[{"id":"e854393","elType":"section","settings":{"stretch_section":"section-stretched","background_background":"classic","background_image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Relational-Templates-Impact-on-Partner.png","id":5363,"alt":"","source":"library"},"background_position":"initial","background_repeat":"no-repeat","background_size":"cover","background_overlay_background":"classic","background_overlay_color":"#000000","background_overlay_opacity":{"unit":"px","size":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,"sizes":[]},"background_ypos":{"unit":"px","size":-339,"sizes":[]},"background_xpos":{"unit":"px","size":7,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[{"id":"82bf9b1","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"d95d219","elType":"widget","settings":{"space":{"unit":"px","size":112,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"spacer"},{"id":"ade2076","elType":"widget","settings":{"subheading_text":"","heading_text":"Mamam!a","description_text":"","heading_tag":"h1","text_align":"center","heading_color":"#FFFFFF","heading_typography_typography":"custom","heading_typography_font_size":{"unit":"px","size":60,"sizes":[]},"heading_typography_font_size_mobile":{"unit":"px","size":40,"sizes":[]},"heading_typography_letter_spacing":{"unit":"px","size":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"cms_heading"},{"id":"a72ff32","elType":"widget","settings":{"space":{"unit":"px","size":125,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"spacer"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"22aae0e","elType":"section","settings":{"margin":{"unit":"px","top":"91","right":0,"bottom":"0","left":0,"isLinked":false}},"elements":[{"id":"b31baff","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"f7c748c","elType":"widget","settings":{"subheading_text":"Article - source: Mamamia","heading_text":"What to know about your 'relational template' and how it affects the way you treat your partner.","description_text":"14 August 2022"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"cms_heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"dab5d10","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"1fb5858","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"3c137ff","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>How we respond and react to our partner in our committed\u00a0adult relationships\u00a0is predominantly related to our\u00a0childhood experiences\u00a0with our parents or\u00a0primary caregivers.\u00a0<\/p><p>These early influences on our lives create an imprint of relationships, which we may or may not be aware of.\u00a0<\/p><p>This imprint is like a relational template, which shapes our ideas and\u00a0expectations of relationships\u00a0and of how we and our\u00a0partner should communicate\u00a0and behave in our relationship.<\/p><p>Our mind and body are wired to relate to our partner according to this relational template.<\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #ba9664;\"><strong>Relational templates in couple relationships<\/strong><\/span><\/h3><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>In any relationship, we\u2019ll share some beliefs with our partner about how relationships should work, but we never have the same relational templates. That\u2019s because we have lived in different homes, had different families and had completely different experiences.<\/p><p>It\u2019s important for us to remember this, as we often create a fantasy that we should have similar views, expectations and behaviours in relationships. Even though it would be convenient if this were the case, this simply can\u2019t occur, as we\u2019re two very different beings and our life experiences have left us with different\u00a0relational imprints.<\/p><p>Below are just a few examples of life experiences that would differ from our partner\u2019s experiences, creating differing parental responses and contributing to our different relational templates:<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"cdfadfc","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Parents\u2019 expectations or rules","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"21e4fbf"},{"text":"Parents\u2019 capacity to emotionally see us as a child","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"af5431b"},{"text":"Sense of parental protectiveness and safety","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"70e972f"},{"text":"Parents\u2019 own relationship: conflict, capacity for repair, their ability to apologise, gestures of love","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"527013f"},{"text":"Parents\u2019 separation or divorce","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4699b30"},{"text":"Parental experiences with extended families","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7c78b07"},{"text":"Family trauma such as early parental death or illness, poverty, a sudden loss of money, or being a migrant","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"67eaa52"},{"text":"Own separation or divorce","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"d42aecc"},{"text":"Relationships with siblings and birth order","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"129a0ca"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"},{"id":"f8385bb","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>We can see how these experiences shape our mind, our relational wiring, how we absorb and process information and experiences, and how we feel about them.\u00a0<\/p><p>These life experiences shape our ability to tolerate different viewpoints, and influence whether we listen well to our partner or find it difficult. They also influence what we react to and how, and what sets us off into fight-or-flight mode.<\/p><p>We all grow up in environments that are uniquely ours. Therefore, in our relationship we\u2019ll always encounter differences that\u00a0we\u2019ll need to work through together. We all have different triggers and behave differently in fight-or-flight mode.\u00a0<\/p><p>We all have different thoughts about conflict: who was right or wrong? Who was to blame? Who started it? And we all have a different understanding of why we fight with our partner. All these beliefs and behaviours define our default expectations, rules for safety and non-negotiables in our relationship.<\/p><p>Our relational template will determine how we react to our partner when our expectations of each other and our relationship differ. Sometimes we can talk through differences; other times we can\u2019t. Sometimes we can feel frightened by our partner\u2019s actions, words or behaviour.