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disengaging, and avoiding partner (psychologically, physically and\\/or sexually)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"41a3d87\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"26548a7\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"372229d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/2.png\",\"id\":3748,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"74bb303\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1c39ed6\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Not valuing or seeking out partner\\u2019s advice, opinions, or 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therapist<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"8fb546f\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"dd0b292\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6722a2a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/6.png\",\"id\":3742,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"2e70bce\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"c83e2ac\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Resignation at the state of the relationship, no longer feeling 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Celebrities and royalty alike speak openly about the treatment that has helped them overcome unexamined\\u00a0grief,\\u00a0panic attacks\\u00a0or borderline personality\\u00a0disorder.<\\/p><p>Still, when actor Jonah Hill, the star of\\u00a0Superbad\\u00a0and\\u00a0The Wolf of Wall Street,\\u00a0put out a\\u00a0documentary\\u00a0about his fruitful relationship with his therapist two weeks ago, it came with a stark difference.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"ce0d338\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/Jonah-Hill.png\",\"id\":5561,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"image_size\":\"full\",\"image_custom_dimension\":{\"width\":\"76\",\"height\":\"106\"},\"align\":\"left\",\"link_to\":\"custom\",\"link\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.heraldsun.com.au\\/lifestyle\\/smart\\/money-conversations-can-be-tricky-heres-how-to-start\\/news-story\\/ecc8ac38b8bdced03c3bcc839ba6789f\",\"is_external\":\"\",\"nofollow\":\"\",\"custom_attributes\":\"\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"},{\"id\":\"10de1dd\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p><i><span class=\\\"_2Li3P\\\">\\u201cMeeting you and starting this process was out of desperation to get happier,\\u201d says actor Jonah Hill, about his therapist, in a new documentary about their relationship. \\u201cI just had no healthy self-esteem.\\u201d\\u00a0<\\/span><cite class=\\\"ojLwA\\\"><span class=\\\"_30ROC\\\">CREDIT:\\u00a0<\\/span>STUTZ \\/ GETTY IMAGES<\\/cite><\\/i><\\/p><p>It wasn\\u2019t just Hill\\u2019s raw admission in\\u00a0Stutz\\u00a0that he \\u201chad no confidence as a human being\\u201d, when he began work with his current therapist five years ago. (He feels much better now.)<\\/p><p>Rather it was Hill\\u2019s assertion that the \\u201cteachings\\u201d his therapist, Dr Phil Stutz, gave him \\u2013 that helped him gain confidence, manage panic attacks, and recover from the death of his older brother \\u2013 just might help other people \\u201cmake their own lives better\\u201d, too. Regardless of what they\\u2019re going through. (Stutz, an LA-based psychiatrist whose lessons include teaching clients to accept that they can\\u2019t avoid pain, uncertainty, and constant work, agrees.)<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>Stutz,\\u00a0makes for great entertainment. (Adversity, says Stutz in a Brooklyn accent straight out of a Martin Scorsese movie, is an invisible force that wants to \\u201cblock your evolution, block your potential, f--- up your s---\\u201c.)<\\/p><p>But are Hill and his therapist right? Are there certain psychological tools or tips that can help all of us, regardless of our circumstance, age or particular challenge, to be happier?<\\/p><p>In a word, yes.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe question is, \\u2018Why am I wired the way I am?\\u2019\\u201d says Lissy Abrahams, a Sydney-based psychotherapist. It is a foundational question each of us should ask ourselves, she says. Because how we were cared for when we were small \\u2013 if our needs were tended to, or if they weren\\u2019t, for example \\u2013 primes us to respond in a certain way to other people later on in life, says Abrahams, whose book\\u00a0Relationship Reset\\u00a0came out in July.<\\/p><p>This means we might enter into relationships as adults primed, unbeknownst to others, to feel rejected, out of control, or unworthy.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, if I [am wired to] feel unworthy, my partner displaying [sexual] desire for me might be part of what\\u2019s critical to me to feel OK,\\u201d says Abrahams, explaining the genesis of a typical overreaction that leads to conflict. \\u201cSo what happens if they don\\u2019t want to [have sex] for a month? If they\\u2019re not inclined? Does it mean I\\u2019m not good enough?<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe have this expectation that they [another person] are going to play a role that keeps us safe. And when they don\\u2019t, we can get very upset.\\u201d<\\/p><p>The problem is other people don\\u2019t know this about us. They can\\u2019t read our minds. Just as we can\\u2019t read theirs. To simply understand this inherent gap between the way we are all primed to see the world is the key to having more harmonious relationships, says Abrahams.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThis is exactly what fixes marriages,\\u201d she says, adding that it also improves our relations with everyone else in our life. It enables us to have greater compassion for each other, and therefore greater tolerance.<\\/p><p>That, and realising it isn\\u2019t another person\\u2019s job to make us feel safe. Yes, we have the right to expect that our basic needs like respect, kindness and connection are met in a relationship. But it isn\\u2019t a partner\\u2019s job to fix something inside of us that\\u2019s broken, says Abrahams. \\u201cI believe for us to really be OK in life, we have to find a way to be OK in ourselves,\\u201d she says. (She offers two questions to ask yourself to determine if you\\u2019re OK: \\u201cWould I want to date me?\\u201c, and, \\u201cIf I was dating now, would I pretend I\\u2019m not like this?\\u201d)<\\/p><p>People\\u2019s lives are also improved immeasurably when they learn to identify, and then express, exactly what they\\u2019re feeling when they are close to tearing their hair out, says clinical psychologist Dr Rowan Burckhardt, director of the Sydney Couples Counselling Centre.<\\/p><p>This might sound ridiculous. Your partner keeps coming home late from work, even though you\\u2019ve repeatedly asked them not to. So you let rip, \\u201cYou don\\u2019t give a crap about me!\\u201d Or your staff member continually fails to complete the to-do list you\\u2019ve given them. And so forth.<\\/p><p>You\\u2019re angry, right? Well, yes and no, says Burckhardt, a clinical psychologist who treats couples and individuals of all ages.<\\/p><p>Sure, you might be angry. But that\\u2019s only a \\u201csecondary\\u201d emotion. Underlying that emotion, he says, is a \\u201cprimary\\u201d and more vulnerable emotion, like sadness, anxiety or fear. This is the first emotion you feel when something happens.<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>\\u201cIf you don\\u2019t know you\\u2019re feeling anxious when your partner is coming home late, how will you even know what to express to your partner?\\u201d says Burckhardt. \\u201c[But if you do, and you express it] the person can go, \\u2018Oh my god. I\\u2019m so sorry you felt left alone. Actually, I was just working really hard because I want to give you that holiday you keep talking about.\\u2019 The person hears that, and thinks, \\u2018Oh my God, how could I have thought they were uncaring?\\u2019\\u201d If it\\u2019s a work situation, identifying your primary emotion can help you ask for structures or boundaries be put in place to attend to them.<\\/p><p>Another tool that helps everybody?<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe biggest tip I give people is usually to write out everything you want to do,\\u201d says clinical psychologist Tamara Cavenett, adding that this helps everyone from high school students in their final year stressed about exams, to middle-aged mums and dads struggling to juggle parenting and work.<\\/p><p>\\u201cYou want it out of your head and on paper,\\u201d says Cavenett. She gets them to make three separate lists: what needs to be done today; what needs to be done in 24 hours; what they hope to do someday.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s immediately calming. \\u201cYou see you usually have the time to get the most important things done.\\u201d<\\/p><p>Another tip that helps anyone who feels bad about themselves, for any reason?<\\/p><p>Cavenett often asks clients if what they say to themselves in their head is how they\\u2019d speak to a friend.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe\\u2019re a lot more harsh on ourselves,\\u201d says Cavenett, noting that many of us have unconsciously internalised the criticisms we received from other people when we were younger.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe scary thing is that at times, these [inner] voices have become such an accustomed way of thinking that you stop questioning it,\\u201d says Cavenett. \\u201cYou can live your entire life based on this self-belief, it can cause all sorts of issues. 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Sydney Morning Herald\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: The Sydney Morning Herald\",\"heading_text\":\"\\u2018This is exactly what fixes marriages\\u2019: one-size fits all therapy\",\"description_text\":\"30 November 2022\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"08809f5\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Jonah Hill and his therapist\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"title_color\":\"#BA9664\",\"typography_typography\":\"custom\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"1987647\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":29,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"dd539b8\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Everyone these days seems to have a\\u00a0podcast\\u00a0about how therapy has saved their life.\\u00a0Mental health\\u00a0has, thankfully, come out of the cupboard. Celebrities and royalty alike speak openly about the treatment that has helped them overcome unexamined\\u00a0grief,\\u00a0panic attacks\\u00a0or borderline personality\\u00a0disorder.<\\/p><p>Still, when actor Jonah Hill, the star of\\u00a0Superbad\\u00a0and\\u00a0The Wolf of Wall Street,\\u00a0put out a\\u00a0documentary\\u00a0about his fruitful relationship with his therapist two weeks ago, it came with a stark difference.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"ce0d338\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/Jonah-Hill.png\",\"id\":5561,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"image_size\":\"full\",\"image_custom_dimension\":{\"width\":\"76\",\"height\":\"106\"},\"align\":\"left\",\"link_to\":\"custom\",\"link\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.heraldsun.com.au\\/lifestyle\\/smart\\/money-conversations-can-be-tricky-heres-how-to-start\\/news-story\\/ecc8ac38b8bdced03c3bcc839ba6789f\",\"is_external\":\"\",\"nofollow\":\"\",\"custom_attributes\":\"\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"},{\"id\":\"10de1dd\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p><i><span class=\\\"_2Li3P\\\">\\u201cMeeting you and starting this process was out of desperation to get happier,\\u201d says actor Jonah Hill, about his therapist, in a new documentary about their relationship. \\u201cI just had no healthy self-esteem.\\u201d\\u00a0<\\/span><cite class=\\\"ojLwA\\\"><span class=\\\"_30ROC\\\">CREDIT:\\u00a0<\\/span>STUTZ \\/ GETTY IMAGES<\\/cite><\\/i><\\/p><p>It wasn\\u2019t just Hill\\u2019s raw admission in\\u00a0Stutz\\u00a0that he \\u201chad no confidence as a human being\\u201d, when he began work with his current therapist five years ago. (He feels much better now.)<\\/p><p>Rather it was Hill\\u2019s assertion that the \\u201cteachings\\u201d his therapist, Dr Phil Stutz, gave him \\u2013 that helped him gain confidence, manage panic attacks, and recover from the death of his older brother \\u2013 just might help other people \\u201cmake their own lives better\\u201d, too. Regardless of what they\\u2019re going through. (Stutz, an LA-based psychiatrist whose lessons include teaching clients to accept that they can\\u2019t avoid pain, uncertainty, and constant work, agrees.)<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>Stutz,\\u00a0makes for great entertainment. (Adversity, says Stutz in a Brooklyn accent straight out of a Martin Scorsese movie, is an invisible force that wants to \\u201cblock your evolution, block your potential, f--- up your s---\\u201c.)<\\/p><p>But are Hill and his therapist right? Are there certain psychological tools or tips that can help all of us, regardless of our circumstance, age or particular challenge, to be happier?<\\/p><p>In a word, yes.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe question is, \\u2018Why am I wired the way I am?\\u2019\\u201d says Lissy Abrahams, a Sydney-based psychotherapist. It is a foundational question each of us should ask ourselves, she says. Because how we were cared for when we were small \\u2013 if our needs were tended to, or if they weren\\u2019t, for example \\u2013 primes us to respond in a certain way to other people later on in life, says Abrahams, whose book\\u00a0Relationship Reset\\u00a0came out in July.<\\/p><p>This means we might enter into relationships as adults primed, unbeknownst to others, to feel rejected, out of control, or unworthy.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, if I [am wired to] feel unworthy, my partner displaying [sexual] desire for me might be part of what\\u2019s critical to me to feel OK,\\u201d says Abrahams, explaining the genesis of a typical overreaction that leads to conflict. \\u201cSo what happens if they don\\u2019t want to [have sex] for a month? If they\\u2019re not inclined? Does it mean I\\u2019m not good enough?<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe have this expectation that they [another person] are going to play a role that keeps us safe. And when they don\\u2019t, we can get very upset.