compounded by the sense of now being completely alone. Their next call for help is a scream.</p><p>Imagine as an adult the level of distress we would have to be in to scream like that for help. It would be terrifying, devastating and exhausting for adults to be in that state. It’s the same for a baby. Over many repeated experiences like this with parents who can’t respond to their child’s fears and basic needs, the baby doesn’t develop a sense of safety and trust. They learn something different. They learn that no-one’s coming to help them. They learn that no-one’s really there for them. They learn that they should shut up and stop crying, and not show their feelings to anyone.</p><p>We either develop a sense of trust and safety with our parents or caregivers, or we don’t. And if we don’t, we grow up and become adults who take all of this into our couple relationship. Some of this we may be aware of, yet so much will be without our awareness. We can’t remember it as we were so young, but it’s unconsciously encoded in us.</p><p>Typically, we won’t discuss how we feel with our partner, nor do we want to messy ourselves with our partner’s feelings. We want them to turn them off too. Unfortunately, they become upset with us as they will take it personally when we dismiss their feelings and avoid conversations within the emotional realm.</p><p><em>Image source: Shutterstock (1492617761)</em></p>','Where Do We Develop Our Sense Of Safety And Trust In Relationships?','','publish','open','open','','where-do-we-develop-our-sense-of-safety-and-trust-in-relationships','','','2022-08-26 10:19:57','2022-08-26 10:19:57','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5194',0,'post','',0),(5195,3,'2022-08-26 10:19:03','2022-08-26 10:19:03','','Mixed,Ethnicity,Family,Couple,Holding,Hands,On,Table,,Black,Man','','inherit','open','closed','','mixedethnicityfamilycoupleholdinghandsontableblackman','','','2022-08-26 10:19:03','2022-08-26 10:19:03','',5194,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1492617761.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(5196,3,'2022-08-26 10:19:09','2022-08-26 10:19:09','Many couples fight. You won’t see this on their Facebook or Instagram pics but I’m telling you they do. I would love to see partners posting pics of real life together, the good, the boring and the ugly. As a couples therapist, I see it all. Here’s the thing, it’s all normal. Even fights are a normal part of couple relationships. They just don’t usually feel normal.\r\n\r\nEven though fighting with our partner is normal, how do we know if our fighting is unhealthy? How do we know how much other people fight? How do we know how other couples experience conflict? Do other couples also find their conflict brutal and soul-destroying? So when should we be worried about our conflict?\r\n\r\nI was speaking to an old school friend at a reunion recently who said she and her husband have two huge fights a year. They yell it all out, sharing with each other just how inadequate, useless, annoying, and horrible they believe each other to be. They have a cold war for about 5 days. Then it’s over. No residue. Should they be worried? No, not at all. Other couples let it rip much more often.\r\n\r\nLiving with another person, day in day out, for years and decades can be difficult. We both have different hopes, desires, or ideas of how we want to live life, how to have a relationship, or how children should be raised. There will always be differences between us. On top of this, we all change throughout life. I’m certainly not the same person I was at 25 or even 40. We all change because life changes us through our experiences. These changes in us are felt in our relationship too.\r\n\r\nTo determine whether we should be worried about our conflict we can...\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. Attend to our feelings</h3>\r\nWe should be worried when our <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/why-your-relationship-is-struggling-right-now/\"><strong>couple conflict</strong></a> makes us feel repeatedly bad about ourselves, our partner, and/or our relationship. This typically doesn’t happen after one fight, but after repeated episodes of conflict. I call these cycles of conflict.\r\n\r\nWhen fights are ongoing and intense, we need to pay attention to changes in how we feel in the relationship. Are we becoming more anxious? Are we finding our partner scary? (I’m not talking about domestic violence or abuse) Are we feeling depressed or flat about our lives? Are we less motivated or struggling to connect with others? Is it harder to face the day ahead? Is our sleep becoming disrupted?\r\n\r\nFeeling this doesn’t mean our relationship is wrong for us or that we need to get out. It means there are things we need to sort out as we are both being triggered by each other and it’s now hurting us both. Often partners try to resolve their conflict themselves. Many work extremely hard to understand why they’re fighting or what they’re fighting about, yet there is often another episode of conflict around the corner.\r\n<h3>2. Listen to our internal stories – our ego</h3>\r\nWhen we first met our partner our internal stories, created by our ego, we’re more likely to be positive. However, the more we engage in intense and soul-destroying conflict with them our stories alter and become more negative.\r\n\r\nWe need to listen to how our ego speaks to us about our lives together. Do we create stories of our partner being cruel or dangerous in any way? Do we perceive them as a threat? Do we tell ourselves that they are responsible for ruining the relationship we wanted to have? Are our stories filling up with resentment? How often do we tell ourselves or others these negative stories?\r\n\r\nWhen we view our partner in this way it alters how we relate to them – as a threat. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight with them or run away. This is our very primitive fight or flight response. We are biologically wired to keep away from people, animals or environments we perceive to be hurting us – and this can include our partner.