(4728,1,'2022-07-25 14:00:20','2022-07-25 14:00:20','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/logo1-ps19kyly23pnr71se4wy5ttj3jofrjkao9s2t3yadc.png\" title=\"logo1\" alt=\"logo1\" />															\n															<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n															<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />															\n															<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 14:00:20','2022-07-25 14:00:20','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4728',0,'revision','',0),(4729,1,'2022-07-25 14:00:20','2022-07-25 14:00:20','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Articles            \n        </h1>\n            interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Lissy\'s Guest Interview Segments             \n        </h2>\n            Click on the images below to review the articles        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/mamamia-small-1-ps1a2cmifxjwafmq3z9xbdhvozhxq66jsxpmjnxce8.png\" title=\"mamamia-small\" alt=\"mamamia-small\" />															\n															<img width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/logo5-100x100-1.png\" alt=\"\" />															\n															<img width=\"300\" height=\"84\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness-300x84.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/House-of-Wellness.png 363w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" />															\n															<img width=\"160\" height=\"80\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/daily-telegraph-small-1.png\" alt=\"\" />','Articles','A selection of articles where Lissy has been interviewed.','inherit','closed','closed','','4317-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 14:00:20','2022-07-25 14:00:20','',4317,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4729',0,'revision','',0),(4730,1,'2022-07-25 14:40:40','2022-07-25 14:40:40','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                eBooks            \n        </h1>\n            Lissy Abrahams resources        \n            <h2>\n                Thoughtfully designed to help you achieve the best outcome for your relationship.            \n        </h2>\n            Several resources to help you navigate some challenges that many people face in relationships. Each ebook is based on different disruptions that may cause turmoil in a relationship from life transitions to relationship breakdowns.<br />\n<br />\n                                    <a href=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\"><img src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/happy-couple-300x157-1-e1658118150243.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"157\" alt=\"happy-couple-300x157\" title=\"happy-couple-300x157\" /></a>\n                                        <img src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/sv_icon1.png\">\n                                                                <h4>\n                                    <a href=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\">What makes a couple relationship a happy one?</a>\n                                </h4>\n                                    Loving each other makes it easier to solve the invariable issues that come up daily, Lorem ipsum dolor.                                \n                                            <a href=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\">Find out more</a>','eBooks','','inherit','closed','closed','','3734-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 14:40:40','2022-07-25 14:40:40','',3734,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4730',0,'revision','',0),(4731,1,'2022-07-25 14:40:40','2022-07-25 14:40:40','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                eBooks            \n        </h1>\n            Lissy Abrahams resources        \n            <h2>\n                Thoughtfully designed to help you achieve the best outcome for your relationship.            \n        </h2>\n            Several resources to help you navigate some challenges that many people face in relationships. Each ebook is based on different disruptions that may cause turmoil in a relationship from life transitions to relationship breakdowns.<br />\n<br />\n                                    <a href=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\"><img src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/happy-couple-300x157-1-e1658118150243.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"157\" alt=\"happy-couple-300x157\" title=\"happy-couple-300x157\" /></a>\n                                        <img src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/sv_icon1.png\">\n                                                                <h4>\n                                    <a href=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\">What makes a couple relationship a happy one?</a>\n                                </h4>\n                                    Loving each other makes it easier to solve the invariable issues that come up daily, Lorem ipsum dolor.                                \n                                            <a href=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\">Find out more</a>','eBooks','','inherit','closed','closed','','3734-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 14:40:40','2022-07-25 14:40:40','',3734,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4731',0,'revision','',0),(4732,1,'2022-07-25 14:40:40','2022-07-25 14:40:40','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                eBooks            \n        </h1>\n            Lissy Abrahams resources        \n            <h2>\n                Thoughtfully designed to help you achieve the best outcome for your relationship.            \n        </h2>\n            Several resources to help you navigate some challenges that many people face in relationships. Each ebook is based on different disruptions that may cause turmoil in a relationship from life transitions to relationship breakdowns.<br />\n<br />\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\"><img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/ebook-3-300x157-1.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"157\" alt=\"ebook-3-300x157\" title=\"ebook-3-300x157\" /></a>\n                                                                <h4>\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\">5 Mistakes Couples Make</a>\n                                </h4>\n                                    With busy lives focused on careers, paying mortgages, running households, children, family and friends, it is so easy.                                \n                                            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\">Find out more</a>\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/how-our-ego-harms-couple-relationships/\"><img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/ebook-2-300x157-1.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"157\" alt=\"ebook-2-300x157\" title=\"ebook-2-300x157\" /></a>\n                                                                <h4>\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/how-our-ego-harms-couple-relationships/\">How Our Ego Harms Couple Relationships</a>\n                                </h4>\n                                    We all have a voice in our head that speaks to us throughout the day. It speaks in.                                \n                                            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/how-our-ego-harms-couple-relationships/\">Find out more</a>\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\"><img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/ebook-1-300x156-1.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"156\" alt=\"ebook-1-300x156\" title=\"ebook-1-300x156\" /></a>\n                                                                <h4>\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication</a>\n                                </h4>\n                                    When we snap at our partner, respond angrily, get frustrated, storm out or slink away that is the.                                \n                                            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\">Find out more</a>\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\"><img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/happy-couple-300x157-1-e1658118150243.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"157\" alt=\"happy-couple-300x157\" title=\"happy-couple-300x157\" /></a>\n                                                                <h4>\n                                    <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\">What Makes a Couple Relationship a Happy One?</a>\n                                </h4>\n                                    There is a sense of safety that happy couples experience – knowing that they are truly cared about.                                \n                                            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/what-makes-a-couple-relationship-a-happy-one/\">Find out more</a>','eBooks','','inherit','closed','closed','','3734-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 14:40:40','2022-07-25 14:40:40','',3734,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4732',0,'revision','',0),(4735,1,'2022-07-25 16:17:22','2022-07-25 16:17:22','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>\r\n\r\n[elementor-template id=\"3979\"][elementor-template id=\"3975\"]','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 16:17:22','2022-07-25 16:17:22','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4735',0,'revision','',0),(4736,1,'2022-07-25 16:17:22','2022-07-25 16:17:22','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>\r\n\r\n[elementor-template id=\"3979\"][elementor-template id=\"3975\"]','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 16:17:22','2022-07-25 16:17:22','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4736',0,'revision','',0),(4737,1,'2022-07-25 16:17:22','2022-07-25 16:17:22','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            22 November 2021        \n		<p>When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.</p><p>But how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?</p><p>Approximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?</p><p>Whether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.</p><p>To stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.</p><p>So, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.</p><p>Get your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"1\" alt=\"1\" />															\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>		\n		<p>Whether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.</p><p>\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.</p><p>\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"</p><p>This means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.</p><p>“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”</p><p>Which team player are you?</p><p>It’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.</p><p>Think of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.</p><p>\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.</p><p>“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"2\" alt=\"2\" />															\n			<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>		\n		<p>If there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.</p><p>“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.</p><p>“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”</p><p>It’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.</p><p>“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"3\" alt=\"3\" />															\n			<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>		\n		<p>If you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"4\" alt=\"4\" />															\n			<h3>You have boundaries</h3>		\n		<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p><ol><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong><br />“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong><br />“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li></ol>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" title=\"5\" alt=\"5\" />															\n			<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>		\n		<p>In the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.</p><p>However, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"6\" alt=\"6\" />															\n			<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>		\n		<p>The importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.</p><p>“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.</p><p>She adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.</p><p>“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"7\" alt=\"7\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>This is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.</p><p>“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.</p><p>“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”</p><p>Remember those days?</p><p>Abrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.</p><p>Read: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.</p><p>“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.</p><p>“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”</p><p>And in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.</p><p>“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.</p><p>“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”</p><p>Abrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.</p><p>“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”</p><p>Hear, hear.</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" title=\"8\" alt=\"8\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.</p><p>“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”</p><p>Two people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.</p><p>“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.</p><p>“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”</p><p>Six. Years.</p><p>“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”</p><p><em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em></p>','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 16:17:22','2022-07-25 16:17:22','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4737',0,'revision','',0),(4738,1,'2022-07-25 16:36:31','2022-07-25 16:36:31','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>\r\n\r\n[elementor-template id=\"3979\"][elementor-template id=\"3975\"]','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 16:36:31','2022-07-25 16:36:31','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4738',0,'revision','',0),(4739,1,'2022-07-25 16:36:31','2022-07-25 16:36:31','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"http://116.90.63.253/~lissyabr/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>\r\n\r\n[elementor-template id=\"3979\"][elementor-template id=\"3975\"]','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 16:36:31','2022-07-25 16:36:31','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4739',0,'revision','',0),(4740,1,'2022-07-25 16:36:31','2022-07-25 16:36:31','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            22 November 2021        \n		<p>When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.