\\u201d<\\/p><p>The problem is other people don\\u2019t know this about us. They can\\u2019t read our minds. Just as we can\\u2019t read theirs. To simply understand this inherent gap between the way we are all primed to see the world is the key to having more harmonious relationships, says Abrahams.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThis is exactly what fixes marriages,\\u201d she says, adding that it also improves our relations with everyone else in our life. It enables us to have greater compassion for each other, and therefore greater tolerance.<\\/p><p>That, and realising it isn\\u2019t another person\\u2019s job to make us feel safe. Yes, we have the right to expect that our basic needs like respect, kindness and connection are met in a relationship. But it isn\\u2019t a partner\\u2019s job to fix something inside of us that\\u2019s broken, says Abrahams. \\u201cI believe for us to really be OK in life, we have to find a way to be OK in ourselves,\\u201d she says. (She offers two questions to ask yourself to determine if you\\u2019re OK: \\u201cWould I want to date me?\\u201c, and, \\u201cIf I was dating now, would I pretend I\\u2019m not like this?\\u201d)<\\/p><p>People\\u2019s lives are also improved immeasurably when they learn to identify, and then express, exactly what they\\u2019re feeling when they are close to tearing their hair out, says clinical psychologist Dr Rowan Burckhardt, director of the Sydney Couples Counselling Centre.<\\/p><p>This might sound ridiculous. Your partner keeps coming home late from work, even though you\\u2019ve repeatedly asked them not to. So you let rip, \\u201cYou don\\u2019t give a crap about me!\\u201d Or your staff member continually fails to complete the to-do list you\\u2019ve given them. And so forth.<\\/p><p>You\\u2019re angry, right? Well, yes and no, says Burckhardt, a clinical psychologist who treats couples and individuals of all ages.<\\/p><p>Sure, you might be angry. But that\\u2019s only a \\u201csecondary\\u201d emotion. Underlying that emotion, he says, is a \\u201cprimary\\u201d and more vulnerable emotion, like sadness, anxiety or fear. This is the first emotion you feel when something happens.<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>\\u201cIf you don\\u2019t know you\\u2019re feeling anxious when your partner is coming home late, how will you even know what to express to your partner?\\u201d says Burckhardt. \\u201c[But if you do, and you express it] the person can go, \\u2018Oh my god. I\\u2019m so sorry you felt left alone. Actually, I was just working really hard because I want to give you that holiday you keep talking about.\\u2019 The person hears that, and thinks, \\u2018Oh my God, how could I have thought they were uncaring?\\u2019\\u201d If it\\u2019s a work situation, identifying your primary emotion can help you ask for structures or boundaries be put in place to attend to them.<\\/p><p>Another tool that helps everybody?<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe biggest tip I give people is usually to write out everything you want to do,\\u201d says clinical psychologist Tamara Cavenett, adding that this helps everyone from high school students in their final year stressed about exams, to middle-aged mums and dads struggling to juggle parenting and work.<\\/p><p>\\u201cYou want it out of your head and on paper,\\u201d says Cavenett. She gets them to make three separate lists: what needs to be done today; what needs to be done in 24 hours; what they hope to do someday.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s immediately calming. \\u201cYou see you usually have the time to get the most important things done.\\u201d<\\/p><p>Another tip that helps anyone who feels bad about themselves, for any reason?<\\/p><p>Cavenett often asks clients if what they say to themselves in their head is how they\\u2019d speak to a friend.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe\\u2019re a lot more harsh on ourselves,\\u201d says Cavenett, noting that many of us have unconsciously internalised the criticisms we received from other people when we were younger.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe scary thing is that at times, these [inner] voices have become such an accustomed way of thinking that you stop questioning it,\\u201d says Cavenett. \\u201cYou can live your entire life based on this self-belief, it can cause all sorts of issues. Often with a client, we get them to see things differently.\\u201d<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23412,5635,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23413,5635,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23414,5635,'_thumbnail_id','5630'),(23415,5636,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23416,5636,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23417,5636,'_elementor_version','3.8.1'),(23418,5636,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23419,5636,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"e854393\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"stretch_section\":\"section-stretched\",\"background_background\":\"classic\",\"background_image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/AdobeStock_298891023-scaled.jpeg\",\"id\":5558,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"background_position\":\"initial\",\"background_repeat\":\"no-repeat\",\"background_size\":\"cover\",\"background_overlay_background\":\"classic\",\"background_overlay_color\":\"#000000\",\"background_overlay_opacity\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,\"sizes\":[]},\"background_ypos\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":-300,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82bf9b1\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d95d219\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":112,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ade2076\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"\",\"heading_text\":\"The Sydney Morning Herald\",\"description_text\":\"\",\"heading_tag\":\"h1\",\"text_align\":\"center\",\"heading_color\":\"#FFFFFF\",\"heading_typography_typography\":\"custom\",\"heading_typography_font_size\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":60,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_font_size_mobile\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":40,\"sizes\":[]},\"heading_typography_letter_spacing\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"},{\"id\":\"a72ff32\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":125,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"22aae0e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"margin\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"91\",\"right\":0,\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":0,\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"b31baff\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f7c748c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"subheading_text\":\"Article - source: The Sydney Morning Herald\",\"heading_text\":\"\\u2018This is exactly what fixes marriages\\u2019: one-size fits all therapy\",\"description_text\":\"30 November 2022\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"cms_heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"dab5d10\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1fb5858\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"08809f5\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Jonah Hill and his therapist\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"title_color\":\"#BA9664\",\"typography_typography\":\"custom\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"1987647\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":29,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"dd539b8\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Everyone these days seems to have a\\u00a0podcast\\u00a0about how therapy has saved their life.\\u00a0Mental health\\u00a0has, thankfully, come out of the cupboard. Celebrities and royalty alike speak openly about the treatment that has helped them overcome unexamined\\u00a0grief,\\u00a0panic attacks\\u00a0or borderline personality\\u00a0disorder.<\\/p><p>Still, when actor Jonah Hill, the star of\\u00a0Superbad\\u00a0and\\u00a0The Wolf of Wall Street,\\u00a0put out a\\u00a0documentary\\u00a0about his fruitful relationship with his therapist two weeks ago, it came with a stark difference.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"ce0d338\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/12\\/Jonah-Hill.png\",\"id\":5561,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"},\"image_size\":\"full\",\"image_custom_dimension\":{\"width\":\"76\",\"height\":\"106\"},\"align\":\"left\",\"link_to\":\"custom\",\"link\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.heraldsun.com.au\\/lifestyle\\/smart\\/money-conversations-can-be-tricky-heres-how-to-start\\/news-story\\/ecc8ac38b8bdced03c3bcc839ba6789f\",\"is_external\":\"\",\"nofollow\":\"\",\"custom_attributes\":\"\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"},{\"id\":\"10de1dd\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p><i><span class=\\\"_2Li3P\\\">\\u201cMeeting you and starting this process was out of desperation to get happier,\\u201d says actor Jonah Hill, about his therapist, in a new documentary about their relationship. \\u201cI just had no healthy self-esteem.\\u201d\\u00a0<\\/span><cite class=\\\"ojLwA\\\"><span class=\\\"_30ROC\\\">CREDIT:\\u00a0<\\/span>STUTZ \\/ GETTY IMAGES<\\/cite><\\/i><\\/p><p>It wasn\\u2019t just Hill\\u2019s raw admission in\\u00a0Stutz\\u00a0that he \\u201chad no confidence as a human being\\u201d, when he began work with his current therapist five years ago. (He feels much better now.)<\\/p><p>Rather it was Hill\\u2019s assertion that the \\u201cteachings\\u201d his therapist, Dr Phil Stutz, gave him \\u2013 that helped him gain confidence, manage panic attacks, and recover from the death of his older brother \\u2013 just might help other people \\u201cmake their own lives better\\u201d, too. Regardless of what they\\u2019re going through. (Stutz, an LA-based psychiatrist whose lessons include teaching clients to accept that they can\\u2019t avoid pain, uncertainty, and constant work, agrees.)<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>Stutz,\\u00a0makes for great entertainment. (Adversity, says Stutz in a Brooklyn accent straight out of a Martin Scorsese movie, is an invisible force that wants to \\u201cblock your evolution, block your potential, f--- up your s---\\u201c.)<\\/p><p>But are Hill and his therapist right? Are there certain psychological tools or tips that can help all of us, regardless of our circumstance, age or particular challenge, to be happier?<\\/p><p>In a word, yes.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe question is, \\u2018Why am I wired the way I am?\\u2019\\u201d says Lissy Abrahams, a Sydney-based psychotherapist. It is a foundational question each of us should ask ourselves, she says. Because how we were cared for when we were small \\u2013 if our needs were tended to, or if they weren\\u2019t, for example \\u2013 primes us to respond in a certain way to other people later on in life, says Abrahams, whose book\\u00a0Relationship Reset\\u00a0came out in July.<\\/p><p>This means we might enter into relationships as adults primed, unbeknownst to others, to feel rejected, out of control, or unworthy.<\\/p><p>\\u201cSo, if I [am wired to] feel unworthy, my partner displaying [sexual] desire for me might be part of what\\u2019s critical to me to feel OK,\\u201d says Abrahams, explaining the genesis of a typical overreaction that leads to conflict. \\u201cSo what happens if they don\\u2019t want to [have sex] for a month? If they\\u2019re not inclined? Does it mean I\\u2019m not good enough?<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe have this expectation that they [another person] are going to play a role that keeps us safe. And when they don\\u2019t, we can get very upset.\\u201d<\\/p><p>The problem is other people don\\u2019t know this about us. They can\\u2019t read our minds. Just as we can\\u2019t read theirs. To simply understand this inherent gap between the way we are all primed to see the world is the key to having more harmonious relationships, says Abrahams.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThis is exactly what fixes marriages,\\u201d she says, adding that it also improves our relations with everyone else in our life. It enables us to have greater compassion for each other, and therefore greater tolerance.<\\/p><p>That, and realising it isn\\u2019t another person\\u2019s job to make us feel safe. Yes, we have the right to expect that our basic needs like respect, kindness and connection are met in a relationship. But it isn\\u2019t a partner\\u2019s job to fix something inside of us that\\u2019s broken, says Abrahams. \\u201cI believe for us to really be OK in life, we have to find a way to be OK in ourselves,\\u201d she says. (She offers two questions to ask yourself to determine if you\\u2019re OK: \\u201cWould I want to date me?\\u201c, and, \\u201cIf I was dating now, would I pretend I\\u2019m not like this?\\u201d)<\\/p><p>People\\u2019s lives are also improved immeasurably when they learn to identify, and then express, exactly what they\\u2019re feeling when they are close to tearing their hair out, says clinical psychologist Dr Rowan Burckhardt, director of the Sydney Couples Counselling Centre.<\\/p><p>This might sound ridiculous. Your partner keeps coming home late from work, even though you\\u2019ve repeatedly asked them not to. So you let rip, \\u201cYou don\\u2019t give a crap about me!\\u201d Or your staff member continually fails to complete the to-do list you\\u2019ve given them. And so forth.<\\/p><p>You\\u2019re angry, right? Well, yes and no, says Burckhardt, a clinical psychologist who treats couples and individuals of all ages.<\\/p><p>Sure, you might be angry. But that\\u2019s only a \\u201csecondary\\u201d emotion. Underlying that emotion, he says, is a \\u201cprimary\\u201d and more vulnerable emotion, like sadness, anxiety or fear. This is the first emotion you feel when something happens.<br \\/>\\u00a0<br \\/>\\u201cIf you don\\u2019t know you\\u2019re feeling anxious when your partner is coming home late, how will you even know what to express to your partner?\\u201d says Burckhardt. \\u201c[But if you do, and you express it] the person can go, \\u2018Oh my god. I\\u2019m so sorry you felt left alone. Actually, I was just working really hard because I want to give you that holiday you keep talking about.\\u2019 The person hears that, and thinks, \\u2018Oh my God, how could I have thought they were uncaring?