\r\n\r\nThe way we treat or behave towards our partner will be altered by the stories we tell ourselves about them. If the stories are negative and how they are the reason we are unhappy, then we put this into the relationship – even if we try to hide how we feel. We don’t normally want to be intimate with someone we experience as a threat, and this impacts our sexual relationship too.\r\n<h3>3. Listen to the children – they will let you know</h3>\r\nIf you have children, they’ll let you know if you should be worried about your conflict. You can even ask them how they feel about it. As a parent in conflict, answer these questions honestly.\r\n\r\nDo the children get involved in your conflict and try to mediate you both or do they become the judge and jury? Why do you believe they do this?\r\n\r\nDo the children scatter quickly when you fight? Do you know what they’re doing or how they feel when they scatter? Are they fearful of the conflict or that you may separate?\r\n\r\nDo the children throw themselves into the line of fire in the conflict? If yes, they are trying to move the conflict away from the two of you, deflecting the focus onto themselves. Despite them looking brave in this moment, they’re doing this because your fights feel less safe to them than staying out of it.\r\n\r\nDo they try to cheer you up or make you smile during or following conflict? If they do this, they are playing a role in your conflict as they feel a responsibility to make you feel better. This is role reversal as it’s the parent’s role to cheer the child up – not the other way around.\r\n\r\nWhen children play a role in their parents’ conflict, they are losing freedom to be a normal child. Most importantly, the conflict hijacks their normal emotional and physical development. Children need their parents to find a way to stop fighting.\r\n\r\nIf you have any questions or are unsure whether you should be worried about your couple conflict you can contact me directly on <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/get-in-touch/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.','Where Do We Develop Our Sense Of Safety And Trust In Relationships?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5194-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:19:09','2022-08-26 10:19:09','',5194,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5196',0,'revision','',0),(5197,3,'2022-08-26 10:19:56','2022-08-26 10:19:56','Many couples fight. You won’t see this on their Facebook or Instagram pics but I’m telling you they do. I would love to see partners posting pics of real life together, the good, the boring and the ugly. As a couples therapist, I see it all. Here’s the thing, it’s all normal. Even fights are a normal part of couple relationships. They just don’t usually feel normal.\r\n\r\nEven though fighting with our partner is normal, how do we know if our fighting is unhealthy? How do we know how much other people fight? How do we know how other couples experience conflict? Do other couples also find their conflict brutal and soul-destroying? So when should we be worried about our conflict?\r\n\r\nI was speaking to an old school friend at a reunion recently who said she and her husband have two huge fights a year. They yell it all out, sharing with each other just how inadequate, useless, annoying, and horrible they believe each other to be. They have a cold war for about 5 days. Then it’s over. No residue. Should they be worried? No, not at all. Other couples let it rip much more often.\r\n\r\nLiving with another person, day in day out, for years and decades can be difficult. We both have different hopes, desires, or ideas of how we want to live life, how to have a relationship, or how children should be raised. There will always be differences between us. On top of this, we all change throughout life. I’m certainly not the same person I was at 25 or even 40. We all change because life changes us through our experiences. These changes in us are felt in our relationship too.\r\n\r\nTo determine whether we should be worried about our conflict we can...\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. Attend to our feelings</h3>\r\nWe should be worried when our <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/why-your-relationship-is-struggling-right-now/\"><strong>couple conflict</strong></a> makes us feel repeatedly bad about ourselves, our partner, and/or our relationship. This typically doesn’t happen after one fight, but after repeated episodes of conflict. I call these cycles of conflict.\r\n\r\nWhen fights are ongoing and intense, we need to pay attention to changes in how we feel in the relationship. Are we becoming more anxious? Are we finding our partner scary? (I’m not talking about domestic violence or abuse) Are we feeling depressed or flat about our lives? Are we less motivated or struggling to connect with others? Is it harder to face the day ahead? Is our sleep becoming disrupted?\r\n\r\nFeeling this doesn’t mean our relationship is wrong for us or that we need to get out. It means there are things we need to sort out as we are both being triggered by each other and it’s now hurting us both. Often partners try to resolve their conflict themselves. Many work extremely hard to understand why they’re fighting or what they’re fighting about, yet there is often another episode of conflict around the corner.\r\n<h3>2. Listen to our internal stories – our ego</h3>\r\nWhen we first met our partner our internal stories, created by our ego, we’re more likely to be positive. However, the more we engage in intense and soul-destroying conflict with them our stories alter and become more negative.