[{"id":"e854393","elType":"section","settings":{"stretch_section":"section-stretched","background_background":"classic","background_image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/reed-naliboff-tP0ZiwR-LQ-unsplash-scaled.jpg","id":4342,"alt":"","source":"library"},"background_position":"center center","background_repeat":"no-repeat","background_size":"cover","background_overlay_background":"classic","background_overlay_color":"#000000","background_overlay_opacity":{"unit":"px","size":0.409999999999999975575093458246556110680103302001953125,"sizes":[]},"background_ypos":{"unit":"px","size":-315,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[{"id":"82bf9b1","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"d95d219","elType":"widget","settings":{"space":{"unit":"px","size":112,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"spacer"},{"id":"ade2076","elType":"widget","settings":{"subheading_text":"","heading_text":"Mamam!a","description_text":"","heading_tag":"h1","text_align":"center","heading_color":"#FFFFFF","heading_typography_typography":"custom","heading_typography_font_size":{"unit":"px","size":60,"sizes":[]},"heading_typography_font_size_mobile":{"unit":"px","size":40,"sizes":[]},"heading_typography_letter_spacing":{"unit":"px","size":1.8000000000000000444089209850062616169452667236328125,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"cms_heading"},{"id":"a72ff32","elType":"widget","settings":{"space":{"unit":"px","size":125,"sizes":[]}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"spacer"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"22aae0e","elType":"section","settings":{"margin":{"unit":"px","top":"91","right":0,"bottom":"0","left":0,"isLinked":false}},"elements":[{"id":"b31baff","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"f7c748c","elType":"widget","settings":{"subheading_text":"Article - source: Mamamia","heading_text":"10 Signs You and Your Partner are \u2018Fake Happy\u2019 in Your Relationship","description_text":"25 November 2021"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"cms_heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"dab5d10","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"1fb5858","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"3c137ff","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Your\u00a0relationship. Are you\u2026 happy in it? Don\u2019t give us that look, we\u2019re only asking!<\/p><p>Cause y\u2019see, when you\u2019ve been with someone for a while, it\u2019s normal that the mere thought of breaking it off makes you feel sick\/scared\/confused.<\/p><p>And while that\u2019s a really beautiful thing in itself,\u00a0it can also be dangerous.<\/p><p>Because becoming so attached to someone can 100 per cent cloud your judgement, making it tricky to notice parts of your relationship that are honestly really quite s**t.<\/p><p>Maybe it\u2019s the fact your partner still can\u2019t get along with your friends, but you feel too nervous about confronting the issue (again). Or perhaps it\u2019s their lack of drive that\u2019s making you feel uneasy \u2013 but you don\u2019t quite know how to bring it up.<\/p><p>So then it\u2019s just\u2026 left by the wayside.<\/p><p>The reality is that many couples stick together even though they\u2019re unhappy. They\u2019ve got kids. It\u2019s convenient. You don\u2019t want anyone to get hurt. There\u2019s all kinds of reasons people in long-term relationships hang in there.<\/p><p>The problem is, though, staying in an unhappy relationship can take its toll on your physical and mental health. It also prevents you and your partner from moving forward into a happier life.<\/p><p>With that in mind, we asked couples counsellor\u00a0Lissy Abrahams\u00a0to share the top signs couples are faking happiness in their relationship. Here\u2019s what she had to say.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"05d67e9","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"dddd653","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"b97ba78","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"1. Use of denial","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"52c9ccf","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"1f71192","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"b6411ec","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>If someone really loves you, they\u2019ll always be there for you - through thick and thin. However, Abrahams reminds us that\u00a0it's important your partner doesn't rely on you to fill a gap missing in themselves.<\/p><p>\"A good partner will never impose their mental health struggles onto you, as they recognise that by looking after themselves and receiving professional help, they are also looking after you and the relationship,\" said Abrahams.\u00a0<\/p><p>\"A good partner knows it\u2019s not your responsibility to 'fix' them.\"<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"9736d49","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"722747a","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"a008783","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"2. Use of projection","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"08","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"926dd8b","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"7df8d29","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"fa21e62","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>No matter how good your relationship is, there's always going to be arguments - but what matters is how you deal with them. Your partner should always put the needs of the relationship first, and want to talk through issues rather than leaving things to fester in the dark.<\/p><p>\"A good partner never says 'no' to you when you want to go to couples therapy. I have seen the damage that this causes when partners say no and block their potential to develop. This causes more conflict between partners and prevents happiness being created in their relationship,\" said Abrahams.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"530415b","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"2293c5b","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"0dd095c","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"3. Rationalising or making excuses","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"66c410b","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"aabb8dc","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"cdb8620","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>If you're in a healthy relationship, you should have room for spending time with family and friends. A partner who loves and respects you won't monopolise your time or keep you to themselves. You should never feel restricted for seeing people outside of your relationship.<\/p><p>\"Your partner should understand that you are a separate individual with your own mind and desires and these need to be respected. Some examples: If you want to see friends, they encourage you to go and\u00a0don\u2019t try to\u00a0make you cancel to stay home with them.<\/p><p>\"They don\u2019t try to\u00a0make you eat food you don\u2019t want in your body. They don\u2019t try to guilt or manipulate you to get their way, or force their life view on to you.\" \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"a3d42ea","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"96d007c","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"3855afa","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"4. Use of intellectualisation","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"c87b820","elType":"section","settings":{"margin":{"unit":"px","top":"0","right":0,"bottom":"0","left":0,"isLinked":false}},"elements":[{"id":"a7daeee","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"35ba72b","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Your partner should also never take jabs at your appearance, lower your self-confidence or make you feel bad about yourself. It's a d**k move and a sign of a bad relationship.