\\u2019\\u201d If it\\u2019s a work situation, identifying your primary emotion can help you ask for structures or boundaries be put in place to attend to them.<\\/p><p>Another tool that helps everybody?<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe biggest tip I give people is usually to write out everything you want to do,\\u201d says clinical psychologist Tamara Cavenett, adding that this helps everyone from high school students in their final year stressed about exams, to middle-aged mums and dads struggling to juggle parenting and work.<\\/p><p>\\u201cYou want it out of your head and on paper,\\u201d says Cavenett. She gets them to make three separate lists: what needs to be done today; what needs to be done in 24 hours; what they hope to do someday.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s immediately calming. \\u201cYou see you usually have the time to get the most important things done.\\u201d<\\/p><p>Another tip that helps anyone who feels bad about themselves, for any reason?<\\/p><p>Cavenett often asks clients if what they say to themselves in their head is how they\\u2019d speak to a friend.<\\/p><p>\\u201cWe\\u2019re a lot more harsh on ourselves,\\u201d says Cavenett, noting that many of us have unconsciously internalised the criticisms we received from other people when we were younger.<\\/p><p>\\u201cThe scary thing is that at times, these [inner] voices have become such an accustomed way of thinking that you stop questioning it,\\u201d says Cavenett. \\u201cYou can live your entire life based on this self-belief, it can cause all sorts of issues. 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I felt pleased with myself honouring my commitment, feeling a little stronger already, and developing a rhythm in the training.<\\/p><p>Then the Delta variant showed up in my local council. I was in Queensland and needed to make a late night, last-minute dash back over the NSW border, so I wasn\\u2019t forced into a 14-day quarantine with Annastacia. We were the first council declared a hotspot and a week later were in lockdown.<\\/p><p>What surprised me was how relieved I was to stop my gym training. Wow that was quick! Wasn\\u2019t I proud of myself showing up for three weeks? How quickly that evaporated as I shot off a text to my trainer telling him that we would need to reconvene down the track. Phew!!! It was just wonderful to have such a legitimate excuse to not go. It wasn\\u2019t me bailing, or even worse, failing. It was the pandemic\\u2019s fault. \\u00a0<\\/p><p>Within a few days though I felt the pull of my original why. I\\u2019d lose my gains that I\\u2019d started to make and would need to start all over again in the months ahead. How would I become strong mumma without the sessions? I knew I would never do it by myself. I contacted my trainer and we set up in the park near my home. We\\u2019ve been doing this ever since.<\\/p><p>Does it get easier to go to my sessions? Not for me. My ego makes excuses nearly every session. It wants to sabotage me because it would rather do anything else than weight training. But I don\\u2019t let it. I show up because my why won\\u2019t be answered unless I go. What helps me turn up is by asking myself one question: What would my best self do? My resolve no longer blows away in the wind, as I hear myself say \\u201cIt\\u2019s time to get ready now\\u201d.<\\/p><p>When you\\u2019re faced with your sabotaging ego, just ask yourself:<\\/p><p>What would my best self do?<\\/p><p>How would my best self respond?<\\/p><p>What action would my best self take?<\\/p><p>This will make it very clear that the sabotaging ego isn\\u2019t working in the interests of your best self, but more like the Wizard of Oz creating drama and stories to hide behind because he doesn\\u2019t want to face his emotional pain.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. One partner may reach their limit in constantly trying to improve the relationship, as they wanted the relationship to help them feel safe or more secure. The other partner may be exhausted at what feels like constant complaints or blame about them getting it wrong all the time.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting is a state of resignation where a partner or partners are no longer investing in the relationship\\u2019s wellbeing or even survival. It can be due to conscious and unconscious reasons.<\\/p><p>Despite giving up, they\\u2019re not ready to hand over the keys.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s a recognition from one partner that even though the couple is no longer an alive entity, there are still benefits or support in remaining in the union. 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In a couple, one partner often detects relationship difficulties more quickly and is keen to address them with their partner.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. One partner may reach their limit in constantly trying to improve the relationship, as they wanted the relationship to help them feel safe or more secure. The other partner may be exhausted at what feels like constant complaints or blame about them getting it wrong all the time.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting is a state of resignation where a partner or partners are no longer investing in the relationship\\u2019s wellbeing or even survival. It can be due to conscious and unconscious reasons.<\\/p><p>Despite giving up, they\\u2019re not ready to hand over the keys.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s a recognition from one partner that even though the couple is no longer an alive entity, there are still benefits or support in remaining in the union. These may include fear of losing extended family connections, social groups, the neighbourhood, community, financial security, companionship, the family cook, a Netflix buddy, or the dog walker.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"6957d8a\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"65294db\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a432cfc\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"7 signs you or your partner may be \'quiet quitting\' in your 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disengaging, and avoiding partner (psychologically, physically and\\/or sexually)<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"41a3d87\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"26548a7\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"372229d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/2.png\",\"id\":3748,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"74bb303\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1c39ed6\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Not valuing or seeking out partner\\u2019s advice, opinions, or viewpoints any more<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"bfcf15d\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"824f06e\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6f06d39\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/3.png\",\"id\":3749,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"e0cd0ce\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"e8e2d03\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Partner and relationship are no longer a priority unlike other people, the phone, work, or exercising<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"b2b86bd\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"bc44c97\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2f07f2e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/4.png\",\"id\":3750,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"568f337\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"c0456d8\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Being indifferent to partner \\u2013 a lack of attention, time, curiosity, or care for them<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"7374c28\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9cd33e3\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"1ef632b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/5.png\",\"id\":3751,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"f84abe8\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"3156fa4\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>No longer trying to resolve issues in the relationship, and believe there is no point seeing a therapist<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"8fb546f\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"dd0b292\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6722a2a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/6.png\",\"id\":3742,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"2e70bce\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"c83e2ac\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Resignation at the state of the relationship, no longer feeling despair<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"03a45b1\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"4d57031\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"bd6b498\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/7.png\",\"id\":3743,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"089a3ba\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d9f3c2d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Unable and unwilling to engage in discussions about future plans together \\u2013 have lost a sense of \\u201cus\\u201d or \\u201cwe\\u201d both now and for the future<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"62f603b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a39689c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2c25e7d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Is this different from separating?\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"dce4b6a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"022558b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Separating is often a gruelling and exhausting process where many interwoven aspects of life are unravelled. 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despair<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"03a45b1\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"4d57031\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":14.025999999999999801048033987171947956085205078125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"bd6b498\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/7.png\",\"id\":3743,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"089a3ba\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":85.9740000000000037516656448133289813995361328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"d9f3c2d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Unable and unwilling to engage in discussions about future plans together \\u2013 have lost a sense of \\u201cus\\u201d or \\u201cwe\\u201d both now and for the future<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"62f603b\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"a39689c\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"2c25e7d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Is this different from separating?\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"dce4b6a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"022558b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Separating is often a gruelling and exhausting process where many interwoven aspects of life are unravelled. These can be financial, extended family, friendship groups, being co-parents, perhaps a joint business, a home, investments. To undo each of these it requires thought and they are often emotionally laden.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting allows time in between \\u2013 it\\u2019s a position like sitting on the fence. It\\u2019s not fully in the relationship and it\\u2019s not fully out. There may be emotional withdrawal from one\\u2019s partner however this is not the same as total withdrawal, and the aspects mentioned like friendships, extended\\u00a0family, being a family unit, or having a home together still hold well enough. Some people can sit on the fence for a short time before their bottom gets sore \\u2013 and for others forever potentially.<\\/p><p>When a partner is quietly quitting, they are taking a position. It could edge the couple closer to separation or it could cause the other partner to rally, pull up their socks and allow themselves to be truly in it again.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"746dcac\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"372fcea\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"0340408\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Don\\u2019t judge the quiet quitters!\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"20ba5e2\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"44093cc\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Quiet quitting is a valid position and shouldn\\u2019t be judged as childish or immature. It could be a reflective time to work on the next steps outside of the relationship. Some people get individual therapy at this point, others see a family lawyer.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23548,5650,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23549,5650,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1672256155;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23550,5651,'_thumbnail_id','5647'),(23551,5651,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23552,5651,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23553,5651,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23554,5651,'_elementor_version','3.8.1'),(23555,5651,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23556,5651,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>We all know that New Year\\u2019s resolutions come and go as if they were written in the wind. It\\u2019s not that we don\\u2019t take them seriously when we create them. It\\u2019s just that changing our habits can be hard, despite our best intentions to follow through.<\\/p><p>For the last few years, I haven\\u2019t made New Year\\u2019s resolutions. Historically I\\u2019ve found them really hard. They never stuck for very long \\u2013 a few weeks at best - and I would end up feeling as if I\\u2019d failed. For me, setting resolutions on 1st January felt tokenistic. I now know that I hadn\\u2019t worked out a solid why for the resolutions, nor planned how I would achieve my goals.