\r\n\r\nWe need to listen to how our ego speaks to us about our lives together. Do we create stories of our partner being cruel or dangerous in any way? Do we perceive them as a threat? Do we tell ourselves that they are responsible for ruining the relationship we wanted to have? Are our stories filling up with resentment? How often do we tell ourselves or others these negative stories?\r\n\r\nWhen we view our partner in this way it alters how we relate to them – as a threat. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight with them or run away. This is our very primitive fight or flight response. We are biologically wired to keep away from people, animals or environments we perceive to be hurting us – and this can include our partner.\r\n\r\nThe way we treat or behave towards our partner will be altered by the stories we tell ourselves about them. If the stories are negative and how they are the reason we are unhappy, then we put this into the relationship – even if we try to hide how we feel. We don’t normally want to be intimate with someone we experience as a threat, and this impacts our sexual relationship too.\r\n<h3>3. Listen to the children – they will let you know</h3>\r\nIf you have children, they’ll let you know if you should be worried about your conflict. You can even ask them how they feel about it. As a parent in conflict, answer these questions honestly.\r\n\r\nDo the children get involved in your conflict and try to mediate you both or do they become the judge and jury? Why do you believe they do this?\r\n\r\nDo the children scatter quickly when you fight? Do you know what they’re doing or how they feel when they scatter? Are they fearful of the conflict or that you may separate?\r\n\r\nDo the children throw themselves into the line of fire in the conflict? If yes, they are trying to move the conflict away from the two of you, deflecting the focus onto themselves. Despite them looking brave in this moment, they’re doing this because your fights feel less safe to them than staying out of it.\r\n\r\nDo they try to cheer you up or make you smile during or following conflict? If they do this, they are playing a role in your conflict as they feel a responsibility to make you feel better. This is role reversal as it’s the parent’s role to cheer the child up – not the other way around.\r\n\r\nWhen children play a role in their parents’ conflict, they are losing freedom to be a normal child. Most importantly, the conflict hijacks their normal emotional and physical development. Children need their parents to find a way to stop fighting.\r\n\r\nIf you have any questions or are unsure whether you should be worried about your couple conflict you can contact me directly on <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/get-in-touch/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.','Where Do We Develop Our Sense Of Safety And Trust In Relationships?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5194-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:19:56','2022-08-26 10:19:56','',5194,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5197',0,'revision','',0),(5198,3,'2022-08-26 10:19:56','2022-08-26 10:19:56','Many couples fight. You won’t see this on their Facebook or Instagram pics but I’m telling you they do. I would love to see partners posting pics of real life together, the good, the boring and the ugly. As a couples therapist, I see it all. Here’s the thing, it’s all normal. Even fights are a normal part of couple relationships. They just don’t usually feel normal.\r\n\r\nEven though fighting with our partner is normal, how do we know if our fighting is unhealthy? How do we know how much other people fight? How do we know how other couples experience conflict? Do other couples also find their conflict brutal and soul-destroying? So when should we be worried about our conflict?\r\n\r\nI was speaking to an old school friend at a reunion recently who said she and her husband have two huge fights a year. They yell it all out, sharing with each other just how inadequate, useless, annoying, and horrible they believe each other to be. They have a cold war for about 5 days. Then it’s over. No residue. Should they be worried? No, not at all. Other couples let it rip much more often.\r\n\r\nLiving with another person, day in day out, for years and decades can be difficult. We both have different hopes, desires, or ideas of how we want to live life, how to have a relationship, or how children should be raised. There will always be differences between us. On top of this, we all change throughout life. I’m certainly not the same person I was at 25 or even 40. We all change because life changes us through our experiences. These changes in us are felt in our relationship too.\r\n\r\nTo determine whether we should be worried about our conflict we can...\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.7.2 - 21-08-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. Attend to our feelings</h3>\r\nWe should be worried when our <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/why-your-relationship-is-struggling-right-now/\"><strong>couple conflict</strong></a> makes us feel repeatedly bad about ourselves, our partner, and/or our relationship. This typically doesn’t happen after one fight, but after repeated episodes of conflict. I call these cycles of conflict.\r\n\r\nWhen fights are ongoing and intense, we need to pay attention to changes in how we feel in the relationship. Are we becoming more anxious? Are we finding our partner scary? (I’m not talking about domestic violence or abuse) Are we feeling depressed or flat about our lives? Are we less motivated or struggling to connect with others? Is it harder to face the day ahead? Is our sleep becoming disrupted?\r\n\r\nFeeling this doesn’t mean our relationship is wrong for us or that we need to get out. It means there are things we need to sort out as we are both being triggered by each other and it’s now hurting us both. Often partners try to resolve their conflict themselves. Many work extremely hard to understand why they’re fighting or what they’re fighting about, yet there is often another episode of conflict around the corner.