</p><p>But how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?</p><p>Approximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?</p><p>Whether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.</p><p>To stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.</p><p>So, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.</p><p>Get your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"1\" alt=\"1\" />															\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>		\n		<p>Whether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.</p><p>\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.</p><p>\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"</p><p>This means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.</p><p>“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”</p><p>Which team player are you?</p><p>It’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.</p><p>Think of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.</p><p>\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.</p><p>“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"2\" alt=\"2\" />															\n			<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>		\n		<p>If there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.</p><p>“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.</p><p>“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”</p><p>It’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.</p><p>“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"3\" alt=\"3\" />															\n			<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>		\n		<p>If you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"4\" alt=\"4\" />															\n			<h3>You have boundaries</h3>		\n		<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p><ol><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong><br />“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong><br />“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li></ol>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" title=\"5\" alt=\"5\" />															\n			<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>		\n		<p>In the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.</p><p>However, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"6\" alt=\"6\" />															\n			<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>		\n		<p>The importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.</p><p>“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.</p><p>She adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.</p><p>“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"7\" alt=\"7\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>This is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.</p><p>“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.</p><p>“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”</p><p>Remember those days?</p><p>Abrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.</p><p>Read: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.</p><p>“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.</p><p>“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”</p><p>And in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.</p><p>“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.</p><p>“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”</p><p>Abrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.</p><p>“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”</p><p>Hear, hear.</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" title=\"8\" alt=\"8\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.</p><p>“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”</p><p>Two people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.</p><p>“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.</p><p>“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”</p><p>Six. Years.</p><p>“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”</p><p><em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em></p>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 16:36:31','2022-07-25 16:36:31','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4740',0,'revision','',0),(4742,1,'2022-07-25 17:18:00','2022-07-25 17:18:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            22 November 2021        \n		<p>When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.</p><p>But how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?</p><p>Approximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?</p><p>Whether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.</p><p>To stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.</p><p>So, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.</p><p>Get your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"1\" alt=\"1\" />															\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>		\n		<p>Whether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.</p><p>\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.</p><p>\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"</p><p>This means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.</p><p>“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”</p><p>Which team player are you?</p><p>It’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.</p><p>Think of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.</p><p>\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.</p><p>“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"2\" alt=\"2\" />															\n			<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>		\n		<p>If there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.</p><p>“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.</p><p>“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”</p><p>It’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.</p><p>“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"3\" alt=\"3\" />															\n			<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>		\n		<p>If you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"4\" alt=\"4\" />															\n			<h3>You have boundaries</h3>		\n		<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p><ol><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong><br />“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong><br />“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li></ol>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" title=\"5\" alt=\"5\" />															\n			<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>		\n		<p>In the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.</p><p>However, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"6\" alt=\"6\" />															\n			<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>		\n		<p>The importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.</p><p>“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.</p><p>She adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.</p><p>“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"7\" alt=\"7\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>This is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.</p><p>“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.</p><p>“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”</p><p>Remember those days?</p><p>Abrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.</p><p>Read: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.</p><p>“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.</p><p>“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”</p><p>And in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.</p><p>“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.</p><p>“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”</p><p>Abrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.</p><p>“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”</p><p>Hear, hear.</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" title=\"8\" alt=\"8\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.</p><p>“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”</p><p>Two people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.</p><p>“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.</p><p>“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”</p><p>Six. Years.</p><p>“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”</p><p><em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em></p>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:18:00','2022-07-25 17:18:00','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4742',0,'revision','',0),(4743,1,'2022-07-25 17:18:00','2022-07-25 17:18:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            22 November 2021        \n		<p>When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.</p><p>But how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?</p><p>Approximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?</p><p>Whether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.</p><p>To stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.</p><p>So, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.</p><p>Get your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"1\" alt=\"1\" />															\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>		\n		<p>Whether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.</p><p>\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.</p><p>\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"</p><p>This means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.</p><p>“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”</p><p>Which team player are you?</p><p>It’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.</p><p>Think of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.</p><p>\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.</p><p>“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" title=\"2\" alt=\"2\" />															\n			<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>		\n		<p>If there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.</p><p>“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.</p><p>“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”</p><p>It’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.</p><p>“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"3\" alt=\"3\" />															\n			<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>		\n		<p>If you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" title=\"4\" alt=\"4\" />															\n			<h3>You have boundaries</h3>		\n		<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p><p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p><ol><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong><br />“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li><li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong><br />“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li></ol>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" title=\"5\" alt=\"5\" />															\n			<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>		\n		<p>In the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.</p><p>However, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”</p><p>“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.</p><p>“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"6\" alt=\"6\" />															\n			<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>		\n		<p>The importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.</p><p>“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.</p><p>She adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.</p><p>“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" title=\"7\" alt=\"7\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>This is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.</p><p>“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.</p><p>“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”</p><p>Remember those days?</p><p>Abrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.</p><p>Read: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.</p><p>“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.</p><p>“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”</p><p>And in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.</p><p>“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.</p><p>“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”</p><p>Abrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.</p><p>“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”</p><p>Hear, hear.</p>		\n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" title=\"8\" alt=\"8\" />															\n			<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>		\n		<p>“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.</p><p>“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”</p><p>Two people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.</p><p>“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.</p><p>“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”</p><p>Six. Years.</p><p>“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”</p><p><em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em></p>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:18:00','2022-07-25 17:18:00','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4743',0,'revision','',0),(4744,1,'2022-07-25 17:18:00','2022-07-25 17:18:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Mamamia        \n            <h2>\n                15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship            \n        </h2>\n            9 November 2021        \n		<p>Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.</p><p>And while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.</p><p>To find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>		\n		<p>If someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.</p><p>\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams. </p><p>\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"</p>		\n			<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>		\n		<p>No matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.</p><p>\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>		\n		<p>If you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.</p><p>\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.</p><p>\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"   </p>		\n			<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>		\n		<p>Your partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.</p><p>\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"</p>		\n			<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>		\n		<p>It may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.