\u00a0<\/p><p>Our relational templates are different, and the\u00a0gap between them can be perceived as a threat.<\/p><p>Understanding our relational templates is critical if we want or need to reduce conflict and form a healthier relationship with our partner.<\/p><h3><strong><span style=\"color: #ba9664;\">Why it's important to understand your relational template<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>","_margin":{"unit":"px","top":"15","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"39e47e0","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"9601371","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"e0b2aa9","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>We all need to examine how our childhood experiences persist inside of us today, and how this impacts our relationship. Only when we make these connections, can we change the dynamic of our couple conflict. We, as individuals, can make our relationship\u00a0better.<\/p><p>In the first one or two sessions with a new client or couple, I always seek some access to their relational template and wiring. I simply ask them about their relationship with their parents and what their parents\u2019 relationship was like growing up.\u00a0<\/p><p>By understanding how we\u2019re relationally wired, we can learn how to avoid getting into the emotional boxing ring, and if we do\u00a0happen to\u00a0find ourselves there, we can exit faster with fewer body blows. When we understand this, we can then understand why we\u00a0really fight with our partner. This is a game changer.<\/p><p>To do this, we\u2019ll look at our experiences with parents or caregivers where we felt secure and protected, as well as experiences where we felt less safe or less protected. This will offer clues about our relational wiring and help us understand why and how we fight with our partner. This exercise isn\u2019t about blaming or shaming anyone.<\/p><p>It\u2019s not about accusing our parents or judging them for how we were\u00a0raised. This is about objectively considering what happened in the past to understand how our relational wiring impacts our adult\u00a0relationship today.<\/p><p>I\u2019d love for everyone to see how normal it is to have couple conflict. The truth is that couple relationships are often messy and complicated.\u00a0<\/p><p>During the dizzy joy of the honeymoon period, we often have no idea that we can end up locked in confusing and exhausting cycles of conflict. We have no idea that at the heart of these episodes is fear and a lack of safety.\u00a0<\/p><p>But this is not new\u00a0\u2013\u00a0this is from our childhood and was encoded way back then.<\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #ba9664;\"><strong>Safety and trust develop in childhood<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"1a672aa","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"1b2d83f","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"728e302","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>We\u2019re not born feeling safe. In fact, it\u2019s the opposite. Just think of a newborn baby with no ability to dress itself, feed itself or even soothe itself. From the moment they\u2019re born, they\u2019re completely dependent on their parents for their survival. This enormous dependency means danger and threat is never far away. When we hear a hungry baby crying, it pulls at our heartstrings because their distress is so evident. They can\u2019t go to the fridge and grab a snack.<\/p><p>They\u2019re literally screaming for their lives, and their nervous system is registering danger and threat.<\/p><p>As a baby, our sense of safety develops when we\u2019re with parents who protect, feed, soothe and nurture us. We learn to feel safe knowing our parents are with us, attending to things we simply can\u2019t do yet.<\/p><p>As children, it is written deeply into our mammalian core that it\u2019s our parents\u2019 job to keep us safe. That\u2019s why children instinctively seek their parents when they\u2019re hurt or afraid.\u00a0<\/p><p>When our parents protect us, meet our basic needs, comfort us and are available to us, we learn we can really trust them. These experiences calm our nervous system, and we feel safe.<\/p><p>When parents take care of our physical and emotional safety, we can have some scrapes, be soothed by them, recover and re-establish our feelings of being protected.\u00a0<\/p><p>We will still experience fear and danger, but we know our parent will comfort us. When these experiences are repeated during our childhood, we learn to tolerate upsetting and distressing experiences. This is how we become more resilient, and all of\u00a0these moments of comfort and soothing\u00a0are encoded in our relational wiring.<\/p><p>It\u2019s important to note that no parent can offer perfect protection and safety; we have all had some experiences where our parents\u00a0were not physically or emotionally able to help us feel secure.<\/p><p>Parents are also human, and they can be out of line at times,\u00a0or maybe even a little frightening. There will always be ruptures or difficulties in parent\u2013child relationships, but what\u2019s critical is how\u00a0they\u2019re repaired.<\/p><p>When our parent repeatedly sees that we\u2019re slightly frightened or are feeling an absence of protection from them and they\u2019re apologetic, this becomes an established pattern that\u00a0we learn to rely on.<\/p><p>As they repeatedly re-establish trust with us, we\u2019re more likely to develop distress tolerance, which we carry through to our adult relationships. This is how our relational wiring around safety and\u00a0trust develops\u00a0\u2013\u00a0through our parent\u2013child relationships.<\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #ba9664;\"><strong>The theory of relational wiring<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"3488013","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"08935af","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"9b4231e","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>The importance of security and safety in childhood has been extensively studied across the world through a body of research and clinical work called attachment theory, and it forms the basis of our relational wiring.\u00a0<\/p><p>This work, started by John Bowlby, examines the types of\u00a0emotional bonds children form with their parents or primary caregivers. He described attachment as a special emotional\u00a0relationship that involves an exchange of comfort, care and pleasure.