\r\n<h3>2. Listen to our internal stories – our ego</h3>\r\nWhen we first met our partner our internal stories, created by our ego, we’re more likely to be positive. However, the more we engage in intense and soul-destroying conflict with them our stories alter and become more negative.\r\n\r\nWe need to listen to how our ego speaks to us about our lives together. Do we create stories of our partner being cruel or dangerous in any way? Do we perceive them as a threat? Do we tell ourselves that they are responsible for ruining the relationship we wanted to have? Are our stories filling up with resentment? How often do we tell ourselves or others these negative stories?\r\n\r\nWhen we view our partner in this way it alters how we relate to them – as a threat. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight with them or run away. This is our very primitive fight or flight response. We are biologically wired to keep away from people, animals or environments we perceive to be hurting us – and this can include our partner.\r\n\r\nThe way we treat or behave towards our partner will be altered by the stories we tell ourselves about them. If the stories are negative and how they are the reason we are unhappy, then we put this into the relationship – even if we try to hide how we feel. We don’t normally want to be intimate with someone we experience as a threat, and this impacts our sexual relationship too.\r\n<h3>3. Listen to the children – they will let you know</h3>\r\nIf you have children, they’ll let you know if you should be worried about your conflict. You can even ask them how they feel about it. As a parent in conflict, answer these questions honestly.\r\n\r\nDo the children get involved in your conflict and try to mediate you both or do they become the judge and jury? Why do you believe they do this?\r\n\r\nDo the children scatter quickly when you fight? Do you know what they’re doing or how they feel when they scatter? Are they fearful of the conflict or that you may separate?\r\n\r\nDo the children throw themselves into the line of fire in the conflict? If yes, they are trying to move the conflict away from the two of you, deflecting the focus onto themselves. Despite them looking brave in this moment, they’re doing this because your fights feel less safe to them than staying out of it.\r\n\r\nDo they try to cheer you up or make you smile during or following conflict? If they do this, they are playing a role in your conflict as they feel a responsibility to make you feel better. This is role reversal as it’s the parent’s role to cheer the child up – not the other way around.\r\n\r\nWhen children play a role in their parents’ conflict, they are losing freedom to be a normal child. Most importantly, the conflict hijacks their normal emotional and physical development. Children need their parents to find a way to stop fighting.\r\n\r\nIf you have any questions or are unsure whether you should be worried about your couple conflict you can contact me directly on <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/get-in-touch/\"><strong>here</strong></a>.','Where Do We Develop Our Sense Of Safety And Trust In Relationships?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5194-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:19:56','2022-08-26 10:19:56','',5194,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5198',0,'revision','',0),(5199,3,'2022-08-26 10:19:57','2022-08-26 10:19:57','<p>Why is it that some of us feel safe in our couple relationship and others don’t? Why do some of us experience our partner’s words or opinions as dangerous or threatening but someone else wouldn’t react like this? Why is it that some of us trust our partner completely, whereas some of us just can’t?</p><p>Where do our experiences of feeling safe and having trust come from? Where do our experiences of not feeling safe and a lack of trust come from? For many of us the answer is found way back in time well before we met our partner – in our early relationships with parents or caregivers.</p><p>When we’re born, we don’t simply feel safe in the world. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Our new environment outside the womb can feel truly hostile with alarming sounds, bright lights, changes in heat or cold, new textures, vibrations that thud, and now we have experiences of hunger, wet or dirty nappies, and fatigue. We have no way of understanding these experiences yet and can become easily startled or even feel threatened by them.</p><p>As babies when we feel unsafe, we start to cry in an attempt to call our parents towards us. We instinctively know that they’re the ones who will protect us, so we start to feel a sense of protection when they respond to our cries. It’s only when our parents soothe us with actions, sounds, and words that we start to feel safe again. Through their nurturing us, meeting our basic needs and protecting us from danger, we develop a sense of safety. Our nervous system learns that it can be jangled or alarmed, and with the help of our soothing and protective parent, we can calm down again.</p><p>When we’re young, we have hundreds or even thousands of experiences of feeling startled or threatened. We learn that our parents can soothe us and help us feel safe again. This is where trust and safety are developed – in the critically important relationship with our parents or caregivers. Over time we learn to tolerate upsetting and distressing experiences ourselves.</p><p>I wish to point out that no parent is perfect. There will be times that parents frighten or startle their child. Their voice may be too loud or their facial expression too angry. They may drink too much. The parents may fight too much. There will always be ruptures or difficulties in any parent-child relationship but what’s vital to the child’s sense of safety and trust is how they’re repaired. This is done through apologising to the child for any words or behaviour that’s out of line. This is vital if parents want their child to feel safe with them.