</p><p>\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"</p>		\n			<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>		\n		<p>Your partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.</p><p>\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.</p>		\n			<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>		\n		<p>One of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others. </p><p>Abrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it. </p><p>\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"</p>		\n			<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>		\n		<p>Whenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.</p><p>\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.</p><p>\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"</p>		\n			<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>		\n		<p>If your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team. </p><p>\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.</p><p>\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"</p>		\n			<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>		\n		<p>We\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending. </p><p>\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.  </p>		\n			<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>		\n		<p>While there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices. </p><p>Because if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.</p><p>\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>		\n		<p>Another important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.</p><p>\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\" </p>		\n			<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>		\n		<p>A partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.</p><p>\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.</p>		\n			<h3>14. The would never mentally  or physically harm you</h3>		\n		<p>This is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.</p><p>\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"</p>		\n			<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>		\n		<p>A good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\". </p><p>For example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.</p><p>\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"</p><p><em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em></p><p><em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em></p><p><em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em></p>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:18:00','2022-07-25 17:18:00','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4744',0,'revision','',0),(4745,1,'2022-07-25 17:19:01','2022-07-25 17:19:01','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h2>\r\n9 November 2021\r\n\r\nRelationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.\r\n\r\nAnd while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.\r\n\r\nTo find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>\r\nIf your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.\r\n\r\n\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"\r\n<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>\r\nWe\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending.\r\n\r\n\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>\r\nWhile there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices.\r\n\r\nBecause if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>\r\nAnother important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\"\r\n<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>\r\nA partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>14. The would never mentally or physically harm you</h3>\r\nThis is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"\r\n<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>\r\nA good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\".\r\n\r\nFor example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.\r\n\r\n\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"\r\n\r\n<em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em>','15 Things Your Partner Will Never do if You\'re in a Healthy Relationship',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4341-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:19:01','2022-07-25 17:19:01','',4341,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4745',0,'revision','',0),(4746,1,'2022-07-25 17:25:06','2022-07-25 17:25:06','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:25:06','2022-07-25 17:25:06','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4746',0,'revision','',0),(4747,1,'2021-12-14 17:28:15','2021-12-14 17:28:15','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                House of Wellness            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: house of wellness        \n            <h2>\n                How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas            \n        </h2>\n            14 December 2021        \n		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		\n		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		\n			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		\n		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		\n			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		\n		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		\n			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		\n		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>','The House of Wellness','Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.','publish','closed','closed','','the-house-of-wellness','','','2022-10-17 02:17:52','2022-10-17 02:17:52','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?post_type=case-study&#038;p=4747',0,'case-study','',0),(4748,1,'2022-07-25 17:29:50','2022-07-25 17:29:50','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h2>\r\n9 November 2021\r\n\r\nRelationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.\r\n\r\nAnd while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.\r\n\r\nTo find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>\r\nIf your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.\r\n\r\n\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"\r\n<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>\r\nWe\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending.\r\n\r\n\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>\r\nWhile there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices.\r\n\r\nBecause if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>\r\nAnother important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\"\r\n<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>\r\nA partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>14. The would never mentally or physically harm you</h3>\r\nThis is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"\r\n<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>\r\nA good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\".\r\n\r\nFor example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.\r\n\r\n\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"\r\n\r\n<em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em>','The House of Wellness',' Relationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red...','inherit','closed','closed','','4747-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:29:50','2022-07-25 17:29:50','',4747,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4748',0,'revision','',0),(4749,1,'2022-07-25 17:30:20','2022-07-25 17:30:20','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h2>\r\n9 November 2021\r\n\r\nRelationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.\r\n\r\nAnd while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.\r\n\r\nTo find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>\r\nIf your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.\r\n\r\n\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"\r\n<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>\r\nWe\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending.\r\n\r\n\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>\r\nWhile there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices.\r\n\r\nBecause if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>\r\nAnother important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\"\r\n<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>\r\nA partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>14. The would never mentally or physically harm you</h3>\r\nThis is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"\r\n<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>\r\nA good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\".\r\n\r\nFor example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.\r\n\r\n\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"\r\n\r\n<em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em>','The House of Wellness','Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.','inherit','closed','closed','','4747-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:30:20','2022-07-25 17:30:20','',4747,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4749',0,'revision','',0),(4750,1,'2022-07-25 17:30:47','2022-07-25 17:30:47','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship</h2>\r\n22 November 2021\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don’t we? Those kind of intuitive indicators you should never ignore when it comes to dating someone.\r\n\r\nBut how often do we talk about *checks notes*… green flags? You know – the good stuff that means you’re with the right kinda person?\r\n\r\nApproximately NEVER, you guys. Why is that?\r\n\r\nWhether you’ve been in a relationship for <em>yonks</em> or in the midst of a pandemic love story and about to enter the world together IRL – there really couldn’t be a better time to check in with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo stop and reflect on how certain behaviours in your relationship impact you and make you feel. If the person you’re dating really is… <img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />the one<img role=\"img\" draggable=\"false\" src=\"https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/2728.svg\" alt=\"&#x2728;\" />.\r\n\r\nSo, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a> and asked her to tell us the most common signs of a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\nGet your notepad out, friend. We’re doing a big ol’ listicle.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>\r\n\r\n<img title=\"1\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/1-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"1\" />\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>You balance each other\'s needs</h3>\r\nWhether or not you and your partner share the same goals and interests, Abrahams said couples that balance each other’s individual needs and see the relationship as a team, are in the green zone.\r\n\r\n\"In less happy relationships, partners lose a sense of being a team and become competitors in their day-to-day lives, especially if there is a lot of conflict,\" she shares.\r\n\r\n\"Happy couples have a secure sense that they are both working in the best interests of the team.\"\r\n\r\nThis means that both teammates will support each other to be as individually happy, well and fulfilled as possible, said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that for the team to be happy, the two individuals in it need to be happy too. They celebrate each other’s wins and are generous with time, empathy, and attention,\" she says.\r\n\r\n“At the same time, they work together for the greater good of their team, such as keeping their eye on how much money they spend and how much time they have together as a couple.”\r\n\r\nWhich team player are you?\r\n\r\nIt’s important to remember that when working as part of a group, everyone often has different strengths and abilities – something a happy couple will use to their advantage in order to flourish.\r\n\r\nThink of it like a sport – you can’t play every position at once.\r\n\r\n\"They work with the tension that is always there in couple relationships – balancing couple needs and desires with those of both partner’s individual needs and desires.\r\n\r\n“They understand that these three entities (two partners and one couple relationship) all need to flourish to be happy together.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"2\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/2-prxajyhczkhsht03tu0623eeuw48qi08fhbu0156r8.png\" alt=\"2\" />\r\n<h3>You communicate respectfully</h3>\r\nIf there’s one thing we know, it’s how important communication is to develop a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand their partner is different from them and will have different opinions, thoughts, behaviours, or viewpoints,” Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They see their partner as interesting, and they are often curious about their partner’s ideas. They listen (as opposed to pretending to listen) and are non-judgmental. They are grateful to their partner for their contributions and helpful or kind gestures they make and thank each other for them.”\r\n\r\nIt’s critical that both parties feel like they can be super open and honest in this area, and be able to feel comfortable discussing all kinds of matters.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples are not critical or rejecting. They apologise when they are out of line or have hurt their partner. All of this allows the partners to safely speak their minds, unlike less happy couples who shoot each other’s ideas down, don’t listen as it feels threatening, or are judgmental.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"3\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/3-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"3\" />\r\n<h3>You can bounce off each other</h3>\r\nIf you regularly take innocent jabs at one another, join the club. But there is a difference between playfulness and dismissiveness.\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Unhappy couples show each other how displeased, hurt, resentful or frustrated they are with their relationship and each other quite frequently,” Abrahams says.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They use strategies to cut the links between them, such as they push back, dismiss or reject their partner’s ideas.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Abrahams said to picture this as a pair of scissors cutting the link between two minds.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">Not good.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“Happy couples allow their partner’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions to be considered. They share ideas and bounce them back and forth between them.”