<\\/p><p>These days I like to incorporate any changes that I want into my life as I need to or want to \\u2013 irrespective of the month of the year. For example, in mid-April last year my older daughter convinced me to go to the gym and do weight training with her. She\\u2019d been super disciplined for over a year, transforming her little frame into a stronger and more Amazonian one. I admired her discipline and focus. At that time we were on holidays together, and I was fully aware she\\u2019d been seducing my ego with comments like \\u201cyou\\u2019re strong mumma\\u201d or \\u201cyou\\u2019ll take to it really well as you already train\\u201d.<\\/p><p>I felt flattered despite both of us knowing how manipulative she was being. She kept dropping little hints about me getting a trainer and us weight training together on our return. She fed my ego spectacularly. I tentatively agreed to sign up to a gym. It took a little while to translate as another part of my ego \\u2013 the sabotaging part - kicked in to prevent me going. My ego created stories of how busy I was, how I don\\u2019t like gyms, how I do enough already, how it\\u2019s expensive, and the best story of all was that I should start in 8 months\\u2019 time in the Christmas break.<\\/p><p>As a species we don\\u2019t like pain and certainly struggle with self-induced pain, which going to the gym to do strength training is. My ego knew that a commitment like that would require my mind to be strong enough to stay the distance, that time would need to be set aside, as would some finances. My sabotaging ego was busy creating stories to keep me out of the gym.<\\/p><p>It took me until the end of May to firm up my why. Quite simply, my why was that I wanted to become stronger, and sitting around making up more ego-based sabotaging stories was not going to help me achieve my goal. I set up the sessions and off I went. After 3 weeks I felt things were going really well. I felt pleased with myself honouring my commitment, feeling a little stronger already, and developing a rhythm in the training.<\\/p><p>Then the Delta variant showed up in my local council. I was in Queensland and needed to make a late night, last-minute dash back over the NSW border, so I wasn\\u2019t forced into a 14-day quarantine with Annastacia. We were the first council declared a hotspot and a week later were in lockdown.<\\/p><p>What surprised me was how relieved I was to stop my gym training. Wow that was quick! Wasn\\u2019t I proud of myself showing up for three weeks? How quickly that evaporated as I shot off a text to my trainer telling him that we would need to reconvene down the track. Phew!!! It was just wonderful to have such a legitimate excuse to not go. It wasn\\u2019t me bailing, or even worse, failing. It was the pandemic\\u2019s fault. \\u00a0<\\/p><p>Within a few days though I felt the pull of my original why. I\\u2019d lose my gains that I\\u2019d started to make and would need to start all over again in the months ahead. How would I become strong mumma without the sessions? I knew I would never do it by myself. I contacted my trainer and we set up in the park near my home. We\\u2019ve been doing this ever since.<\\/p><p>Does it get easier to go to my sessions? Not for me. My ego makes excuses nearly every session. It wants to sabotage me because it would rather do anything else than weight training. But I don\\u2019t let it. I show up because my why won\\u2019t be answered unless I go. What helps me turn up is by asking myself one question: What would my best self do? My resolve no longer blows away in the wind, as I hear myself say \\u201cIt\\u2019s time to get ready now\\u201d.<\\/p><p>When you\\u2019re faced with your sabotaging ego, just ask yourself:<\\/p><p>What would my best self do?<\\/p><p>How would my best self respond?<\\/p><p>What action would my best self take?<\\/p><p>This will make it very clear that the sabotaging ego isn\\u2019t working in the interests of your best self, but more like the Wizard of Oz creating drama and stories to hide behind because he doesn\\u2019t want to face his emotional pain.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. One partner may reach their limit in constantly trying to improve the relationship, as they wanted the relationship to help them feel safe or more secure. The other partner may be exhausted at what feels like constant complaints or blame about them getting it wrong all the time.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting is a state of resignation where a partner or partners are no longer investing in the relationship\\u2019s wellbeing or even survival. It can be due to conscious and unconscious reasons.<\\/p><p>Despite giving up, they\\u2019re not ready to hand over the keys.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s a recognition from one partner that even though the couple is no longer an alive entity, there are still benefits or support in remaining in the union. These may include fear of losing extended family connections, social groups, the neighbourhood, community, financial security, companionship, the family cook, a Netflix buddy, or the dog walker.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23557,5651,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23558,5651,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1672256155;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23559,5652,'_edit_lock','1673262204:3'),(23560,5652,'_edit_last','3'),(23561,5652,'_thumbnail_id','5653'),(23562,5652,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23563,5652,'featured-video-url',''),(23564,5652,'featured-quote-text',''),(23565,5652,'featured-quote-cite',''),(23566,5652,'featured-audio-url',''),(23567,5652,'featured-link-url',''),(23568,5652,'featured-link-text',''),(23569,5652,'featured-link-short',''),(23570,5652,'post_content_padding','a:3:{s:5:\"units\";s:2:\"px\";s:11:\"padding-top\";s:0:\"\";s:14:\"padding-bottom\";s:0:\"\";}'),(23571,5652,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23572,5652,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23573,5652,'_elementor_version','3.9.2'),(23574,5652,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23575,5652,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"17bc0cb\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"New Year\'s Separation\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"5a701e4\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Whilst many of us welcomed 2023 with excitement and thoughts of New Year\\u2019s resolutions or goals we wish to achieve, there are also many of us struggling with the state of our couple relationship and close to ending it.<\\/p><p>This is no surprise for family lawyers who traditionally see an increase in client numbers in January with high numbers of partners seeking legal advice for how to separate. Some lawyers see an increase of 30%. For family lawyers January is traditionally known as Divorce Month, and this usually begins in the second week of January when many of us head back to work after the Christmas break.<\\/p><p>Therapists are also typically inundated at this time too. I know in my clinic we always experience a huge spike in clients contacts, and many of these are related to partners having increased depression, anxiety, or loneliness relating to issues in their couple relationship.<\\/p><p>What we don\\u2019t know is whether this New Year will be any different. Many lawyers have already experienced these spikes following the lifting of Covid restrictions and lockdowns. Therapists similarly saw major spikes last year, as Covid related anxiety, depression, and stressors pushed many more people to seek help. I hope this January is different, as relationships have already been heavily tested during the pandemic.<\\/p><p>I\\u2019m not against couples separating. No-one walks in anyone else\\u2019s shoes and can determine just how unhappy they are in their relationship. I do, however, believe we need to try everything to fix it before leaving, especially if there are children involved. Sadly, there are many relationships that could have been saved if partners knew how to get the right help.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"0192e6b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"f26c401\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"New Year\'s Resolution\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"e629f7b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"43e1158\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>If you\\u2019re going to make any New Year\\u2019s resolutions, I believe you would best be served by working on your couple relationship. Unless there is violence or abuse occurring, then it may be worth trying again to resolve issues in your relationship. Just make sure you\\u2019ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.<\\/p><p>Separation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation \\u2013 and that\\u2019s if it\\u2019s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.<\\/p><p>Unfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn\\u2019t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it\\u2019s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>If you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.<\\/p><p>If you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner\\u2019s communication style personally. As a therapist, I can tell you that our partner\\u2019s communication style is all about them, it\\u2019s hardly ever personal, even though it can feel very personal indeed.<\\/p><p>If you are a couple struggling with decreased intimacy and connection, then you can improve this too.<\\/p><p>Therapy is a helpful avenue for many couples to go down. Learning about each other in couples therapy is an intimate experience and leads to greater joy and connection between partners. Take the time to get to know each other and why you react to each other the way you do.<\\/p><p>There are also online courses and even podcasts that can decrease your conflict, improve the way you both communicate and increase intimacy and joy. If money is tight, these are cheaper options than ongoing therapy and can provide you a wealth of information. 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Motivational New Year resolutions concept.\";s:17:\"created_timestamp\";s:10:\"1604612138\";s:9:\"copyright\";s:0:\"\";s:12:\"focal_length\";s:1:\"0\";s:3:\"iso\";s:1:\"0\";s:13:\"shutter_speed\";s:1:\"0\";s:5:\"title\";s:37:\"This Year I Will Motivational Concept\";s:11:\"orientation\";s:1:\"1\";s:8:\"keywords\";a:49:{i:0;s:8:\"new year\";i:1;s:12:\"motivational\";i:2;s:4:\"goal\";i:3;s:11:\"resolutions\";i:4;s:4:\"plan\";i:5;s:6:\"change\";i:6;s:11:\"opportunity\";i:7;s:3:\"new\";i:8;s:9:\"beginning\";i:9;s:9:\"objective\";i:10;s:8:\"personal\";i:11;s:11:\"development\";i:12;s:7:\"promise\";i:13;s:4:\"self\";i:14;s:2:\"me\";i:15;s:7:\"concept\";i:16;s:6:\"action\";i:17;s:4:\"will\";i:18;s:4:\"wish\";i:19;s:6:\"chance\";i:20;s:10:\"motivation\";i:21;s:7:\"improve\";i:22;s:11:\"improvement\";i:23;s:13:\"inspirational\";i:24;s:6:\"vision\";i:25;s:7:\"achieve\";i:26;s:11:\"achievement\";i:27;s:8:\"business\";i:28;s:9:\"challenge\";i:29;s:9:\"incentive\";i:30;s:8:\"motivate\";i:31;s:5:\"start\";i:32;s:11:\"possibility\";i:33;s:7:\"success\";i:34;s:4:\"text\";i:35;s:5:\"quote\";i:36;s:13:\"encouragement\";i:37;s:10:\"management\";i:38;s:10:\"initiative\";i:39;s:11:\"aspirations\";i:40;s:4:\"life\";i:41;s:6:\"future\";i:42;s:5:\"dream\";i:43;s:8:\"ambition\";i:44;s:10:\"accomplish\";i:45;s:7:\"courage\";i:46;s:14:\"happy new year\";i:47;s:11:\"inspiration\";i:48;s:8:\"reminder\";}}s:14:\"original_image\";s:25:\"AdobeStock_390477007.jpeg\";}'),(23580,5654,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23581,5654,'_thumbnail_id','5653'),(23582,5654,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23583,5654,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23584,5654,'_elementor_version','3.9.2'),(23585,5654,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23586,5654,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>We all know that New Year\\u2019s resolutions come and go as if they were written in the wind. It\\u2019s not that we don\\u2019t take them seriously when we create them. It\\u2019s just that changing our habits can be hard, despite our best intentions to follow through.<\\/p><p>For the last few years, I haven\\u2019t made New Year\\u2019s resolutions. Historically I\\u2019ve found them really hard. They never stuck for very long \\u2013 a few weeks at best - and I would end up feeling as if I\\u2019d failed. For me, setting resolutions on 1st January felt tokenistic. I now know that I hadn\\u2019t worked out a solid why for the resolutions, nor planned how I would achieve my goals.<\\/p><p>These days I like to incorporate any changes that I want into my life as I need to or want to \\u2013 irrespective of the month of the year. For example, in mid-April last year my older daughter convinced me to go to the gym and do weight training with her. She\\u2019d been super disciplined for over a year, transforming her little frame into a stronger and more Amazonian one. I admired her discipline and focus. At that time we were on holidays together, and I was fully aware she\\u2019d been seducing my ego with comments like \\u201cyou\\u2019re strong mumma\\u201d or \\u201cyou\\u2019ll take to it really well as you already train\\u201d.<\\/p><p>I felt flattered despite both of us knowing how manipulative she was being. She kept dropping little hints about me getting a trainer and us weight training together on our return. She fed my ego spectacularly. I tentatively agreed to sign up to a gym. It took a little while to translate as another part of my ego \\u2013 the sabotaging part - kicked in to prevent me going. My ego created stories of how busy I was, how I don\\u2019t like gyms, how I do enough already, how it\\u2019s expensive, and the best story of all was that I should start in 8 months\\u2019 time in the Christmas break.<\\/p><p>As a species we don\\u2019t like pain and certainly struggle with self-induced pain, which going to the gym to do strength training is. My ego knew that a commitment like that would require my mind to be strong enough to stay the distance, that time would need to be set aside, as would some finances. My sabotaging ego was busy creating stories to keep me out of the gym.<\\/p><p>It took me until the end of May to firm up my why. Quite simply, my why was that I wanted to become stronger, and sitting around making up more ego-based sabotaging stories was not going to help me achieve my goal. I set up the sessions and off I went. After 3 weeks I felt things were going really well. I felt pleased with myself honouring my commitment, feeling a little stronger already, and developing a rhythm in the training.