</p><p>Without these nurturing and soothing experiences with parents or caregivers we don’t develop a sense of safety and trust in relationships. Our cries for help remain unanswered. What is the child supposed to do next? They don’t know how to soothe themselves yet. They escalate their attempts to call their parents. They start to scream.</p><p>We all can experience a screaming baby as unpleasant to our ears. But let’s think about it from the baby’s perspective. Babies can’t move around, find food, quench their thirst, or change their nappy themselves. They are completely dependent on parents or caregivers for everything. They can’t make sense of noises or changes in vocal tones or parental conflict. They startle or feel fear quite easily.</p><p>Imagine a baby being frightened by a loud bang. They start to cry to call their parents to help them. If they are not responded to by the parents their original fear becomes compounded by the sense of now being completely alone. Their next call for help is a scream.</p><p>Imagine as an adult the level of distress we would have to be in to scream like that for help. It would be terrifying, devastating and exhausting for adults to be in that state. It’s the same for a baby. Over many repeated experiences like this with parents who can’t respond to their child’s fears and basic needs, the baby doesn’t develop a sense of safety and trust. They learn something different. They learn that no-one’s coming to help them. They learn that no-one’s really there for them. They learn that they should shut up and stop crying, and not show their feelings to anyone.</p><p>We either develop a sense of trust and safety with our parents or caregivers, or we don’t. And if we don’t, we grow up and become adults who take all of this into our couple relationship. Some of this we may be aware of, yet so much will be without our awareness. We can’t remember it as we were so young, but it’s unconsciously encoded in us.</p><p>Typically, we won’t discuss how we feel with our partner, nor do we want to messy ourselves with our partner’s feelings. We want them to turn them off too. Unfortunately, they become upset with us as they will take it personally when we dismiss their feelings and avoid conversations within the emotional realm.</p><p><em>Image source: Shutterstock (1492617761)</em></p>','Where Do We Develop Our Sense Of Safety And Trust In Relationships?','','inherit','closed','closed','','5194-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:19:57','2022-08-26 10:19:57','',5194,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5199',0,'revision','',0),(5200,3,'2022-01-20 10:20:24','2022-01-20 10:20:24','<p>At the end of 2021 most of us were desperate for the Christmas break to come and offer some reprieve from the year we’d just had. Especially those of us in NSW and Victoria, we wanted a change of scenery or to have freedom to be in the world doing things we previously enjoyed.</p><p> </p><p>There had been so much anxiety, overwhelm, and depression throughout the past 2 years dealing with the pandemic and the changes we needed to make. Many of us kept working straight through until the Christmas break. What was the point of taking time off work any earlier to sit in lockdown at home?</p><p>From my end I was looking forward to spending time with my family and friends. We’d all missed the face-to-face contact with each other. Then as Omicron ripped across the state our gatherings, birthdays and Christmas plans were pared down or cancelled. Friends who were on holidays became sick. Some on their return were holed up with Covid. Being somewhere else this Christmas break wasn’t feeling as appealing anymore.</p><p>We received the news on Boxing Day that my younger daughter was a close Covid contact. She went into a week’s isolation to see if symptoms developed. I laid low at that time, as I knew that if she was infected then chances were that I’d also be. She was fine. That was my first week of holidays.</p><p>As we move through the first days of 2022 everything was closing down even more. So many of us were not going to restaurants, cafes, cinemas, family picnics, or being with friends for fear of exposure to Omicron. Even though we’re so used to this as we’ve been here before, we’re still disappointed. It’s feeling a lot like lockdown.</p><p>I’d also been looking forward to going to a health retreat by myself for 5 days. I first booked this in June 2021, then as Delta swept in I moved it to October, and then rebooked for January. I’d worked hard this year as a therapist supporting my clients through variants, restrictions, and lockdowns. I’d worked hard on my online business helping partners reduce couple conflict and improve their communication, and I’d also worked tirelessly to write a book for my publisher in just 3 months. I was ready to kickstart 2022 with a healthy-tude and loads of physical activity.</p><p>I was ready to read books by a pool, attend different classes in the retreat’s gym, do stretching and yoga classes, and to have time to myself. Secretly I was beyond excited at the thought of having 3 healthy meals per day prepared for me. This is because I’ve been completely over cooking for 8 months. Forget entertaining at home ever again – I’m over that too. I’ve been doing the entertaining gig for years, even decades, and it’s over – I’m cooked. So yes, I was disappointed to cancel this due to Omicron ripping around our state.</p><p>Then on 3rd January my older daughter called to tell me she was positive to Covid. I’d enjoyed being with her the two days prior to this. Despite not officially meeting the criteria of a close contact we’d been together in my home (she lives out), in my car, playing with our dogs, and we’d greeted each other with hugs and kisses. Fortunately, she hasn’t been too unwell as she isolates on her own. As a parent it’s so hard to drop food and pharmacy meds off at the door and walk away.