</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">“They love discussing, creating projects, and even planning things in the future together. They can join their partner with a full range of experiences from laughter and playfulness to being empathic when needed.”</p>\r\n<img title=\"4\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/4-prxajzf76ej2teyqocesml5vg9zly73yrlzbhb3sl0.png\" alt=\"4\" />\r\n<h3>You have boundaries</h3>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">All healthy relationships will understand that boundaries are important in order to keep each other protected.</p>\r\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: Lato, \'Helvetica Neue\', Helvetica, Arial, \'sans-serif\'; font-size: 16px;\">According to Abrahams, boundaries can be divided into two important parts:</p>\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Happy couples don’t need to tell everyone the ins and outs of their lives.</strong>\r\n“They are more private as they understand the difference between private and public information. They also keep their partner’s vulnerabilities and more fragile parts protected from others.”</li>\r\n 	<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>They have sexual boundaries.</strong>\r\n“They are faithful, don’t flirt or step over a line that would be disrespectful for their partner and the relationship.”</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<img title=\"5\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/5-prxak0d1d8kd50xdiutf72xc1nuz5w7p3qmsyl2ees.png\" alt=\"5\" />\r\n<h3>You say “yes” to each other more than “no”</h3>\r\nIn the early days of a relationship, you’re usually both “yes” people – doing everything you can to make it clear you’re both pretty into each other.\r\n\r\nHowever, like other things, this level of effort can fall to the wayside as things progress. More often than not, couples can end up wondering if the other person really… cares.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when a partner invites them for lunch or a walk or to have sex, that these are gifts in the relationship. Their partner is offering the relationship opportunities to connect and have a space just for two.”\r\n\r\n“Happy couples understand that when they say yes to these opportunities, it creates space for emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. They understand that such intimacy is a special glue that holds them together and offers a buffer to protect against harder times,” explains Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“When couples I see in therapy say ‘no’ to each other frequently, I encourage them to watch Jim Carrey’s film <em>Yes Man</em> to show how life-enhancing a yes position is. Frequently saying ‘no’ to our partner destroys links between us and the opportunity for connection.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"6\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/6-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"6\" />\r\n<h3>You can depend on each other</h3>\r\nThe importance of trust is huge. Major. Without this, a relationship can’t function – you really can’t be comfortable if you don’t have faith in your SO.\r\n\r\n“Happy couples offer each other care, protection and the ability to depend on each other,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\nShe adds that both partners should be able to move between feeling strong, dependable and containing positions for their partner, to being more vulnerable and seeking support from their partner. It really needs to be a balancing act.\r\n\r\n“Neither partner is locked permanently into ‘the carer’ role or ‘the cared for’ role. They move flexibly between these positions when needed.”\r\n\r\n<img title=\"7\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/7-prxajvnuf2dxiz47aasacm412qi53ep1f3ddk79d9w.png\" alt=\"7\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\nThis is a big one. Abrahams said one of the most critical things in a healthy relationship is that a couple keeps their individuality.\r\n\r\n“Way back when we met our partner, they had their own identity and engaged in many aspects of their life. We liked this about them and were attracted to who they were as a stand-alone individual.\r\n\r\n“They were interesting, funny, clever, sexy, or had life experience in ways that we enjoyed. We chose to remain with this individual because out of all the other possible people on the planet to partner with, we believed this individual was the best for us.”\r\n\r\nRemember those days?\r\n\r\nAbrahams said as we start dating, we obviously start to make room for each other in our lives and prioritise this.\r\n\r\nRead: That friend who gets into a relationship and you feel like you never see them again.\r\n\r\n“We gave up aspects of our individual identities for this relationship, like not seeing certain friends anymore, less time for hobbies, ditching plans to live overseas, or delaying a career choice,” she says.\r\n\r\n“When we committed even more and lived together, maybe even had children, the stakes got higher, and we had less time for our individual desires to flourish. We all become more responsible to the couple or family unit, with more demands on our minds, time and freedom.”\r\n\r\nAnd in the process, you kinda just… lose yourself.\r\n\r\n“In relationships we often lose sight of our own identity and what makes us happy as an individual. I see many clients where they feel flat or even depressed at this loss.\r\n\r\n“We need to keep finding time and space for both our own and our partner’s individual identity to be expressed. We can easily lose sight of what makes our heart sing. We may think it is selfish. It’s not, it’s life enhancing. We may not be able to engage in everything we used to, but we all have individual hopes and desires for our time on earth.”\r\n\r\nAbrahams said that for some it can be reconnecting with old friends, picking up an instrument again, pursuing further study, picking up other hobbies, and more.\r\n\r\n“We need to make time in our relationships for, ‘I’m doing more of me’ and ‘you do more of you’. Relationships are a marathon not a sprint. We need to refuel and hydrate ourselves in a way that is meaningful for each of us along the way.”\r\n\r\nHear, hear.\r\n\r\n<img title=\"8\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/8-prxajwlolwf7ul2u4t6wx3vho4dib3srr80v1h7z3o.png\" alt=\"8\" />\r\n<h3>You keep your identities separate</h3>\r\n“Happy couples know that when there are difficulties, they need to work through them and not sweep issues under the rug,” says Abrahams.\r\n\r\n“They know that life is not all rosy and there will be happier times and other times where life will be stressful. They are resourceful in how they work through difficulties.”\r\n\r\nTwo people who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have those difficult conversations about difficult things and be able to work through them – even if it means bringing in an extra mind or a set of ears.\r\n\r\n“They may look for help online (courses, blogs, chat groups), read books, or even go seek help from wise family, friends, or a therapist. I see these couples who only need a few sessions to sort out an issue. They don’t let things fester,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Less happy couples take longer to seek help and many end up living with upset and anxiety for years before seeking help. Couples take on average six years to see a couples therapist.”\r\n\r\nSix. Years.\r\n\r\n“That’s soul-destroying for many couples, as well as any children at home. Take a leaf out of the happy couples experience and get help as soon as possible.”\r\n\r\n<em>If you’re looking for help in improving your communication with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>.</em>','8 Signs You\'re in the Right Relationship','When it comes to relationships, we spend a whole lotta time talking about red flags, don\'t we? Those kind of...','inherit','closed','closed','','4128-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:30:47','2022-07-25 17:30:47','',4128,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4750',0,'revision','',0),(4753,1,'2022-07-25 17:43:54','2022-07-25 17:43:54','','Two women making healthy salad','','inherit','open','closed','','attractive-caucasian-girl-is-cooking-healthy-salad-and-beautiful','','','2022-07-25 17:45:00','2022-07-25 17:45:00','',4747,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/AdobeStock_311597665.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(4754,1,'2022-07-25 17:45:20','2022-07-25 17:45:20','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h2>\r\n9 November 2021\r\n\r\nRelationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.\r\n\r\nAnd while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.\r\n\r\nTo find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>\r\nIf your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.\r\n\r\n\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"\r\n<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>\r\nWe\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending.\r\n\r\n\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>\r\nWhile there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices.\r\n\r\nBecause if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>\r\nAnother important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\"\r\n<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>\r\nA partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>14. The would never mentally or physically harm you</h3>\r\nThis is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"\r\n<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>\r\nA good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\".\r\n\r\nFor example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.\r\n\r\n\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"\r\n\r\n<em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em>','The House of Wellness','Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.','inherit','closed','closed','','4747-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:45:20','2022-07-25 17:45:20','',4747,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4754',0,'revision','',0),(4755,1,'2022-07-25 17:45:20','2022-07-25 17:45:20','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h1>\r\nArticle - source: Mamamia\r\n<h2>15 Things Your Partner Will Never Do If You Are in a Healthy Relationship</h2>\r\n9 November 2021\r\n\r\nRelationships can be TOUGH. And while things like cheating and trust issues are some very obvious red flags that things are not<em> great</em>, experts say there are also some smaller things that can give you an idea of just how healthy your relationship is.\r\n\r\nAnd while these little things are really important for a healthy relationship, it\'s also critical you don\'t ignore small signs of disrespect.\r\n\r\nTo find out what some of these signs are, we hit up psychotherapist and couples counsellor <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/about-me/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lissy Abrahams</a>, and asked her to tell us 15 things your partner won\'t do if you\'re in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>1. They never impose their struggles on to you</h3>\r\nIf someone really loves you, they’ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that it\'s important your partner doesn\'t rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner knows it’s not your responsibility to \'fix\' them.\"\r\n<h3>2. They never block the potential to improve your relationship</h3>\r\nNo matter how good your relationship is, there\'s always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner never says \'no\' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>3. They\'re never controlling</h3>\r\nIf you\'re in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won\'t monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.\r\n\r\n\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and don’t try to make you cancel to stay home with them.\r\n\r\n\"They don’t try to make you eat food you don’t want in your body. They don’t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\"\r\n<h3>4. They never pick apart your appearance</h3>\r\nYour partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It\'s a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it’s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"\r\n<h3>5. They never disrespect you</h3>\r\nIt may sound simple, but this is one that\'s often overlooked.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It’s narcissistic.\"\r\n<h3>6. They never minimise or dismiss your feelings</h3>\r\nYour partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you\'re feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations - rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.\r\n\r\n\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.\r\n<h3>7. They never discourage you</h3>\r\nOne of the best signs of a person\'s confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\r\n\r\nAbrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\r\n\r\n\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"\r\n<h3>8. They respect your feelings</h3>\r\nWhenever you feel like you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn\'t a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.\r\n\r\n\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right – even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.\r\n\r\n\"This means they don’t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"\r\n<h3>9. They pull their weight at home</h3>\r\nIf your partner really loves you, you\'ll work as a team.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never make you do all the housework. They understand they produce mess and dirt and that they are part of the tidying and cleaning solution with you.\r\n\r\n\"They\'ll also never assume it is your role to solely look after the kids, and understand that they need to participate and share the load, even if you do take on more of this than them.\"\r\n<h3>10. They don\'t try to control your finances</h3>\r\nWe\'re just going to be straight up with this one: Your partner should never control your finances - unless you have a gambling problem or an addiction to spending.\r\n\r\n\"They will understand that we all have a different relationship with money, and we need to discuss and set boundaries together that we both adhere to – for the greater good,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>11. They never criticise your body</h3>\r\nWhile there’s nothing wrong with being with someone who encourages you to be the healthiest version of yourself, there\'s a line between wanting the best for someone and criticising their lifestyle choices.\r\n\r\nBecause if this kind of criticism is constant, it\'ll end up making you feel sh*tty about yourself.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never ask you to lose weight for them. They understand that bodies change throughout life and that neither of us are likely to be the size or shape we were when we met,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>12. They understand physical boundaries</h3>\r\nAnother important one? Boundaries. Especially physical boundaries.