<\\/p><p>Then the Delta variant showed up in my local council. I was in Queensland and needed to make a late night, last-minute dash back over the NSW border, so I wasn\\u2019t forced into a 14-day quarantine with Annastacia. We were the first council declared a hotspot and a week later were in lockdown.<\\/p><p>What surprised me was how relieved I was to stop my gym training. Wow that was quick! Wasn\\u2019t I proud of myself showing up for three weeks? How quickly that evaporated as I shot off a text to my trainer telling him that we would need to reconvene down the track. Phew!!! It was just wonderful to have such a legitimate excuse to not go. It wasn\\u2019t me bailing, or even worse, failing. It was the pandemic\\u2019s fault. \\u00a0<\\/p><p>Within a few days though I felt the pull of my original why. I\\u2019d lose my gains that I\\u2019d started to make and would need to start all over again in the months ahead. How would I become strong mumma without the sessions? I knew I would never do it by myself. I contacted my trainer and we set up in the park near my home. We\\u2019ve been doing this ever since.<\\/p><p>Does it get easier to go to my sessions? Not for me. My ego makes excuses nearly every session. It wants to sabotage me because it would rather do anything else than weight training. But I don\\u2019t let it. I show up because my why won\\u2019t be answered unless I go. What helps me turn up is by asking myself one question: What would my best self do? My resolve no longer blows away in the wind, as I hear myself say \\u201cIt\\u2019s time to get ready now\\u201d.<\\/p><p>When you\\u2019re faced with your sabotaging ego, just ask yourself:<\\/p><p>What would my best self do?<\\/p><p>How would my best self respond?<\\/p><p>What action would my best self take?<\\/p><p>This will make it very clear that the sabotaging ego isn\\u2019t working in the interests of your best self, but more like the Wizard of Oz creating drama and stories to hide behind because he doesn\\u2019t want to face his emotional pain.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. One partner may reach their limit in constantly trying to improve the relationship, as they wanted the relationship to help them feel safe or more secure. The other partner may be exhausted at what feels like constant complaints or blame about them getting it wrong all the time.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting is a state of resignation where a partner or partners are no longer investing in the relationship\\u2019s wellbeing or even survival. It can be due to conscious and unconscious reasons.<\\/p><p>Despite giving up, they\\u2019re not ready to hand over the keys.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s a recognition from one partner that even though the couple is no longer an alive entity, there are still benefits or support in remaining in the union. These may include fear of losing extended family connections, social groups, the neighbourhood, community, financial security, companionship, the family cook, a Netflix buddy, or the dog walker.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23587,5654,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23588,5654,'_elementor_css','a:7:{s:4:\"time\";i:1672257133;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:5:\"empty\";i:0;s:0:\"\";s:3:\"css\";s:0:\"\";}'),(23589,5655,'_thumbnail_id','5653'),(23590,5655,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23591,5655,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23592,5655,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23593,5655,'_elementor_version','3.9.2'),(23594,5655,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23595,5655,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>We all know that New Year\\u2019s resolutions come and go as if they were written in the wind. It\\u2019s not that we don\\u2019t take them seriously when we create them. It\\u2019s just that changing our habits can be hard, despite our best intentions to follow through.<\\/p><p>For the last few years, I haven\\u2019t made New Year\\u2019s resolutions. Historically I\\u2019ve found them really hard. They never stuck for very long \\u2013 a few weeks at best - and I would end up feeling as if I\\u2019d failed. For me, setting resolutions on 1st January felt tokenistic. I now know that I hadn\\u2019t worked out a solid why for the resolutions, nor planned how I would achieve my goals.<\\/p><p>These days I like to incorporate any changes that I want into my life as I need to or want to \\u2013 irrespective of the month of the year. For example, in mid-April last year my older daughter convinced me to go to the gym and do weight training with her. She\\u2019d been super disciplined for over a year, transforming her little frame into a stronger and more Amazonian one. I admired her discipline and focus. At that time we were on holidays together, and I was fully aware she\\u2019d been seducing my ego with comments like \\u201cyou\\u2019re strong mumma\\u201d or \\u201cyou\\u2019ll take to it really well as you already train\\u201d.<\\/p><p>I felt flattered despite both of us knowing how manipulative she was being. She kept dropping little hints about me getting a trainer and us weight training together on our return. She fed my ego spectacularly. I tentatively agreed to sign up to a gym. It took a little while to translate as another part of my ego \\u2013 the sabotaging part - kicked in to prevent me going. My ego created stories of how busy I was, how I don\\u2019t like gyms, how I do enough already, how it\\u2019s expensive, and the best story of all was that I should start in 8 months\\u2019 time in the Christmas break.<\\/p><p>As a species we don\\u2019t like pain and certainly struggle with self-induced pain, which going to the gym to do strength training is. My ego knew that a commitment like that would require my mind to be strong enough to stay the distance, that time would need to be set aside, as would some finances. My sabotaging ego was busy creating stories to keep me out of the gym.<\\/p><p>It took me until the end of May to firm up my why. Quite simply, my why was that I wanted to become stronger, and sitting around making up more ego-based sabotaging stories was not going to help me achieve my goal. I set up the sessions and off I went. After 3 weeks I felt things were going really well. I felt pleased with myself honouring my commitment, feeling a little stronger already, and developing a rhythm in the training.<\\/p><p>Then the Delta variant showed up in my local council. I was in Queensland and needed to make a late night, last-minute dash back over the NSW border, so I wasn\\u2019t forced into a 14-day quarantine with Annastacia. We were the first council declared a hotspot and a week later were in lockdown.<\\/p><p>What surprised me was how relieved I was to stop my gym training. Wow that was quick! Wasn\\u2019t I proud of myself showing up for three weeks? How quickly that evaporated as I shot off a text to my trainer telling him that we would need to reconvene down the track. Phew!!! It was just wonderful to have such a legitimate excuse to not go. It wasn\\u2019t me bailing, or even worse, failing. It was the pandemic\\u2019s fault. \\u00a0<\\/p><p>Within a few days though I felt the pull of my original why. I\\u2019d lose my gains that I\\u2019d started to make and would need to start all over again in the months ahead. How would I become strong mumma without the sessions? I knew I would never do it by myself. I contacted my trainer and we set up in the park near my home. We\\u2019ve been doing this ever since.<\\/p><p>Does it get easier to go to my sessions? Not for me. My ego makes excuses nearly every session. It wants to sabotage me because it would rather do anything else than weight training. But I don\\u2019t let it. I show up because my why won\\u2019t be answered unless I go. What helps me turn up is by asking myself one question: What would my best self do? My resolve no longer blows away in the wind, as I hear myself say \\u201cIt\\u2019s time to get ready now\\u201d.<\\/p><p>When you\\u2019re faced with your sabotaging ego, just ask yourself:<\\/p><p>What would my best self do?<\\/p><p>How would my best self respond?<\\/p><p>What action would my best self take?<\\/p><p>This will make it very clear that the sabotaging ego isn\\u2019t working in the interests of your best self, but more like the Wizard of Oz creating drama and stories to hide behind because he doesn\\u2019t want to face his emotional pain.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. One partner may reach their limit in constantly trying to improve the relationship, as they wanted the relationship to help them feel safe or more secure. The other partner may be exhausted at what feels like constant complaints or blame about them getting it wrong all the time.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting is a state of resignation where a partner or partners are no longer investing in the relationship\\u2019s wellbeing or even survival. It can be due to conscious and unconscious reasons.<\\/p><p>Despite giving up, they\\u2019re not ready to hand over the keys.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s a recognition from one partner that even though the couple is no longer an alive entity, there are still benefits or support in remaining in the union. These may include fear of losing extended family connections, social groups, the neighbourhood, community, financial security, companionship, the family cook, a Netflix buddy, or the dog walker.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23596,5655,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23597,5655,'_elementor_css','a:7:{s:4:\"time\";i:1672257133;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:5:\"empty\";i:0;s:0:\"\";s:3:\"css\";s:0:\"\";}'),(23598,5656,'_thumbnail_id','5653'),(23599,5656,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23600,5656,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23601,5656,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23602,5656,'_elementor_version','3.9.2'),(23603,5656,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23604,5656,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>We all know that New Year\\u2019s resolutions come and go as if they were written in the wind. It\\u2019s not that we don\\u2019t take them seriously when we create them. It\\u2019s just that changing our habits can be hard, despite our best intentions to follow through.<\\/p><p>For the last few years, I haven\\u2019t made New Year\\u2019s resolutions. Historically I\\u2019ve found them really hard. They never stuck for very long \\u2013 a few weeks at best - and I would end up feeling as if I\\u2019d failed. For me, setting resolutions on 1st January felt tokenistic. I now know that I hadn\\u2019t worked out a solid why for the resolutions, nor planned how I would achieve my goals.<\\/p><p>These days I like to incorporate any changes that I want into my life as I need to or want to \\u2013 irrespective of the month of the year. For example, in mid-April last year my older daughter convinced me to go to the gym and do weight training with her. She\\u2019d been super disciplined for over a year, transforming her little frame into a stronger and more Amazonian one. I admired her discipline and focus. At that time we were on holidays together, and I was fully aware she\\u2019d been seducing my ego with comments like \\u201cyou\\u2019re strong mumma\\u201d or \\u201cyou\\u2019ll take to it really well as you already train\\u201d.<\\/p><p>I felt flattered despite both of us knowing how manipulative she was being. She kept dropping little hints about me getting a trainer and us weight training together on our return. She fed my ego spectacularly. I tentatively agreed to sign up to a gym. It took a little while to translate as another part of my ego \\u2013 the sabotaging part - kicked in to prevent me going. My ego created stories of how busy I was, how I don\\u2019t like gyms, how I do enough already, how it\\u2019s expensive, and the best story of all was that I should start in 8 months\\u2019 time in the Christmas break.<\\/p><p>As a species we don\\u2019t like pain and certainly struggle with self-induced pain, which going to the gym to do strength training is. My ego knew that a commitment like that would require my mind to be strong enough to stay the distance, that time would need to be set aside, as would some finances. My sabotaging ego was busy creating stories to keep me out of the gym.<\\/p><p>It took me until the end of May to firm up my why. Quite simply, my why was that I wanted to become stronger, and sitting around making up more ego-based sabotaging stories was not going to help me achieve my goal. I set up the sessions and off I went. After 3 weeks I felt things were going really well. I felt pleased with myself honouring my commitment, feeling a little stronger already, and developing a rhythm in the training.<\\/p><p>Then the Delta variant showed up in my local council. I was in Queensland and needed to make a late night, last-minute dash back over the NSW border, so I wasn\\u2019t forced into a 14-day quarantine with Annastacia. We were the first council declared a hotspot and a week later were in lockdown.<\\/p><p>What surprised me was how relieved I was to stop my gym training. Wow that was quick! Wasn\\u2019t I proud of myself showing up for three weeks? How quickly that evaporated as I shot off a text to my trainer telling him that we would need to reconvene down the track. Phew!!! It was just wonderful to have such a legitimate excuse to not go. It wasn\\u2019t me bailing, or even worse, failing. It was the pandemic\\u2019s fault. \\u00a0<\\/p><p>Within a few days though I felt the pull of my original why. I\\u2019d lose my gains that I\\u2019d started to make and would need to start all over again in the months ahead. How would I become strong mumma without the sessions? I knew I would never do it by myself. I contacted my trainer and we set up in the park near my home. We\\u2019ve been doing this ever since.<\\/p><p>Does it get easier to go to my sessions? Not for me. My ego makes excuses nearly every session. It wants to sabotage me because it would rather do anything else than weight training. But I don\\u2019t let it. I show up because my why won\\u2019t be answered unless I go. What helps me turn up is by asking myself one question: What would my best self do? My resolve no longer blows away in the wind, as I hear myself say \\u201cIt\\u2019s time to get ready now\\u201d.<\\/p><p>When you\\u2019re faced with your sabotaging ego, just ask yourself:<\\/p><p>What would my best self do?<\\/p><p>How would my best self respond?<\\/p><p>What action would my best self take?