</p><p>So many of us now have Covid. Young and old, it’s not discriminating. Everyday I’m hearing of more people I know with it. I’m still laying pretty low and doing RAT tests in case I have it too. I don’t want anyone becoming sick from me. This is my second week of holidays. I’m disappointed as it’s nothing like I thought it would be.</p><p>But why should it be what I want it to be? The last 2 years has taught us not to become too attached to what we want and how we believe life should be.</p><p>Prior to the pandemic, we were so fortunate that we could count on many things happening that we put in motion. We were not even aware how fortunate we were to be able to plan a few days away and count on getting there. We didn’t blink when we booked a restaurant knowing it wouldn’t need to be cancelled. We had no idea we couldn’t hug a parent who lives only one suburb away. We could rely on life being more or less what we wanted it to be.</p><p>So, it’s fine to be disappointed. You are and so am I. We’re all in a strange place where we either fear becoming sick, are already sick, or are waiting to see if we are sick. And we’re all sick of Covid. Yet we need to remember that we’re still in a pandemic. There will likely be more disappointment for all of us to come. However, what it does mean is that we will cherish the times ahead when we are able to hang out with our friends and families without the C-word, go on a trip as planned, dance in a club, or be in a restaurant with a free mind again. We will appreciate our everyday in a way we never really did before, and this will feel so joyful.</p><p><em>Image source: Shutterstock (1698309571)</em></p>','It’s Ok To Be Disappointed. Most Of Us Are.','','publish','open','open','','its-ok-to-be-disappointed-most-of-us-are','','','2022-08-26 10:23:07','2022-08-26 10:23:07','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5200',0,'post','',0),(5201,3,'2022-08-26 10:22:04','2022-08-26 10:22:04','','Elderly,Caucasian,Woman,Wearing,Hand,Made,Protective,Face,Mask,,In','','inherit','open','closed','','elderlycaucasianwomanwearinghandmadeprotectivefacemaskin','','','2022-08-26 10:22:04','2022-08-26 10:22:04','',5200,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1698309571.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(5202,3,'2022-08-26 10:22:14','2022-08-26 10:22:14','Why is it that some of us feel safe in our couple relationship and others don’t? Why do some of us experience our partner’s words or opinions as dangerous or threatening but someone else wouldn’t react like this? Why is it that some of us trust our partner completely, whereas some of us just can’t?\r\n\r\nWhere do our experiences of feeling safe and having trust come from? Where do our experiences of not feeling safe and a lack of trust come from? For many of us the answer is found way back in time well before we met our partner – in our early relationships with parents or caregivers.\r\n\r\nWhen we’re born, we don’t simply feel safe in the world. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Our new environment outside the womb can feel truly hostile with alarming sounds, bright lights, changes in heat or cold, new textures, vibrations that thud, and now we have experiences of hunger, wet or dirty nappies, and fatigue. We have no way of understanding these experiences yet and can become easily startled or even feel threatened by them.\r\n\r\nAs babies when we feel unsafe, we start to cry in an attempt to call our parents towards us. We instinctively know that they’re the ones who will protect us, so we start to feel a sense of protection when they respond to our cries. It’s only when our parents soothe us with actions, sounds, and words that we start to feel safe again. Through their nurturing us, meeting our basic needs and protecting us from danger, we develop a sense of safety. Our nervous system learns that it can be jangled or alarmed, and with the help of our soothing and protective parent, we can calm down again.\r\n\r\nWhen we’re young, we have hundreds or even thousands of experiences of feeling startled or threatened. We learn that our parents can soothe us and help us feel safe again. This is where trust and safety are developed – in the critically important relationship with our parents or caregivers. Over time we learn to tolerate upsetting and distressing experiences ourselves.\r\n\r\nI wish to point out that no parent is perfect. There will be times that parents frighten or startle their child. Their voice may be too loud or their facial expression too angry. They may drink too much. The parents may fight too much. There will always be ruptures or difficulties in any parent-child relationship but what’s vital to the child’s sense of safety and trust is how they’re repaired. This is done through apologising to the child for any words or behaviour that’s out of line. This is vital if parents want their child to feel safe with them.\r\n\r\nWithout these nurturing and soothing experiences with parents or caregivers we don’t develop a sense of safety and trust in relationships. Our cries for help remain unanswered. What is the child supposed to do next? They don’t know how to soothe themselves yet. They escalate their attempts to call their parents. They start to scream.\r\n\r\nWe all can experience a screaming baby as unpleasant to our ears. But let’s think about it from the baby’s perspective. Babies can’t move around, find food, quench their thirst, or change their nappy themselves. They are completely dependent on parents or caregivers for everything. They can’t make sense of noises or changes in vocal tones or parental conflict. They startle or feel fear quite easily.\r\n\r\nImagine a baby being frightened by a loud bang. They start to cry to call their parents to help them. If they are not responded to by the parents their original fear becomes compounded by the sense of now being completely alone. Their next call for help is a scream.