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never touch your body in a way you don’t want once you have told them. They will remember that your body boundary is important and that to push their sexual agenda onto you is disrespectful and will breed a lack of trust in them.\"\r\n<h3>13. They never dismiss your career</h3>\r\nA partner who loves and respects you will be your number one supporter. They\'ll push you to challenge yourself and aim for big goals - not dismiss them as silly or unrealistic.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never disregard your career as unimportant after having children. They will want to participate in discussions and support you to get you back to work when you are ready – even if this does not align with their opinion on this,\" said Abrahams.\r\n<h3>14. The would never mentally or physically harm you</h3>\r\nThis is one is crucial. A good partner will always be able to recognise their self worth without attempting to place anyone (you) below them, or break someone else\'s self-confidence.\r\n\r\n\"A good partner will never raise their hand or harm you or verbally abuse you,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that they\'re upset or angry feelings should not be taken out on you.\"\r\n<h3>15. They don\'t compare you to other people</h3>\r\nA good partner will never compare you to other people or make you alter your behaviour \"when their past experiences have left a mark on them\".\r\n\r\nFor example, if they have been cheated on in a past relationship and they struggle with trust, a good partner will not make you responsible for this and understand they need to work on this inside of themselves.\r\n\r\n\"This means they would not ask you to repeatedly text them when you’re out without them and they don’t put limits on who you can and cannot speak to when you’re at a party.\"\r\n\r\n<em>If you\'re looking for help in improving your relationship with your partner, Abrahams has a free e-book available <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/5-mistakes-couples-make/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here</a>. </em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you or a loved one is experiencing family violence, support is available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit the website to chat online.</em>\r\n\r\n<em>If you are concerned about your behaviour within a relationship, call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 to find a service near you.</em>','The House of Wellness','Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.','inherit','closed','closed','','4747-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:45:20','2022-07-25 17:45:20','',4747,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4755',0,'revision','',0),(4756,1,'2022-07-25 17:45:20','2022-07-25 17:45:20','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                House of Wellness            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: house of wellness        \n            <h2>\n                How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas            \n        </h2>\n            14 December 2021        \n		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		\n		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		\n			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		\n		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		\n			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		\n		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		\n			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		\n		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>','The House of Wellness','Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.','inherit','closed','closed','','4747-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:45:20','2022-07-25 17:45:20','',4747,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4756',0,'revision','',0),(4757,1,'2022-07-25 17:48:45','2022-07-25 17:48:45','<style>/*! elementor - v3.11.0 - 13-02-2023 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-con{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));--align-self:var(--container-widget-align-self,initial);--flex-shrink:0}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h2>\n            Click on the <b>\'READ MORE\'</b> buttons below to read the articles.        \n            The 4 common &#039;blind spots&#039; in your relationship, and how to spot them        \n            15 January 2023        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.11.0 - 13-02-2023 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"640\" height=\"431\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/4-Common-Blind-Spots-1024x689.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/4-Common-Blind-Spots-1024x689.png 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/4-Common-Blind-Spots-300x202.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/4-Common-Blind-Spots-768x517.png 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/4-Common-Blind-Spots-600x404.png 600w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/4-Common-Blind-Spots.png 1304w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/relationship-blind-spots-and-how-to-deal-with-them/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            There are 3 ways to stop the &#039;conflict cycle&#039;        \n            4 September 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"425\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Stop-Couple-Conflict.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Stop-Couple-Conflict.png 653w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Stop-Couple-Conflict-300x199.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Stop-Couple-Conflict-600x399.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/3-ways-to-stop-the-conflict-cycle\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            What to know about your &#039;relational template&#039; and how it affects the way you treat your partner        \n            14 August 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Relational-Templates-Impact-on-Partner.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Relational-Templates-Impact-on-Partner.png 653w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Relational-Templates-Impact-on-Partner-300x200.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Relational-Templates-Impact-on-Partner-600x400.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/your-relational-template-and-how-it-affects-how-you-treat-your-partner/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            &quot;It’s just too much pressure&quot;: 4 relationship &#039;expectations&#039; you need to ditch immediately        \n            16 July 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1024x681.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1024x681.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-768x511.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-1536x1022.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Ruleslist-2048x1363.jpg 2048w, 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href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/5-signs-youre-emotionally-coasting-right-now/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            &quot;No, we can&#039;t be friends&quot;: 12 things your therapist wants you to know        \n            3 June 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"424\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends.png 655w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends-300x199.png 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Cant-Be-Friends-600x398.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/12-things-your-therapist-wants-you-to-know/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 questions everyone should be able to answer about their partner        \n            30 May 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_369886034-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/5-questions-everyone-should-be-able-to-answer-about-their-partner/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            there are only 2 types of friends everyone needs in their life        \n            5 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/elementor/thumbs/shutterstock_2139813481-scaled-pttbv2b6id8k3b4qc1w519ndfy1vzdvsz3dzgz5ssg.jpg\" title=\"Young,Women,Of,Different,Ethnicity,Has,Their,Arms,Around,Each\" alt=\"Young,Women,Of,Different,Ethnicity,Has,Their,Arms,Around,Each\" loading=\"lazy\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/there-are-only-2-types-of-friends-everyone-needs-in-their-life/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you&#039;re an empath and what it means        \n            22 March 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1185179290-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/7-signs-youre-an-empath-and-what-this-means/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            A Psychotherapist Told Us There Are 4 Different Types Of Shame - Here’s What They Mean        \n            3 March 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1523322002-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/4-different-types-of-shame/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            There are 5 Types of Narcissists - Here&#039;s how to spot them        \n            28 February 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745084162-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/5-types-of-narcissists/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            4 things to do when you and your partner have very difference love languages        \n            4 February 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"426\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1385860784-768x511-1-600x399.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/4-things-you-do-when-you-and-your-partner-have-very-different-love-languages/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 Rules that will help deepen your relationship        \n            19 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"428\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_479612449-768x513-1-600x401.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/12-rules-that-will-deepen-your-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            16 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_706770283-1024x683-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/13-signs-youre-a-highly-sensitive-person-and-what-it-means-for-your-relationships/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            15 December 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1745850722-768x512-1-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/why-your-relationship-is-struggling-right-now/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            The one after the one        \n            26 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1108778102-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/the-one-after-the-one/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            10 signs you and your partner are &#039;fake happy&#039; in your relationship        \n            25 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"328\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/couple-on-a-beach-scaled-e1661425844544-1170x600.jpg\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/10-signs-you-and-your-partner-are-fake-happy/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            24 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/15-things-partner-never-do-if-healthy-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            22 November 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/8-signs-in-right-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','publish','closed','closed','','mamamia','','','2023-02-15 05:20:56','2023-02-15 05:20:56','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?post_type=case-study&#038;p=4757',0,'case-study','',0),(4758,1,'2022-07-25 17:48:14','2022-07-25 17:48:14','','Couple snuggling at beach','','inherit','open','closed','','blog1','','','2022-07-25 17:48:31','2022-07-25 17:48:31','',4757,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/blog1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(4759,1,'2022-07-25 17:48:45','2022-07-25 17:48:45','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Mamamia','Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:48:45','2022-07-25 17:48:45','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4759',0,'revision','',0),(4760,1,'2022-07-25 17:50:21','2022-07-25 17:50:21','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:50:21','2022-07-25 17:50:21','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4760',0,'revision','',0),(4761,1,'2022-07-25 17:53:45','2022-07-25 17:53:45','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:53:45','2022-07-25 17:53:45','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4761',0,'revision','',0),(4762,1,'2022-07-25 17:53:46','2022-07-25 17:53:46','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:53:46','2022-07-25 17:53:46','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4762',0,'revision','',0),(4763,1,'2022-07-25 17:53:46','2022-07-25 17:53:46','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		\n		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		\n			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		\n		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		\n			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		\n		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		\n			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		\n		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 17:53:46','2022-07-25 17:53:46','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4763',0,'revision','',0),(4765,1,'2022-07-25 18:21:02','2022-07-25 18:21:02','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		\n		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		\n			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		\n		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		\n			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		\n		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		\n			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		\n		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:21:02','2022-07-25 18:21:02','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4765',0,'revision','',0),(4766,1,'2022-07-25 18:21:02','2022-07-25 18:21:02','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		\n		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		\n			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		\n		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		