<\\/p><p>This will make it very clear that the sabotaging ego isn\\u2019t working in the interests of your best self, but more like the Wizard of Oz creating drama and stories to hide behind because he doesn\\u2019t want to face his emotional pain.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. One partner may reach their limit in constantly trying to improve the relationship, as they wanted the relationship to help them feel safe or more secure. The other partner may be exhausted at what feels like constant complaints or blame about them getting it wrong all the time.<\\/p><p>Quiet quitting is a state of resignation where a partner or partners are no longer investing in the relationship\\u2019s wellbeing or even survival. It can be due to conscious and unconscious reasons.<\\/p><p>Despite giving up, they\\u2019re not ready to hand over the keys.<\\/p><p>It\\u2019s a recognition from one partner that even though the couple is no longer an alive entity, there are still benefits or support in remaining in the union. These may include fear of losing extended family connections, social groups, the neighbourhood, community, financial security, companionship, the family cook, a Netflix buddy, or the dog walker.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23605,5656,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23606,5656,'_elementor_css','a:7:{s:4:\"time\";i:1672257133;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:5:\"empty\";i:0;s:0:\"\";s:3:\"css\";s:0:\"\";}'),(23607,5657,'_thumbnail_id','5653'),(23608,5657,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23609,5657,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23610,5657,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23611,5657,'_elementor_version','3.9.2'),(23612,5657,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23613,5657,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"17bc0cb\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"New Year\'s Separation\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"5a701e4\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Whilst many of us welcomed 2023 with excitement and thoughts of New Year\\u2019s resolutions or goals we wish to achieve, there are also many of us struggling with the state of our couple relationship and close to ending it.<\\/p>\\n<p>This is no surprise for family lawyers who traditionally see an increase in client numbers in January with high numbers of partners seeking legal advice for how to separate. 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Just make sure you\\u2019ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.<\\/p><p>Separation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation \\u2013 and that\\u2019s if it\\u2019s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.<\\/p><p>Unfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn\\u2019t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it\\u2019s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>If you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.<\\/p><p>If you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner\\u2019s communication style personally. 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Just make sure you\\u2019ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.<\\/p><p>Separation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation \\u2013 and that\\u2019s if it\\u2019s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.<\\/p><p>Unfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn\\u2019t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. 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They are more likely to struggle with mental health issues (particularly anxiety and depression), behavioural outbursts and substance abuse.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"6b89607\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"aae8d84\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Allow your child to dream about the future\\u2026 in the present\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"047bf34\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"1d4fc68\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>When parents create a respectful and thoughtful co-parenting relationship, a child has the freedom to imagine a future where both parents can be in a room together celebrating life with them. 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Some lawyers see an increase of 30%. For family lawyers January is traditionally known as Divorce Month, and this usually begins in the second week of January when many of us head back to work after the Christmas break.<\\/p><p>Therapists are also typically inundated at this time too. I know in my clinic we always experience a huge spike in clients contacts, and many of these are related to partners having increased depression, anxiety, or loneliness relating to issues in their couple relationship.<\\/p><p>What we don\\u2019t know is whether this New Year will be any different. Many lawyers have already experienced these spikes following the lifting of Covid restrictions and lockdowns. Therapists similarly saw major spikes last year, as Covid related anxiety, depression, and stressors pushed many more people to seek help. I hope this January is different, as relationships have already been heavily tested during the pandemic.<\\/p><p>I\\u2019m not against couples separating. 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Just make sure you\\u2019ve done everything you can before you open the door to separation.<\\/p><p>Separation processes are nearly always anxiety provoking and exhausting, and typically it takes 2 years to feel yourself again following a separation \\u2013 and that\\u2019s if it\\u2019s a friendly enough separation. I have some clients who have to deal with continuously hostile and belligerent exes even years after the actual separation. They are dragged into multiple court processes, racking up massive legal fees, leaving them unable to properly get on with their lives.<\\/p><p>Unfortunately, financial stress can lead many couples to separate, however this doesn\\u2019t solve the financial problem as separation leaves everyone worse off. On top of this, many couples have already been financially hammered by the pandemic. Separation brings the standard of living down a notch or more for everyone. See if there are other ways to solve your financial stress, even if it\\u2019s a long-term plan such as studying part time or skills development.\\u00a0<\\/p><p>If you are a couple with regular cycles of conflict, then you can work through the conflict to make sense of it and understand where it really comes from. You can learn why you are triggered by your partner. You can also learn strategies to calm yourself down once you have been triggered.<\\/p><p>If you are a couple with communication difficulties, then you can work to overcome the differences between you. Communication is tricky and we can easily take our partner\\u2019s communication style personally. 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This could be future birthdays, graduations, getting married or having children. When parents remain entwined in perpetual verbal conflict or a cold war, a child cannot even fantasise about any of these celebratory life events without their parents\\u2019 conflict destroying the fantasy. This breeds enormous anxiety for children in the present.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"164a326\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ad85d3c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Be the parent you would want to have\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"1588fd5\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"05e1c4f\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Stand in your child\\u2019s shoes for a moment. Your family unit is disintegrating. Your future is uncertain. You do not control the separation process. If you were your child, how would you like your parents to behave at this time? You would absolutely want a co-parenting relationship to be created. You would want the right to love both parents without spite and belittling of the other parent. You would want to have them to model respectful communication and demonstrate good decision making on your behalf. 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I admired her discipline and focus. At that time we were on holidays together, and I was fully aware she\\u2019d been seducing my ego with comments like \\u201cyou\\u2019re strong mumma\\u201d or \\u201cyou\\u2019ll take to it really well as you already train\\u201d.<\\/p><p>I felt flattered despite both of us knowing how manipulative she was being. She kept dropping little hints about me getting a trainer and us weight training together on our return. She fed my ego spectacularly. I tentatively agreed to sign up to a gym. It took a little while to translate as another part of my ego \\u2013 the sabotaging part - kicked in to prevent me going. 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I felt pleased with myself honouring my commitment, feeling a little stronger already, and developing a rhythm in the training.<\\/p><p>Then the Delta variant showed up in my local council. I was in Queensland and needed to make a late night, last-minute dash back over the NSW border, so I wasn\\u2019t forced into a 14-day quarantine with Annastacia. We were the first council declared a hotspot and a week later were in lockdown.<\\/p><p>What surprised me was how relieved I was to stop my gym training. Wow that was quick! Wasn\\u2019t I proud of myself showing up for three weeks? How quickly that evaporated as I shot off a text to my trainer telling him that we would need to reconvene down the track. Phew!!! It was just wonderful to have such a legitimate excuse to not go. It wasn\\u2019t me bailing, or even worse, failing. It was the pandemic\\u2019s fault. \\u00a0<\\/p><p>Within a few days though I felt the pull of my original why. I\\u2019d lose my gains that I\\u2019d started to make and would need to start all over again in the months ahead. How would I become strong mumma without the sessions? I knew I would never do it by myself. I contacted my trainer and we set up in the park near my home. We\\u2019ve been doing this ever since.<\\/p><p>Does it get easier to go to my sessions? Not for me. My ego makes excuses nearly every session. It wants to sabotage me because it would rather do anything else than weight training. But I don\\u2019t let it. I show up because my why won\\u2019t be answered unless I go. What helps me turn up is by asking myself one question: What would my best self do? My resolve no longer blows away in the wind, as I hear myself say \\u201cIt\\u2019s time to get ready now\\u201d.<\\/p><p>When you\\u2019re faced with your sabotaging ego, just ask yourself:<\\/p><p>What would my best self do?<\\/p><p>How would my best self respond?<\\/p><p>What action would my best self take?<\\/p><p>This will make it very clear that the sabotaging ego isn\\u2019t working in the interests of your best self, but more like the Wizard of Oz creating drama and stories to hide behind because he doesn\\u2019t want to face his emotional pain.<\\/p><p>This can be a tiring position for them as they voice their concerns. Sometimes they may be taken seriously, and changes happen. But for many they are not taken seriously, and their partner may complain or blame them for the problems, or the couple may end up in conflict.<\\/p><p>Over time either partner may move to the position of quiet quitting. 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When he returns home from work, Jeremy always does chores for 2 or 3 hours. He feels that Min doesn\\u2019t see the vast array of tasks that they need to do to keep the household running smoothly.<\\/p><p>He feels overwhelmed and can\\u2019t understand why Min never seems bothered by this. He can\\u2019t believe she can live with so much mess and chaos. It does his head in, and he becomes most critical when Min sits on the sofa flicking through her phone when the kids are in bed.<\\/p><p>He tells himself that it\\u2019s like having a third child. Sometimes he\\u2019s surprised by his anger, and he\\u2019s concerned how much it is seeping into other areas of their relationship.<\\/p><p>I\\u2019ve seen a gazillion couples where a partner complains, comments, and often becomes critical when their partner doesn\\u2019t live up to their expectations. They\\u2019re often shocked by their partner\\u2019s inability to tidy, clean, or parent in a way that seems \\u2018obvious\\u2019 to them. 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Where their narratives go, the behaviour will follow.<\\/p><p>What they need is a way of moving this situation from either\\/or - Jeremy\\u2019s way or Min\\u2019s way \\u2013 They need to find a new position where both positions are kept in mind. This is an \\u2018and position\\u2019 so they don\\u2019t cancel each other out.<\\/p><p>They may decide to get some outside assistance with the household or with the children. Jeremy may come home earlier from work one day a week to relieve Min so she can organise things with more energy.<\\/p><p>Couples need to keep an \\u2018and position\\u2019 and keep binary positions (like either\\/or) at bay.<\\/p><p>A co-parenting relationship is one where parents think together about the child\\u2019s wellbeing and make joint decisions that support the child\\u2019s emotional, physical, and practical needs. 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Sadly, children do not fare as well when their parents are in continuous conflict. They are more likely to struggle with mental health issues (particularly anxiety and depression), behavioural outbursts and substance abuse.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"6b89607\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"aae8d84\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Allow your child to dream about the future\\u2026 in the present\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"047bf34\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"1d4fc68\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>When parents create a respectful and thoughtful co-parenting relationship, a child has the freedom to imagine a future where both parents can be in a room together celebrating life with them. This could be future birthdays, graduations, getting married or having children. When parents remain entwined in perpetual verbal conflict or a cold war, a child cannot even fantasise about any of these celebratory life events without their parents\\u2019 conflict destroying the fantasy. This breeds enormous anxiety for children in the present.