\r\n\r\nImagine as an adult the level of distress we would have to be in to scream like that for help. It would be terrifying, devastating and exhausting for adults to be in that state. It’s the same for a baby. Over many repeated experiences like this with parents who can’t respond to their child’s fears and basic needs, the baby doesn’t develop a sense of safety and trust. They learn something different. They learn that no-one’s coming to help them. They learn that no-one’s really there for them. They learn that they should shut up and stop crying, and not show their feelings to anyone.\r\n\r\nWe either develop a sense of trust and safety with our parents or caregivers, or we don’t. And if we don’t, we grow up and become adults who take all of this into our couple relationship. Some of this we may be aware of, yet so much will be without our awareness. We can’t remember it as we were so young, but it’s unconsciously encoded in us.\r\n\r\nTypically, we won’t discuss how we feel with our partner, nor do we want to messy ourselves with our partner’s feelings. We want them to turn them off too. Unfortunately, they become upset with us as they will take it personally when we dismiss their feelings and avoid conversations within the emotional realm.\r\n\r\n<em>Image source: Shutterstock (1492617761)</em>','It’s Ok To Be Disappointed. Most Of Us Are.','','inherit','closed','closed','','5200-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:22:14','2022-08-26 10:22:14','',5200,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5202',0,'revision','',0),(5203,3,'2022-08-26 10:23:07','2022-08-26 10:23:07','Why is it that some of us feel safe in our couple relationship and others don’t? Why do some of us experience our partner’s words or opinions as dangerous or threatening but someone else wouldn’t react like this? Why is it that some of us trust our partner completely, whereas some of us just can’t?\r\n\r\nWhere do our experiences of feeling safe and having trust come from? Where do our experiences of not feeling safe and a lack of trust come from? For many of us the answer is found way back in time well before we met our partner – in our early relationships with parents or caregivers.\r\n\r\nWhen we’re born, we don’t simply feel safe in the world. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Our new environment outside the womb can feel truly hostile with alarming sounds, bright lights, changes in heat or cold, new textures, vibrations that thud, and now we have experiences of hunger, wet or dirty nappies, and fatigue. We have no way of understanding these experiences yet and can become easily startled or even feel threatened by them.\r\n\r\nAs babies when we feel unsafe, we start to cry in an attempt to call our parents towards us. We instinctively know that they’re the ones who will protect us, so we start to feel a sense of protection when they respond to our cries. It’s only when our parents soothe us with actions, sounds, and words that we start to feel safe again. Through their nurturing us, meeting our basic needs and protecting us from danger, we develop a sense of safety. Our nervous system learns that it can be jangled or alarmed, and with the help of our soothing and protective parent, we can calm down again.\r\n\r\nWhen we’re young, we have hundreds or even thousands of experiences of feeling startled or threatened. We learn that our parents can soothe us and help us feel safe again. This is where trust and safety are developed – in the critically important relationship with our parents or caregivers. Over time we learn to tolerate upsetting and distressing experiences ourselves.\r\n\r\nI wish to point out that no parent is perfect. There will be times that parents frighten or startle their child. Their voice may be too loud or their facial expression too angry. They may drink too much. The parents may fight too much. There will always be ruptures or difficulties in any parent-child relationship but what’s vital to the child’s sense of safety and trust is how they’re repaired. This is done through apologising to the child for any words or behaviour that’s out of line. This is vital if parents want their child to feel safe with them.\r\n\r\nWithout these nurturing and soothing experiences with parents or caregivers we don’t develop a sense of safety and trust in relationships. Our cries for help remain unanswered. What is the child supposed to do next? They don’t know how to soothe themselves yet. They escalate their attempts to call their parents. They start to scream.\r\n\r\nWe all can experience a screaming baby as unpleasant to our ears. But let’s think about it from the baby’s perspective. Babies can’t move around, find food, quench their thirst, or change their nappy themselves. They are completely dependent on parents or caregivers for everything. They can’t make sense of noises or changes in vocal tones or parental conflict. They startle or feel fear quite easily.\r\n\r\nImagine a baby being frightened by a loud bang. They start to cry to call their parents to help them. If they are not responded to by the parents their original fear becomes compounded by the sense of now being completely alone. Their next call for help is a scream.\r\n\r\nImagine as an adult the level of distress we would have to be in to scream like that for help. It would be terrifying, devastating and exhausting for adults to be in that state. It’s the same for a baby. Over many repeated experiences like this with parents who can’t respond to their child’s fears and basic needs, the baby doesn’t develop a sense of safety and trust. They learn something different. They learn that no-one’s coming to help them. They learn that no-one’s really there for them. They learn that they should shut up and stop crying, and not show their feelings to anyone.\r\n\r\nWe either develop a sense of trust and safety with our parents or caregivers, or we don’t. And if we don’t, we grow up and become adults who take all of this into our couple relationship. Some of this we may be aware of, yet so much will be without our awareness. We can’t remember it as we were so young, but it’s unconsciously encoded in us.