<\/p><p>It\u2019s easy to understand how a baby would see their parent or primary caregiver as an attachment figure. As babies, we normally don\u2019t have many primary attachment figures\u00a0\u2013\u00a0sometimes just one\u00a0\u2013\u00a0with whom we share that exchange.\u00a0<\/p><p>We\u2019ve already talked about how vulnerable and dependent a baby truly is, so having an attachment figure who is focused on them increases their chance of survival.<\/p><p>Researchers were interested in the distress behaviours babies revealed when they were left alone by their parent (attachment figure) and were suddenly feeling vulnerable and unsafe. Any parent whose baby cries when they go to the toilet will know exactly how this feels.\u00a0<\/p><p>What\u2019s important to take away from this is that loss or the threat of loss is central to psychological distress.<\/p><h3><span style=\"color: #ba9664;\"><strong>Research: The Adult Attachment Interview<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"0167f40","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"47c38bb","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"ae55576","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>The Adult Attachment Interview was a protocol developed in 1985 using a semi-structured interview with participants to determine their mental representations of their childhood attachment experiences. The aim is to get a sense of their relational template.<\/p><p>It\u2019s a complex interview, and requires training to conduct. In a nutshell, it focuses on two key areas:<\/p><p>1. Eliciting the subject\u2019s memories and their relationship with their parent(s) in childhood, including how they coped.<\/p><p>2. The extent to which they evaluated or integrated those experiences as an adult today, and their current relationships with their parent(s).<\/p><p>The subjects were also assessed for the coherence of their narrative. This was done by assessing how truthful and consistent they were, whether there was too little or too much information provided, how relevant the material was, and finally whether they were clear in the interview.<\/p><p>This research was groundbreaking. It found that our adult attachment styles map onto our infant attachment styles. They weren\u2019t always an exact fit, but there was typically a style that fitted more than others.<\/p><p>The names of the categories in childhood and adulthood are\u00a0essentially the same, or very similar. Let me show you how.<\/p><p>If a child was securely attached, then as an adult they were likely to be securely attached. They became resilient adults.<\/p><p>If a child was insecurely attached then they were as an adult, too. There were three similar styles that corresponded to these.<\/p><p>1. An ambivalently attached child became a preoccupied adult\u00a0\u2013\u00a0think of the clingy\/angry style.<\/p><p>2. An avoidantly attached child created a fortress and continued to do so as an adult with a dismissing attachment style.<\/p><p>Essentially, what this reveals is that our minds were relationally wired by twelve to eighteen months of age, and this becomes our relational template in adulthood. This template carries our expectations and beliefs about relationships, how we believe we should or shouldn\u2019t treat or be treated by our partner, and our capacity to tolerate distress, or not.<\/p><p>We have no idea that our attachment style plays out in our adult behaviour and relationships. We just think \u2018this is me,\u2019 and that dictates what we believe and how we behave. We don\u2019t question why we behave in a sulky or childlike manner, nor do we see a problem with our blaming, critical or aloof behaviour. It\u2019s just who we are, right? Well, no\u00a0\u2013\u00a0it\u2019s how we\u2019ve always behaved according to our\u00a0relational wiring, but it\u2019s not who we are.<\/p><p>We all know someone who makes the same \u2018mistakes\u2019 in relationships, leaving friends scratching their heads, wondering when they\u2019ll learn their lesson. We can even be that person! The reason we repeat relationship \u2018mistakes\u2019 is due to our relational template.\u00a0<\/p><p>Let\u2019s look at the adult attachment styles in more detail.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"ba56aa0","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"956b3d5","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"2b89540","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"1. Secure adult attachment: resilient style","header_size":"h3"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"},{"id":"3ed98c6","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Adults with a secure attachment style -<\/p>","_margin":{"unit":"px","top":"10","right":"0","bottom":"-10","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"a7f2b96","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Are independent and self-reliant","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"21e4fbf"},{"text":"Are confident","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"af5431b"},{"text":"Have trusting, close and enduring relationships in life","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"70e972f"},{"text":"Can speak about their own emotions","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"527013f"},{"text":"Are aware of other people\u2019s needs and emotions","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4699b30"},{"text":"Can rely on others when needed","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7c78b07"},{"text":"Developed distress tolerance","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"67eaa52"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"a15027d","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"59778b3","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"011743f","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"2. Insecure adult attachment. Preoccupied adult attachment: clingy\/angry style","header_size":"h3"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"},{"id":"46dba7d","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Adults with a clingy\/angry attachment style -<\/p>","_margin":{"unit":"px","top":"10","right":"0","bottom":"-10","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"fa65380","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Are needy, requiring ongoing reassurance from their partner, fearing rejection or abandonment worry\/are anxious that their partner doesn\u2019t love them.","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"21e4fbf"},{"text":"Have trouble trusting others","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"af5431b"},{"text":"Lack impulse control, can be angry, unpredictable or moody","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"70e972f"},{"text":"Connect through conflict","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"527013f"},{"text":"Blame others, not acknowledging their own responsibility","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4699b30"},{"text":"Are overly sensitive to their partner\u2019s emotional and physical whereabouts","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7c78b07"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"},{"id":"8874768","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>These adults become preoccupied with the relationship; they can\u2019t find a comfortable way of being in it. Their parent was sometimes there for them and sometimes not, and this left a mark on them that affects how they behave as adults.