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"164a326\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ad85d3c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Be the parent you would want to have\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"1588fd5\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"05e1c4f\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Stand in your child\\u2019s shoes for a moment. Your family unit is disintegrating. Your future is uncertain. You do not control the separation process. If you were your child, how would you like your parents to behave at this time? You would absolutely want a co-parenting relationship to be created. You would want the right to love both parents without spite and belittling of the other parent. You would want to have them to model respectful communication and demonstrate good decision making on your behalf. Be the best parent and co-parent for your child that you would want for yourself if you were in their shoes.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"718177e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"23d3b46\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Conflict takes up so much energy\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"efeab87\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"44c8c88\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Even one round of conflict with one\\u2019s ex is physically and emotionally exhausting. Typically fights leave partners and children feeling depleted, unhappy, and then require a dispiriting period of recovery. As much as you feel entitled to be upset or frustrated with your ex, conflict serves no useful purpose and will only keep your nervous system jangled and your life filled with unhealthy drama.<\\/p><p>Working through a separation is a jarring and difficult experience for everyone involved. A separation is a massive emotional and practical undertaking, and it is understandable that parents become preoccupied with having so much to navigate. However, it is essential that parents create a good co-parenting relationship so that their children can thrive now and into the future.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23931,5683,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23932,5683,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1675069423;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23933,5684,'_thumbnail_id','5681'),(23934,5684,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23935,5684,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23936,5684,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23937,5684,'_elementor_version','3.9.2'),(23938,5684,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23939,5684,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>One of the greatest fears expressed by most separating parents, is whether their children will be damaged by the process. Typically, separation is a disorientating experience for all the members of the family. There are literally hundreds of practical and emotional decisions that need to be made, as well as implementing many adjustments to living arrangements.<\\/p><p>A co-parenting relationship is one where parents think together about the child\\u2019s wellbeing and make joint decisions that support the child\\u2019s emotional, physical, and practical needs. A co-parenting relationship is not about your ex-partner \\u2013 it\\u2019s about putting your child\\u2019s best interests first and loving them above your own hurt, sadness or resentment. A co-parenting relationship is one of the most important ingredients for children to flourish and develop well post separation. \\u00a0<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"0192e6b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"f26c401\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"The greatest gift for your child\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"e629f7b\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"43e1158\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Forming an effective co-parenting relationship is the greatest gift you could ever give your child. It says, \\u201cWe are still your parents. We look after you. You are still our priority. You are still a child who should just be focusing on your schoolwork, sports, friendships, having fun and learning.\\u201d The gift here is freedom, the freedom to continue to be a child following a separation.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"7604b55\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"4bbceda\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Good mental health\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"21ec2e8\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"9b09eb0\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Typically, children of parents with good co-parenting relationships remain emotionally well, are able to settle into their new family units and thrive. Sadly, children do not fare as well when their parents are in continuous conflict. They are more likely to struggle with mental health issues (particularly anxiety and depression), behavioural outbursts and substance abuse.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"6b89607\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"aae8d84\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Allow your child to dream about the future\\u2026 in the present\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"047bf34\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"1d4fc68\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>When parents create a respectful and thoughtful co-parenting relationship, a child has the freedom to imagine a future where both parents can be in a room together celebrating life with them. This could be future birthdays, graduations, getting married or having children. When parents remain entwined in perpetual verbal conflict or a cold war, a child cannot even fantasise about any of these celebratory life events without their parents\\u2019 conflict destroying the fantasy. This breeds enormous anxiety for children in the present.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"164a326\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"ad85d3c\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Be the parent you would want to have\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"1588fd5\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"05e1c4f\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Stand in your child\\u2019s shoes for a moment. Your family unit is disintegrating. Your future is uncertain. You do not control the separation process. If you were your child, how would you like your parents to behave at this time? You would absolutely want a co-parenting relationship to be created. You would want the right to love both parents without spite and belittling of the other parent. You would want to have them to model respectful communication and demonstrate good decision making on your behalf. Be the best parent and co-parent for your child that you would want for yourself if you were in their shoes.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"718177e\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"23d3b46\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Conflict takes up so much energy\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"},{\"id\":\"efeab87\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":20,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"44c8c88\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Even one round of conflict with one\\u2019s ex is physically and emotionally exhausting. Typically fights leave partners and children feeling depleted, unhappy, and then require a dispiriting period of recovery. As much as you feel entitled to be upset or frustrated with your ex, conflict serves no useful purpose and will only keep your nervous system jangled and your life filled with unhealthy drama.<\\/p><p>Working through a separation is a jarring and difficult experience for everyone involved. A separation is a massive emotional and practical undertaking, and it is understandable that parents become preoccupied with having so much to navigate. However, it is essential that parents create a good co-parenting relationship so that their children can thrive now and into the future.<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23940,5684,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23941,5684,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1675069423;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23942,5685,'_thumbnail_id','5681'),(23943,5685,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23944,5685,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23945,5685,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23946,5685,'_elementor_version','3.9.2'),(23947,5685,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23948,5685,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Jeremy and Min have been together for 7 years and have 2 young children. When he returns home from work, Jeremy always does chores for 2 or 3 hours. He feels that Min doesn\\u2019t see the vast array of tasks that they need to do to keep the household running smoothly.<\\/p>\\n<p>He feels overwhelmed and can\\u2019t understand why Min never seems bothered by this. He can\\u2019t believe she can live with so much mess and chaos. It does his head in, and he becomes most critical when Min sits on the sofa flicking through her phone when the kids are in bed.<\\/p><p>He tells himself that it\\u2019s like having a third child. Sometimes he\\u2019s surprised by his anger, and he\\u2019s concerned how much it is seeping into other areas of their relationship.<\\/p><p>I\\u2019ve seen a gazillion couples where a partner complains, comments, and often becomes critical when their partner doesn\\u2019t live up to their expectations. They\\u2019re often shocked by their partner\\u2019s inability to tidy, clean, or parent in a way that seems \\u2018obvious\\u2019 to them. They end up exasperated and frustrated with them.<\\/p><p>The problem is that it doesn\\u2019t stop with exasperation and frustration. Overtime, they start to see their partner as a child who can\\u2019t operate properly in the adult world. When partners view their partner this way, they often start to treat them as a child in other areas, not trusting their adult capacities.<\\/p><p>This is extremely unattractive and unpleasant for both partners. These relationships typically become highly conflictual as no partner wants to continuously be sent to the doghouse. They\\u2019ll often ark up when criticised or corrected or experience their partner\\u2019s attempts to control them. This may take the form of becoming verbally defensive, justifying behaviours, being secretive, or retreating into a world of their own where their partner can\\u2019t reach them \\u2013 into themselves.<\\/p><p>We all experience the world differently as we have different minds, and this plays out in our day to day lives&nbsp;<span style=\\\"color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;\\\">at home within our relationships. Couples with parent-child dynamics, like Jeremy and Min, have difficulty navigating the massive gap between their expectations and priorities.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\\/span><\\/p><p>For example, Min has spent all day attending to the needs of the kids. She\\u2019s fed them in a timely manner, attended to their nappies and scrapes, she\\u2019s played music and dress ups. She\\u2019s read them books and attended to their tears. She understands Jeremy wants a more organised home, but her priority is to have healthy happy children.<\\/p><p>Min focuses on them solely until they go to bed, by which time she is completely spent and needs some downtime to just be quiet and in her own mind. She knows she\\u2019s doing a pretty good job. She feels she\\u2019s earned some time to put her feet up and have some time to herself.<\\/p><p>As you can see, from their own perspectives, they\\u2019re both right. The house needs more attention and Min deserves to put her feet up. But Min and Jeremy need to be careful, because remaining in self-righteous positions whilst not finding a solution will only entrench negative mindsets about each other.<\\/p><p>Jeremy will repeatedly try to push Min into the doghouse telling himself, and her, that she is self-centred and only cares about the kids. She will entrench her version elaborating how controlling, aggressive, and horrible Jeremy is. Where their narratives go, the behaviour will follow.<\\/p><p>What they need is a way of moving this situation from either\\/or - Jeremy\\u2019s way or Min\\u2019s way \\u2013 They need to find a new position where both positions are kept in mind. This is an \\u2018and position\\u2019 so they don\\u2019t cancel each other out.<\\/p><p>They may decide to get some outside assistance with the household or with the children. Jeremy may come home earlier from work one day a week to relieve Min so she can organise things with more energy.<\\/p><p>Couples need to keep an \\u2018and position\\u2019 and keep binary positions (like either\\/or) at bay.<\\/p><p>A co-parenting relationship is one where parents think together about the child\\u2019s wellbeing and make joint decisions that support the child\\u2019s emotional, physical, and practical needs. A co-parenting relationship is not about your ex-partner \\u2013 it\\u2019s about putting your child\\u2019s best interests first and loving them above your own hurt, sadness or resentment. A co-parenting relationship is one of the most important ingredients for children to flourish and develop well post separation. &nbsp;<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23949,5685,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23950,5685,'_elementor_css','a:6:{s:4:\"time\";i:1675069423;s:5:\"fonts\";a:0:{}s:5:\"icons\";a:0:{}s:20:\"dynamic_elements_ids\";a:0:{}s:6:\"status\";s:4:\"file\";i:0;s:0:\"\";}'),(23951,5686,'_thumbnail_id','5681'),(23952,5686,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23953,5686,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23954,5686,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23955,5686,'_elementor_version','3.10.2'),(23956,5686,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23957,5686,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Jeremy and Min have been together for 7 years and have 2 young children. When he returns home from work, Jeremy always does chores for 2 or 3 hours. He feels that Min doesn\\u2019t see the vast array of tasks that they need to do to keep the household running smoothly.