\n			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		\n		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		\n			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		\n		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:21:02','2022-07-25 18:21:02','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4766',0,'revision','',0),(4767,1,'2022-07-25 18:21:02','2022-07-25 18:21:02','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n            Click on the buttons below to read the articles        \n            4 relationship expectations you need to ditch immediately        \n            16 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 signs you&#039;re &#039;emotionally coasting&#039; 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in your relationship        \n            15 November 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            8 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            20 October 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            29 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            23 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:21:28','2022-07-25 18:21:28','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4769',0,'revision','',0),(4770,1,'2022-07-25 18:21:29','2022-07-25 18:21:29','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n            Click on the buttons below to read the articles        \n            4 relationship expectations you need to ditch immediately        \n            16 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 signs you&#039;re &#039;emotionally coasting&#039; right now        \n            30 June 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 things your therapist wants you to know        \n            2 June 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 questions everyone should be able to answer about their partner        \n            26 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            there are only 2 types of friends everyone needs in their life        \n            1 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 important things I&#039;ve learnt about relationships        \n            18 April 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you&#039;re an empath and what it means        \n            6 March 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            There are 5 Types of Narcissists        \n            28 February 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            4 things to do when you and your partner have very difference love languages        \n            28 January 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you have an avoidant attachment style        \n            16 December 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 Rules that will help deepen your relationship        \n            30 November 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            The one after the one        \n            22 November 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            10 signs you and your partner are &#039;fake happy&#039; in your relationship        \n            15 November 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            8 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/15-things-partner-never-do-if-healthy-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            20 October 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            29 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            23 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:21:29','2022-07-25 18:21:29','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4770',0,'revision','',0),(4771,1,'2022-07-25 18:24:28','2022-07-25 18:24:28','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n            Click on the buttons below to read the articles        \n            4 relationship expectations you need to ditch immediately        \n            16 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 signs you&#039;re &#039;emotionally coasting&#039; right now        \n            30 June 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 things your therapist wants you to know        \n            2 June 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 questions everyone should be able to answer about their partner        \n            26 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            there are only 2 types of friends everyone needs in their life        \n            1 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 important things I&#039;ve learnt about relationships        \n            18 April 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you&#039;re an empath and what it means        \n            6 March 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            There are 5 Types of Narcissists        \n            28 February 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            4 things to do when you and your partner have very difference love languages        \n            28 January 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you have an avoidant attachment style        \n            16 December 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 Rules that will help deepen your relationship        \n            30 November 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            The one after the one        \n            22 November 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            10 signs you and your partner are &#039;fake happy&#039; in your relationship        \n            15 November 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            8 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/15-things-partner-never-do-if-healthy-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            20 October 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            29 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            23 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:24:28','2022-07-25 18:24:28','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4771',0,'revision','',0),(4772,1,'2022-07-25 18:24:28','2022-07-25 18:24:28','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                MamaM!a            \n        </h1>\n            Interviews        \n            <h2>\n                Mamam!a            \n        </h2>\n            Click on the buttons below to read the articles        \n            4 relationship expectations you need to ditch immediately        \n            16 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 signs you&#039;re &#039;emotionally coasting&#039; 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right now        \n            30 June 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 things your therapist wants you to know        \n            2 June 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 questions everyone should be able to answer about their partner        \n            26 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            there are only 2 types of friends everyone needs in their life        \n            1 May 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            5 important things I&#039;ve learnt about relationships        \n            18 April 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you&#039;re an empath and what it means        \n            6 March 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            There are 5 Types of Narcissists        \n            28 February 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            4 things to do when you and your partner have very difference love languages        \n            28 January 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            7 signs you have an avoidant attachment style        \n            16 December 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            12 Rules that will help deepen your relationship        \n            30 November 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            The one after the one        \n            22 November 2022        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            10 signs you and your partner are &#039;fake happy&#039; in your relationship        \n            15 November 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            15 Things your partner will never do if you are in a healthy relationship        \n            8 November 2021        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/15-things-partner-never-do-if-healthy-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            8 Signs you&#039;re in the right relationship        \n            20 October 2022        \n															<img width=\"640\" height=\"427\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290.jpg 1000w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-300x200.jpg 300w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-768x512.jpg 768w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_305085290-600x400.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" />															\n            <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/case-study/8-signs-in-right-relationship/\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            what is a &#039;highly sensitive&#039; person?        \n            29 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>\n            Why your relationship feels like a struggle right now        \n            23 September 2021        \n															<img src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/plugins/elementor/assets/images/placeholder.png\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" />															\n            <a href=\"\" target=\"\" rel=\"noopener\">\n            Read More\n        </a>','Mamamia','Mamamia (stylised as MamaM!a) is an Australian news, opinion and lifestyle website targeted at women.','inherit','closed','closed','','4757-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:24:29','2022-07-25 18:24:29','',4757,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4773',0,'revision','',0),(4774,1,'2022-07-25 18:27:43','2022-07-25 18:27:43','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3> <p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p><p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p><p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br />I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p><h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3><p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p><p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p><p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','publish','closed','closed','','the-daily-telegraph','','','2022-10-17 02:16:06','2022-10-17 02:16:06','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?post_type=case-study&#038;p=4774',0,'case-study','',0),(4775,1,'2022-07-25 18:27:13','2022-07-25 18:27:13','','Newspapers','','inherit','open','closed','','newspapers','','','2022-07-25 18:27:13','2022-07-25 18:27:13','',4774,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Newspapers.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(4776,1,'2022-07-25 18:27:43','2022-07-25 18:27:43','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','The Daily Telegraph','Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:27:43','2022-07-25 18:27:43','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4776',0,'revision','',0),(4778,1,'2022-07-25 18:29:02','2022-07-25 18:29:02','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 18:29:02','2022-07-25 18:29:02','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4778',0,'revision','',0),(4779,1,'2022-07-25 18:34:30','2022-07-25 18:34:30','','Daily telegraph article','','inherit','open','closed','','daily-telegraph-article','','','2022-07-25 18:34:30','2022-07-25 18:34:30','',4774,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(4780,1,'2022-07-25 19:27:39','2022-07-25 19:27:39','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:27:39','2022-07-25 19:27:39','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4780',0,'revision','',0),(4781,1,'2022-07-25 19:27:39','2022-07-25 19:27:39','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:27:39','2022-07-25 19:27:39','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4781',0,'revision','',0),(4782,1,'2022-07-25 19:27:40','2022-07-25 19:27:40','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3><p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p><p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p><p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br />I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p><h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3><p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p><p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p><p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:27:40','2022-07-25 19:27:40','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4782',0,'revision','',0),(4783,1,'2022-07-25 19:28:00','2022-07-25 19:28:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3><p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p><p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p><p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br />I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p><h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3><p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p><p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p><p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:28:00','2022-07-25 19:28:00','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4783',0,'revision','',0),(4784,1,'2022-07-25 19:28:00','2022-07-25 19:28:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3><p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p><p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p><p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br />I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p><h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3><p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p><p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p><p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:28:00','2022-07-25 19:28:00','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4784',0,'revision','',0),(4785,1,'2022-07-25 19:28:00','2022-07-25 19:28:00','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3><br>\n<p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p>\n<p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p>\n<p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br>I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p>\n<h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3>\n<p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p>\n<p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p>\n<p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:28:00','2022-07-25 