[{"id":"98c2662","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"9c0a391","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"626734a","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>The ending of our committed couple relationship typically starts the gruelling and exhausting separation experience. Even when we separate well and communicate respectfully without too much acrimony, it still takes a lot out of us as we dismantle nearly every aspect of our former lives together to create two separate units.<\/p><p>There are many decisions we need to make concerning the day-to-day practicalities and functioning, financial aspects, as well as the complex <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/2021\/08\/12\/7-stages-of-grief-and-the-separation-process\/\">emotional aspects<\/a> resulting from having had our relationship end. Within this mix is also a great deal of uncertainty about how our lives will be in the future. For most of us in this situation, this <strong>uncertainty causes us to feel anxious<\/strong>.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"f02d679","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"e1b0294","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"2f27b7f","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"What are we anxious about during our separation?","header_size":"h3","title_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"d23ded9","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"880e560","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"c794e4c","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>As a therapist who also works with separating couples, my clients\u2019 have multiple anxieties stemming from their separation. These anxieties often wake them in the early hours of the morning.<\/p><p>Here are their top 3 -\u00a0<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"cf055db","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"72caab2","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":10},"elements":[{"id":"d283d28","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/1.png","id":3747,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"9ae52a4","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":90},"elements":[{"id":"4201549","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>Anxiety about our financial future<\/p>","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"13","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"7ef1b5c","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"e823707","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"7840dbd","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Will I have enough money to support myself properly?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4b67d59"},{"text":"Will there be sufficient funds to live comfortably enough, or will I have to live on a restrictive budget?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1d5f77a"},{"text":"Will we need to sell the family home?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0520519"},{"text":"Will I have enough to offer my children the opportunities I wanted them to have prior to separation, such as private schooling or to take them on a holiday?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1e88854"},{"text":"Will I be able to look after the finances without my partner (if not done this in the relationship)?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"31e7b52"}],"divider":"yes"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"5faf6b8","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"9cf3f43","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":10},"elements":[{"id":"d697282","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/2.png","id":3748,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"05e1109","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":90},"elements":[{"id":"48530f3","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>We are often anxious about our children<\/p>","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"13","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"0c89188","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"d665354","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"82292cb","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"How will this news break their hearts?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4b67d59"},{"text":"Will they be ok if their parents are separated? Is this scarring them for life?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1d5f77a"},{"text":"Will they need to move out of their home?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0520519"},{"text":"Will they need to go to a new school?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1e88854"},{"text":"What about their friends?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"31e7b52"},{"text":"Will I be a good enough parent by myself?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"04c97f0"},{"text":"Am I enough of a parent for them?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"3dc7525"},{"text":"Will they be ok at their other parent\u2019s home without me?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"eb48fd6"},{"text":"Will their other parent remember their medicine? Night-time routine? Feed them healthy enough food? Get them off their screens? Pack their school bags properly? Use sunscreen?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"edb55a9"}],"divider":"yes"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"e79d5a3","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"0bfa964","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":10},"elements":[{"id":"30cc09b","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/3.png","id":3749,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"edb891a","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":90},"elements":[{"id":"3843a1c","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>We are also anxious about life without our partner<\/p>","_padding":{"unit":"px","top":"13","right":"0","bottom":"0","left":"0","isLinked":false}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"8ab5d42","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"f2d0b68","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"cc39ed6","elType":"widget","settings":{"icon_list":[{"text":"Will I feel safe without them at home?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"4b67d59"},{"text":"Who am I without them?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1d5f77a"},{"text":"What kind of lawyer have they chosen? Will they be out to get me?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"0520519"},{"text":"What is going to happen to our friends and families? Will I lose some of them too?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"1e88854"},{"text":"How do I manage the continuous noise inside of my mind about my relationship ending?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"31e7b52"},{"text":"How am I really doing? Am I drinking too much? Have I started controlling food or binge eating? Am I working too hard? Exercising too much? Am I partying too hard or going manic? Or even having sex with people I don\u2019t really know? Am I withdrawing and isolating too much? Are these really helping me? Am I really safe?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"04c97f0"},{"text":"What\u2019s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"3dc7525"},{"text":"Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?","selected_icon":{"value":"fas fa-circle","library":"fa-solid"},"_id":"476cf66"}],"divider":"yes"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"icon-list"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"3adc863","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"561e2e5","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"8fd6705","elType":"widget","settings":{"title":"Will anyone find me interesting or attractive again?","header_size":"h3","title_color":"#BA9664"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"heading"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"e2e47db","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"09cc562","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"8dbd096","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>In her book, The Mind-Strength Method: Four steps to curb anxiety, conquer worry &amp; build resilience, Dr. Jodie Lowinger notes that we engage in certain \u2018safety behaviours\u2019 to eliminate uncertainty and achieve control. Despite being called \u2018safety behaviours\u2019, they are not offering any real safety, they offer us <strong>the illusion of safety<\/strong> in the face of uncertainty.<\/p><p>I\u2019m sharing the 3 \u2018safety behaviours\u2019 that she describes that I often hear in my consulting room when people are separating. These are -\u00a0<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"8c91bf1","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"1bb5ba3","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":10},"elements":[{"id":"f6adf34","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/1.png","id":3747,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"45470fa","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":90},"elements":[{"id":"b1ee5f3","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p><strong>Worry<\/strong> \u2013 When we repeatedly focus our attention on the problems, we end up feeling more anxious. Lowinger recognises how problematic this in and states that a \u201cnegative outcome is the inevitable part of worry \u2013 by the very nature of worry it is not a story with a happy ending\u2026 in its extreme form is called catastrophising.\u201d (p.108)<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"fa0bd67","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"0680251","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":10},"elements":[{"id":"93825cd","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/2.png","id":3748,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"f7071cc","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":90},"elements":[{"id":"19d7b6f","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p><strong>Mind reading<\/strong> \u2013 This strategy is highly problematic, and we will never achieve certainty this way. When my clients attempt to read my mind, they are mostly so far off the mark. We need to ask people what they are thinking.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"c1e4d0f","elType":"section","settings":{"structure":"20"},"elements":[{"id":"717dd22","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":10},"elements":[{"id":"8e2fc87","elType":"widget","settings":{"image":{"url":"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/3.png","id":3749,"alt":"","source":"library"}},"elements":[],"widgetType":"image"}],"isInner":false},{"id":"7627dd1","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":50,"_inline_size":90},"elements":[{"id":"4cbca56","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p><strong>Over-checking and reassurance seeking<\/strong> \u2013 Lowinger notes that these 2 strategies do not work as neither will provide the certainty we seek as it does not exist. We may experience momentary relief, however, the anxiety will creep back in.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false},{"id":"cbaf279","elType":"section","settings":[],"elements":[{"id":"9556773","elType":"column","settings":{"_column_size":100,"_inline_size":null},"elements":[{"id":"eb3ca17","elType":"widget","settings":{"editor":"<p>One of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves during our separation and divorce process is to learn to accept uncertainty. We need to surrender to uncertainty, otherwise, we will keep using \u2018safety behaviours\u2019 that provide no actual safety. There is <strong>no solution to uncertainty besides surrender. <\/strong>We need to develop <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lissyabrahams.com\/service\/top-tips-for-improving-couple-communication\/\">helpful strategies<\/a> that calms our anxiety down.<\/p>"},"elements":[],"widgetType":"text-editor"}],"isInner":false}],"isInner":false}]