<\\/p>\\n<p>He feels overwhelmed and can\\u2019t understand why Min never seems bothered by this. He can\\u2019t believe she can live with so much mess and chaos. It does his head in, and he becomes most critical when Min sits on the sofa flicking through her phone when the kids are in bed.<\\/p><p>He tells himself that it\\u2019s like having a third child. Sometimes he\\u2019s surprised by his anger, and he\\u2019s concerned how much it is seeping into other areas of their relationship.<\\/p><p>I\\u2019ve seen a gazillion couples where a partner complains, comments, and often becomes critical when their partner doesn\\u2019t live up to their expectations. They\\u2019re often shocked by their partner\\u2019s inability to tidy, clean, or parent in a way that seems \\u2018obvious\\u2019 to them. They end up exasperated and frustrated with them.<\\/p><p>The problem is that it doesn\\u2019t stop with exasperation and frustration. Overtime, they start to see their partner as a child who can\\u2019t operate properly in the adult world. When partners view their partner this way, they often start to treat them as a child in other areas, not trusting their adult capacities.<\\/p><p>This is extremely unattractive and unpleasant for both partners. These relationships typically become highly conflictual as no partner wants to continuously be sent to the doghouse. They\\u2019ll often ark up when criticised or corrected or experience their partner\\u2019s attempts to control them. This may take the form of becoming verbally defensive, justifying behaviours, being secretive, or retreating into a world of their own where their partner can\\u2019t reach them \\u2013 into themselves.<\\/p><p>We all experience the world differently as we have different minds, and this plays out in our day to day lives&nbsp;<span style=\\\"color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;\\\">at home within our relationships. Couples with parent-child dynamics, like Jeremy and Min, have difficulty navigating the massive gap between their expectations and priorities.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\\/span><\\/p><p>For example, Min has spent all day attending to the needs of the kids. She\\u2019s fed them in a timely manner, attended to their nappies and scrapes, she\\u2019s played music and dress ups. She\\u2019s read them books and attended to their tears. She understands Jeremy wants a more organised home, but her priority is to have healthy happy children.<\\/p><p>Min focuses on them solely until they go to bed, by which time she is completely spent and needs some downtime to just be quiet and in her own mind. She knows she\\u2019s doing a pretty good job. She feels she\\u2019s earned some time to put her feet up and have some time to herself.<\\/p><p>As you can see, from their own perspectives, they\\u2019re both right. The house needs more attention and Min deserves to put her feet up. But Min and Jeremy need to be careful, because remaining in self-righteous positions whilst not finding a solution will only entrench negative mindsets about each other.<\\/p><p>Jeremy will repeatedly try to push Min into the doghouse telling himself, and her, that she is self-centred and only cares about the kids. She will entrench her version elaborating how controlling, aggressive, and horrible Jeremy is. Where their narratives go, the behaviour will follow.<\\/p><p>What they need is a way of moving this situation from either\\/or - Jeremy\\u2019s way or Min\\u2019s way \\u2013 They need to find a new position where both positions are kept in mind. This is an \\u2018and position\\u2019 so they don\\u2019t cancel each other out.<\\/p><p>They may decide to get some outside assistance with the household or with the children. Jeremy may come home earlier from work one day a week to relieve Min so she can organise things with more energy.<\\/p><p>Couples need to keep an \\u2018and position\\u2019 and keep binary positions (like either\\/or) at bay.<\\/p><p>A co-parenting relationship is one where parents think together about the child\\u2019s wellbeing and make joint decisions that support the child\\u2019s emotional, physical, and practical needs. A co-parenting relationship is not about your ex-partner \\u2013 it\\u2019s about putting your child\\u2019s best interests first and loving them above your own hurt, sadness or resentment. A co-parenting relationship is one of the most important ingredients for children to flourish and develop well post separation. &nbsp;<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false}]'),(23958,5686,'_elementor_page_assets','a:0:{}'),(23959,5687,'_thumbnail_id','5681'),(23960,5687,'_wp_page_template','default'),(23961,5687,'_elementor_edit_mode','builder'),(23962,5687,'_elementor_template_type','wp-post'),(23963,5687,'_elementor_version','3.10.2'),(23964,5687,'_elementor_pro_version','3.6.5'),(23965,5687,'_elementor_data','[{\"id\":\"4f93573\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":[],\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"9c6b7a6\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":100,\"_inline_size\":null},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6980e83\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Jeremy and Min have been together for 7 years and have 2 young children. When he returns home from work, Jeremy always does chores for 2 or 3 hours. He feels that Min doesn\\u2019t see the vast array of tasks that they need to do to keep the household running smoothly.<\\/p>\\n<p>He feels overwhelmed and can\\u2019t understand why Min never seems bothered by this. He can\\u2019t believe she can live with so much mess and chaos. It does his head in, and he becomes most critical when Min sits on the sofa flicking through her phone when the kids are in bed.<\\/p><p>He tells himself that it\\u2019s like having a third child. Sometimes he\\u2019s surprised by his anger, and he\\u2019s concerned how much it is seeping into other areas of their relationship.<\\/p><p>I\\u2019ve seen a gazillion couples where a partner complains, comments, and often becomes critical when their partner doesn\\u2019t live up to their expectations. They\\u2019re often shocked by their partner\\u2019s inability to tidy, clean, or parent in a way that seems \\u2018obvious\\u2019 to them. They end up exasperated and frustrated with them.<\\/p><p>The problem is that it doesn\\u2019t stop with exasperation and frustration. Overtime, they start to see their partner as a child who can\\u2019t operate properly in the adult world. When partners view their partner this way, they often start to treat them as a child in other areas, not trusting their adult capacities.<\\/p><p>This is extremely unattractive and unpleasant for both partners. These relationships typically become highly conflictual as no partner wants to continuously be sent to the doghouse. They\\u2019ll often ark up when criticised or corrected or experience their partner\\u2019s attempts to control them. 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For example, a partner may:<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"7a3290a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"icon_list\":[{\"text\":\"Decide they want to move overseas\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"0136642\"},{\"text\":\"Join the army reserves\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"1d16737\"},{\"text\":\"Have an emotional and\\/or sexual affair \",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"7202e5b\"},{\"text\":\"Want an open relationship\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"bb1d099\"},{\"text\":\"Decide they really want children after all or don\\u2019t want children after all\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"0c3bc63\"},{\"text\":\"Have a sudden medical condition\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"81ed5dc\"},{\"text\":\"Develop beyond their partner and feel unsatisfied in the relationship\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"d38fa72\"},{\"text\":\"Leave the relationship\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"0bd04ca\"},{\"text\":\"Die \\u2013 suicide, accident, or physical illness\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"27acc7f\"},{\"text\":\"Lose a job or walk away from one\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"3d70306\"},{\"text\":\"Develop chronic depression\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"2d87503\"},{\"text\":\"Struggle to recover from a bereavement\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"d215061\"}],\"icon_color\":\"#BA9664\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"icon-list\"},{\"id\":\"ab59ece\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":15,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"7b8feb6\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>And if any of these factors occur, then partners need to deal with it. We can\\u2019t focus on warding off every possibility in life. Two of my best suggestions are:<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"f91bf1a\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"view\":\"inline\",\"icon_list\":[{\"text\":\"Look into mindfulness as it promotes working with reality (not self-created stories) and keeps you in the present.\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"0136642\"},{\"text\":\"See if the areas you worry about can be avoided, for example if it\\u2019s health issues then work on making some lifestyle changes. If there are mental health struggles, then get some help from a registered therapist. \",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"1d16737\"}],\"icon_color\":\"#BA9664\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"icon-list\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"60fb53e\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"6b79118\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":16.163000000000000255795384873636066913604736328125},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"bc63d65\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"image\":{\"url\":\"https:\\/\\/www.lissyabrahams.com\\/wp-content\\/uploads\\/2022\\/07\\/2.png\",\"id\":3748,\"alt\":\"\",\"source\":\"library\"}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"image\"}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"264c13d\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":83.8370000000000032969182939268648624420166015625},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"f1ea550\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"title\":\"Fear of something in the current relationship that is projected onto the future\",\"header_size\":\"h3\",\"_padding\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"top\":\"15\",\"right\":\"0\",\"bottom\":\"0\",\"left\":\"0\",\"isLinked\":false}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"heading\"}],\"isInner\":false}],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"89c5ffe\",\"elType\":\"section\",\"settings\":{\"structure\":\"20\"},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"82f0074\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":15.8879999999999999005240169935859739780426025390625},\"elements\":[],\"isInner\":false},{\"id\":\"ee88e5a\",\"elType\":\"column\",\"settings\":{\"_column_size\":50,\"_inline_size\":84.111999999999994770405464805662631988525390625},\"elements\":[{\"id\":\"acff246\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>I wonder if a fear of relationships in the future is actually a fear or concern being registered in the current couple experience that is being projected onto the future. Will the future work out with my partner if I feel anxious or sad about something now. For example:<\\/p>\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"text-editor\"},{\"id\":\"446aa6d\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"icon_list\":[{\"text\":\"Do I trust my partner when we are not together?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"0136642\"},{\"text\":\"Does my partner blame or criticise me too much?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"1d16737\"},{\"text\":\"Does my partner try to control me? \",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"7202e5b\"},{\"text\":\"Is my partner too flirty with my friends? Or their friends? \",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"bb1d099\"},{\"text\":\"Is my partner a bit aggressive in their tone or manner?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"0c3bc63\"},{\"text\":\"Does my partner become too possessive of me?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"81ed5dc\"},{\"text\":\"Does my partner respect my body properly?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"d38fa72\"},{\"text\":\"Does my partner try to change me? \",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"0bd04ca\"},{\"text\":\"Do I fear my partner will leave me all the time?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"27acc7f\"},{\"text\":\"Is there an unequal power dynamic operating?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"3d70306\"},{\"text\":\"Is my partner over their ex sufficiently?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"2d87503\"},{\"text\":\"Have I lost myself in this relationship?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"d215061\"},{\"text\":\"Does my partner\\u2019s gambling, drinking, or using porn in a way that makes me uncomfortable?\",\"selected_icon\":{\"value\":\"fas fa-circle\",\"library\":\"fa-solid\"},\"_id\":\"ca17895\"}],\"icon_color\":\"#BA9664\"},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"icon-list\"},{\"id\":\"3fe42ec\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"space\":{\"unit\":\"px\",\"size\":15,\"sizes\":[]}},\"elements\":[],\"widgetType\":\"spacer\"},{\"id\":\"95507b3\",\"elType\":\"widget\",\"settings\":{\"editor\":\"<p>Some of these examples may exist because we need to do our own internal work and understand how we <em>really<\\/em> relate to our partner. We can create our own suffering if we haven\\u2019t explored why we become clingy, angry, sulky, silent or conflictual in our relationship. We also need to explore our triggers and why we become easily spooked with our partner.<\\/p><p>We all have areas where we lack trust, safety, or security. We all need to ascertain whether we overlay these onto our partner due to our own relational history or whether it\\u2019s actually our partner rocking our couple boat, causing us to worry about the future of our couple relationship.<\\/p><p>How do you do the work and be curious about how you operate? 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