19:28:00','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4785',0,'revision','',0),(4786,1,'2022-07-25 19:28:12','2022-07-25 19:28:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3><br>\n<p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p>\n<p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p>\n<p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br>I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p>\n<h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3>\n<p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p>\n<p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p>\n<p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:28:12','2022-07-25 19:28:12','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4786',0,'revision','',0),(4787,1,'2022-07-25 19:28:12','2022-07-25 19:28:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3><br>\n<p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p>\n<p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p>\n<p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br>I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p>\n<h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3>\n<p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p>\n<p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p>\n<p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:28:12','2022-07-25 19:28:12','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4787',0,'revision','',0),(4788,1,'2022-07-25 19:28:12','2022-07-25 19:28:12','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The Daily Telegraph            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: the daily telegraph        \n            <h2>\n                ‘Committed relationships are difficult’: Couples therapist reveals key to happy union            \n        </h2>\n            22 July 2022        \n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=\".svg\"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}</style>												<img width=\"436\" height=\"635\" src=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article.png 436w, https://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Daily-telegraph-article-206x300.png 206w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 436px) 100vw, 436px\" />															\n		<h3>Psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams has helped hundreds of couples break the cycle of conflict and rekindle their love. She shares her advice on how to save a failing relationship.</h3> <p>I was recently on a train and overheard a young woman on the phone. As I listened to her describe some upsetting experiences with her partner, I detected a wobble in her voice. It was a wobble of distress. I could hear she was really struggling.</p><p>Here’s what she conveyed.</p><p>They live together. She tries hard to communicate with him but he disengages, often fobbing her off by insisting that “everything’s fine”. She’s lonely and worries he’s just not into her anymore. She can become furious with him, but fears he’ll end the relationship. She has no idea what to do.<br />I know that wobble in her voice. I know the feeling of holding back the floodgates of distress. I’ve heard it in my own voice, and from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years. You probably know it too. It’s the wobble that reveals you’re not quite holding it all together in your relationship anymore.</p><h3><b>Committed relationships are difficult.</b></h3><p>Being in a relationship with ongoing cycles of couple conflict is soul destroying and exhausting. We can become trapped in these cycles.</p><p>The reality is that committed relationships are difficult.</p><p>We’re expected to take care of ourselves, our partner and our relationship. We’re also expected to have careers, raise children, run a household, be sexually intimate, form sustainable friendships and support our extended families.</p><p>And this is all supposed to happen happily over many decades. It’s not easy to achieve or maintain, and it’s normal for us to experience conflict as we navigate these challenges with our partner over time.</p><p>Here’s a fact: We never get used to conflict.</p><p>Fights often erupt suddenly and disturb our internal stability. Our mind and body alter instinctively as we experience our partner as a threat and are thrust into the role of competitors instead of allies.</p><p>When we’re able to calm, even a little, we can feel some dread, anxiety or sadness, and it’s not always easy to shake off these feelings. It can take time to feel we’ve properly recovered from an episode. However, the problem is that there’s never just one episode.</p><p>For many of us, conflict can be ongoing for several years, and we can experience literally hundreds of episodes. And even though we try to resolve the conflict, there is often only temporary relief. It always feels bad.</p><p>Couple conflict can affect almost every aspect of our lives, including our emotional and physical wellbeing. These repeated fights leave a mark on our relationship, and over time alter our feelings towards our partner. If we have children, they can also be negatively impacted.</p><p>Sadly, for many of us, repeated and unresolved conflict ends with the gruelling process of separation as we come to feel there’s no other option but to walk away.</p><p>Tragically, the conflict often continues despite being separated, because the separation hasn’t resolved the problem of why we really fight.</p><p>Every day, I see the devastating impact that cycles of conflict have on couple relationships. This can bring feelings of sadness, despair, anxiety, loneliness and even fear, which all contribute to a diminished sense of safety with our partner.</p><p>Over time, when our safety is continually questioned, trust and intimacy typically break down. And that puts us and our relationship into distress.</p><p>Repeated conflict can cause trust and intimacy issues and put our relationship into distress.</p><p> </p><h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">When is conflict a problem?</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Would you say the conflict is a problem for the young woman on the train?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I’d say for sure, and here’s why. She now lives with distress. She’s unable to engage her partner and can’t resolve issues with him. She’s increasingly anxious and overwhelmed in this relationship, and believes her needs are ignored and dismissed by him. She becomes furious with him, then worries that her behaviour makes things worse. She experiences his dismissals as a deep rejection of her. She’s worried he’s losing interest in her and, even worse, is fearful he’ll leave her.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Abandonment is a primitive fear linked to our survival. This becomes a threat for her, which will alter her behaviour towards him.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">She may become more needy or clingy; may secretly check his mobile or question his whereabouts. She may retreat from him, becoming more distant.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">Her thoughts and behaviours will become centralised around her fear and anxiety.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">What if they continue like this for another two months, a year, or three years? What if the young woman convinces herself and her partner that if they were married everything would be different? Would the Band-Aid marriage really make her more secure? It would be an interesting distraction – for a little while. But for how long?</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">This young woman feels what many partners in conflictual relationships feel – unsafe. They end up perceiving their partner as a threat or danger.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">I see this all the time with my clients. Perhaps you can see this in your relationship, too. When the conflict continues over many years, it will certainly change how you feel about your partner and how you treat them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;\">No one wants to be close to someone they find scary or unpredictable. In fact, we’re biologically wired to fight back or to run away from them.</p>\nNo one wants to be close to someone they find unpredictable.<h3><strong style=\"color: #ba9664; font-family: \'Abhaya Libre\', serif; font-size: 25px; font-style: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.02em;\">Why do we perceive our partner as a threat?</strong></h3><p>Whenever we feel suddenly afraid, shocked or overwhelmed in an interaction with our partner, we will perceive them as a threat, and our amygdalae will kick off the fight or flight response.</p><p>Because we can’t tolerate these feelings, we see our partner as an actual threat, and the physiological reactions that prepare us for survival are activated.</p><p>We either become physically and emotionally mobilised to take our partner on as an opponent or we take flight.</p><h3><b>Fight mode</b></h3><p>We can fight our partner with behaviours including blame, bullying, violence, screaming, mocking and many others. We can speak or behave in ways we would never deem acceptable under other circumstances or with other people. These reactions only serve to inflame the situation, heightening our emotional state.</p><p>Many of us justify our harsh or over-the-top behaviour in fight mode, claiming our partner \"made us\" act in a particular way. We often don\'t see our behaviour as out of line, nor do we take responsibility for it.</p><h3><b>Flight mode</b></h3><p>We can take flight by avoiding our partner. We may escape to another room, or even stay at a hotel overnight. Flight also shows itself when we become withdrawn in our partner\'s presence or avoid them by staying late at work.</p><p>We may also use flight to avoid our feelings, resorting to self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating or self harm. Flight can also be seen when we become passive or compliant in order to move away from our distress or soften the atmosphere with out partner.</p><p>Fight or flight reactions will keep us trapped in fearful or distressing conflict. They will always add fuel to the fire, and ultimately take us further away from resolving our couple conflict. Eventually, they\'ll harm our relationship. The real problem is that we never learn that the difficulty resides in us - that we haven\'t learnt to manage these feelings.</p><p>When we hit conflict we resort to fight or flight.</p><h3><b>Stress affects our mental and physical health</b></h3><p>Prolonged couple conflict can often cause long-term emotional and physical issues. The fight or flight response we experience during conflict become wovn into our relationship. This alters how we think about our partner and leads us to create anxious or upsetting emotional narratives or stories that reflect how we feel about them and our relationship. These narratives are connected to our ego.</p><p>We can\'t remove our thoughts about ourselves, our partner or our relationship from a fight. The ego-driven internal narrative can take us to places that cause us great stress, and even distress.</p><p>Over time, with repeated cycles of conflict, our emotional and physical wellbeing will likely be compromised.</p><p>Each episode of conflict with our partner leaves us with a stress-related handover, which can impact us physically, emotionally and behaviourally.</p><p>This aspect of conflict is serious, especially given that it takes couples on average six years of unhappiness before they contact a therapist for help. Simply put, that\'s exposing both partners to serious long-term stress and distress.</p><p><b>This is an edited extract from <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/products/?add-to-cart=3869\">Relationship Reset by Lissy Abrahams</a>, Pan Macmillan Australia, out Tuesday (July 26), $35</b></p><p>Originally published as <strong><a href=\"https://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/qweekend/committed-relationships-are-difficult-couples-therapist-reveals-key-to-happy-union/news-story/9e6eb8d5f54d2abda893df1cb009c450\">\'Committed relationships are difficult\': Couples therapist reveals key to happy union</a></strong></p>','The Daily Telegraph','The Daily Telegraph, also nicknamed The Tele, is an Australian tabloid newspaper published by Nationwide News Pty Limited','inherit','closed','closed','','4774-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:28:12','2022-07-25 19:28:12','',4774,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4788',0,'revision','',0),(4789,1,'2021-09-03 19:28:51','2021-09-03 19:28:51','<style>/*! elementor - v3.8.1 - 13-11-2022 */\n.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}.e-con{--container-widget-width:100%}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer{width:var(--container-widget-width,var(--spacer-size));-ms-flex-item-align:stretch;align-self:stretch;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer{height:100%}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner,.e-con>.elementor-widget-spacer>.elementor-widget-container>.elementor-spacer>.elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--container-widget-height,var(--spacer-size))}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                The number one thing to improve couple communication​            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Body+Soul        \n            <h2>\n                The number one thing to improve couple communication            \n        </h2>\n            3 September 2021        \n		<p>Body+Soul investigates how to quell a fight in the early stages and deal with it in a way that will be better for you and your partner.</p><p>Have you ever had your partner say, do (or not do) something and just loose the plot?</p><p>Maybe they’ve been rubbing you the wrong way and then there was that moment the switch flicked and it was game time on the screaming match, with both sides likely to lose out?</p><p>Well, you’re not alone, but psychotherapist and couples counsellor Lissy Abrahams, <a href=\"https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/the-common-arguments-all-couples-have-over-christmas/news-story/3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev=\"event119\" data-tgev-metric=\"ev\" data-tgev-order=\"3c76f08bd0623577c1381887d749c51f\" data-tgev-label=\"sex-relationships\" data-tgev-container=\"bodylink\">says it doesn’t have to be that way.</a></p><p>Speaking on Body+Soul’s daily podcast <em>Healthy-ish</em>, she says that the single most important step to stop fighting is to literally stop. To take a breather.</p><p>“There\'s absolutely nothing we can say to each other that we\'re really going to take in. Our defences are up, we\'re often in fight or flight mode, and we’re trying to survive the moment,” she tells host Felicity Harley on the <em>Healthy-ish </em>episode <em>A psychotherapist on the No 1. thing to improve couple communication.