<\/p>","_margin":{"unit":"px","top":"10","right":"0","bottom":"-10","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"9ae9c75","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"1ac074b","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"13a2f32","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"3. Dismissing adult attachment: fortress style","header_size":"h3"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"},{"id":"d0d639b","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Partners with this attachment style are often dragged into couples therapy by their partner. They don't like talking about their feelings, as they're just not used to doing so. Characteristics of the adult fortress attachment style include -<\/p>","_margin":{"unit":"px","top":"10","right":"0","bottom":"-10","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"b31750e","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Communicates in an intellectual and controlled manner","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"21e4fbf"},{"text":"Is distant emotionally and rejects others\u2019 emotions","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"af5431b"},{"text":"Invests little emotion in social or romantic relationships","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"70e972f"},{"text":"Shows a narrow or limited emotional range","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"527013f"},{"text":"Is unable or unwilling to share thoughts and feelings with others","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4699b30"},{"text":"Is unable to depend on others or unable to allow their partner to depend on them","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7c78b07"},{"text":"Prefers independence and autonomy over depending on others","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"dcda2ca"},{"text":"Shows a calm exterior, typically hiding their anxiety","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"cea43f4"},{"text":"Uses distraction from feelings, such as work or exercise","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"09a9ab1"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"39b31c8","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"6902e2e","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"89eaf5b","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"4. Unresolved\/disorganised adult attachment: no strategy style","header_size":"h3"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"},{"id":"5adf1c2","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Typical behaviours of the unresolved\/disorganised adult attachment style include -<\/p>","_margin":{"unit":"px","top":"10","right":"0","bottom":"-10","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"},{"id":"ff089e4","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Has traumatic memories, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or dissociation","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"21e4fbf"},{"text":"Struggles with mood and anxiety \u2013 depression, overwhelm, a sense of disconnection, a fear of abandonment, helplessness, rage, feeling trapped or irritable","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"af5431b"},{"text":"Relies on substances (drugs and\/or alcohol)","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"70e972f"},{"text":"Is unable to understand their own feelings or recognise the mental states of others (including their partner)","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"527013f"},{"text":"Lacks trust, empathy and remorse for others","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4699b30"},{"text":"Shows chaotic or unpredictable emotional states","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"7c78b07"},{"text":"Is unable to tolerate intimacy in a relationship","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"67eaa52"},{"text":"May be narcissistic or appear to be narcissistic","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"9c1368a"}],"icon_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"49ddd43","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"3a0fdd5","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"82f5e3e","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"The good news","header_size":"h3","title_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"},{"id":"ccfece1","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>The good news for all of us is that these attachment styles aren\u2019t\u00a0fixed for life. The concept of earned secure attachment applies to people who have made sense of and created meaning from past experiences with their parents that led to insecure attachment.<\/p><p>With earned secure attachment, we accept these past experiences and escape the hold they have over our lives. This enables us to relate to our partner in a healthier way and remove the soul-destroying episodes of conflict from our relationship. It is an important component for decreasing couple conflict.<\/p><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.booktopia.com.au\/relationship-reset-lissy-abrahams\/book\/9781760989781.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><em>Relationship Reset<\/em><\/a>\u00a0is published by\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.panmacmillan.com.au\/9781760989781\/relationship-reset\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pan Macmillan Australia<\/a>\u00a0and is available now from Booktopia, Book Depository, Amazon and all the other online bookstores.\u00a0<\/p><p><em>For more from Lissy Abrahams, you can follow her on\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/lissy.abrahams\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><em>Instagram<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p><p><em>Feature image: Getty<\/em><\/p>","_margin":{"unit":"px","top":"10","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false}]