<\/p><p>\"A good partner will never suggest you need anti-wrinkle injections, fillers, or plastic surgery,\" said Abrahams. \"They know that your body is great the way it is, and it is yours. They respect that it\u2019s not their body to meddle with for their own sake or pleasure.\"<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"05cd975","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"4edf4ff","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"8509d59","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"5. Use of sublimation","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"6c9418b","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"032a2fe","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"16aeacf","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>It may sound simple, but this is one that's often overlooked.<\/p><p>\"A good partner will never use you to make other people jealous or score points with others. If they ask you to wear particularly\u00a0revealing clothing or ask you to perform in a particular way to bolster their own standing in the eyes of others, then this is a misuse of you. It\u2019s narcissistic.\"<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"506888a","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"d6da8f1","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"594f5b9","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"6. Compartmentalisation","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"6dc1f12","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"36507ba","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"3d858ec","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Your partner should understand how important it is to listen to how you're feeling. You should never feel that they avoid important conversations -\u00a0rather, seek them out and approach them with respect.<\/p><p>\"They also understand that listening and wanting to know how you feel is important for creating psychological safety in a relationship,\" she adds.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"76b215b","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"daea4aa","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"b949088","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"7. Reaction formation","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"acbcc4d","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"5783cb0","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"80c2e8f","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>One of the best signs of a person's confidence is their ability to help support the ambitions of others.\u00a0<\/p><p>Abrahams said a good partner will never discourage your psychological, educational, or physical development, nor stand in the way of you accessing it.\u00a0<\/p><p>\"They will see that your wellbeing and development is a good thing for you and will offer support to help you facilitate your experience, such as offering financial support or taking the children that day.\"<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"e0afa32","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"6de38bf","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"5ff3fb4","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"8. Dissociation","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"c9fc05b","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"c9ac8f6","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"ef0d3bd","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Whenever you feel like\u00a0you need to prove your worth in a relationship, this isn't a good sign. \"A good partner will never forget that you are an asset in their lives and worthy of protecting you and the relationship,\" reminds Abrahams.<\/p><p>\"They understand that being with you is a privilege and not a right\u00a0\u2013\u00a0even if you have tricky bits,\" she adds.<\/p><p>\"This means they don\u2019t forget you and the relationship and step over your agreed upon couple boundaries when they are out for a night drinking with their mates.\"<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"0293f29","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"9138caa","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"1ca07d1","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"9. Creating distance with your partner","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"f16d0f7","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"e9cd6fc","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"4f7b898","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Has the whole flirting and touching thing become a thing of the past?<\/p><p>When we\u2019re putting on our \u2018fake happy\u2019 couple act, Abrahams said you may create distance with your partner at home by:<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"365d681","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"1e61229","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"f29ace8","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<ol><li><strong>Creating physical ailments so they don\u2019t come too close or make a bid for physical intimacy.<\/strong><br \/>\u201cIt\u2019s the old joke of \u201cNot tonight, I\u2019ve got a headache\u201d \u2013 but we can\u2019t have a headache every night, so we then focus on our neck, back, or foot. We struggle to be close to someone we believe is making us unhappy.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Investing heavily in the children or family unit to avoid being alone with our partner.<\/strong><br \/>\u201cThis could be seen by not going away alone together as we \u201cdon\u2019t want to leave the children\u201d.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Scrapping dates.<\/strong><br \/>\u201cAvoiding date nights alone and making sure other friends or family are there.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Initiating fights to create distance.<\/strong><br \/>\u201cPartners reduce the chance of intimacy by making the atmosphere more disconnecting.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Frequently expressing resentment, blame or being critical of our partner.<\/strong><br \/>\u201cWe all know these are particularly\u00a0unattractive behaviours, but they work if we want to keep our partner from wanting intimacy or closeness with us. They also show our partner some of our unhappiness but don\u2019t address the real cause or allow development.\u201d<\/li><\/ol>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"e2e3195","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"2bd3cd8","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"2b5019c","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"10. Seeking validation elsewhere","header_size":"h3","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"8","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"61c51ed","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"edb7df4","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"669ff7d","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>According to Abrahams, people who are \u2018fake happy\u2019 may seek validation from others that they are okay, as they don\u2019t feel okay in themselves.<\/p><p>\u201cThis could be with friends or even strangers, to answer some of our fears of whether we are attractive, intelligent, or interesting enough anymore to others as we may not feel this in ourselves.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThe ultimate fantasy of validation is having an emotional or sexual affair.\u201d<\/p><p>If you\u2019re looking for more relationship advice, Abrahams has a free e-book available\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/service\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\/\">here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false}]