</em></p><p>“The first thing we can do is just take a pause, take 10 minutes and see if that\'s enough time to calm down.”</p><p>If you’re having trouble calming down, Abrahams suggests trying breath work and taking the time to move your mind away from the discussion. Essentially, relax and regroup.</p><p>It may also be beneficial to reflect on the part of yourself that was triggered in the situation, the ‘ego’. And no – we don\'t mean ego in the sense of self-importance – it\'s a term often used to describe part of your personality in psychology and, in fact, everyone has one.</p><p>“One of the ways that we can really look after our relationship and not damage it is by understanding our ego and also understand it\'s linked to feeling fear or shame,” she explains.</p><p>“Where we perceive our partner as a threat…or feel like they’re shaming us in any way, we’re going to get into fight or flight mode and we’re going to have something to tell them that we’re not very happy about.”</p><p>This response can be one of two things:</p><ol><li><strong>Superiority:</strong> That we feel like they don’t know the situation like we do, and that we know how to navigate the relationship better.</li><li><strong>Inferiority:</strong> This is victim mode, where one partner may start crying or show weakness to get their partner back alongside.</li></ol><p>“We can do a lot of damage through the ego by not understanding it. The best thing we can do is to learn about what it is that makes us feel frightened with a partner or ashamed and then take responsibility for that and go and learn about it,” says Abrahams.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.8.1 - 13-11-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>How to keep your ego in check</h3>		\n		<p>The first step is to understand our ego and how it operates. What is your response? It could be attacking, blaming, judgement, complaining, screaming, shouting, standing up and making your body big.</p><p>If we know what it looks like when we’ve been triggered, we can notice it and say to ourselves, ‘that’s my ego’. It might be time for a cool down minute.</p><p>“We don\'t always know that we\'ve got a choice in those moments. We feel fully justified to be sulky or be attacking in that moment. So the best thing we can do is to identify themes around it and work out what upsets you.”</p><p>That’s the second part – knowing what it was that triggered you.</p><p>Even if you didn’t start the fight, there’s always a point where you became invested in it. Which button did your partner push that made you respond?</p><p>Abrahams says this might be a tone of voice, when your partner doesn’t listen to you, or perhaps even a particular behavior or body language movement that irks you.</p><p>Think about why it sets your teeth on edge.</p><p>Do you hate not being listened to? Perhaps you were always listened to as a child and you’ve come to expect that, or maybe you weren’t listened to and you regress back to the way you acted when you were younger to get attention. Unravel those feelings and it will help you respond better next time.</p><p>If you have trouble doing this on your own, a professional therapist may be the perfect person to help you work through it.</p>		\n			<h3>Can we get over it?</h3>		\n		<p>Abrahams says we can.</p><p>“It\'s a life journey for all of us. And with different people, they\'ll be different,” she says.</p><p>“The ones who are doing it well are people who have the ability to really listen to each other and allow their partner to be different from them.”</p><p>She explains that often when we meet our partner we accept their differences, but as time goes on we can see them as a threat because they’re not alongside us in the way we want them to be.</p><p>“So, one thing we can really do is to learn to listen to our partner and to allow them to have their own mind and not be threatened by them in that way.”</p><p><em>You can download Lissy’s free ebook, Top Tips for Improving Couple Communication, <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/service/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/resources/download-top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication-e-book/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGneYNMZHuyS2WEYz4FuTIpfV2EXA\">here</a>, or for more info, see her website <a href=\"https://www.lissyabrahams.com/\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-saferedirecturl=\"https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.lissyabrahams.com/&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1630113750745000&amp;usg=AFQjCNGij7lKvn-1BaiNEZkBIRedU7tETg\">here.</a></em></p>','The number one thing to improve couple communication','','publish','closed','closed','','number-one_thing_to_improve_couple-communication','','','2022-12-06 06:48:33','2022-12-06 06:48:33','',0,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?post_type=case-study&#038;p=4789',0,'case-study','',0),(4790,1,'2022-07-25 19:30:54','2022-07-25 19:30:54','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />\r\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Body+Soul','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','4789-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:30:54','2022-07-25 19:30:54','',4789,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4790',0,'revision','',0),(4791,1,'2022-07-25 19:33:26','2022-07-25 19:33:26','','Couple dancing on the beach at dawn','','inherit','open','closed','','couple-dancing-on-the-beach-at-dawn','','','2022-07-25 19:33:26','2022-07-25 19:33:26','',4789,'http://www.lissyabrahams.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Couple-dancing-on-the-beach-at-dawn.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(4792,1,'2022-07-25 19:34:09','2022-07-25 19:34:09','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Body+Soul','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','4789-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:34:09','2022-07-25 19:34:09','',4789,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4792',0,'revision','',0),(4793,1,'2022-07-25 19:36:13','2022-07-25 19:36:13','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Body+Soul','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','4789-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:36:13','2022-07-25 19:36:13','',4789,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4793',0,'revision','',0),(4794,1,'2022-07-25 19:36:13','2022-07-25 19:36:13','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>\r\n<h1>House of Wellness</h1>\r\nArticle - source: house of wellness\r\n<h2>How to avoid festive feuds this Christmas</h2>\r\n14 December 2021\r\n<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4>\r\nIn the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”\r\n\r\nYet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.\r\n\r\nHaving a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.\r\n\r\n<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */<br />.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style>\r\n<h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>\r\nPerhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.\r\n\r\nYou could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.\r\n\r\n“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.\r\n\r\n“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”\r\n\r\nLissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.\r\n<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>\r\nWhile advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.\r\n\r\nHaving unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.\r\n\r\nRather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.\r\n\r\nKeep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.\r\n<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>\r\n“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.\r\n\r\n“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”\r\n\r\nOur lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.\r\n\r\n“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.\r\n\r\nAnd if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.\r\n\r\n“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”\r\n\r\nIt’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.\r\n\r\n“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.\r\n<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>\r\nYou need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.\r\n\r\n“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.\r\n\r\nEven without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.\r\n\r\n“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.\r\n\r\n“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”\r\n\r\nOnce things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.','Body+Soul','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','4789-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:36:13','2022-07-25 19:36:13','',4789,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4794',0,'revision','',0),(4795,1,'2022-07-25 19:36:13','2022-07-25 19:36:13','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Body+Soul            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Body+Soul        \n            <h2>\n                The number one thing to improve couple communication            \n        </h2>\n            3 September 2021        \n		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		\n		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		\n			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		\n		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		\n			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		\n		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		\n			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		\n		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>','Body+Soul','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','4789-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:36:13','2022-07-25 19:36:13','',4789,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4795',0,'revision','',0),(4797,1,'2022-07-25 19:44:55','2022-07-25 19:44:55','<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.e-container.e-container--row .elementor-spacer-inner{width:var(--spacer-size)}.e-container.e-container--column .elementor-spacer-inner,.elementor-column .elementor-spacer-inner{height:var(--spacer-size)}</style>		\n            <h1>\n                Body+Soul            \n        </h1>\n            Article - source: Body+Soul        \n            <h2>\n                The number one thing to improve couple communication            \n        </h2>\n            3 September 2021        \n		<h4>Whether it’s tension over long-standing issues or bickering over the last prawn, arguments at Christmas can quash festive joy. Here’s how to keep the peace.</h4> <p>In the words of the Ramones, “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight!”</p><p>Yet if you put family members with diverse views together tensions can boil over – and things can get particularly nasty if alcohol is involved.</p><p>Having a more harmonious family get-together isn’t out of reach, so here are some things to try ahead of your Christmas get-together.</p>		\n			<style>/*! elementor - v3.6.7 - 03-07-2022 */\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}</style><h3>Understand your family dynamic</h3>		\n		<p>Perhaps you’re the quieter family member who always gets talked over, or the eldest child who is expected to carry more of the load with the Christmas preparations.</p><p>You could be used to walking on eggshells around a temperamental parent or trying to tune out the bragging of a sibling.</p><p>“We may be in adult bodies, yet these early family dynamics stay the same,” individual and couple therapist Lissy Abrahams says.</p><p>“They may have been uncomfortable and touched a nerve in childhood, and these are still raw as adults in a similar environment.”</p><p>Lissy says being conscious of these dynamics can help you understand the patterns and be more deliberate in how you react to any triggers.</p>		\n			<h3>Keep your expectations realistic</h3>		\n		<p>While advertisements, film, TV and social media would have us believe that everyone besides our family has a harmonious Christmas, this isn’t the case.</p><p>Having unrealistic expectations – that no one will bicker or get grumpy – can set you up for disappointment.</p><p>Rather than expecting the day to be drama-free, focus on trying to reduce conflict and accept the imperfect nature of family get-togethers.</p><p>Keep in mind too that many of us are experiencing increased stress associated with the Covid-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, according to an Australian Bureau of Statistics survey from June 2021.</p>		\n			<h3>Avoid controversial topics</h3>		\n		<p>“We’re living in a time where opinions about the pandemic, lockdowns and vaccinations are rife and varied,” family counsellor Kylie Heenan says.</p><p>“This adds another layer of stress to families where differing choices are creating divides, even in long-term marriages or between parents and their adult children.”</p><p>Our lives have been shaped by the pandemic in recent years, so it’s unrealistic to expect that conversation won’t revolve around it, but says Kylie, you can set boundaries.</p><p>“See if you can agree in advance of a family gathering to set aside particular topics known to cause arguments,” she says.</p><p>And if you get drawn into a dicey conversation, be conscious about how you want to respond.</p><p>“If someone asserts their opinion and you disagree, decide if now is the time to engage – pick your battles carefully,” she says.</p><p>“Can you let this go for now? Can you change the topic? Do you need to be right?”</p><p>It’s also worth remembering you don’t all need to think the same to get along.</p><p>“Allowing space to hear each other without judgment can create a feeling of connection, even when we don’t agree,” Kylie says.</p>		\n			<h3>How to resolve conflict</h3>		\n		<p>You need to know when it’s time to try, and if everyone’s been drinking that’s not it, says Lissy.</p><p>“Be careful trying to resolve conflict when alcohol has been consumed, as it may escalate and quickly become emotionally or physically unsafe,” she says.</p><p>Even without alcohol, Kylie says moments of heightened tension are not always the best time to work on resolution.</p><p>“Deflecting from the conflict might be better,” she says.</p><p>“Ask to put the topic aside, redirect the topic in a fun, light-hearted way, or divert attention.”</p><p>Once things have cooled down, you might find it helpful to discuss what happened with that family member or one-on-one with a counsellor.</p>','Body+Soul','Love your life more with advice on how to lead a healthy lifestyle, lose weight, stay fit, stress less, be happy and so much more from Australia\'s home of health and happiness, body+soul.','inherit','closed','closed','','4789-revision-v1','','','2022-07-25 19:44:55','2022-07-25 19:44:55','',4789,'https://www.lissyabrahams.com/?p=4797',0,'revision','',0),