\r\n\r\nTypically, we won’t discuss how we feel with our partner, nor do we want to messy ourselves with our partner’s feelings. We want them to turn them off too. Unfortunately, they become upset with us as they will take it personally when we dismiss their feelings and avoid conversations within the emotional realm.\r\n\r\n<em>Image source: Shutterstock (1492617761)</em>','It’s Ok To Be Disappointed. Most Of Us Are.','','inherit','closed','closed','','5200-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:23:07','2022-08-26 10:23:07','',5200,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5203',0,'revision','',0),(5204,3,'2022-08-26 10:23:07','2022-08-26 10:23:07','Why is it that some of us feel safe in our couple relationship and others don’t? Why do some of us experience our partner’s words or opinions as dangerous or threatening but someone else wouldn’t react like this? Why is it that some of us trust our partner completely, whereas some of us just can’t?\r\n\r\nWhere do our experiences of feeling safe and having trust come from? Where do our experiences of not feeling safe and a lack of trust come from? For many of us the answer is found way back in time well before we met our partner – in our early relationships with parents or caregivers.\r\n\r\nWhen we’re born, we don’t simply feel safe in the world. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Our new environment outside the womb can feel truly hostile with alarming sounds, bright lights, changes in heat or cold, new textures, vibrations that thud, and now we have experiences of hunger, wet or dirty nappies, and fatigue. We have no way of understanding these experiences yet and can become easily startled or even feel threatened by them.\r\n\r\nAs babies when we feel unsafe, we start to cry in an attempt to call our parents towards us. We instinctively know that they’re the ones who will protect us, so we start to feel a sense of protection when they respond to our cries. It’s only when our parents soothe us with actions, sounds, and words that we start to feel safe again. Through their nurturing us, meeting our basic needs and protecting us from danger, we develop a sense of safety. Our nervous system learns that it can be jangled or alarmed, and with the help of our soothing and protective parent, we can calm down again.\r\n\r\nWhen we’re young, we have hundreds or even thousands of experiences of feeling startled or threatened. We learn that our parents can soothe us and help us feel safe again. This is where trust and safety are developed – in the critically important relationship with our parents or caregivers. Over time we learn to tolerate upsetting and distressing experiences ourselves.\r\n\r\nI wish to point out that no parent is perfect. There will be times that parents frighten or startle their child. Their voice may be too loud or their facial expression too angry. They may drink too much. The parents may fight too much. There will always be ruptures or difficulties in any parent-child relationship but what’s vital to the child’s sense of safety and trust is how they’re repaired. This is done through apologising to the child for any words or behaviour that’s out of line. This is vital if parents want their child to feel safe with them.\r\n\r\nWithout these nurturing and soothing experiences with parents or caregivers we don’t develop a sense of safety and trust in relationships. Our cries for help remain unanswered. What is the child supposed to do next? They don’t know how to soothe themselves yet. They escalate their attempts to call their parents. They start to scream.\r\n\r\nWe all can experience a screaming baby as unpleasant to our ears. But let’s think about it from the baby’s perspective. Babies can’t move around, find food, quench their thirst, or change their nappy themselves. They are completely dependent on parents or caregivers for everything. They can’t make sense of noises or changes in vocal tones or parental conflict. They startle or feel fear quite easily.\r\n\r\nImagine a baby being frightened by a loud bang. They start to cry to call their parents to help them. If they are not responded to by the parents their original fear becomes compounded by the sense of now being completely alone. Their next call for help is a scream.\r\n\r\nImagine as an adult the level of distress we would have to be in to scream like that for help. It would be terrifying, devastating and exhausting for adults to be in that state. It’s the same for a baby. Over many repeated experiences like this with parents who can’t respond to their child’s fears and basic needs, the baby doesn’t develop a sense of safety and trust. They learn something different. They learn that no-one’s coming to help them. They learn that no-one’s really there for them. They learn that they should shut up and stop crying, and not show their feelings to anyone.\r\n\r\nWe either develop a sense of trust and safety with our parents or caregivers, or we don’t. And if we don’t, we grow up and become adults who take all of this into our couple relationship. Some of this we may be aware of, yet so much will be without our awareness. We can’t remember it as we were so young, but it’s unconsciously encoded in us.\r\n\r\nTypically, we won’t discuss how we feel with our partner, nor do we want to messy ourselves with our partner’s feelings. We want them to turn them off too. Unfortunately, they become upset with us as they will take it personally when we dismiss their feelings and avoid conversations within the emotional realm.\r\n\r\n<em>Image source: Shutterstock (1492617761)</em>','It’s Ok To Be Disappointed. Most Of Us Are.','','inherit','closed','closed','','5200-revision-v1','','','2022-08-26 10:23:07','2022-08-26 10:23:07','',5200,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=5204',0,'revision','',0),