[{"id":"4f93573","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"9c6b7a6","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"6980e83","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>In a recent podcast interview that had a Q&amp;A, I was asked how to navigate fear of the future in relationships. This is a question that I believe has two main areas to address.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"2ea4feb","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"b16d327","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":17.80799999999999982946974341757595539093017578125},"elements":[{"id":"08606a5","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/1.png","id":3747,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"43dbbe5","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":82.1919999999999930651028989814221858978271484375},"elements":[{"id":"ee765cc","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"Fear of uncertainty in life","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"15","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"02a0c21","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"a593fe9","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":17.67099999999999937472239253111183643341064453125},"elements":[],"isInner":false},{"id":"18309b2","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":82.3289999999999935198502498678863048553466796875},"elements":[{"id":"8876185","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>I believe this question about a fear of the future in relationships speaks to the reality that we all live with uncertainty about life in general.<\/p><p>We live with a lack of certainty about the future which will potentially undermine all aspects of the life we want. We try to manage many areas of life to increase our experience of stability, such as health, finances, where and how we live, and our relationships. But there is still so much we can\u2019t be sure of as our lives still have an instability and fragility that can quickly undermine the illusion of a stable future.<\/p><p>This fear of the future in relationships is heightened by the fact that we also can\u2019t control other human beings. We certainly can\u2019t control our partner, even though many try.<\/p><p>As a couple, we may point our compass in a similar direction, however we can never be sure that both partners remain on that journey into the future. We simply can\u2019t foresee the future for our relationships, and this can create fear for the future embedding an element of risk in relationships. For example, a partner may:<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"7a3290a","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Decide they want to move overseas","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0136642"},{"text":"Join the army reserves","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1d16737"},{"text":"Have an emotional and\/or sexual affair ","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7202e5b"},{"text":"Want an open relationship","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"bb1d099"},{"text":"Decide they really want children after all or don\u2019t want children after all","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0c3bc63"},{"text":"Have a sudden medical condition","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"81ed5dc"},{"text":"Develop beyond their partner and feel unsatisfied in the relationship","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"d38fa72"},{"text":"Leave the relationship","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0bd04ca"},{"text":"Die \u2013 suicide, accident, or physical illness","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"27acc7f"},{"text":"Lose a job or walk away from one","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"3d70306"},{"text":"Develop chronic depression","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"2d87503"},{"text":"Struggle to recover from a bereavement","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"d215061"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"},{"id":"ab59ece","elType":"widget","settings":{"space":{"unit":"px","size":15,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"spacer"},{"id":"7b8feb6","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>And if any of these factors occur, then partners need to deal with it. We can\u2019t focus on warding off every possibility in life. Two of my best suggestions are:<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"f91bf1a","elType":"widget","settings":{"view":"inline","icon_list":[{"text":"Look into mindfulness as it promotes working with reality (not self-created stories) and keeps you in the present.","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0136642"},{"text":"See if the areas you worry about can be avoided, for example if it\u2019s health issues then work on making some lifestyle changes. If there are mental health struggles, then get some help from a registered therapist. ","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1d16737"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"60fb53e","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"6b79118","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":16.163000000000000255795384873636066913604736328125},"elements":[{"id":"bc63d65","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/2.png","id":3748,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"264c13d","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":83.8370000000000032969182939268648624420166015625},"elements":[{"id":"f1ea550","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"Fear of something in the current relationship that is projected onto the future","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"15","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"89c5ffe","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"82f0074","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":15.8879999999999999005240169935859739780426025390625},"elements":[],"isInner":false},{"id":"ee88e5a","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":84.111999999999994770405464805662631988525390625},"elements":[{"id":"acff246","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>I wonder if a fear of relationships in the future is actually a fear or concern being registered in the current couple experience that is being projected onto the future. Will the future work out with my partner if I feel anxious or sad about something now. For example:<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"446aa6d","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Do I trust my partner when we are not together?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0136642"},{"text":"Does my partner blame or criticise me too much?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1d16737"},{"text":"Does my partner try to control me? ","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7202e5b"},{"text":"Is my partner too flirty with my friends? Or their friends? ","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"bb1d099"},{"text":"Is my partner a bit aggressive in their tone or manner?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0c3bc63"},{"text":"Does my partner become too possessive of me?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"81ed5dc"},{"text":"Does my partner respect my body properly?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"d38fa72"},{"text":"Does my partner try to change me? ","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0bd04ca"},{"text":"Do I fear my partner will leave me all the time?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"27acc7f"},{"text":"Is there an unequal power dynamic operating?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"3d70306"},{"text":"Is my partner over their ex sufficiently?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"2d87503"},{"text":"Have I lost myself in this relationship?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"d215061"},{"text":"Does my partner\u2019s gambling, drinking, or using porn in a way that makes me uncomfortable?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"ca17895"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"},{"id":"3fe42ec","elType":"widget","settings":{"space":{"unit":"px","size":15,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"spacer"},{"id":"95507b3","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Some of these examples may exist because we need to do our own internal work and understand how we <em>really<\/em> relate to our partner. We can create our own suffering if we haven\u2019t explored why we become clingy, angry, sulky, silent or conflictual in our relationship. We also need to explore our triggers and why we become easily spooked with our partner.<\/p><p>We all have areas where we lack trust, safety, or security. We all need to ascertain whether we overlay these onto our partner due to our own relational history or whether it\u2019s actually our partner rocking our couple boat, causing us to worry about the future of our couple relationship.<\/p><p>How do you do the work and be curious about how you operate? You can:<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"2662bc8","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Go to therapy (individual and\/or couples)","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0136642"},{"text":"Do online courses to understand yourself and your relationship","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1d16737"},{"text":"Listen to podcasts","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7202e5b"},{"text":"Read books","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"bb1d099"},{"text":"Join forums","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0c3bc63"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false}]